I have read series of argument on nairaland and other forums but it still baffled me why many children considered mother first before thier father. I'm a young lady too, I have feelings for my mom but my dad always been thier without any excuse.
mom is more important from birth till you go to school. After that it is the father who takes care of your education, guides you in your career. At least in my case this is true because my mom was uneducated. My dad teaches us and guides all his children to succeed in life. Without my dad I will lose my path and fail in life. Therefore, In my case my father was a good man. My mom gave me life but my father taught me how to live.

What's your views?

Cc Lalasticlala
MissyB3
Fynestboi
Dominique
mynd44

It shouldn't baffle you that many children consider their mothers first. People will naturally form a longterm bond with the person who has their back most.

In most Nigerian families, that person is usually the mother. Maybe because the father is out there hustling- when he is home and has time to bond with the kids, he chooses to be a tyrant. Some others are doing men are polygamous in nature. Then we have the set who are genuine victims of a manipulative wife.

I am closer to my dad and it didn't come in stages- it has been there right from childhood. It also has nothing to do with him paying fees, my parents trained me jointly to the best of my knowledge. However, my father built the bond, he was my go-to person. He wasn't out there making excuses and waiting to accuse my mum of turning us against him. That is what sensible fathers do.

Madam. In my local dialect, there's an addage that says " yes the monkey can jump and Sprint down the forest fast enough...........it's bcoz the trees are close by". Mother and father both play different roles in the home but at the end it's to make the home better. Love is equal. Love is not putting anyone or anything else over what you love. Am sure your parents love you equally, so don't even entertain the idea when it comes to making a choice. And besides you should be grateful to have them both alive in your life right now cos some folks out there somewhere don't have theirs anymore cos life forced them to choose

obembet:
I have read series of argument on nairaland and other forums but it still baffled me why many children considered mother first before thier father. I'm a young lady too, I have feelings for my mom but my dad always been thier without any excuse.
mom is more important from birth till you go to school. After that it is the father who takes care of your education, guides you in your career. At least in my case this is true because my mom was uneducated. My dad teaches us and guides all his children to succeed in life. Without my dad I will lose my path and fail in life. Therefore, In my case my father was a good man. My mom gave me life but my father taught me how to live.

What's your views?

Cc Lalasticlala
MissyB3
Fynestboi
Dominique
mynd44

Hopefully you will be more than a vessel for your own children.

Ncsamuel:
Madam. In my local dialect, there's an addage that says " yes the monkey can jump and Sprint down the forest fast enough...........it's bcoz the trees are close by". Mother and father both play different roles in the home but at the end it's to make the home better. Love is equal. Love is not putting anyone or anything else over what you love. Am sure your parents love you equally, so don't even entertain the idea when it comes to making a choice. And besides you should be grateful to have them both alive in your life right now cos some folks out there somewhere don't have theirs anymore cos life forced them to choose

But at the end, why mother always get more love, care from thier children than Father?

Ncsamuel:
Madam. In my local dialect, there's an addage that says " yes the monkey can jump and Sprint down the forest fast enough...........it's bcoz the trees are close by". Mother and father both play different roles in the home but at the end it's to make the home better. Love is equal. Love is not putting anyone or anything else over what you love. Am sure your parents love you equally, so don't even entertain the idea when it comes to making a choice. And besides you should be grateful to have them both alive in your life right now cos some folks out there somewhere don't have theirs anymore cos life forced them to choose

But at the end, why mother always get more love, care from thier children than Father? I know I will be a good mother but I love the truth

As a child it is none of your business whether your dad is polygamous or not - this solely between him and your mother. Afterall, you were not there from the beginning. You have no clue what they promised/negotiated with each other. Any child who judges a parent based what the other parent told them is a fool! Yes, your mother may be sweet, but she certainly isn't an angel - both parties are prone to make mistakes over the course of a marriage.

A father deserves maximum respect for the mere fact that he provides the needs of his household. In most Nigerian homes, the man is mainly responsible for putting a roof over the heads of his wife and children, he pays the bills, school fees, feeding, outings and other upkeep with little to no assistance from the mother. It's not easy and the old man should be appreciated for that.

