Dear op.
It seems we Are in d same boat
My father is a cool headed person, we never knew not untill we experienced d 2 of them staying apart, due to job

My dad never spoke ill of my mother infact dere is no day my dad does pray for my mother, since I have knew him

While for my mother , to even pick my dad call is a problem, and there is nothin good my mother sees about my father,
B4 d age of 17,my mother stylishly parked out of our house, using job as an excuse, even when my father request for a relocation for her, she used her influence to bounce it back,
We d children have been tru hell, dis life is unpredictable, even when my sister questioned her about her attitude, my mother drove her out of her place of work place at dead midnight,
Okay my elder bro is d calm person, dats y my mother is so confident becus she sees some one who isnt against her actions,,,,and I have noticed something dat d perfect way women use to turn the kids agaiat their father is by gift and money and dat was wat my mother used to buy d heart of my brother she tried it with the over kids but day where thinking a step ahead of her,

My mother never call me from my 100l to my 300level,when she saw I was about to graduate, she started creating dat mother to son relationship. Bring food stuff, thinking am s fool.

Recently she and I had a serious argument and I told her straight up, u tried to turn us against our father d man u claim to love but sorry it didnt work

Now d shame on her is dat everybody is fully aware of her devish plans ", the man who prays for u every morning while u aways say bad behind him,

Some woman are terrible


Two things I watch out for when dating a lady is

How d mother treat d father and how d girl in return reacts if she is cool with it

*modified*
It was under my father roof my mother extended her eduxation, and last last, he used d school agaist him, I will never for get d day they had an argument and my mother said i quote"tell me how much u spend on my eduxation and I will pay u "na so I day look,

Women and power can't stay together my people,

I have moved on with my life, if she dies tomorrow she has her people to take her to grave,
She isnt worth been a mother, we passed tru emotional trauma bec
Of her
. Now she is seeing dat all d kids are becoming successful in their various field, she wan con day draw near us, I dont trust her and I can't even sit or talk with her in the same room,

Yes to father jooo

UnknownQueen:



Ahhhhhhh, I remembered posting something similar about my mum on Facebook, a friend shut my down saying I shouldn't do such thing on a public forum, telling me it was like washing my dirty linen in public, ever since then I watch what I say about my parents..
However, I guess you're saying 5his about yours cos this is a faceless forum.

Trust me, I'd say the same thing this was on Facebook.. I don't give a *hit if people are going to troll me... It's the fact and it should be said...

Idaytesj29:


I agree with 99% of your points, but the Tyrant part is somehow to me. Are you saying fathers who are disciplinarian are Tyrants and as a result won't bond well with their children?

You can be a disciplinarian without being too extreme or too one-sided. Otherwise you will instil fear rather than respect.

vineyardfarms:
SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY. MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOU. HE MAY BE A BABOO, ASSHOLE, ETC - LOOK IN THE MIRROR, WHO DID YOU SEE? WHAT DID YOU SEE? GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOU.

I don't need your prayers, God's mercy is on me I don't need God mercy through lovin' my father the mercy I got from Livin my mom and my siblings is enough...

I look I the mirror, I see a wretched man lookin from behind the mirror, cussin himself and tryin to touch my shoulder and I shrug his dirty hands off of my shoulder and left his wretched ass in the pothole he belongs to...

Lass lass, most children are SCAMMERS. they only love the father or mothers by mouth. They will still buy Lamborghini, expensive phones, etc for one strange girl they love and leave their aclaimed parent in delapidated building.. Bone that bro, Children and scam na 5 & 6. To me, this can't even border me. You will see them shouting may you live long to enjoy fruit of your labour.
All na scam. Parent just do your own and move on. Most children are selfish and too much of entitlements...

genq:
As a child it is none of your business whether your dad is polygamous or not - this solely between him and your mother. Afterall, you were not there from the beginning. You have no clue what they promised/negotiated with each other. Any child who judges a parent based what the other parent told them is a fool! Yes, your mother may be sweet, but she certainly isn't an angel - both parties are prone to make mistakes over the course of a marriage.

