Lock your doors and dont let her in . . . . be strong say NO . . . . you dont owe her an explanation . . why

are you allowing this woman do this to you

@OP,
Please please please, beware of some people o, the world is very deep now, so many things are happening even under your nose.

I heard of a story that happened in port Harcourt recently. A woman used to leave her baby with her neighbor( a young sweet lady)whenever she is going out or a bit busy in the house she would leave her baby with her. What she didn't know was that this lady on her own part was seeing one man staying somewhere abroad. They met online, the man came down to naija, and saw her, but said that before he proceeds with the marriage the woman has to take in. Obviously they did what is supposed to be done and he went back. he still communicated with the lady, she told him she was pregnant, and after a while she told him she had given birth. Now what she was doing was that any time dis woman drops her baby with her, she will be busy snapping the child, n sending pictures over to the man as the baby she had given birth to, for him. Even when they chat with a web-cam, she would show him the baby. He kept on sending down cash for the up-keeps of both 'mother' and child while preparing to come down to marry the woman, and carry his 'family'. He came home to naija, saw the lady d first day and of course with the baby, d woman as usual had gone out. The next day he came back, d lady was not there, but he saw the woman with her baby sitting in front of the house, he carried the baby, played a bit with him, and asked the woman where the 'mother ' of the child was, the woman told him that she was the mother, n the man is like, what? this is my child, and bla bla is her mother, she gave birth to him for me. And all hell was let loose, the woman called her husband from work to come and hear. that was when the man knew the truth. And the woman found out what had been going on, and this man was going to arrange to take the lady and the baby. Now the question is what if this hadn't happened, that is how the woman would come back home one day and find d lady and her baby gone.

So my point is, the poster should not be too careless when it comes to her child o. Cos so many things are happening now.

As to the over friendliness, i think the lady should not use direct means to cut out d woman, cos its not everyone that will understand. she shd just get a lock for her door, lock her bedroom at all times. and try not to be in a bad rapport with her neighbour.

You should ask your husband to tell her off, if you can't do it.
Install a peep hole on your door and keep your door locked, if there's a burglary-proof keep it padlocked 24/7 (that's what I do - when I moved in someone authoritatively informed me "here we are all one family we enter each other's house"). When you see her knocking don't open, you can always sweetly claim later that you were sleeping, or in the toilet/bathroom, or you were praying or you had your sound system on and did not hear her knocking.

If I understood you, your major dislike is lack of respect for your bedroom.  You have controlled her from washing your clothes and attimes insisted on not washing your dishes.  Also, you don't have a house help yet.  I feel you can handle it this way by sitting her down:

1.  Pray with her, thanking God for the closeness that have exists betwixt you.
2.  Appreciate her by mentioning areas she has been of  tremendous help eg. helping to play with the baby and feeding the baby as well.  That she has been a good companion.
3.  Now to the point, beg her to promise you that she will not to be offended with what you aare going tell her.  Change position to where you can put your hand on her shoulder and tell her the need to keep away from bedroom. Give examples of repercussions, strangers can suspect her having affairs with your husband if she is seen coming out of the bed with your husband.  She could be a suspect for any item missing in bedroom. She can meet your huband naked etc etc etc.
4.  Finally, end with this adage that a child becomes everybody's own after birth.

Meanwhile, try not to offend her because you will need her assistance especially when your child start crawling.  My wife have helped to save twice convulsed children in our neighbourhood.  In this part of the world you can't do without a good neighbour.  

Awaiting mothers gets answered by caring with babies, one of my neighbou benefited from this type of company.  Cast away fear, and believe that your cup can run over in the presence of your enemies Psalm 23:5. You can't give any protection with God Psalm 127:1-2.  Pray and cover your child with the blood of Jesus. Your husband (with your permission) can also drop polite and sweet words like- neighbour don't you know that you are too beautiful to enter my bedroom? Que sera sera, sera (whatever will be will be).

Dont even think twice, is she d one paying ur rent.
I'll advice u to protect ur child. Dot be fooled b her advances, children can be easily initiated into witc, aft you know!!!.
Just protect ur child now so u wont regret in d future!

@ Poster. I guess she believes your good fortune (child) might rub off on her.

You need to take control and be bold about what you accept and what you don't cos you're fast becoming a door mat in your own house.

@upuphim. . . . .that thing youre advising her to do, you should only advice if you know the situation and you see it as harmless. This situation cant be harmless.
Did you read what wrote? Its more serious than a few words of peace oh my friend. The woman constantly invades her privacy and wont let the young lady into her own house proper (kitchen for example) and youre advicing her to sit the woman down and talk to her? ? ? Im sorry, but I dont dig it. The woman doesnt wish her well, finish. Theres somethign fishy going on, and this is the life of a child at stake . . . .she needs to flee. Not out of fear, but out of caution. The world is dark!!!

