MzDarkSkin:


I have calmed down a bit. I am still angry. It is just that I have this guy I have been dating and he and I just got out of long term relationships. I will spare you all the details but lets just say he wants me but he doesn't want me. Like he wants me to be his girlfriend but he wants to "explore". He went from being "all mine and wanting me to be all his" to being pissed off and not wanting to talk to me when I refuse to engage in sexual "experiments" or see things the way he sees it. He is Jackyl and Hyde! (the African version ). I gave up on American men LOONG AGO for their lack of knowing what they want and found my Cameroonian "king" and he turned out to be the biggest arsehole! Seriously when I try to pull away he comes flying and begging but when I devote my time/heart to him he pulls away  Do not get me wrong he can be a sweet heart but he loves women too much, he has wandering eyes and I haven't caught him cheating but i can "feel it" I am sure Fellis can attest to it when I say it's that "woman's intuition".

*the jacked up part is that HE approached me! He literally chased me down to get my attention! And I went against my better judgment (just getting out of a 2 yr relationship) and gave him a shot. When he is not tripping he is the BEST but this is our first big fall out and I am pissed!

Radiant:

Harakiri, I beg to defer. True love does exist and it is unconditional. It might not be reciprocated but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It's just a matter of the right people meeting each other.

mutter:

Harakiri I do not ant to derail too far from this topic but to answer you directly. True love is no based on factors but on qualities that a person has and these do not fade,
The major problem most men have is that they do not respect women. When you do not respect woman, you cannot love her. No one can love what he does not respect or hold in high esteem.It is a shame that the African male has been reduced to this because this is the break down of the society that we are facilitating. It is not I but rather you that have been influenced by the propaganda without even knowing it.

mojounited:

^^Ehya! I quite understand how you feel; being devoted and commited by giving your time and heart in this regard. However, I think you already know what the problem is/where it lies . . . you don't need a rocket scientist to tell you the s3x is lacking in your relationship and your "Cameroonian king" wishes to cure his craze with someone else since you've denied him what he may have considered his (depending on how long you guys have been dating ) - This is why some marriages fail. From your post, it is evident that your king still loves you no doubt (considering every other quality you've got bar s3x) but just intends to get a one off kitty since that's what you can't offer. Naturally teenagers grow more sexual hormones and tend to experience high libido (I don't have any link to prove this, but it's known to be a fact). . .

PS - Most guys woulda chopped a kitty outside, cleaned their mouth and pretended that all is well . . . Unless I've failed to understand your real intent by using the words "explore" and "experiment", I think your king has showed concern and trusted that sharing his problem with you may just pop a solution but you ended up letting him down and calling him a "big arsehole!" My dear, you know the problem . . . now go find the solution and keep you and your king happy (sometimes, true love is sacrifice) else give him the boot and hope that you'll hook up with a monk someday, that's, if all else fails. Sometimes, one wonders how long term relationships (2-3 yrs) survive without enjoyable s3x.

Radiant:

I think the key point here is "learn to let things go". I would hug you if I could see you right now.

tpia@:



dangerous advice generally speaking.

being ugly is no guarantee a man will make a good husband.

neither extreme-too ugly or too handsome- is enough to keep a man, in itself.

some ugly men are the worst players imaginable.

MzDarkSkin:

. . . but he's just trying to mentally control me while he can rip and run wild. . . (Emphasis added)

Radiant:

Roymary, sorry to say but you sound like an empty barrel.

tpia@:

roymary

your post is very contradictory and doesnt really make much sense.

am i missing something?

roymary:

Yes, you must have missed a whole lot. It really doesn't have to make sense to you; Not all women does makes sense to men; but we simply try to understand is all.

You still have the opportunity to ask questions; i'll try to elaborate on it.