A father deserves maximum respect for the mere fact that he provides the needs of his household. In most Nigerian homes, the man is mainly responsible for putting a roof over the heads of his wife and children, he pays the bills, school fees, feeding, outings and other upkeep with little to no assistance from the mother. It's not easy and the old man should be appreciated for that.

I love my mother - ever so gentle and wise. But my father, gets my ultimate reverence and honour irrespective of whatever mistakes he made in his personal life.

genq:


See them, lazy women who can't fend for themselves. Instead of walking out on a toxic marriage, they'd rather sit there worthlessly and have the man cover their financial needs.

A housewife who expects her husband to come home from a long day at work and start changing diapers while she sits there getting fat and shapeless off his sweat - mind you, she probably has a househelp too. So, if a woman has chosen to make herself so useless, why won't he cheat?

If una like, sleep with numerous drivers, gatemen and mechanics in a pathetic attempt to get back at your husbands - it won't bring you the fulfilment you so desperately seek. Feminism is not by mouth alone - get a job and get the fvck out. Your children are not a means to an end.

Ur hatred for women will.roast u alive.

Hope u masturbates only cos ur type is not worthy of any vj.

Ur mum must have dealt a blow to u.
Sorry

pyrex23:
Mostly, daughters love their dad's more and sons love their mothers more..


Even I, know my dad has contributed immensely more than my mum to my upbringing, financially disciplinary, stress wise..

I love them both..
But the love is slightly higher on my mom than dad..
Feels unfair though..

But even when I have my kids I'll understand..

Does it have to do with the fact that mothers are hard on their daughters to ensure they come out highly responsible and a home maker, while Dads are hard on their son to make them come out as proper men?

However, Dads are just soft on their daughters thinking nothing much is expected from them as males are to provide for the family, while mothers also just pamper the boys with the thought that the major task in keeping the home is with the female folks.

obembet:
I have read series of argument on nairaland and other forums but it still baffled me why many children considered mother first before thier father. I'm a young lady too, I have feelings for my mom but my dad always been thier without any excuse.
mom is more important from birth till you go to school. After that it is the father who takes care of your education, guides you in your career. At least in my case this is true because my mom was uneducated. My dad teaches us and guides all his children to succeed in life. Without my dad I will lose my path and fail in life. Therefore, In my case my father was a good man. My mom gave me life but my father taught me how to live.

What's your views?

Cc Lalasticlala
MissyB3
Fynestboi
Dominique
mynd44

So because she did not go to school and lacked the knowledge and finances to guide you in education matters she lost value points to you? Who told you that people simply love their moms or dads because of 9 months in the womb or financial power? My friend, its because they saw their dad's or moms in action, they know who will give up everything to be by their side when push comes to shove. That is why they decide to choose. That my dear is different from who kids bond better with. In the case of bonding it only depends on which parent they relate easily with on a good day, in a family of 4 kids given the same physical and financial support, some will be more bonded to dad while some to mom but they will not choose one over the other cos they both did their best to raise all the kids at home.

sassysure:

Ur hatred for women will.roast u alive.

Hope u masturbates only cos ur type is not worthy of any vj.

Ur mum must have dealt a blow to u.
Sorry

Such a shame you had to show your stupidity to the world.

Next time, learn to demostrate self-aggradisement by keeping shut since you lack the intellectual capability to form a coherent statement.

Hanks0000:


Trust me, I'd say the same thing this was on Facebook.. I don't give a *hit if people are going to troll me... It's the fact and it should be said...

My dear, I quite understand exactly how you feel, but don't you think some things are better nmot said even though it is the truth... At least for one's peace of mind.....

Remember no one is perfect...

backbone503:


Our parents, spouse and children are people we should never go to war with or speak negatively of them in public.

You're right.......cos when push comes to shove, they're first to be by your side...

obembet:



But at the end, why mother always get more love, care from thier children than Father?

Most African fathers are polygamous in nature and highly irresponsible. They hardly have time to form bonds and effectively communicate with their children unlike mothers.

I love my mother 10x than I love my father. Infact I can't tell if I love my father.

