I have an a bit of an issue and i need your views on it.

My boyfriend got transferred to scotland in december.

My cousin told me this weekend that her boyfriend (who is close friends with mine) told her about 21months ago that i should leave him.

She (my cousin) reckons he has a double life and is cheating on me. Infact that there are times when he has come to london behind my back. And she knows this, by picking up on conversations her guy and mine have.

According to her she's heard him say he can't deal with the LDR thing, and he would have had other girlfriends if not because he knows she has a large mouth and would tell me.

Now, knowing me, i called him and asked him, and typically he denied everything. I know for a fact that he came down 2 weeks ago and i didn't know about it. but i found out from his sister. (he doesnt know that i know this).

I know he is a flirt, and i am too. However, i've always thought he knew where to drew the line. I have given him that trust, after all we've been together for over a year and a half.

I have busy life, and so has he. I do not pry too much into his life and neither does he pry into mine.We plan on moving in together in about 7months. Either i go up, or he comes back down to london. My cousin thinks i should leave things for now until we move in together, tehn i can know for sure if he is cheating on me, because then i can have 'evidence'.

When i asked him about the things she said he gave me answers. Then i text him yesterday telling him i know for a fact that 2 weeks ago he came down without telling me, and i don't know why. He said we would talk about it, and he still hasn't called. I haven't called him either since sunday, and a huge part of me does not intend to.

My best friend thinks i should give him another chance, seeing as i completely trusted him before this and wait until he gives me reason to chuck him out. However, my cousin has no reason to lie. Granted he was a womaniser in the past, but i don't think all the while he was in london and we were together that he ever cheated on me. and i know he 'changed'.

I have major exams coming on in 2weeks as i am doing my masters and this is the last sort of confusion i need now.

DO NOT TELL ME TO FORGET ABOUT TIT AND CONCENTRATE ON MY EXAMS JUST NOW, because i know that!, and i am trying but it's hard, if u need more info, ask, but WHAT DO U ALL THINK?

you ve already make ur stand before ur post.
anyway i will advise u hear him out first b4 u make ur decision.
he will surely have his reasons why not call him and discuss all at once.
i will also counsel that u concentrate on ur exam for now since
the case will still remain while exam is just once.

@priscare, thank u
actually i know to concentrate on my exams just now. and i am actually willing to put up with some of his crap, but only if he too makes some sort of compromise.
i havent called him since sunday and he too hasnt called. should i call him?, or wait 4 him to make the 1st move, given that i've often made the first move in the past.
i mean, if i am willing to put up with some crap, then surely atleast i should get my due respect, right?, or should i call?

the signs are there u guys are not made 4 each other. so stop the deception.

Darling, what u must know is that, if it's not meant to be, it will never be.  no matter how hard we try to make it work.
Just pretend as if nothing is going on and nothing has happened.  Concentrate on your exams like u said earlier.

He will come running if u guys are meant to be, and that is where u will choke him questions.
if he feels genuily sorry, give him another chance.
But if he tries to aportion blames, faults and a lot excuses, kick his ass off and never look back.

he doesn't deserve you dear! move on.

@efuah
thank you hun, i mean when i asked him about it, naturally he denied cheating, but admitted to the others.
I will concentrate on my exams, and if he doesnt come well, i guess like u said its his loss

@opuro
who is decieving who now?, i beg u no go carry ur wahala waka, if u no get better tin to tell me. if i been sabi say na deception, i for enter in d first place?, see no make me transfer aggression, i no send 4 wahala at all now so!!

@luxiore

So sad this has to happen now. Just when you were considering moving in with him. Babes, its a very wrong move. There is and there should be nothing like a trial marriage. I know its not a biggy in london but trust me on this, it hardly ever works. Ask youeself this: whats the relationship success rate in london; especially between cohabiting couples? Back to the issue, i think he is cheating!!!! simple and short. What reason has he got to sneak into town without your knowing it. Like you said your cousin has no reason to lie. I think you should break up with him. Hanging on is a waste of time. If you do not break up this time around you would eventually cuz he would misbehave again. You were right to trust him but he betrayed that trust.
Do it now and move on. Time is of essence you will only get hurt the more.

