PhantomD:
My mum loves me to d core as her only son, but the fact is if i die, she no go kill herself. I love her so much too but everyone has his/her role to play. My mum has a God-given duty to love me unconditionally, the moment i get married my wife comes first and my mum understands that already. My dad had dis same mommys boy issues at d start and it almost cost me my mom, so she definitely understands her role in my life. Any mother that seeks control over her grown up son is just as selfish as the lady dat wants a husband wit severed ties to his mom. My point is everyone has a role to play.

TheSuperNerd:
This sounds very similar to someone I know...... Your Mother is one of a kind. Kudos to her.

But I must stress this truth... the OP does not look like she is trying to compete with his mum. Don't get her wrong. It is natural to feel slighted that the man you will call "Your Husband" will say "I can die for and with my mother" and it happens that he cannot say same about you....


I mean... you are gonna be "Wife" for crying out loud... The mother of his kids... the center of His World and The man regards His Mum slightly above you??

No... Something is not right.

A mother who sacrifices like yours is one to behold and cherish forever but even she should know her place when it comes to Her son's marriage.

If you are a Christian then you should be familiar with this scripture:

Genesis.2vs24 (NKJV), "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to His Wife, and they shall become one flesh."

You see that regardless of a father's and Mother's inputs and many sacrifices, they must understand that The Child, once he is a man, must be freed up to become One With His Wife.... a new family begins....

That does not in anyway end the love one has for his mum. It also does not mean she doesn't occupy a special place in your heart or that of her daughter-in-law... nooo.


It only means that Right now, In Marriage, the No.1 in the man's life above all else except God is The Wife. This is the law of the universe... the is the standard of the right thing in our world which many have neglected because of Too much super attachment to Sentiments and Bias.

The Love for your family especially your mother will be as strong as ever but must not be above The Love and Value you show for your Wife.... The LINE MUST BE DRAWN AND BALANCED BOUNDARIES ESTABLISHED.

This is how a good marriage can become even better and be a model for all to follow.

So it is not about her competing with anyone or the mother... it is about the humans of this world competing with God's standards in Marriage.

Love for Dad stays super strong, Love for Mum stays ever super strong... a mother is a child's first super heroine. So the deeeeeeeep bond will be there Buuuuttttt.... A man child can never be ONE WITH HIS MUM NO MATTER THE BOND. That Oneness can only be with His Wife... and believe me... when you marry a virtuous woman as a Wife..... She will not compete with your mum.... she will only love your mum even more... But it is up to you, the man, to understand and enforce that Your Wife comes first.... why because... She is the only one in the entire Universe that is One with you.



Let there be balance in these things. Sentiments based on personal experiences cannot help. And Believe me, If I tell you my own story... you will understand that my view is not corrupt but as balanced as it can be. I Love My Mother so much... I can starve myself just to see her feed (and have done so many times) and have done crazily risky things... I am one of the reasons why she is still alive today. But I understand the law of marriage and what it entails. Your Wife comes first. Chikena.

sweerychick:
Good evening viewers! i have this issue has been bothering me, and i dont know if i can cope with it anymore particularly now we are making plans to settle down after my NYSC.

My man is too attached to his mum almost like an addiction. at first i was cool with it because his dad is late and i like guys that are close to their mums, but my man own is creepy and freaking me out. he calls his mum almost every hour, morning, afternoon, evening and even midnight calls.

One day his mum complained of headache, he almost left his office just to buy his mum drugs despite his mum telling him it's not serious, when i tried confronting him about this he told me that his mum is his soul and if his mum dies he would die along with her too, with all seriousness he told me this.

I've been very uncomfortable since that statement from him and it's making me have a rethink whether i can cope with him as a spouse.. please advice me..

sweerychick:
Good evening viewers! i have this issue has been bothering me, and i dont know if i can cope with it anymore particularly now we are making plans to settle down after my NYSC.

My man is too attached to his mum almost like an addiction. at first i was cool with it because his dad is late and i like guys that are close to their mums, but my man own is creepy and freaking me out. he calls his mum almost every hour, morning, afternoon, evening and even midnight calls.

One day his mum complained of headache, he almost left his office just to buy his mum drugs despite his mum telling him it's not serious, when i tried confronting him about this he told me that his mum is his soul and if his mum dies he would die along with her too, with all seriousness he told me this.

I've been very uncomfortable since that statement from him and it's making me have a rethink whether i can cope with him as a spouse.. please advice me..

