Note: I am close to 40 years old, married with children. In a lovely and healthy marriage.

For those young boys mostly less than 30 years old who are getting alot of rejection from girls, please note it is not a big deal. Alot of men have suffered it. That is why alot of musicians sing about not having a girl when they have nothing. But now they are successful, they have alot of girls fighting to have them. Whether u call the girls materialistic, they are after the man for money and not love, etc doesn't matter. What matter is a man being able to get the woman he wants. Whether the woman is a prostitute, gold digger after his money, a witch etc is meaningless. The only thing that matters is that he gets what he wants. SIMPLE. PERIOD.

In most cases (except few exceptions which are too few to be considered important) both the good girl and bad girl are attracted to successful men. So when u are successful u can get the good and the bad. Ending up with a "good girl" is now simply base on your choice of selection. Nothing is as sweet as you being the one to select rather than being in the position of constant rejection by both the good girls and the bad girls.

Also understand that as a young upcoming man in the success ladder, u may be having rejection bcoz you are short, or bcoz u are shy, or because u are ugly, or because u dress poorly, or u lack confidence or because of body odour or because of mouth odour or bcoz of nothing at all. Irrespective of the reason, being successful help to reduce the impact of the weakness you may have before both good girl and bad girl. Thus pursuing success should be your priority when facing rejections.

And again, from experience with friends and colleague, there are men who are married to "good girls (Sexually moral decent intelligent women who were not sluts or doing runs as single girls )" who are unhappy in the marriage. While there are those who married runs girl who are happy. I cannot say for sure one have a better ratio of happy marriage than the other. Having a successful marriage depends on so many factors just beyond a descent girl vs a gold digger. Some men have married gold digger who actually married them for money and not love and they are happy to the extent even when they go broke the so called gold digger stick with them. While there are those who married a decent girl but when things go bad they stop respecting the man. Sexual morality/ immorality, love for money/contentment are not the only requirement that defines whether a girl will make a good wife or a bad wife. So many other factors come to play. Don't just use only this two factors to decide a good girl vs bad girl. Life is complex.


Below is an advice from a nairalander (pansophist) to another (Singleguy9999) passing through alot of rejection at age 22. I totally agree with him.

what you are passing through is exactly what most men will surely pass through, its encoded in the sand of time that what makes a man attractive and desired by the opposite sex is about being valuable. Being a man is not valuable, loving her is not valuable, but being a valuable man yourself.

Your value as a man is resource based (social status, wealth, intellects etc), it is the transformation for a boy to a man, that will make men respect you, and women attracted to you. other posters have said it all, and even though it is hard for me to believe that true love doesnt exist, as in, being loved just for being a man, all evidence points towards that direction. The mistake I see men generally do is expecting a woman to love him for who he is. No woman will love you for who you are (just being a man), because unlike men, women's value to men is physical (beauty, youthfulness, femininity), something she is born with and doesnt have to work for, yours as a man is the opposite.

When women say "real men", "man up", "be a man", it is a testament to this fact that being they separate the boy from a man, but have you ever heard men say "woman up", "real woman", ba a woman"?. Look at it this way, when you tell your friends that you met a new girl, their question will be something like, "is she beautiful", "she get yansh", "how does she look"? What all these implies is that women are valued for just being women. I remember when my sister told my parents about her boyfriend and that they wanna get married, what my parents wanna know was, "what does he do", "where does he work", how old is he", questions that reveal if he is not a boy, but a man, with a sense of responsibility, financial capability and able to lead a family.

Another example, most men usually move out from their fathers house to their own apartment, but women move from their father house to their husband house, our culture is deeply buried in this thoughts. Or male musicians showing cars and houses, to signify success (resource base), but female almost getting Unclad, displaying their curves (beauty/physical base value). Examples abound to prove this dynamics, but you should get the point now. Women are born, men are made. You should "made" yourself, and women will come.

So my young bro, I tell you from a place of experience, that you should focus on building yourself, and the women will come. Forget about all those nollywood true love poo, only women usually fall for it, because they operate in their own frame of being rewarded for being women, and project it on men, thinking they fell in love with you because you are you, not knowing their primal base and evolutionary hardwiring that made them skip others to be with a real man.

Goodluck

Note: This position is true for majority of cases in Nigeria. I am aware there are exception to the rules like successful men who are getting rejected and poor men who are winning alot of girls. Or exception like women who prefer unsuccessful men to successful ones etc. for all issue of life there are exceptions. However, Nobody should be advising anyone base on few exceptions not within anyone's control. Plan your life on what you can control with high probability of occurrence/positive outcome

So if u are getting rejections, just keep trying while at the same time keep working hard towards progress/success in life. Just know u are not alone and you are not the first. Don't get depressed bcoz of it. Just see it as a normal thing many other men face.

The fact that a girl agree to date you when u were poor doesn't guarantee you will be happy when you are married to her. neither the fact that you met a girl when u are already successful means you will have unsuccessful marriage. There is no clear formular to a happy marriage. Even those who write best sellers on marriage get divorce . So also are marriage counsellors, pastors etc whose marriage are failing.

In summary, no need stressing urself that u must meet your true love when u don't have much financially. It just doesn't matter when u meet her. And also stop killing itself bcoz girls reject u when it is just a normal thing many faced as some point in their life just like u.

Life2017 you head is correct, well-oiled and deserving of a crown, a shiny one. More blessing on your soul.

Igwe

Good post.

Another very important point is self esteem. When you have healthy self esteem - not too high or too low, rejection doesn't hurt at all. And by self esteem, I mean when you know your value as a man, you no longer seek external validation. Build that internal self worth. It's very valuable

bepositive11:
Good post.

Another very important point is self esteem. When you have healthy self esteem - not too high or too low, rejection doesn't hurt at all. And by self esteem, I mean when you know your value as a man, you no longer seek external validation. Build that internal self worth. It's very valuable

100%

When you think of it, people reject others due to their own bias. E.g, Dangote might dress on sportswear and toast your average woman that doesn't know him, and she may reject him for a shiny looking forkboy. Her rejection does not speak low of Dangote at all. So basing one confidence on others rejection or acceptance is wrong.

Like Jack Ma once said, if you give a monkey a choice to choose between a hundred dollar bill and a banana, it will choose a banana because it doesn't know that a hundred dollar bill can buy a truckload of bananas. In other words, rejection speaks about the rejecter, not the rejected.

pansophist:


100%

When you think of it, people reject others due to their own bias. E.g, Dangote might dress on sportswear and toast your average woman that doesn't know him, and she may reject him for a shiny looking forkboy. Her rejection does not speak low of Dangote at all. So basing one confidence on others rejection or acceptance is wrong.

Like Jack Ma once said, if you give a monkey a choice to choose between a hundred dollar bill and a banana, it will choose a banana because it doesn't know that a hundred dollar bill can buy a truckload of bananas. In other words, rejection speaks about the rejecter, not the rejected.

Exactly!