I love my mother - ever so gentle and wise. But my father, gets my ultimate reverence and honour irrespective of whatever mistakes he made in his personal life.

obembet:



But at the end, why mother always get more love, care from thier children than Father? I know I will be a good mother but I love the truth

it's if the father didn't play his role appropriately in the home. Mother's love is good but father's love isn't that bad either, but let's not try to favor one over the other when it's time for them to depend on us

My mom will always be my everything till the end of time.
I don't know where I will be today or how i will live without her.certainly the worst part of slums.
The sacrifices,support,encouragement,belief,etc...In fact,I am who I am today because of her no doubt about that.
If I tell you then things that woman did for me ehn,you will change that stupid write up of yours or learn to always speak for yourself
You said your mom wasn't educated and bla bla bla...mine stopped at standard 6 too so is that an excuse?
So you think moms don't know how to teach children how to live and become great people?
You sound really limited.

If this was a voting process I would give my mom 50 votes before even considering giving my dad even a single vote. Mom simply makes life easy to live. Dad on the other hand, not so much. Infact, he complicates things. I have often wondered what would happen if he was not around...the truth is that he has made many decisions on my behalf and that of the family that didn't really go to plan. He is not a bad person person per say but compared to mom, he is no match..my mom can die for her children. The funny thing is that this sentiment is shared by everyone in the family except...my sister, who happens to be the only girl in the family. Inside life I guess! @obembet you are still my favorite.....

Logobenz:
My mom will always be my everything till the end of time.
I don't know where I will be today or how i will live without her.certainly the worst part of slums.
The sacrifices,support,encouragement,belief,etc...In fact,I am who I am today because of her no doubt about that.
If I tell you then things that woman did for me ehn,you will change that stupid write up of yours or learn to always speak for yourself
You said your mom wasn't educated and bla bla bla...mine stopped at standard 6 too so is that an excuse?
So you think moms don't know how to teach children how to live and become great people?
You sound really limited.

guy take it easy with the OP, she only gave her opinion. Everyone has a right to their opinions even in my family my only sister prefers my dad. So chill out....thanks

Ncsamuel:
Madam. In my local dialect, there's an addage that says " yes the monkey can jump and Sprint down the forest fast enough...........it's bcoz the trees are close by". Mother and father both play different roles in the home but at the end it's to make the home better. Love is equal. Love is not putting anyone or anything else over what you love. Am sure your parents love you equally, so don't even entertain the idea when it comes to making a choice. And besides you should be grateful to have them both alive in your life right now cos some folks out there somewhere don't have theirs anymore cos life forced them to choose

equal love only occurs in an ideal world. This world is not an ideal world, there would always be preferences. Let's not decieve ourselves, nothing in this world is cut and dry....I simply prefer my mom and yes I love both mom and dad but NOT equally. That is the truth

Dizzyrascal:
guy take it easy with the OP, she only gave her opinion. Everyone has a right to their opinions even in my family my only sister prefers my dad. So chill out....thanks

I wonder what makes you think I am not chill

Logobenz:
My mom will always be my everything till the end of time.
I don't know where I will be today or how i will live without her.certainly the worst part of slums.
The sacrifices,support,encouragement,belief,etc...In fact,I am who I am today because of her no doubt about that.
If I tell you then things that woman did for me ehn,you will change that stupid write up of yours or learn to always speak for yourself
You said your mom wasn't educated and bla bla bla...mine stopped at standard 6 too so is that an excuse?
So you think moms don't know how to teach children how to live and become great people?
You sound really limited.

Tankiu, but u just wrote a one sided story.


ur mum has done all dis for u ba?? fine.

oya, tell us ur father's side story as well, abi u wan tell me say ur papa no do single tin for u??


hin impregnate ur mama and run comot and never return since den??

mr logo ur story is nt adding up, tell us wetin ur papa do for u, either good or bad.


to me ur analysis just painted ur papa as one devilish man like dat.

[quote author=obembet post=82542159]I have read series of argument on nairaland and other forums but it still baffled me why many children considered mother first before thier father. I'm a young lady too, I have feelings for my mom but my dad always been thier without any excuse.
mom is more important from birth till you go to school. [/b]After that it is the father who takes care of your education, guides you in your career.[b] At least in my case this is true because my mom was uneducated. My dad teaches us and guides all his children to succeed in life. Without my dad I will lose my path and fail in life. Therefore, In my case my father was a good man. My mom gave me life but my father taught me how to l

You sound like you had an amazing family, God bless them. However, the part i tried to bolden is the part of your write up that has a problem.
You see, this doesn't happen in a lot of families. In truth, Fathers and young men were raised to believe that being tough, stern and uninvolved was the best way to be a parent. African Fathers are generally uninvolved in their children's lives and that phase of bonding usually passes rather quickly.

