guys,
       got this girlfriend that i hooked up with while serving in Bayelsa state.  i love her very much and its was more like i found a diamond in the dirt cos she has a very good soul in town where sex is the cheapest tin . however,i am very aware of the fact that women from that side are made to feel inferior and more lik a guys piece of furniture. i knew abt this low self esteem issue and i really wanted to help. she also has a mum that is uncaring and very jealous of her. she lata got an impression that i dont care about her and started living a destructive life again. she has neva enjoyed sex but they were brought up to blieve all a guy has to do is to ask for it and their duty is to open their legs. neva had on orgasm till she met me and all dat.sex was trash to her cos it seemed to her that she can not make the choices when sex  is the issue btw her and a guy. rite now she has discovered herslf,wants to change and needs me to keep things going on. i am still with her but i cant get the things she has done off my mind more because she slept with guys that wer the last kind of peeps i tink my girl shld be wit if shes going to cheat. this issue also had a spiritual edge that we found out cos it was quite extraordinary. i still luv her but im still hurt.i know she is good now but i made her to tell me all the details of the escapades and those pictures keeps coming back to me evry now and then. i even know and met some of these guys.please could somebody give me sum advice. i also slept with 4 or 5 girls which she does not know.she actually confessed all of this to me over 2-3 months. maybe i dont have  right to be upset but nobody wants to marry a woman that u will find hard to trust and i have a feeling i might hurt her later and she will retaliate by sleeping wit my best friend or sumtin. please dont advise me to leave her because i wont. i do luv her even though i seem lik a victim.i just need help on how i can get this things out of my head and focus on my/our future.please help me out, i still luv her very much and i understand that many of us cannot act beta in the circumstances that has been aroung her from birth. trust me on this.guys dont tell me im a mugun cos ur girl could be my next victim .is it wrong to have a long distance thing? maybe theres someone out there dat could help me by giving me a number and then we can talk abt this if you can help me with this issue.thanks

Uh, excuse me--did I read correctly that you, yourself, also slept with other people during this relationship?

@ gboy24

I admire your persistence to be with her, but first of all before you can cure someone else of their illness, make sure you've cured yourself. You're so confused and insecured and thats not a good foundation Cos it might just rubb off on her and make her think you're "one of those" . .
You have to let go of the insecurities, jealousy and pains. Nobody likes to imagine their partners with someone else, no one at all but atimes its inevitable. All the things she did are in the past, before she met you.

Come to think of it, if everyone went about thinking of the "past lives" of their partners, believe me there wouldn't have been a word like "couple" in the dictionary and all the "non-virgins" would remain sinlgle for life

And until you've been able to call off the past, you won't be able to move on. Both of you will only be drawn back
The fact that you cheated on her like 4-5 times makes both of you "culprits", you're in no way better than she is. BTW, she's acting out of her broken childhood, what's your excuse?? You're no better than her, so do not judge

I have to say that both of you have a lot to deal with and work on. But this "love" of a thing is actually strong. And i'm sure that with the right attitudes and mind, both of you might just be able to beat the norm that has grown to live in her

What she needs is all the care in the world, love and someone that would make her feel secured and safe. After all she's gone through, it might be difficult for her to think that she deserves better, or that that she could trust someone, or that someone could actually love her

You're there to prove her wrong, now don't do a bad job of it. You have to show her something she's never had in her life, LOVE
But you can't show her real love, till you've dealt with your "demons", get rid of them, the girl next door might not be better, unless she decides not to tell you what her past looks like. Some girls have done worst, but today are in the hands of guys that think the world of them. This girl was a victim of circumstance, be grateful that you've been given the opportunity to be the choosen one that'll free her from her evil society

Now this girl came clean to you, don't hold it against her, show her that despite her past, she's still priceless, valuable and worthy of your love. Let the pains go, let the past remain the past, you love her for who she is and not for what she is, if she were any different, and if some of her pasts were wiped away, you might not have loved her this much. Now work with what you were given!!! Good luck

gboy24, never repay evil for evil.
You have no right to be angry at her if you also did the same things you're accusing her of.
I think you should really consider what you would do if she found out about your 4-5 girls.

She was honest enough to come to you and tell you, doesn't that tell you that she's ready to wipe the slate clean?
It's not easy but try. I think if you really loved her as you claimed, you wouldn't have slept with those girls either.
But since you have, tell her as well.

I have a strong feeling that you guys are going to have a lot of sex if you marry each other.

only 6 times in a year? u r lucky.

@Wa_do_mi again.Brief as ever,glad to see you got rid of that I hate myself stuff.