My father hardly had time for us when we were little. We never bonded, unlike my mom who we always laughed, played and joked together.
When I was in the university, my mother called me almost every day to check after my wellbeing but my father only called like once in a semester. Whenever I needed anything or I am sick or in trouble, the first person I go to or call is my mom cos she would always be there to answer me, guide me and help me with whatever little money she has as long as the matter is serious. She can go as far as borrowing. My dad will always promise you and fail, he doesn't mind if it will cost you your life. His number is always switched off and he puts it on whenever he likes, so you can never reach him even though you are dying. It's not as if he doesn't give me or my siblings anything or he maltreats us. No. He just does things at his own convenience and as such is very unreliable.

Someone may say my mother was spoiling me but funny enough, my mother even beats the hell out of us while we were children while my father pets us. My father only hit me and my siblings twice to thrice each in our entire lifetime while my mom, if you can escape her beating for a whole week/month, then you are an angel .
My mother beats/shouts at you and insults you more WHILE at the same time shows you more care/concern and affection. My father hardly shouts/beats you but shows you less care/concern and affection.
So it isn't just about spoiling a child. It is more of the time you spend with a child and how concerned/reliable you are to that child's welfare. This is what African mothers do better than African fathers on average.

genq:
As a child it is none of your business whether your dad is polygamous or not - this solely between him and your mother. Afterall, you were not there from the beginning. You have no clue what they promised/negotiated with each other. Any child who judges a parent based what the other parent told them is a fool! Yes, your mother may be sweet, but she certainly isn't an angel - both parties are prone to make mistakes over the course of a marriage.

A father deserves maximum respect for the mere fact that he provides the needs of his household. In most Nigerian homes, the man is mainly responsible for putting a roof over the heads of his wife and children, he pays the bills, school fees, feeding, outings and other upkeep with little to no assistance from the mother. It's not easy and the old man should be appreciated for that.

I love my mother - ever so gentle and wise. But my father, gets my ultimate reverence and honour irrespective of whatever mistakes he made in his personal life.

What you said here makes a whole lot of sense but look at my own situation below and tell me what you would have done if you were in my shoes.

Nowenuse:


Most African fathers are polygamous in nature and highly irresponsible. They hardly have time to form bonds and effectively communicate with their children unlike mothers.

I love my mother 10x than I love my father. Infact I can't tell if I love my father.

My father hardly had time for us when we were little. We never bonded, unlike my mom who we always laughed, played and joked together.
When I was in the university, my mother called me almost every day to check after my wellbeing but my father only called like once in a semester. Whenever I needed anything or I am sick or in trouble, the first person I go to or call is my mom cos she would always be there to answer me, guide me and help me with whatever little money she has as long as the matter is serious. She can go as far as borrowing. My dad will always promise you and fail, he doesn't mind if it will cost you your life. His number is always switched off and he puts it on whenever he likes, so you can never reach him even though you are dying. It's not as if he doesn't give me or my siblings anything or he maltreats us. No. He just does things at his own convenience and as such is very unreliable.

Someone may say my mother was spoiling me but funny enough, my mother even beats the hell out of us while we were children while my father pets us. My father only hit me and my siblings twice to thrice each in our entire lifetime while my mom, if you can escape her beating for a whole week/month, then you are an angel .
My mother beats/shouts at you and insults you more WHILE at the same time shows you more care/concern and affection. My father hardly shouts/beats you but shows you less care/concern and affection.
So it isn't just about spoiling a child. It is more of the time you spend with a child and how concerned/reliable you are to that child's welfare. This is what African mothers do better than African fathers on average.

themaestro08:
excuse me, are you saying men who don't change diapers , bathe their kids and the likes are bad and unsuitable?

No, I can't say that actually. It's not my place.

However, like I said earlier, the small things matter as much as the big things. The memories and bonds you make with your child is irreplaceable. Check your memory, you'll remember who taught you how to ride a bike, who was outside your school waiting for you at your first closing, who was at the gate with goody bags on visiting day, whose face you saw when you turned your head in your sick bed, who prayed with you for your first major exam and has your picture tucked in their bibles/religious books, who you know has got your back anytime and any day.