Do what you have to do girl before it gets outta your hand. 'Aye le', and you wouldn't know her thots.

@Poster,
what is the lady's literacy level? if she is learned you can think of sitting her down and aproach issues diplomatically otherwise forget it.

But these are facts you must consider---

whisking away a sleeping child is givin the child extreme discomfort, you cant continue to please her at the expense of the baby's good health and comfort.

the baby could grow fond of her instead of you, that is not good atall, there should be a bond btw you and your child

always taking your child simply means she wishes she is the mum, this leads to envy that breeds jealousy which breeds hatred., its a fact.

I know her type, she understands perfectly well that your not pleased with her bursting into your bedroom, but she pretends not to, even taking a sleeping child not minding your mild protest , i tell you within her she knows you didnt like it, either,

To end it , all you have to do is move out of that place if you have the resources, because either way, she will pick offence no matter how mild you try to address the issue. remember she is still searching,
a searching womb is always very unhappy

BEST ADVICE :When next she comes entertain her and be very hospitable towards her. SIT her down and show her this WRITEUP , when she's done reading let her know that you're the AUTHOR, And tell her that you ll like her to make her reply to the thread.

In our part of the world some people consider it a testament of the closeness of your relationship if they're allowed in your bedroom. She might be that sort. But it's no excuse. She simply has no business there.

You let things get to this stage but one can't really blame you; you've a gentle nature and don't wish to cause offence. But the thing is, with people, quality is what counts. You want to surround yourself with good people, kind people, honest people, people whom you respect and who respect you. You must learn to choose your friends, not the other way round.

The ideal time to take care of the situation would have been the FIRST time. When she entered your bedrom you should have exited instantly, waited for her to leave too, and then made a show of locking the door and leading her to the living room. In your kitchen you tell her firmly and gently to return to the living room, that while you appreciate her offer of help you're fine. If she persists, leave the kitchen. She'll venture out eventually. If you'd done this each time at the early stages she would stop sooner or later. Now, I don't know. Confrontation should be gentle. Tell her you think highly of her but you DON'T want her entering the bedroom and kitchen, etc. If she persists. sharply decrease your interactions with her, and make sure she does not enter your house AT ALL for weeks or months. If you must attend to her, meet her outside and finish your business there, then go in and lock the door. After some time the familiarity and sense of proprietorship she has over your home will vanish and she will be a stranger to your house. By the time she starts coming back in, you may then lay the foundations of how she'll conduct herself in your house.

I don't understand how you let her have so much access to your baby. Why should she take the baby to church in your absence? She wakes the sleeping child and all that. How dare you let her treat your child with so little regard, and you with so little respect? What's the matter with you? Respect is a two-way street. You give it, you must demand it back. If you don't get it, withdraw yours. She's abusing your baby and your relationship and you stand there and twiddle your thumbs.

my sis i beg you in the name of God
dont leave your baby with a your neigbour for long i mean he/she is still too young just 7months
i understand you need the break atimes but naija is no more like in the past
we ve been hearing of children being sexually abused thats my major fear
once a child is abused it can never been undone
i reject it for you but we need to be very cautious
kidnapping is another thing that can happen
maybe i am just paranoid or whatever but thats my take on it

Nigerians at their very best!!!!
How hard can it be I wonder to myself. I like to think that Im polite but this is ridiculous.

Its a classical example of letting the handshake go past the elbow.

You give people a little room and they take liberties. Why are you too scared to check her?

Ive been known to hang up on people, walk away mid sentence from a conversation i dont like, hold my door open to shoo people out of my living room with my hand in the small of their backs, block people from my phone and email chats. name it, Ive done it!!!! Wetin!!!

I hate obnoxious people and God forbid that they turn their ministrations on my child. Such things dont happen to me because they know me. My space is my space. I think my husband is actually worse. dude is a trip.

Put a sign out side your door if you have to. Let it read.
LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!!!!!!!!
Im in shock at the liberties you've let her take. Let her vex! Damn let her vex!!! After she vexes she'll leave you the hell alone.

When baby cries she prefers to come and take his formula and feed him rather than bring him for breastmilk even when my breasts are full and dripping!!!

None of you saw that, lol

evil666:

When baby cries she prefers to come and take his formula and feed him rather than bring him for breastmilk even when my breasts are full and dripping!!!

None of you saw that, lol

l


I saw it my dear, it's that bad. lol
She doesn't even have the experience of taking care of an infant else she will
know that the breast milk is what the child should still be feeding on. She's just
jealous that she doesn't have what the poster has. It's all left to yinka to tell her
exactly what she wants else the woman willl continue with this behaviour.

Lock ur door with alarm padlock

Explain how you feel to a neutral person(pastor, neighbor etc) who will later sit her down and explain things to her.Whatever you do, you or your husband should NEVER confront/fight her. The worst enemy is the one that lives with you.

put your child's interest first.

