Nairalanders, Is it a crime to marry from other ethnic group? My fiancee is from Edo while i'm from Oyo state.The problem is that 80% of my people are not in support of my choice.It's only one of my parents that support me which means the house is divided over my choice.

My mum is totally against it as well as majority of my blood brothers and sisters.Reason is simply that they want me to marry within my tribe at all cost.Some even warned me to dance to their tune or else they deal with the girl whom they said will never be welcome into the family.

I firmly maintain my ground.I'm unpertubed but the broblem is that my fiancee is feeling the heat.What do I do?Should i leave her? And this the girl that mean the whole world to me.This is our 2nd year in it. Advise me as i want to settle down early next year. Help me out.

@sea

well i have gone through your thread. it is never a sin to marry from another tribe, but the opposition of your family members may not be just because of the difference of tribe alone, the Italian connection scandal is a very big dent on Edo girls' acceptability. ordinarily any Yoruba parent should not feel bad seeing his son marrying an Edo girl because historically most parts of Edo have so many things in common with the Yorubas. by the way have you really investigated that girl properly to be sure she is not an Italian returnee. when i was working somewhere in Lagos some years back they used to bring hundreds of them back from Italy and Spain on a weekly basis and i can assure you almost in all cases 99% of them are from Edo

Thanks awoof,

I have done a thorough investigation thanks to my proffesion -Journalism. I did this even without herhaving the knowlege of it.I followed her story from Primary School up to University of I lorin where she graduated.She has a clean bill of health.
Even, some of those that have grudges agaist her because of her strict position as Fellowship Excos back in University testified to this.We served together in the same state ,though not the same town but ny informants most of whom she doesn't know up till now kept eye on her and gave her pass mark.She's a devout christian

@SEA
good for you man, then go for it, be a man. it is not a new phenomenon, it has been like that even at my age i can not give adequate reasons why we still have that problem. all the same stand your feet on the ground and let your parents and relations know that that's your choice, because they are not going to live with you anyway. my belief is that if you insist they may see reasons and accept her at the end of the day. but Sha o make sure you really study her well so that a situation will not arise later when they will say han han sebi we told you.

Awoof, I think av found a friend in you with the way you didi respond to my mail.You shared the burden with me and God bless you for that. Av heard u and noted evrything you said.How i wish you can send you Phone number so that we can chat during one of this free calls hours.
If you are still there,pls respond.

well quite unfortunately calling me on phone will be damned too expensive for you i dont know what is wrong with them in this small Island at first when i arrived here my wife bought a N1000 Celtel recharge card to call me she stayed only about 3minutes, but later i discovered it is cheaper to use Starcoms. if you insist you want to discuss with me you can write through my e-mail address gabidow@yahoo.co.uk then we can talk better, cheers

Now Awoof,don't like the way you came on the Edo girls,if I must say to u Italy or no Italy u got worse more than that even in our mist,that is we have girls doing the same thing here and believe me worse off the edo girls.

Please do not label Edo girls with Italy!!I am not saying they that u don't have lots of them going over there,its a social problem that needs to be fixed by society.

For SEA,1st I must ask,are you a Christian?,If yes, well am sorry to say that I pity your family members that are opposing this union.

Reason:

1.God has created man in his likeness and image,we are all from the same father.

2.if you believe in Genesis (Bible) the you must understand that after the flood,we are the descendants of Noah,that means each and every one of us carry a blood line"Unless you are telling me that the Bible is wrong,

3.Our difference in tribe,race and language came about as a cause upon man as a result of sin,

4.Christ came and changed all that we he laid his life for us on the cross,because there is no division in heaven we are all one in his eyes,

5.You are Yoruba because u were born that way,have you ever asked yourself what would have happened if we all had choices when coming to this worldi bet a lot of people would have preferred to be something else,

6.Take a child of 1 year that is born into a Yoruba family and give him to an Edo family and grow him there not telling him about were he is from and were he was born to till when his a grown man,believe me he will cause you if you say yoruba's are better than Edo's,its simple logic,

7.We all cling to our selfish believes that are not heavenly certified,who give's any body the right to reject anybody,

8.Let me tell u most of the men that I know that have refused to give their daughters/son's out to persons of other tribes have been punished by God,because most of their children have ended up bringing persons from other tribes for marriage,warn your people "fast" not to try God,

9.If you want to marry Her go ahead and marry Her the only thing u have to do is find out about Her like Awoof have said,and if she has a clean bill please go ahead,

10.I personally despise of people who subject their children into marrying from their own tribes,what makes u think other people fancy your tribe people,go around and ask u will find a million things evil,bad,that people have to say about yoruba's,


We are all not perfect "But in his kingdom all man will come back to the part of been one"that is God's promise for us.

My brother the lord will lead you tell your people heavens gate will be short for them if they continue on this part its a grave sin to hate,The lords greatest commandment is "Love" Love in totality not only to your tribes men.