Those are my memories and except in rare occasions, it'sfilled with my mum. Those are the memories my children will have. I want them to see their mother and father in all those pictures.

You can choose to be whatever parent you want to be. I know what kind of mother I want to be and what kind of Father I want to offer a children. To each, his own.

thorpido:
Your bolded is not necessarily true except you are using your experience as a yardstick.
I changed my children's diapers,bottle-fed them,woke up in the night to feed them,bathe them,sit with them to do homework and carry them to bed when it's time to sleep.They even choose to sleep beside me.I'm the one they want to ask their questions.
Now tell me why mothers are 'automatically' number one in a child's life.


Piroux,sorry about your dad's experience.Yes,most fathers especially the 70s and 80s fathers were like your dad.Many fathers in this generation are quite different

I'm afraid you have to include the 90s too cos I and my siblings were born in the 90s and I had the same life experience with Piroux as you can see from my comment below.

Nowenuse:


Most African fathers are polygamous in nature and highly irresponsible. They hardly have time to form bonds and effectively communicate with their children unlike mothers.

I love my mother 10x than I love my father. Infact I can't tell if I love my father.

My father hardly had time for us when we were little. We never bonded, unlike my mom who we always laughed, played and joked together.
When I was in the university, my mother called me almost every day to check after my wellbeing but my father only called like once in a semester. Whenever I needed anything or I am sick or in trouble, the first person I go to or call is my mom cos she would always be there to answer me, guide me and help me with whatever little money she has as long as the matter is serious. She can go as far as borrowing. My dad will always promise you and fail, he doesn't mind if it will cost you your life. His number is always switched off and he puts it on whenever he likes, so you can never reach him even though you are dying. It's not as if he doesn't give me or my siblings anything or he maltreats us. No. He just does things at his own convenience and as such is very unreliable.

Someone may say my mother was spoiling me but funny enough, my mother even beats the hell out of us while we were children while my father pets us. My father only hit me and my siblings twice to thrice each in our entire lifetime while my mom, if you can escape her beating for a whole week/month, then you are an angel .
My mother beats/shouts at you and insults you more WHILE at the same time shows you more care/concern and affection. My father hardly shouts/beats you but shows you less care/concern and affection.
So it isn't just about spoiling a child. It is more of the time you spend with a child and how concerned/reliable you are to that child's welfare. This is what African mothers do better than African fathers on average.

I am from a middleclass background in an urban area in the 90s, heck even my father was from a middleclass background. His own father treated him the same way while his mother gave him great care, concern and support and I wonder why he had to toe his father's side.

I will be a father shortly and I'm sure I will never toe my father or grandfather's path when it comes to bonding with my children.
Make no mistake, both men (my father & grandfather) were good men and never had children outside wedlock. They loved their families and worked hard for them to meet up financially, but the love, care, concern and affection was never there! This is where the problem lies.

Men should stop giving the silly excuses of working hard to provide for the family hence not having time for their children. Both my mother and grandmother were working too, one was a registered Nurse while the other was a business woman yet they still had time to cater for each and every one of their children's need.

My grandfather showed me and my siblings care and affection when we were young cos he is older and weak and now repented but to me I say it is too late! ..... He should have given that to my Dad and uncles/Aunties cos the stories my Dad tell me about him when he was a young man was even worse than the life my own Dad lived himself when we were children.

Imagine my own Dad now forming very caring grandfather to my own children tomorrow.

I once told my brother's wife that if my father dies today, I may not really cry or feel serious pain. I will only cry when I see my mother's tears cos only her tears can break me.... My inlaw rebuked me as if I said something abominable
Life is a give and take my friend. African fathers should never expect to receive what they never gave.

piroux:


No, I can't say that actually. It's not my place.

However, like I said earlier, the small things matter as much as the big things. The memories and bonds you make with your child is irreplaceable. Check your memory, you'll remember who taught you how to ride a bike, who was outside your school waiting for you at your first closing, who was at the gate with goody bags on visiting day, whose face you saw when you turned your head in your sick bed, who prayed with you for your first major exam and has your picture tucked in their bibles/religious books, who you know has got your back anytime and any day.

