@adetoru,the reality bolee stated is scary but it is the truth.I live by it.

Africaine,

I told an unmarried friend of mine yesterday, that lady "marriage is sooooooooo overated"
If you are a married man or woman out there and you have a happy marriage, you are truely blessed.

Most marriages are like prisons to most of the couples in it, and sadly here in Africa to be divorced, even for the men is a herculean task. You really need to be someone who doesnt care what society thinks to go ahead with a divorce. Many men and women are living in loveless marriages but they dont have the guts to go their seprate ways.

I have been married for 5 years and truely the there are no more sparks in my marriage. Right now am really trying to put some colour back into it, but its even more difficult when your partner can't meet you halfway. Its harder when intellectually you can not relate with your partner on the same level. Your ideologies are simply different, your partner can not grasp the the context or content of your conversation. It really is a sad situation to be in a loveless marriage.

Africaine you are so right the novelty does wear off but if is a person you really love you can work around it. Yeah it crazy sometimes kids, work, maybe classes, exam and of course catering to your partners need. Like so many people have suggested make time for just the two of you. Create time for romance, yeah its another task creating that time but thats the only way you are gonna be seeing any butterflies, sparks, romance or whatever name you may choose to call it.

Start dating eachother again.

@bolee, oh my God
I want to believe it cant be that bad, i wish someone had warned or given me a glimpse when i was entering,
there are so many things I would have done differently.
@Vanenon
Interesting coming from a man, I wonder how my hubby feels

Africaine,

Am a woman, just a little too liberal minded. Most times i guess i come across as a man.

Sholyb is right.Marriage has to be worked on.But I dnt really think I have the patience.

the both of you have to b interested in bringing back d butterflies in ur lives, so its not a one sided thing.there r websites that couples can visit once in a while to get back d romance in their lives. apart from that, u have to b innovative and think up what u can do to spice up ur marriage. then most importantly, pray to God.

In your own interest, i can see that u dont want the novelty to wears off. God will help you.
Pls follow positive advice on this tread.

In addition you said he's just being human, studied him the more and know more about his nature. Use what u have to get what u need, Use that his nature of 'being human', make innovations towards it such that the novelty will not wear off and keep the flag flying.

Wayback in time, before the kids. You know how to turn him on. Innovate, devise a new plan and make him come to life again. START A RESEARCH ON THE NEW HIM, WHAT IS IT THAT IS TURNING DOWN THE LIGHT.

Good luck.

LIVE WITH IT. YOU ARE YOU AND SHE IS SHE. ITS CALLED WILL POWER.

marriage is a lot of hardwork. you have to consciously create time for each other by doing whatever it takes. with kids running around there's no privacy for romance oh. Each time my daughter sees the bedroom door shut she will knock and knock and whine till she is let in. you cant even knack in peace. Lol. Frustrates the heck out of my husband. I am all for shipping the kid off to grandma. Enjoy peace and quiet and each others company.

Marriage is hardwork. Maintaining the sparks dont just come you have to work at it.

lovely topic!

Okay, this is going to be a bit long, but I hope it helps.

I was in this space a while ago. I've been married 8 years, and the first few years were pretty good. But like others have said, then the kids came, my work involved a lot of travelling that took me away from home for days at a time, and then about 2-3 years ago, my husband did some things that caused me to lose respect for him, and diminished him in my eyes. It was like all of a sudden, all I could see were his faults. And when he tried to touch me, I would cringe, make faces, excuses, etc.

I got to the point where I thought I was destined to live in that situation for the rest of my life (I don't believe in divorce). The first breakthough for me was when I started to pray about the situation. I went to God and laid my complaints exactly the way I felt. I basically poured out my heart in prayer and asked God for help. Next, I started to remember the way we were when we first met - MEMORIES are a very powerful tool - especially if you chose to meditate on the good ones and not the bad. The more I remembered how good he had been to me, the less angry I felt.

Next, God made me realize I was holding unforgiveness in my heart. Everytime I got upset, I would dredge up issues 3-5 years old and think about them until I was almost bursting with anger all over again. I had to let go of all old issues - whether they had been dealt with or not.

And then, i made a conscious effort to be more spontaneous and romantic. This was hard for me, but I worked on it. I'm more like a man than a woman in that area - I can be an island on my own and not need anyone, but I consciously started to lean on my husband more, open myself up to be more intimate with him, and gradually things got better.

Something happened a few days ago. We had dinner with a couple - the wife and I are colleagues. As we started to talk about the people at work, my husband was contirbuting to the conversation as if he works there. The other guy looked at him in amazement and said - how do you know all these people? My husband said, my wife talks to me about them. The guy replied - my wife talks too, but I don't really listen. That was enough to keep a smile on my face for a good two days. I have filed it away in my memory hard drive and if he does something to make me angry in the future, I will drag it out and remind myself what a great guy my husband is.

BTW, i've quit the travelling job - in my experience, absence does not make the heart grow fonder.

Marriage is a business you must learn to run successfully most of the time.It should be handled the way a natural business is being handled.
Many women cannot take nonsense from their husbands at home but they can tolerate it from their bosses in the working places.WHAT AN IRONY.

To much familiarity brings contempt they say.The same goes for marriage.Love in the home will always be tested by so many things.For the love to keep on standing depends on the genuineness of the love in the first place.A lot of people thought they married out of love only to discover to their horror that they find it difficult to love their spouse after few years into the marriage.

IF YOU TRULY LOVE YOUR SPOUSE NOTHING ON EARTH CAN BREAK YOUR MARRIAGE LET ONLY TO WEAR IT DOWN BELOW ZERO LEVEL.

The many divorce in marriages and lost love in homes is making many to believe that is the common trend today.

By December 4 next month I would be clocking 12years in marriage.I still love my wife and she still loves me.Though we have faced so many challenges that are enough to wear the novelty down but like I said it is difficult to kill a real love.

SONG SOLOMON 8:6-8 SAYS,

"SET ME AS A SEAL UPON YOUR HEART, FOR LOVE IS AS STRONG AS DEATH,MANY WATERS(troubles,people,trials) CANNOT QUENCH LOVE, "

That is what I believe marriage should be and not the many lies being told by people who are weak in nature and cover their evil indulgence with fake eloquent words.

However you must learn to be creative if you want your home to be interesting.Tolerate the weakness of your spouse,get use to his or her verbal language until change come.I strongly believe genuine spouse tend to change as they grow older in their marriage and laugh about their childish behaviors in the early years of their marriage.

In summarily you must know how to run a home and keep it aglow with joy.MUCH OF IT LIES IN THE HAND OF THE WIVES.