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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Chronicles Of Jokes (145232 Views)
Huncho's Book Of Jokes / All New Sort Of Jokes. +updated+ / Jarizod's Book Of Jokes (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:53pm On Oct 01, 2017 |
Plss pals why is it that when they ask a usher to
pray for the offerings the pastor will only close one
eyes . lemme come and be going before they call me talkative |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:54pm On Oct 01, 2017 |
Laws Which Newton Forgot To State 1. LAW OF TARGET : You will hit a target when you unknowingly throw an object but when you consciously want to hit the target with an object , you will miss it. 2. LAW OF CAR BLOCK : A car blocking your path will move as soon as you turn to follow the back. 3. LAW OF QUEUE: If you change your queue, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now. 4. LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one. 5. LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. 6. LAW OF WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 7. BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 9. LAW OF SWAG : Any day you put on your nice clothe to go out... Either there will be rain or you won't see people you wore the clothe to impress. 10. LAW OF STOMACH : You will never get hungry when you go out with money but when you don't go out with money,it is like your village people wants to use your intestines to hang themselves. 7 Likes |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:55pm On Oct 01, 2017 |
Bondage is when you board a bike with a very
fat woman . Lemme come and be going now jor |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:56pm On Oct 01, 2017 |
You contribute 10k every month on your girlfriend hair but to just contribute money for the improvement of the church you are dodging . Uncle your ancestors and angel are just ashamed of you . |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:56pm On Oct 01, 2017 |
Ladies that where gucci pant of 100k and bro is
telling you to sit down well with you lap close .
Uncle wait y will she close her leg eh don't you see
that she is wearing a pant of 100k . Aunty don't mind him
open it wider , even spread it very well . No i say
spread it so that it will be larger than rumors . Oya wait lemme be going |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:57pm On Oct 01, 2017 |
Witchcraft is when you enter shoprite . Eat, watch
movies, buy items and so on . Now it reach to pay
with your atm and you remember that you forgot it
at home . O boi eh ..... 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:58pm On Oct 01, 2017 |
Advice to my guys here : If a girl
doesn't inbox you back... Just know she
has viewed your profile pic and said
"no, no, noooo, I said nooooo, this one
no follow" |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:59pm On Oct 01, 2017 |
Only Nigerians understand that Dangote is the richest man in Africa but he is not in the top 20 richest men in Nigeria #ProudlyNigerian 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:01pm On Oct 01, 2017 |
Advice for Girls here : If your boyfriend
cheats on you why bothering yourself
to cry when you can add ur
menstruation to his stew
Lemme comma be going |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:06pm On Oct 01, 2017 |
That moment you get home and take off your "push-up foam bra" ;
Everything falls and reality hits you. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 1:06pm On Oct 01, 2017 |
Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving. And don't forget to leave a comment (encouraging ones ), hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread. THANKS. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by SofiaAmrozia(f): 2:53pm On Oct 01, 2017 |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by wizsolzy(m): 9:39am On Oct 02, 2017 |
preciousuweh:Nae be slippers Bobby fall on you
|
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by donblade85555(m): 3:00pm On Oct 07, 2017 |
Nice jokes. very funny. by the way you can get more jokes and also post new jokes via the site on my signature below 1 Like |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Karna(f): 8:41pm On Oct 07, 2017 |
Those jokes really cracked me up all day... I had an exam today but I couldn't drop my phone last night when I started reading them... God bless you jare 1 Like |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:30pm On Oct 07, 2017 |
Yesterday I visited my friend in ipaja, I noticed he used vegetable to cook the beans I ate in his house.... Right now I am seeing a lot of people around me; Buhari, Trump, Putin, Obasanjo, Obama........ It's like we are having meeting oh |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:32pm On Oct 07, 2017 |
An igbo man will be involved in an accident, only to wake up and find his family beside him in the hospital... Then he will ask them: "All Of You Are Here Who Is In The Shop?" 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:34pm On Oct 07, 2017 |
A friend of mine asked me if I'm willing to go to London... See question!! who wants to stay in this Nigeria where 1. Fowls rape themselves 2. Exam questions come out before the proposed examination date 3. Bigger Banana are cheaper while smaller ones are expensive 4. You buy Suya 100 Naira and when you get home,you realise the Aboki sold Onions 70 Naira and meat 30 Naira 5. Garri is more expensive than Noodles.. Try drinking the Garri for 20 Days straight,Falz Glasses will be small size compared to your own 6. You get Pirated Yoruba movie and you get home to see Bruce Lee(Enter the Dragon Part 1) 7. Ghosts in nollywood fear cars when crossing the Road because They don't want to die again If you advice me to stay in Nigeria ehn! Hmmmmmmmn just don't let me talk!!!!! 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:42pm On Oct 07, 2017 |