Those are my memories and except in rare occasions, it'sfilled with my mum. Those are the memories my children will have. I want them to see their mother and father in all those pictures.

You can choose to be whatever parent you want to be. I know what kind of mother I want to be and what kind of Father I want to offer a children. To each, his own.

My sister I wish I could relike this comment of yours.

African traditions and beliefs are actually the problems of African men. If you go to the western world and ask this same question, I bet you will get a 50/50 response or at least a small margin about people loving their moms or dads more. There are so many successful single dads in the western world but such is rare over here.

African beliefs make men feel that care & affection to children is a woman's job and any man who behaves that way is a woman wrapper or is being controlled by his wife . Little by little, these archaic beliefs are fading away, but it will still take time.

Nowenuse:


I'm afraid you have to include the 90s too cos I and my siblings were born in the 90s and I had the same life experience with Piroux as you can see from my comment below.



I am from a middleclass background in an urban area in the 90s, heck even my father was from a middleclass background. His own father treated him the same way while his mother gave him great care, concern and support and I wonder why he had to toe his father's side.

I will be a father shortly and I'm sure I will never toe my father or grandfather's path when it comes to bonding with my children.
Make no mistake, both men (my father & grandfather) were good men and never had children outside wedlock. They loved their families and worked hard for them to meet up financially, but the love, care, concern and affection was never there! This is where the problem lies.

Men should stop giving the silly excuses of working hard to provide for the family hence not having time for their children. Both my mother and grandmother were working too, one was a registered Nurse while the other was a business woman yet they still had time to cater for each and every one of their children's need.

My grandfather showed me and my siblings care and affection when we were young cos he is older and weak and now repented but to me I say it is too late! ..... He should have given that to my Dad and uncles/Aunties cos the stories my Dad tell me about him when he was a young man was even worse than the life my own Dad lived himself when we were children.

Imagine my own Dad now forming very caring grandfather to my own children tomorrow.

I once told my brother's wife that if my father dies today, I may not really cry or feel serious pain. I will only cry when I see my mother's tears cos only her tears can break me.... My inlaw rebuked me as if I said something abominable
Life is a give and take my friend. African fathers should never expect to receive what they never gave.

Such an interesting post.I agree with everything you wrote.
A lot of African fathers have a wrong mentality.They think being emotionally involved with their children makes them less a man.
It's a good thing many of us in this generation are improving on that.

it shouldn't surprise you. You'll consider your dad first before your mum because even though you acknowledge your mum's impact in your life, you believe your dad impacted more. Likewise others who consider their mum first before dad can testify that their mum contributed more to their lives than their dad. So it's the same thing.

thorpido:
Such an interesting post.I agree with everything you wrote.
A lot of African fathers have a wrong mentality.They think being emotionally involved with their children makes them less a man.
It's a good thing many of us in this generation are improving on that.

Exactly, some very terrible mentality. My father always said to my mom ''leave them let them suffer on their own and discover themselves, afterall they are men''. I could only imagine if my mother heeded to such nonsense. I would have been as good as an orphan and probably grown up to be very wayward.
If my father was an illiterate, I could have excused his mentality as I look back in retrospect, but the funny part is that even his own father (my grandfather) was a university graduate. Very exposed and well travelled, yet still same archaic mentality.

Nowenuse:



I once told my brother's wife that if my father dies today, I may not really cry or feel serious pain. I will only cry when I see my mother's tears cos only her tears can break me.... My inlaw rebuked me as if I said something abominable
Life is a give and take my friend. African fathers should never expect to receive what they never gave.

My dear, you are very wrong. You will cry and cry and wish you had thought of making peace with him. Talking from experience. If you will listen to me, please take this advice... Be at peace with him. I am not saying forget about your emotions, I am saying thank God for life and look past the pain he caused you. While he is still alive and when you guys can talk without fighting or annoying each other , buy him something to make him happy, kneel in front of him and ask him to bless you. You will comeback to testify the goodness of God. That is the message I gat for you.

delishpot:


My dear, you are very wrong. You will cry and cry and wish you had thought of making peace with him. Talking from experience. If you will listen to me, please take this advice... Be at peace with him. I am not saying forget about your emotions, I am saying thank God for life and look past the pain he caused you. While he is still alive and when you guys can talk without fighting or annoying each other , buy him something to make him happy, kneel in front of him and ask him to bless you. You will comeback to testify the goodness of God. That is the message I gat for you.