Really sorry for your pain babes, thats just how it is. You seem to be a very easy going babe, no frontin and all, not to worry you would meet your perfect match ok.

You do not have any concrete evidence against ma guy.All you've got is heresay and speculations. Why not spring a surprise on him.Check him out on a friday evening and see wats doin.If you wanna kip ur man,shut ur ears to gosips, aight?

@Luxoire
Yes o ! He probably at your friend house right now, getting his grove on

@BEBE, eyahh thanks baby-gurl. i know. and i plan on doing that. If he calls i will give him another chance, simply because i have no concrete evidence and i need to build trust again in him. But he has to make an effort and put in some work towards making it work, i refuse to chase him up and call him only to put up with his sh*t

@Sweet T
Thanks ur a real poo-poo head u know that??, if ur trying to stcik the knife in deeper, then i'm sorry u wont succeed cos its already as deep as it can go. Better luck next time, u unfeeling human being

@iyken,
i dey feel u, and i have considered it. which is why i will be willing to let him persuade me back to him. but if he isnt bothered to do even that, then i guess i will read meaning into his silence!!

@Luxoire
Haa i'm hurt ! Anyways, I will be getting divorce from Omo-Eko very soon. So you can drop that chicken head and get with a real MAN !

@Sweet T
and what makes u think i wanna get with a divorcee?, and why exactly is she granting u a divorce?, i didnt mean it to make u hurt (so im glad ur not) though i wonder whether anything gets to u

well from your posts (past, present n future) you seem to be my type of girl!!!
wel it aches my heart to see that a guy is messing around wit u

My dear luxoire,

The best things in life are free and you don't hussle to get them.

Let things be for now till he comes back to London. Then you guys can

talk things over. If after the talk he comes back your baby then he's yours

but if not, he was never meant to be, you guys were just stealing passion.

Concentrate on your forth coming exam as that is your meal ticket. What happens

if you failed and he never came back to you? My people say, use your tongue to count

your teeth.

@luxoire

Maybe you should spy on him, and collect more concrete evidence so that he gets no chance to deny your findings.
Otherwise, play along till something comes up. In either case, 'your' future should be your priority and hence concentrate on your exams for the time being. All the best !!!

@Luxoire

Let me give you a gift.

http://www.crush007.com/v2/predict/1179341698mht

Answer every question and answer truthfully, it will predict if you guys are perfect for each other. Really creepy.

Then send it to your boyfriend with your own modifications.

Happy hunting.

Sounds like he is cheating but you need to be double sure before you opt of the relationship,i think you need to try n have a face to face discussion after your exams,long distance relationship can be difficult but i think you need to travel to Scotland and see your guy.Then you can draw reasonable conclusions from that discussion,guyz are not alwez very reliable but after you still need exercise patience n try to understand your guy.All the best and good luck in your exam.

ijogbon:

@Luxoire

Let me give you a gift.

http://www.crush007.com/v2/predict/1179341698mht

Answer every question and answer truthfully, it will predict if you guys are perfect for each other. Really creepy.

Then send it to your boyfriend with your own modifications.

Happy hunting.

I feel you,have done this for many people though but guyz aint that interested in stuffs like that n they feel in lotta wrong info n can be misleadin somtyms.

@mellow, thanks

@asbohrannndyyyyyyyy, thx for d compliment and for feeling my pain

@May, i know dat, oh. but i cant collect evidence because of d distance and our working schedules

@hottie-chic, i know wat ur saying, and if i am honest, a part of me willing to hear him out and put up with some of his weaknesses, as i have for the past yr knowing he is a flirt. but i will not be d one to call him first to discuss something he knows im angry, i wont 'beg' him to tell me sorry, its something that comes naturally and he does it or we 4get what we have had. Its not easy, but i suppose this is one of those defining moments where the way i will be treated in the relationship henceforth will depend on how i act now. I know him, and i know he has good excuses lined up for me (whether they are true or not, i have no way of knowing), i also know he knows im angry and will not listen to any sweet talk or bull shit.

