A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying,
'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'

After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said,
'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?'
'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'


_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
. Friends are like condoms; they protect you when things get hard.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wives are funny creatures , Wives don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.!?!?

I've read the whole four pages, nice one Poster. Thumb up.

TJ's got raw talent

one of nland's best Jokers

[b]Without a doubt, women are the foundation stone of society; but always remember who laid them!!![/b]___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

MONEY:

* A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
* A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS:

* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

FUTURE:

* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS:

* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

[center]SUCCESS:[/center]
* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Kinda stale

Hubby – You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Wife – When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Hubby – You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Wife – Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”

A 60-year-old man is getting his annual check up.

"Doc, do you think I'll live another 40 years so I can reach 100?" he asks.

"That depends," says the doctor. "Do you smoke?"

"No." "Do you drink?" 

"No."

"Do you fool around with loose women?"

"Of course not." 
"Well, then," says the doctor. "Why the hell do you want to live for another 40 years?"

**Clapping**

Nice Jokes TJ - Love 'em

More pls. . .

tnx

ur welcome

good job. well done.

Thumbs up. 9ice jokes

Thumbs down

nice jokes

[center]Escaped convict[/center]
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young
couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her,
kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, 'Listen, this
Guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of
time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your
neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells
you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously
very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong,
honey. I love you!'

His wife responds, 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any
Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong. I love you, too.

c'mon TJ - heard it b/4

'tis an old joke

*****************Naturist Colony**********************
A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took
off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous
petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.
The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked,
'did you call for me?'
The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'
She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that
if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'
Smiling, she led him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel,
eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered
the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man
lumbered out of the steam room toward him.

'Did you call for me? ' asked the hairy man.
'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer.
'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it
implies that you called for me.'

The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way
with the newcomer.
The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by
a smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she asked.
'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep
the $500 membership fee.'
'But[b], Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't
had a chance to see all our facilities.'
'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but
I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here.'[/b]

nice

Another Classic Joke!!


Nice 1 TJ!! - Where've you been man? Med school nor give u breathing space?

^^^tnx

Hahahaha ,

that was hilarious

^^iwo

Hey, did you see my offline.

I didnt o

Ok, i'll send again. I know ur id starts with a 'D' right and ends with '4', not so?

Be fast

That's it now, i'll again, i wan bath, lol

O lorun

[size=15pt]********************Baked Beans*************[/size]

One day I met a sweet girl and fell in love. When it became apparent
that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up eating
beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from work. Since I lived in the countryside, I called my wife and told
her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed
by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could
stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by
the time I reached home, so I stopped at the dinner and before I knew
it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my
arrival, my wife seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
"Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." She then blindfolded me
and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as
she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me
promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer
the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure
was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I
seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It
was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.

I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
was worse than stinking cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the
conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few
minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone
farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few
more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back
on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have
been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for
taking so long.

She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I
had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner
guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I nearly died!

And why u nor die?

Too many times(reposted)