Sooooo, now I know that going 50/50 is a terrible idea and a sham. However, in the past I did not know any better as I thought I was being progressive or that it made sense.However


My friend's Story:

She well to do, about 3 years my senior and very staunch in her beliefs also now a chartered accountant.

She was dating a guy for 4 years then(I know, ). It was her first serious relationship. She's super smart, like getting scholarships and a philosophical kinda smart, and a feminist to the core. Since the start of the relationship, He suggested that a relationship is a partnership, hence they should do everything 50:50. she used to have the mindset of "It makes sense to go in half of the bills because this isn't the 1960 anymore and many women are working now. It's not fair to the guy to pay all the bills". I loved her a lot, but it was one of the topics we both disagreed on that time.

I told her that everything wouldn't be exactly 50/50 as that's impossible, but her expectation was that it would be close. That also included housework as well.

Things became interesting when she and her boyfriend decided to rent a flat together.

They decided to split the bill and house chores. Even though at first he cooked, he stopped doing that as she began to learn how to cook soups from his tribe. There was a time when she lost her job at the beginning of buhari regime, so of course he had to pick up all the bills. She did all the cooking and housework and continued to look for a job because she felt it was the right thing to do. He would come home to a neat house, a hot meal but tired girlfriend. She eventually found another, but the pay was less.

However, he too lost his job about a year later and she was paying all the bills, there was almost no reciprocity. She would come home to a dirty house and no food. That was the time that she was working and going to courses to write her ACCA exams. Back then she would complain to me, since also was friends with the guy. She was so frustrated.



It became so bad that she had to resort to nagging when she got home and asked why the dishes were not done, he'd begin to do them while she would do other house chores....but he had all day to do them, . On a side note, she then began to fail her papers, and all he had was the audacity to say "Maybe you should find more time to study. She was making good grades when she was working and writing exams." All she kept telling me was, "IF HE HELPED AROUND THE HOUSE AND COOKED I WOULD HAVE MORE TIME TO STUDY!!" Not only that, he had an online course, for 2 months which hardly count as full time But she didn't say anything.He eventually got another job though.

People suggested that she was emasculating him, so she said calmly tried talked to him about his lack of effort on several occasions but it didn't seem to matter although he agreed he'd do more.

He had a bad habit of starting chores and not finishing them (whether he had a job or not) and always had an excuse:

"I got distracted." "I'll get to it later." "I'm too busy"

It didn't help that family members were excusing his behavior. They claimed they always had to do his chores as he never finished them either, when they were kids. She didn't care about that. He wasn't a child anymore and that screamed lack of maturity.

She got so sick of it that she decided to be petty (she still regrets it). She didn't wash dishes for an entire month just to see how far it would go. Well, She only washed what she needed personally and left the rest. Surprisingly, he complained within a week. "The dishes haven't been done in a few days..." And she immediately proceeded to give most of the excuses he gave her the MULTIPLE times she confronted him about it during that month. He was pissed, but yet, only did the dishes a total of three times that month and had an attitude doing even that.

She ended up doing dishes again because she was tired of the state of the kitchen although it was only twice a week and that still wasn't enough for him.

Eventually, her new company was downsized and her salary was slashed. So she couldn't pay half like she used to. It was agreed that he'd pay rent and she'd pay the utilities and cable. Yeah...he eventually didn't like that anymore either.

He also started proposing marriage and wanting her to get pregnant before that and she said no. He asked why. She told him it was because It felt like she was doing most of everything. She did most of the cooking and cleaning still and having a baby would be more work for her. They had an argument about it. She honestly felt bad and thought maybe he would be a good dad but in any case, as if she didn't have enough red flags, this was the moment that confirmed 50/50 ideology was not working out for her. Just the thought of bringing a child into the world when she felt he wasn't even helping her or being supportive at that point was too much.

Eventually the relationship ended (I was the only happy one) . Her reasoning was because they weren't making each other happy and she couldn't take it anymore, and his was because she was a lazy woman who wasn't sacrificing for the relationship like he was (rolling my eyes at him).

She is in London today, doing her master's under a scholarship tuition free and all expenses paid. We still keep in touch. The guy is married. But he complains of how dirty his wife is. Ain't karma a bitch. The end.

Anyway, all that to say 50/50 is a scam. I feel like there are too many guys who proudly exclaim, "It's not 1950 anymore!" Or "It's 2020 now", but it obviously only applies to bills and NOT housework. They want the woman to still embrace her "gender role" 100% and do all the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing if a child or children are involved but also want the woman to step in HIS gender role as the provider and pay for half the bills as well. That's already 150% at least on her part while he's doing 50%

Also, I know that a financially well off man is not the only qualification because some will financially abuse women and I'm not advocating for complete dependency on a man either. All men have to be vetted the same in many areas no matter what.