2 things 1. he's either giving me time to cool off,
2. He is being proud and refusing to be the first to call

either way, i am soft spoken and nice and i dont give him headache, but this is one time he had better not be thinking i will call him to make up, because I WON'T!!

THANKS FOR THE EXAM WELL-WISHES , everyone, i'll put my head down

@hotchic

hot chic:







I feel you,have done this for many people though but guys aint that interested in stuffs like that n they feel in lotta wrong info n can be misleadin somtyms.

Try it, for real. Just try it you will see the potential.

Try it yourself then imagine your man taking the exact same test.

And yeah,,,,I am a guy just in case noone noticed,,,lol

@Luxoire

Good luck in your exams mi'darl.

@ijogbon
ok, i go try am, but i know he wont do it if i send it to him, hes not into that sort of thing, infact i can already hear him saying

'baby why u dey like to worry me with all dis rubbish, u no go siddon watch BBC News24 say one tin, one tin psychology, na so dem dey do una 419'

hahahaha

@Luxoire

Believe me if you can get him to do it you will be the better for it.
When you try it, imagine,,,,do you know who sent me mine? Yep ,,,MY then GIRLFRIEND. And I ahem _{clears throat},,,
Anyway this is not about me,,,,,Beg, threaten, be sweet, USE JUJU, but get him to do it and do it right.

@ijog
if we were on good talking terms, i could do all those things and get him to do it. Now that i havent even spoken to him since sunday, and i am wondering whether that is the end, i suppose im in no mood/position to use any power of persuasion

@Luxoire

I sense a decent into despair.

Cheer up!!

Your exams are around the corner and I dont think any man is worth this much THINKING about, especially when he knows you gat exams and he not calling you. F*** Him. lol

I'ma hook you up good.

Write your exam mi'darl and bust up on it, I will hook you up with some charming guy to take you out for a movie or summin. At least you gat summin to take your mind off all this ,,,,,,,,,,

Comeon, let me hear you describe ANY man and I will make sure I GET HIM for you. Promise.

To: Luxoire:First poster
Quote, “My cousin told me this weekend that her boyfriend (who is close friends with mine) told her about 21months ago that i should leave him.”

You should thank your cousin. Her telling you that is one thing. You finding out that he came to your town and didn’t even show up for a second to meet you is a sign that you have been wasting your time, money, energy on some one that uses women.

A sign of cheating is flirting. If you flirt and you don’t cheat. The other person may not know that you don’t cheat, the other person may thought that it’s okay to cheat. Flirting is not a good idea if you don’t want a divorce.

You have options. The first option you refused it and now you see the condition you are in. If you called it quit without any explanation with him 21 months ago, you would have been in good condition by now.

You can just delete his number from your cell phone or where ever you have written it and send a message through some one to let him know that it’s over. Over like I don’t even want to see you.

You can also put your exams away, continue wasting your time, trying to find a way to solve this problem that should have been over 21 months ago.

You decide.

@Luxoire
I was only joking, You can't take a joke? Quit messing with them white boys !