Today was my first day entering a Court. The Judge Shouted " Order, Order !!" I Was so excited , So I shouted Back " fried rice with chicken, five bottles of beer and chilled glass of special ice mineral water .” Am Now Locked up In A Dark Room. Am Sure They Will Bring My Order soon. 3 Likes |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:43pm On Oct 07, 2017 |
There are three things which are a mystery unto me, yea the 4th which I do not know ; (1) The way Neymar makes over $200 million in 8 years (2) The way Mayweather makes it in 56 minutes, more than Neymar makes in 8 years (3) The way Diezani is probably richer than both Neymar and Mayweather combined (4) The reason I'm still going to school 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:46pm On Oct 07, 2017 |
My Girlfriend broke up with me. she thinks that i am childish. So i calmed down, took a deep breath, went to her house, rang the doorbell and ran away 1 Like |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:48pm On Oct 07, 2017 |
The only time African parents are humble is when you're teaching them how to use a smart phone.. They become so humble that you can even send them to bring hot water from the fridge. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:50pm On Oct 07, 2017 |
Apology Letter from a hospital to a patient. Dear sir, we have good news. Lab results confirmed that the Red Rashes around your penis was not cancer, it was Lipstick so we Apologise for cutting it off. Thank you sir. |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:51pm On Oct 07, 2017 |
One stupid guy used gun shot as his ringing tone in Maiduguri on Sunday, the phone rang inside Church up till now dey are looking for d pastor to continue service. 1 Like |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:54pm On Oct 07, 2017 |
It's only in Nigeria you will see FOOD IS READY . But when u go in and ask for pounded yam with egusi,.. They will tell You, E still dey fire. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:56pm On Oct 07, 2017 |
Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving. And don't forget to leave a comment (encouraging ones ), hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread. THANKS. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:57pm On Oct 07, 2017 |
It is only in Nigeria we tend to check the expiry date of Gala after eating it. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by ftosino(m): 10:17pm On Oct 07, 2017 |
lwkmd! 1 Like |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by michaeltrendz(m): 2:51am On Oct 08, 2017 |
IF YOU LOVE ODUNLADE, this one mad gan oo. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHDtGP15Gm0 THE VENDOR - ODUNLADE ADE and ADUNNI ADE | latest yoruba movie VERY FUNNY 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:36am On Oct 13, 2017 |
Growing up, did you ever decide to trek a long distance just because all your friends were doing the same? Or for you was it I lost/spent my t-fare? Or when the going gets tough... Shout out to the ever reliable "leggedisbenze" |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:36am On Oct 13, 2017 |
Never look down on anything,, If ordinary rat can make it to Aso Rock, why won't I ?? So Rat enter Aso Rock before me?? Isiorite |
Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:37am On Oct 13, 2017 |
TEN COLLECTIONS OF JOKES 1. Nigerian girls love money, I’m telling you. You’ll get angry and tell her to go to hell She will look at you and be like, “I don’t have transport fare.” Blood of Malachi !!!!!!!!! 2. I wonder y dy call it “menstruation” instead of womenstruation… Plz ladies don’t shift ur problem to us. 3. No matter how serious your relationship is… Ur girl/boyfriend is Always single in evry document he/she fills… 4. Today I was with my girlfriend in my room..hmmm dis weather…after some minutes she told me ” bae make me feel like a woman” I quickly stood up and collected all dirty clothes and gave her. She suddenly left, But I think she has gone to buy soap 5. Hmmmm I actually don’t know what girls mean or want when they say this…"Babe I will soon be going ooo" Only jah knows. 6. This is hw America brush our teeth…..Shi.!!!shi!!!shi!!!! shi!!!!!pour and rinse that is all Buh how Nigerians brush their teeth shi!!shika!!shi!!shikakaka!!kakashi!!kakashii!!!Deep the brush inside their throat like dey wanna swallow it!!!!…… Make weird sound like a goat Being strangled… Then feel Like vomiting…..Takes another paste to the brush…….Every thing would seems like an horror film…..Thank God am not from this country. 7. We virgins deserve daily allowances for d temptations we overcome especially now d weather is not encouraging.……… 8. Its funny how ladies don’t get moved when their babies suck their breast but u will hear all kinds of moaning n groaning when a guy start sucking their breast…....Me i no won talk anything. 9. Yahoo boys in a party…..moment they hear SARS…..they won’t even wait to hear if it’s #SARZ__ON__THE__BEATZ Omo come and see temple run. 10. Having a short girlfriend is not bad until she washes your clothes and wait for you to come and hang them. 2 Likes 1 Share |
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