BTW my comments goes beyond simply keeping your men but more on understanding mens world. We understand women's relentless requests and nags but we try to live with it.

mojounited:

^^Ehya! I quite understand how you feel; being devoted and commited by giving your time and heart in this regard. However, I think you already know what the problem is/where it lies . . . you don't need a rocket scientist to tell you the s3x is lacking in your relationship and your "Cameroonian king" wishes to cure his craze with someone else since you've denied him what he may have considered his (depending on how long you guys have been dating ) - This is why some marriages fail. From your post, it is evident that your king still loves you no doubt (considering every other quality you've got bar s3x) but just intends to get a one off kitty since that's what you can't offer. Naturally teenagers grow more sexual hormones and tend to experience high libido (I don't have any link to prove this, but it's known to be a fact). . .

PS - Most guys woulda chopped a kitty outside, cleaned their mouth and pretended that all is well . . . Unless I've failed to understand your real intent by using the words "explore" and "experiment", I think your king has showed concern and trusted that sharing his problem with you may just pop a solution but you ended up letting him down and calling him a "big arsehole!" My dear, you know the problem . . . now go find the solution and keep you and your king happy (sometimes, true love is sacrifice) else give him the boot and hope that you'll hook up with a monk someday, that's, if all else fails. Sometimes, one wonders how long term relationships (2-3 yrs) survive without enjoyable s3x.

harakiri:

If you believe that, then you're living in fantasy island. Look, EVERYTHING and every situation we find ourselves in life is conditional."Love" is no exception. I'll explain. . .

Let's assume you're in love ( or probably married) and someone asks you what makes you love this particular man.You're typical response would be "i love him because he does this and that, he is kind and generous, he is handsome, he is this and that". All these are the CONDITIONS that trigger your love for him.When those conditions disappear, the love dies a natural death. It's a universal law that works for everyone with no exceptions.

If there is anything such as "unconditional love", then why are the most loving couples divorcing themselves at astronomical rates?

Get back to the real world sister.

Nuff said!

Nimshi:

A smart lady has figured it out . . .

But, as is usual in these cases, figuring it all out seldom leads to the appropriate actions to arrest the development . . .

Humans . .

harakiri:

If you believe that, then you're living in fantasy island. Look, EVERYTHING and every situation we find ourselves in life is conditional."Love" is no exception. I'll explain. . .

Let's assume you're in love ( or probably married) and someone asks you what makes you love this particular man.You're typical response would be "i love him because he does this and that, he is kind and generous, he is handsome, he is this and that". All these are the CONDITIONS that trigger your love for him.When those conditions disappear, the love dies a natural death. It's a universal law that works for everyone with no exceptions.

If there is anything such as "unconditional love", then why are the most loving couples divorcing themselves at astronomical rates?

Get back to the real world sister.

Nuff said!

buzugee:

* hugs Radiant *  yummy

abereoje:

Marriage is an institution established by God. It is imperative that God should be the bedrock and solid foundation of our marriage. when there is challenge in a marriage which definitely is bound to happen from time to time, it is the responsibility of the couple or either of the party to draw help from God. A wife/husband as a priority to observing the moral obligation and duties expected of him/her in marriage should endeavour to commit the spouse to the almighty.

A praying wife will always keep her husband no matter how stormy it may look. Even if the husband is wayward, rather than naggin or going into fruitless dispute that ould even harden the man, a woman should turn attention to God who has the heart of a man in his hand. IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME, THE HUBBY WILL COME BACK TO HER.

davidylan:

3. There is no perfect woman anywhere.

El Guapo:

This got to be the best quote in Nairaland for the year running but that gets me into a doubt if at all i'ld be a happy man years frm today cos i jxt dream for a 'perfect' wife.

Radiant:

Are you perfect?

kaybee2ng:

Well Being A Good Wife Does Not Guarantee That Your Man Would Not Cheat But It May Reduce The Chances Of Not Cheating To May Be 25%. That Is If Your Husband Is Not A Born Flirt, Those Type Of Men Are Limited Edition. There Is Just Nothing U Can Do