@poster,the idea of faithfulness has to be learnt by most humans(its not always inborn).If due to culture or whatever reason a person does not see the need to be faithful like this girl you are talking about,I would suggest some things.
Pray hard.
Try to show her with good reasons,religious , social etc why its bad.
Forget about it and get your groove on and don't get too emotionally involved ,as in love,marriage etc.

erhm! @topic did i just read that you slept with 4 peeps too?

and you are complaining that she slept with 6 guys?

oya ! go and make it even, you too go find 2 more girls so your numbers can be even " "( j/k)

its obvious you need to help your girl to get over all her issues, you yourself need to deal with yours

in your relationship you both need to trust each other

you mentioned something about not being able to forget that she had sex with peeps you know,what about if she later gets to know about those girls you too slept with?

if you love her like you claimed and you see a future for both of you then forgive and forget ,and concentrate on building a good relationship with your girl

if you just can't forget this her indiscretions then set her Free! shikena!

You dont want to leave her, then you have to forgive her and yourself and forget the whole thing by thinking of her good parts only. You are both guilty of the same sin, she has confessed and asked for forgiveness, you havent so who is more repentant here?? We all sin everyday and we ask God for forgiveness and he does immediately. Why then cant you forgive a fellow being? If you donot forgive, God cannot forgive you too. Thats the way it works. Love holds no grudge, if you truely love her, then you know what to do.

Just take your time and work it out. People have gone through worse things. Your love can survive the test of time if only you both try and work at it. Good luck mate!!!

sounds like you guys shud just be swingers

You are a good record keeper 6Times HM how many times have you cheated on her too? and why are you still with her? or is she very good in bed? is she a calabar girl?

Pretty bad bro. Kip Kool n go make some benjamins, guess she's not gud enuff for u. Al'same lyf goz on. Wis u'al enuff success next tym. Finally most copins r bitchiz! No apologiz. Ciao! Cz Tym No Rich,

do me i do u - no fight there bobo mi leko.

But dats not fair "Do me i Do you"

i mean, he cheated also.

uhmmmmmmm so that ur own advice to the poster?right

yes Uzordinma.

dont make me laugh my girl what "uzordima"

i dont buy ur idea of do me i do you?

your name - niceUZOR.

yep and So?

stop calling her your friend when she slept with 6 men. You are one of her assistant boyfriends. Kapich

bobo fashy this girl, she is not good enough for you, u have a very soft heart and u are not meant to date girl that will give u high blood pressure ,so do something before is late. u dating four other girls she does not know about is not the issue u are a man and u are free to some extent dont be fooled by anyone. my candid advice.

@Obo_nyummi
You are one gross female. You need to take that picture on your profile down and grab yourself some class ! You are every Mother's worst nightmare . Olosi Onisekuse !

Sweet T:

@Obo_nyummi
You are one gross female. You need to take that picture on your profile down and grab yourself some class ! You are every Mother's worst nightmare . Olosi Onisekuse !

stop getting emotional he or she has so many sexual yoruba user names and profiles on Nairaland hey!

your head will spin!

obviously its having the desired effects on you " "

guys,
thanks for the advice. my luv goes out to Cute ass. You are a darling. will try to make things work.

Please, gboy there is no doubt you love ya gal. But you said it all. her upbringing is partly the most serious problem. Where sex means nothing. Thats to say women don't value there body therefore they are ready to sleep around. Look men, let no body deceive you. Now that you know trying to change her will ruin your love life. Therefore the relationship should be to satisfy your urge. Cause you also admitted of sleeping around too. But Going beyond that you are goin to ruining your love life.

Diamond in the dirt my ass, more like you found the dirt itself. You and her are both whores and you need to get your shit together before trying to staighten hers. How the hell do you want her to be faithful if you can't be and if she sleeps with your best friend then you deserve that.

By the by, what the hell do you need advise for, you already said you won't leave her cheating ass so what do you need. Someone to tell you to keep fucking around like a dog or someone to justify that her insecurities are okay and you should keep hurting each other. Please, get a life dude!

isn't any1 going 2 advice them to get a HIV test first before even considering whether or not to continue with the relationship!

miss5272:

You and her are both whores and you need to get your shit together before trying to staighten hers. Please, get a life dude!

necessary and sufficient answer to the poster.

miss5272:

Diamond in the dirt my ass, more like you found the dirt itself. You and her are both whores and you need to get your shit together before trying to staighten hers. How the hell do you want her to be faithful if you can't be and if she sleeps with your best friend then you deserve that.

By the by, what the hell do you need advise for, you already said you won't leave her cheating ass so what do you need. [b]Someone to tell you to keep fucking around like a dog or someone to justify that her insecurities are okay and you should keep hurting each other. Please, get a life dude!

[/b]You don't have to get defensive, all he needed was an advice . na wa 4 people ohhhh

And all this your harsh comment wasn't uncalled for

I agree with debo and miss5272. dude's a 'tard.

@Omo Eko

He didn't need advise, he just wanted someone to tell him that it was ok to keep doing what he was doing. And I wasn't being defensive but the dude needed a reality check. I'm not one to sugarcoat anything and if you don't want to hear the truth then don't bring your dirty laundry in a forum asking for opinions.

I agree. Too often men seem to feel that they are owed approbation for their philandering, whereas the women are to be shunned.