TheSuperNerd:

feelgoods:

your wife doesn't come first, it's your children that Comes first, when you get married you'll understand.

granely:
I don't see anything wrong in been close with his mum but too much of it is bad, trust me cox am experiencing that in my marriage, my hubby prefers his people than me and it's really making me to worry, even to the extend of discussing our small misunderstanding with her, making me the bad one in her sight, marriage 1+1:1 not 2, so think well bcox he ain't gonna change

iamrealdeji:
a man's biological clock finishes when he dies. my grandpa of blessed memory had wives and fathered children till he died. he even married a new wife shortly before he died

obataokenwa:
Loving your wife is good and advised biblically and do the same with loving your mum... is even among the ten commandments. in a nutshell, what I'm saying generally is... Don't overdue any and ignore the other. From statistics, those that lost their mum at young age, don't always forget and most times cry. Ask Anyim Pious Anyim. He lost almost his whole family both mum and dad almost same week... Made him to retire and didn't contest election again. Make money and love your wife and then you see the importance of having your mum alive enjoying your wealth. The love you will give your mum is just care and material things and that alone makes her fulfilled. If you allow that lady, the guy will avoid her mum entirely just to face her. The guy never introduce her sef to the mum and she's already trying to break an edge

GhettoG1:
Have a son first nd u gonna understand, i swear if a girl question about my mum in a slight rude way or she's asking too much then even if it's hour's to our wedding I'm calling it quit. Shikena

TheSuperNerd:

Now we are finding a balance... in fact... now we are practically hitting the same notes.

If you read the last post I relied you with, you will see where I mentioned just how important and great it is to have Your parents (esp mom) alive to reap of the fruit of their labor. It is right there... probably you were typing your reply before I could add more points.

So yes... none must be ignored. Making your Wife No.1 doesnt mean you now non-challantly ignore or act cold towards your mother or father or siblings or even cousins... noooo.

That is where Balance comes in... And the man has a huge role to play in this because He just has to know how to navigate through all the attention he must dish out and how his priorities will roll.

There must be Balance.... And the Mum must give the man and his wife their "personal space" because it is not weddings that make a couple... it is the investments of Attention and time and Love and understanding built over time in marriage and in courtship before marriage that makes a couple tick and solid.

This is why the man must be the woman's no 1 and Lord. And why the Woman must be The Man's no.1 and King.

We won't forget our mothers but your wife is no 1 in your life... and believe me... once you establish that and show it.... and live it out, it won't bother her one bit the attention you will lavish on your mum. Men just have to get it right... the onus is on them. I am a man... so I know.

feelgoods:

your wife doesn't come first, it's your children that Comes first, when you get married you'll understand.

Alariwo2:


Are you minding those myopic souls called women in this age?

I can bet it that the same lady complaining will bring her mother only close to herself and her husband when she successfully gets rid of her mother - in - law.

That's how they are

obataokenwa:
We are saying the same thing and I believe the proverb is well cleared now also. Thanks

PhantomD:
i haven't put my kids in d picture yet, i'm talking btwn my mom and my wife. Wen d kids arrive den they'll come first.

PapaNnamdi:
If u are not cool with it,

U ar indeed egocentric,

Nonsense,

No lady can take my mother's place, if u no like am, get the furk off,
Nonsense,
Naso Evans love Lady so tey she betray am,
Which person mama go do like dat to her son?


Annoying self centered ladies everywhere..

Mtchew

GhettoG1:
Have a son first nd u gonna understand, i swear if a girl question about my mum in a slight rude way or she's asking too much then even if it's hour's to our wedding I'm calling it quit. Shikena

sweerychick:
thanks swt, i appreciate your advice..

pocohantas:
Sweerychick, you're going to get only bias response. Few posters have been objective, the rest only gave the usual talk. If you're not exaggerating, then you have reasons to be concerned.
You have to understand kids brought up brought up by one parent are usually very attached to them, it has nothing to do with you having a son first. There are ladies that behave like that too.

What you should be concerned with is... is he fond of mom or is he a complete mom's boy, that type that can't take decisions on their own. If he is a complete mom's boy, then have it in mind that there'll always be interference in your home. If he is only fond of mom, you should remain glad...you wouldn't have it any other way.

Ignore blackmails, I am sure your own parents suffered for you too. You didn't wish her any wrong, you only raised your concerns which men can have too. All these guys typing rubbish here won't marry a lady who consults her mum in everything.

toysleek:
Man, your spouse comes first..Btw,been married for almost six yrs wt 2 great kids.

TheSuperNerd:
Sir Phantom.... lemme kindly drum it into you now that even in the Presence of your kids... It is your Wife that comes first.

I mean... why is this so hard to understand?

You think Marriage is you and your kids?? Marriage is You and your Wife... Kids are the Icing on the cake of Marriage... But the Cake is the Marriage. That is the real deal.

Parenting affords you the chance to help influence and mold the next generation's adults, leaders and parents of society. So that is nothing more than a privilege.

Wait till you have kids and watch them all grow up and all get married leaving you all alone with your Wife... that is when it will dawn on you that Truly Marriage's Core is The Husband and the Wife.

Kids are the Blessings that follows. They will build their families too.
We are to Love them and care for them. They are a deep extensions of ourselves but won't be our exact replica... they will forge their own paths and be their own adults. We must just help shape them right.

Please... I just did you a favor. Take the lesson now... stay blessed.