Lol, no you are misinterpreting what I said.

I and my father are not quarreling or having any kind of issue with one another. We are at great peace.
The point is that we are not just close to each other. We can stay 6 months without seeing each other or calling. I don't care and perhaps he doesn't as well, but if I am away for such a long time, I and my mother would call and video call almost on a daily basis. As I make my money, I show preference to my mother more and him less. That doesn't mean I ignore him or he doesn't pray for me. No. He and my mom are still together and while I hug my mom passionately and shower her with gifts as soon as I return home, I just say Hello dad, good day.

You cannot expect me to force a relationship with my father now all of a sudden after so many years of us not being close.

If I do not miss my father one inch after not seeing him for 6 months, tell me why I should cry or be pained when he is dead. I won't even feel it. But my mom? I pray I never witness her death until I am old and she is very old too.

Nowenuse:


Lol, no you are misinterpreting what I said.

I and my father are not quarreling or having any kind of issue with one another. We are at great peace.
The point is that we are not just close to each other. We can stay 6 months without seeing each other or calling. I don't care and perhaps he doesn't as well, but if I am away for such a long time, I and my mother would call and video call almost on a daily basis. As I make my money, I show preference to my mother more and him less. That doesn't mean I ignore him or he doesn't pray for me. No. He and my mom are still together and while I hug my mom passionately and shower her with gifts as soon as I return home, I just say Hello dad, good day.

You cannot expect me to force a relationship with my father now all of a sudden after so many years of us not being close.

If I do not miss my father one inch after not seeing him for 6 months, tell me why I should cry or be pained when he is dead. I won't even feel it. But my mom? I pray I never witness her death until I am old and she is very old too.

Got it

UnknownQueen:


My dear, I quite understand exactly how you feel, but don't you think some things are better nmot said even though it is the truth... At least for one's peace of mind.....

Remember no one is perfect...

I've said it and I can't take it back and yeah if I have to repeat this in the future.. I'll and no one can tell me not to..

Except if he changes his ways.. if not he can go to hell a billion times... I loathe him

Hanks0000:
My mum all the way ..
My dad his not a human but a baboon.. I hate him with the greatest passion in the world.... Useless asshat

make sure your children would not say same about you. do to them what your pops never did to you

Hanks0000:


I've said it and I can't take it back and yeah if I have to repeat this in the future.. I'll and no one can tell me not to..

Except if he changes his ways.. if not he can go to hell a billion times... I loathe him

I know the deed has been done, but please if you have to do this in the future, remember this, don't this in public. Please I beg of you... I trust you'll be fine...

backbone503:


For now, No.1: my mum, No.2: my nieces, siblings, my girl and dad. No.3: Others.

However, when I marry, my wife and kids go overtake mum for No.1 position.

I love you jare, u be correct man, not some men who are mummy's boys believing that no one can take the place of their mum in their lives...

UnknownQueen:


I know the deed has been done, but please if you have to do this in the future, remember this, don't this in public. Please I beg of you... I trust you'll be fine...

Thanks...
UnknownQueen �

UnknownQueen:


You're right.......cos when push comes to shove, they're first to be by your side...

The truth is, the aforementioned people are usually our first line of defence, and theirs hardly anyone that can love and support us like them. It beats my imagination whenever I see/hear people openly disrespect them.

UnknownQueen:


I love you jare, u be correct man, not some men who are mummy's boys believing that no one can take the place of their mum in their lives...

I want to ask a question, but before I do, do you mind telling me if you're married or not?

Hanks0000:


Thanks...
UnknownQueen �

You're welcome bro.

backbone503:


I want to ask a question, but before I do, do you mind telling me if you're married or not?

Married sir.