My dad never changed my diapers, bathed me, spoon fed me or sat up with me when i was sick. Yet i adored him growing up. He never ever flogged me and he always bought me what i needed. When i became an adult though, i found out that because my mother had done the raising, i shared a lot of her personal values, i didn't even know what values he had as a person.

I couldn't say for certain where he went or what he did with his time and we got into several disagreements as i got older because he didn't know me and i barely knew him. I didn't get why men would drink, womanise or smoke and i was outspoken in my disdain for those things. He didn't understand why a girl would talk so loud and could be so bold. He didn't get why i wouldn't go to Mosque or why i didn't encourage my siblings to do same, when in truth, we had all been christians since forever! But he didn't notice.

He didn't know our favourite foods, songs or why we were in certain moods meanwhile, you come back from a long journey and your mom has your special food prepared. She tells everyone else that's my child's food oh, don't touch it. She knows when you're menstruating and how its doing you. Who your friends are and where they live.

I haven't seen my mom in 3 months and she calls me everyday, rain or sun. My dad can go a year without talking to us. Because of his other relationships, i doubt his love for me and my place in his life. To me, he comes first.

With my mum, that can never happen. She has five children, and despite our differences, none of us have ever had any moment of doubt for where we stand in her life. Even today, she would starve to see us fed. I had an accident less than a year ago and my mum was called from the scene, she started crying, the person calling had to tell her to calm down that i was fine. When my brother called my dad later, he was quite nonchallant.

That's the story of way too many fathers. Even in relationships, you love people because they love you and are loyal to you. And that's the story of mothers.

And why when money comes to children, their mothers are the ones they remember first. Trust me, no matter the financial input a person makes in your life, you will always remember the emotional input that was made in your life.

Mothers love can never compete with a dad. Mothers will always be number one in a child’s life.

Logobenz:
My mom will always be my everything till the end of time.
I don't know where I will be today or how i will live without her.certainly the worst part of slums.
The sacrifices,support,encouragement,belief,etc...In fact,I am who I am today because of her no doubt about that.
If I tell you then things that woman did for me ehn,you will change that stupid write up of yours or learn to always speak for yourself
You said your mom wasn't educated and bla bla bla...mine stopped at standard 6 too so is that an excuse?
So you think moms don't know how to teach children how to live and become great people?
You sound really limited.

maybe your dad wasn't present in your life, that's why you think the write up is bad.

I showed my dad a pic of a man backing his kid in newspaper while ridiculing him, I was young then. My dad then shup me up by saying he did same for me and my siblings, that's not a big deal. My dad was emotionally and physically present for us, so I get sad when people bash fathers because mine isn't a bad one. May he and other good fathers live long in good health.

Children would always like the parent who was really there for them.

At childhood, you can deceive a child with sweets. When he or she is older, the ability to judge a parent for whom they really are is gotten.

That is the stage most fall outs happen.

,

olabrinks:
Mothers love can never compete with a dad. Mothers will always be number one in a child’s life.

Your bolded is not necessarily true except you are using your experience as a yardstick.
I changed my children's diapers,bottle-fed them,woke up in the night to feed them,bathe them,sit with them to do homework and carry them to bed when it's time to sleep.They even choose to sleep beside me.I'm the one they want to ask their questions.
Now tell me why mothers are 'automatically' number one in a child's life.


Piroux,sorry about your dad's experience.Yes,most fathers especially the 70s and 80s fathers were like your dad.Many fathers in this generation are quite different

Dizzyrascal:
If this was a voting process I would give my mom 50 votes before even considering giving my dad even a single vote. Mom simply makes life easy to live. Dad on the other hand, not so much. Infact, he complicates things. I have often wondered what would happen if he was not around...the truth is that he has made many decisions on my behalf and that of the family that didn't really go to plan. He is not a bad person person per say but compared to mom, he is no match..my mom can die for her children. The funny thing is that this sentiment is shared by everyone in the family except...my sister, who happens to be the only girl in the family. Inside life I guess! @obembet you are still my favorite.....

Sons to mothers, fathers to daughters. If you see a child that loves both equally, know a deliberate effort was made.