Good bless you your Girl & your family I will pray for u all.

Bye.

SEA:

Nairalanders, Is it a crime to marry from other ethnic group? My fiancee is from Edo while i'm from Oyo state.The problem is that 80% of my people are not in support of my choice.It's only one of my parents that support me which means the house is divided over my choice.

My mum is totally against it as well as majority of my blood brothers and sisters.Reason is simply that they want me to marry within my tribe at all cost.Some even warned me to dance to their tune or else they deal with the girl whom they said will never be welcome into the family.

I firmly maintain my ground.I'm unpertubed but the broblem is that my fiancee is feeling the heat.What do I do?Should i leave her? And this the girl that mean the whole world to me.This is our 2nd year in it. Advise me as i want to settle down early next year. Help me out.

SEA, I must confess that am suprised at the stance of your folks. There has been a lot of inter-ethnic marriages between Yoruba people & Edo indigenes. In fact, I have lost count of the number of people who are Edo, but bear Yoruba names & even speak Yoruba more fluently than those who were born in that area. Even among members of the Benin royal family, a lot of them speak fluent Yoruba & even bear Yoruba names. So what's the stress?

Ethnicity has little to do with marital success. Understanding, love, respect, trust, sincerity, humility etc. goes a long way in making a marriage work. The late Sardauna of Sokoto once said: "let us understand our differences, so that we can work together."

If you love this girl with your whole heart & she returns your feelings, please go ahead & marry her. Your folks will eventually come round to accept her. Reassure your girlfriend that no matter what, you will be there for her. Tell your folks that they do not know the destiny, that God has ordained for you. If two people marry from the same area, their marriages cannot turn out in the exact same way.

What is the guarantee that if you even marry within your own ethnic group, you will find happiness?

what mufikings is saying is very true

Awoof i want to thank u on behalf of SEA for your advice

now SEA dear, go ahead and grab ur happiness if that is what your
heart tells u ok. All these ralatives will not stay in your matrimonial home with u.
But pray and ask God if she the best for u.

efuah,laudate thanks for helping SEA out.

It hurts to see some times what hate is doing to us as a people,our folks should stop insiting the younger generation on a part of hate and destruction.

I think the Church should start looking into thess issue seriously becos it defeats what we aclaim to be (Christains).

Good help us all

mufikings:

efuah,laudate thanks for helping SEA out.

It hurts to see some times what hate is doing to us as a people,our folks should stop insiting the younger generation on a part of hate and destruction.

Sometimes, one cannot blame the older folks totally for their actions.

Quite often, it is ignorance that makes a lot of people behave badly.

As humans, we often fear what we cannot 'control' or 'understand'. And when ethnic differences and stereotypes are thrown in our faces, instead of reading between the lines & realising that each individual is different, we just fall back on what we have heard, in the mistaken belief that such hearsay must be true. And this erroneous belief, that all members of one ethnic group all behave the same way, has caused more harm than good. We are all different. Even in a family, everyone does not think alike. So what makes us feel that everybody from the same ethnic group, would think or act the same way? 

Even when a man & a woman come from the same ethnic group, there are bound to be objections from some sections of the family, when they declare their intention to get married. Except in cases, where the marriage is arranged, or the bride is chosen by the family of the groom, it takes a lot of diplomacy & tact, to get everyone to accept the man's choice of a spouse.

First he needs to appeal to his parents for their understanding. Next, they both need to pray hard for the guy's family to have a change of heart. Finally, he has to reassure the girl continually of his love, affection & devotion. No girl will gleefully jump into marriage with a man who treats her like an after-thought. If they are facing opposition, she needs to be convinced in her 'heart of hearts,' that she is doing the right thing, by sticking with the guy. Only the love they share, will give her strength.

I have seen people come from the same town, get married with the full support of their families & yet still end up in a divorce, 3 or 4 years down the line. And I have seen folks from different countries, who got married in the midst of opposition & yet had a wonderful relationship for many years. What does that tell you? God brings people together for a reason. It is up to us to discover what those reasons might be, and walk in the plan that He has ordained for us.

Peace.

i am sorry folks particularly my Edo brothers and sisters if i have been hash by my reference to the Italian connection phenomenon. I gave it as a possible reason because of the the previllege information and data i have on the problem. I never intended it to disparage Edo girls or to run down the Edos. I lived for two years in Benin and even did my GCE A/L in ICE Benin City. at my level i will be the craziest Yoruba man that even has lived among the Edos to ever think about tribalism when i know that there is little or no difference between the Edos and the Yorubas. your observation is even better than that of one nasty lady who rather than reply me on the thread publicly she wrote an e-mail to me and abused the hell out of me, but i know she will not enjoy my replies, she has stopped the nonesence. So folks, awoof is not a tribalist o!