Summary:
1. You suspect he's cheating and you have MSc exams coming up
2. You text him (expecting him to call you)
3. He replies your text but does not call
4. You seek advice far and wide

By replying your text, he has pushed the ball in your court and so this puts you in a classic zugzwang position. For emotional serenity and mental peace (required for any exam), you have to make a move, unless this issue will negatively affect your coming exams. However, any move you make has potentially negative consequences. Your options:

(1) Call him and try to initiate a truce, letting bygones be bygones:
a. He may rebuff your peace-making initiative if he has closed your case (unlikely)
b. You may end up expecting a much higher standard of behavior from him, hence guaranteeing that he disappoints you again (more likely)

(2) Call him, not for peace talks but to lay out your accusations clearly and demanding explanations:
a. He may write you off completely and move on with the damsel he's secretly seeing (50-50)
b. He may admit to some, be silent on others, pacify you, beg for forgiveness and understanding (50-50)

(3) Call him to declare war, cursing him out and letting him know it's over:
a. He may equally dump you too (very likely)
b. Beg you to stay (unlikely)

For the sake of your exams, I'll recommend Option 1 because, typically, the time period necessary for the negative effect to show up (he disappointing you again) is greater than two weeks. Good luck

@luxoire i get this feeling that what ever is happening right now between you 2 is a sign of more bad things to come but its starting in bits from what you have said this b/f of yours doesnt even feel ur pain he knows you have exams to take and he choses to ignore you no words of encouragement from him even when you confronted him about lying his not even making an attempt to make things write. My advice if you will take it is to forget him you know we girls we always make one mistake and thats living in a fools paradise thinking oh let me give him another chance, oh his going to change, oh i need more evidence, oh this and that. theres no trust from his end and yours so let it go ok and move on with your life ur better for it.

@ Luxoire

Well well well, what a small world. Its true what they say that peeps who are so good in helping others can't seem to know what to do when they're in the same shoes
But not to worry, I'm right here

I'm all for second chances, I mean, why not? BUT in a case like yours, "second chance" isn't actually in my dictionary. This guy if you ask me, isn't actually arrested by love, NO, its too obvious

Now he might be drawn to some other things like the sex, you've always made a story about your looks, so my next guess is that he's in the relationship to have a girlfriend he can fling around in public or in the midst of his friends. No matter how much of a player someone is, he always wants a girlfriend that would go out to places with him, and the girl has to be fine too

Is that what you are to him?? I think so.
Now putting aside the fact that he's a shameless cheat, why on earth will a guy that whole heartedly is in love with his girl, step into the same town where his girl is and not take contact with her?? that is what i find most shocking
It has disrespect, unlove, unwanted, uncare, and "whatever goes" written all over it, and dearie if having a guy that only sees you as a sex object isn't what you're bargaining for, then you better start planning a life without him

Where did "ooh i miss my girl and will like to be with her for even if it was just a day he planned to stay in London", where's the communication between you guys, that he couldn't even send a simple text or call to say it??
And to crown it all up, he's cheating on you at random, please sweetheart there's actualy nothing to think about here, he's not worth your footmarks not to talk of the whole package. Now some girls cannot do without their pretty lovers, not because he loves them so much, but because he's just too fine to be left.
Now take my words on this, because i've been there, there are guys out there who are "drop dead smoking, breath taking, you want to drool hot good looking", but still would leave at nothing to treat their girlfriend like the princess among maidens that she is to them.

Dear i wish that for you, so get over with his cheating nature, "i'm too good for you" attitude and corky behaviour and look out for yourself, stop at zero till you have the best.
Your friend meant you should maybe move in with him?? Now that's not even an option, please do not bury your head in ignorance, someone doesn't change because you live with them, and believe me, it would cause you more pain than now.

Its time to get going, it was fun for the while it lasted, but thats as far as it could go!! I wish you luck hun

I know fire is hot, But can it burn me?

I always call a spade a spade. For those of you advising her to get concrete evidence first before she acts, am sorry for you all. Have you heard of circumstantial evidence? Its not in every case that you must have concrete evidence before you proceed for trial. The evidence she has is enough and she knows it herself. Did not want to join issues here anymore but when i read through, i had a good laugh i had to point this out. You can only forgive those who have come to you for forgiveness. this dude is not repentant and would never be.

In as much as it's never good to pay evil with evil, I think you should try and flirt sometime soon. Cheat on your boyfriend for a change. You'll feel better thereafter.