We are four in our house and almost all of us confess to loving our dad more.
Infact I love my daddy so much that I had to change reekado bank's song. This is how I sing mine.
Fada fada
I want to want to hammer hammer
I want to spoil my fada fada

Goalnaldo:
We are four in our house and almost all of us confess to loving our dad more.
Infact I love my daddy so much that I had to change reekado bank's song. This is how I sing mine.
Fada fada
I want to want to hammer hammer
I want to spoil my fada fada

Funny guy.. We are in same way. I pray my children love me too.. I fear karma law o

You sound like you had an amazing family, God bless them. However, the part i tried to bolden is the part of your write up that has a problem.
You see, this doesn't happen in a lot of families. In truth, Fathers and young men were raised to believe that being tough, stern and uninvolved was the best way to be a parent. African Fathers are generally uninvolved in their children's lives and that phase of bonding usually passes rather quickly.

My dad never changed my diapers, bathed me, spoon fed me or sat up with me when i was sick. Yet i adored him growing up. He never ever flogged me and he always bought me what i needed. When i became an adult though, i found out that because my mother had done the raising, i shared a lot of her personal values, i didn't even know what values he had as a person.

I couldn't say for certain where he went or what he did with his time and we got into several disagreements as i got older because he didn't know me and i barely knew him. I didn't get why men would drink, womanise or smoke and i was outspoken in my disdain for those things. He didn't understand why a girl would talk so loud and could be so bold. He didn't get why i wouldn't go to Mosque or why i didn't encourage my siblings to do same, when in truth, we had all been christians since forever! But he didn't notice.

He didn't know our favourite foods, songs or why we were in certain moods meanwhile, you come back from a long journey and your mom has your special food prepared. She tells everyone else that's my child's food oh, don't touch it. She knows when you're menstruating and how its doing you. Who your friends are and where they live.

I haven't seen my mom in 3 months and she calls me everyday, rain or sun. My dad can go a year without talking to us. Because of his other relationships, i doubt his love for me and my place in his life. To me, he comes first.

With my mum, that can never happen. She has five children, and despite our differences, none of us have ever had any moment of doubt for where we stand in her life. Even today, she would starve to see us fed. I had an accident less than a year ago and my mum was called from the scene, she started crying, the person calling had to tell her to calm down that i was fine. When my brother called my dad later, he was quite nonchallant.

That's the story of way too many fathers. Even in relationships, you love people because they love you and are loyal to you. And that's the story of mothers.

And why when money comes to children, their mothers are the ones they remember first. Trust me, no matter the financial input a person makes in your life, you will always remember the emotional input that was made in your life.

Well framed. Your post blessed me. Many thanks piroux.

thorpido:
Your bolded is not necessarily true except you are using your experience as a yardstick.
I changed my children's diapers,bottle-fed them,woke up in the night to feed them,bathe them,sit with them to do homework and carry them to bed when it's time to sleep.They even choose to sleep beside me.I'm the one they want to ask their questions.
Now tell me why mothers are 'automatically' number one in a child's life.


Piroux,sorry about your dad's experience.Yes,most fathers especially the 70s and 80s fathers were like your dad.Many fathers in this generation are quite different

Lol, it's not a big deal though. In a way, the way he is has showed me what i don't want in a husband. The minute i meet a guy who says taking care of children is the woman' sole responsibility, I just smile and shift away kiakia.

I don't need any man calling me evil in the future because he invested money alone while i invested my heart in my children. If we do it together, no parent is ever forgotten. There are children who take care of both children equally because they know that both of them invested in their lives.

If you have been doing all you said above, then you're a good dad. May you not get tired and may you enjoy the fruits of your labour.

piroux:


Lol, it's not a big deal though. In a way, the way he is has showed me what i don't want in a husband. The minute i meet a guy who says taking care of children is the woman' sole responsibility, I just smile and shift away kiakia.

I don't need any man calling me evil in the future because he invested money alone while i invested my heart in my children. If we do it together, no parent is ever forgotten. There are children who take care of both children equally because they know that both of them invested in their lives.

If you have been doing all you said above, then you're a good dad. May you not get tired and may you enjoy the fruits of your labour.

The bolded is important.Fathers also ought to be emotionally involved in their children.

Amen to the prayer.

Love both equally however when the head is proactive then the body will function father deserves the recognition. Women can also sacrifice a lot but the highest is pros titution but a man can turn armed robber to feed his family.
See my sig for that cheap car.

Some Father are so caring and they deserve acollades. Kudos to the caring Mothers too.

Are they all dead?

Naturally, for a girl child.

Well, to be honest I love both of them, But my love for mum is 0.5% higher than Dad.

Am absolutely sure beyond reasonable doubt, My mum will never betray me ever, my dad too, but we ain't really close like my mom, maybe because I respect him way too much. He is a cool old man nonetheless