Is she a single lonely woman? You might want to gradually create separation between you too.

bawomolo:

put your child's interest first.

Is she a single lonely woman? You might want to gradually create separation between you too.

pls read b4 you post. The woman is married but doesn't have a child of her own yet.

Have you watched the movie "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle"?

the woman's only interest is the babaynot the baby's mother
she wants to use the baby for juju

if you cannot handle her as a woman, let your husband come in. it will make better sense. two, you have to be firm in saying NO. your mild reaction is not getting to her for obvious reason. thirdly, from all you have said, she is up to something. the love for the baby is just too much. i think she is making you lose your ground before she acts. BE WISE.

@All, thanks for your responses. So sorry I've been out of touch. I wish I could react to your posts one by one but I can't, they are so many, but I'll sum it up:

[/list]I can’t move out over this issue. It’s really not that  bad. BTW, isn’t it said that the devil you know is better than an angel you don’t know?

[/list]I can’t perpetually lock my door against her, shout at her or completely reject her, it hasn't and may never come to that.

[/list]Can’t ask her to give me a call before she visits, she lives next door, we in fact share a common wall.

[/list]I’m not lax in taking care of my only child, its not out of place if someone offers to help once in a while or you have the need to hand over your baby to a waiting hand for a moment, you cannot take your crawling baby to the bathroom for instance!

[/list]This is Naija, where every woman is perceived as the mother of every child in the neighbourhood.

[/list]I also waited for some years before I had the baby and while it lasted I was carrying and playing with others’ babies. 

[/list]About my husband? We live together of course. He doesn't want to be involved.Said I should handle it 'woman to woman'

Like Chaircover aptly put it, she’s just be ing overzealous and insensitive (ko moju ko mora).She just doesn't know where to draw the line! That’s just what she is, no more no less!  To those of you who suggested i should  be firm with her, i can be more firm than all of you, I know how to rave and rant, go wild and hysteric when i have to do so but this just hasn’t come to that. I don’t intend to make her an enemy. All it requires is diplomacy and I’ll  put in summary what i’ve done so far:

These days, I often lock the net that leads to the living room and make sure I usher her in all the time. Meanwhile the baby is close to me so she can play with him when am there. Few times she took her away I retrieved him after some time with the excuse that I wanted to give him his drugs (if I said food she would insist on feeding him)

About her offer to do domestic chores for me, I had sat her down and told her in plain language that anytime I say ‘No’ to her offer of help she should take it like that and that she needs not be forceful about it. And ever since she has left me alone with my chores.

One night, because she did not see the baby at all the previous day, I was in the room when she entered, greeted and walked past my husband and other visitors in the living room. I heard her voice as she was approaching and I dashed out of the room, consciously closed the door behind me and blocked her at the entrance with a smile. As i was talking to her I was stylishly ushering her back towards the living room and she pulled me back to ask for an item she said she needed which I gave her promptly and continued leading her back there. She asked after the baby and I said he was sleeping. She requested that I should bring him and I said ‘he’s already sleeping, try and come early tomorrow and you’ll see him’. Then she walked away with a faint smile on her lips but I could see disappointment on her face.

I believe with gradual and repeated diplomatic turndowns like that she’ll stay put. I really don’t have to be aggressive unless of course she asks for it and trust me, am not as ‘cool’ as u think. Cheers, ye all.

Everything that needs to be said has been said really but please don't be mean to her, she might be in a very bad place, her being childless and your church pastors might have told her to be nice to babies u know "ori omo lo pe omo waye"

vanitty:

Everything that needs to be said has been said really but please don't be mean to her, she might be in a very bad place, her being childless and your church pastors might have told her to be nice to babies u know "ori omo lo pe omo waye"

My sentiments too. Though I passionately wish she knew her limits - moderation should be every woman's watchword!

you said she was married.why dont you tell your husband to speak to her husband.i believe men will handle this more maturely!

otilowaju:

My sentiments too. Though I passionately wish she knew her limits - moderation should be every woman's watchword!

You are gradually getting there! You are wise! Be prayerful also nd pray for her as well. By the time
she's pregnant, she will be too tired to even come to your house (all she would want to do is sleep
if she's home all day).

IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!

If your neighbour is being very pushy with you, then it is because you have been too friendly with her. The more friendly you are with a person, the more likely they are to take liberties with you. Good fences make good neighbours but in your case, you failed to keep your fences up, hence she is trampling all over your lawn.

1) The first thing you need to do is stop being friendly towards her and adopt a cooler, standoffish attitude towards her - no need to be rude, just don't be friendly. Be cool and standoffish.

2) Keep your front door locked  - unless your husband is at home with you.

3) Read this very useful article about standing up to pushy people and how to deal with them
http://www.lifeinbiglondon.com/2009/12/04/how-to-deal-with-pushy-people/