I searched this topic before posting, and it has not been thrashed out so…

Love is so simple yet complex in many ways.  We young people talk about love and going into a relationship based on our feelings, but I find that older people talk about love as mostly a choice. My question is, when we fall in love, do we decide to, or do we just fall in love based on how we feel? Or is it a mixture of both? And if so, which precedes the other?

For those who argue that love is more of a decision, you consciously decide to express it to someone, and they cite 1 Corinthians 13 as an example. If Love is based purely on feelings, then one could easily ‘fall in’ and ‘fall out’ of love, leading to high divorce rates ;and as humans, we can’t easily control our feelings, but we can decide to continue to love regardless of our feelings.

For  those who say love is more of a feeling, you don’t decide to love sb. You just do. It comes naturally. And what happens when you stop deciding? If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler but less magical.

My opinion. It’s a mix of both, but I think it is more of a feeling than a decision, and the feeling precedes the decision. Sometimes you love sb you don’t even want to love. The decision merely sustains the love.
So if you’ve loved, or have been loved, or even if u haven’t, and u’re mature enough to understand the concept of love, share your views, experiences, delusions etc.

There is a difference btw like and love, from my point of view.
Most times, we like our mates so much tht we assume is love.
'Love talks' are complex, no doubt and many plausible reasons to justify various points of view exist.

However, I think long lasting love is more decision-based than a matter of feeling even though both can eventually lead to love and loving.

Cheers

we like to love if u dont like first u wont love later. but all is the thing of the mind cause so many girls want to marry they tend to tell all guy i love u.i am saying it from a mature mind point of view its a decision not a feeling cause u can have same feeling for all but u can decide to love sb now then decide to love another tommorrow but for feelings u can have it for five people at same time

dogzymallo:

we like to love if u dont like first u wont love later. but all is the thing of the mind cause so many girls want to marry they tend to tell all guy i love u.i am saying it from a mature mind point of view its a decision not a feeling cause u can have same feeling for all but u can decide to love sb now then decide to love another tommorrow but for feelings u can have it for five people at same time

feelings for five pple at same time? dts def a guy's point of view.

The initial stage of love is the feeling (attraction) while it is sustained by decision. And its possible and normal to have the feeling (first stage) for several people, then a decision is made to pick one to stick to.

It's a decision seconded by a feeling

IykeD:

It's a decision seconded by a feeling

I quite agree

You don't choose who u fall in love with it's something that just happens naturally. . .it's just that when some pple fall in love they tend 2 4get that they have a brain and allow themselves 2 be controlled by just their heart u must learn 2 use both . .

As far as the love that sustains marriage is concerned, it is a decision. Have you noticed that you can have the same feeling for different people at the same time. Whom you eventually marry will be a matter of decision as many factors beyond your feelings will be taken in to consideration. Recently a friend had to make that decision between two ladies. One was 20 years, still struggling to secure admission, but he had greater feelings for her. The other had just finishd NYSC at 24. He also had feelings for her. Many other considerations were taken into account b4 he finali setled for the later. I am not undermining the place of feelin, but ULTIMATELY, love is a decision

Both!

Hi,
I would like to add my opinion to this discussion.
I believe that love is more of a feeling than anything else. Yes choices do play a part but let me ask you this... When you started to like the person you are with did you look at them and say: you have a pretty smile I now choose to like and or be attracted to you? Or was it a feeling that you felt inside, a feeling that this person is special in some unknown way? When that person asks you to date, yes thats a choice. And then it grows to love etc. Now let me ask you this... If love was a choice would there be sadness or hurt in the world? I din't think so. You break up with someone or are unlucky enough to have someone pass away. Why be sad then if you can choose not to love them anymore and then all the sadness is gone. It has been said that marrage is a choice, if you feel something for 2 people who wins in the end? The one the feelings were stronger for, that's the one you choose. Why would anyone choose to love someone that e.g everyone in their family dislikes. They didn't. It just happened... I am in a place where I have lost someone I truely loved and believe me I wish I could choose not to. Life would be sooooo much easier. But this is just my point of view and I respect everyone elses. We all feel diffirent about this or we choose too...lol.

what is love?