I always had this mindset, but this write up changed me. Thanks

interesting

Like u just cooked up D's shit ...Did u even read all D's all over before posting.

can't even say D's a movie cos is so fake to be one

Maybe if you can actually get a relationship and maintain it for a couple of weeks you'll probably be too busy to post shiit stuffs on nairaland. For now you are just an Inspin (involuntary Spinster) an equivalent of male Incels. Any lady who listens to you would more than likely end up like you.

Arsenate:
Maybe if you can actually get a relationship and maintain it for a couple of weeks you'll probably be too busy to post shiit stuffs on nairaland. For now you are just an Inspin (involuntary Spinster) an equivalent of male Incels. Any lady who listens to you would more than likely end up like you.

I'm in a relationship actually.

Sometimes, you ladies don’t have sense(sorry, no sorry)Your man lost his job, he’s broke and down and all you wants him to be doing is washing plates and cleaning the house for you
I doubt if any man in such situation would be thinking of washing plates.
Most men can’t handle being broke, once they’re broke, the only thing occupying their head is how to rise again not washing plates and cleaning the house for a local feminist!!

funmisticqueen2:
I'm in a relationship actually.

With your hand

Davash222:

With your hand

with a wonderful man. He also knows about funmisticqueen and is okay with it

funmisticqueen2:
with a wonderful man. He also knows about funmisticqueen and is okay with it

Please can you help me define ‘wonderful man’?

Davash222:

Please can you help me define ‘wonderful man’?

No, because you can check the dictionary to find out the meaning.

Davash222:
Sometimes, you ladies don’t have sense(sorry, no sorry)Your man lost his job, he’s broke and down and all you wants him to be doing is washing plates and cleaning the house for you
I doubt if any man in such situation would be thinking of washing plates.
Most men can’t handle being broke, once they’re broke, the only thing occupying their head is how to rise again not washing plates and cleaning the house for a local feminist!!

that he cannot handle being broke is his fault, should he now renegade on his idea of 50:50 because he is broke! GTFOH!!

You also seem blind to the fact that she lost her job too and it wasn't an excuse for her.

All you have to offer is excuses

funmisticqueen2:
I'm in a relationship actually.

Good thing you modified where you wrote "I'd " instead of "she'd " slip of fingers abi?

you know a little too much about "someone's" life
it sounded so personal, coupled with the slip of fingers.

your guess is as good as mine.

funmisticqueen2:
that he cannot handle being broke is his fault, should he now renegade on his idea of 50:50 because he is broke! GTFOH!!

The thing is, no sane man will accept washing of plates in a relationship as a 50/50 wareva!!!

When a relationship lacks "understanding" then it is bond to experience all kinds of crap like OP explained. Successful relationship is built with the mindset of helping each other when needed.

.

I support shared responsibilities 100%. But what I do not support in all its ramifications is the feministic bitterness that Is never hidden whenever one of them write.

Here's a thing for you, No matter how long and how hard you try, YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE A NATURAL STRUCTURE. YOU CAN TRY, BUT A WOMAN CANNOT BECOME A MAN AND A MAN WILL NOT BE A WOMAN.

We get too smart instead of get wise. Las Las, every girl with a competitive mentality will remain a sex object, and never be a able to build a natural bond with a man as nature has made.

Even if I pay 90% of bills, I'll still support my woman in chores and home keeping. I don't see how that brings competition and gender vindictiveness.


Some of these feminist end up being Lesbians, and funny enough, when they do so, they still assign the "male" figure to one of the partners. Which shows delusions. You hate men so much but you still make one of the lesbian partners the male figure, are you not confused?

LIES

czarr:
Good thing you modified where you wrote "I'd " instead of "she'd " slip of fingers abi?

you know a little too much about "someone's" life
it sounded so personal, coupled with the slip of fingers.

your guess is as good as mine.

actually, yes I modified the grammatical errors because I didn't proofread before posting. Besides, there something called autosuggestion on my keyboard which I don't know how to remove.

Davash222:
Sometimes, you ladies don’t have sense(sorry, no sorry)Your man lost his job, he’s broke and down and all you wants him to be doing is washing plates and cleaning the house for you
I doubt if any man in such situation would be thinking of washing plates.
Most men can’t handle being broke, once they’re broke, the only thing occupying their head is how to rise again not washing plates and cleaning the house for a local feminist!!

she's right. If a man loses his job, he can help with the upkeep of the home rather than do nothing. Isnt that what you would expect of your woman? Support.
Its ridiculous that the lady who has taken up the finances would later come home after a day of hustling to wash the dishes.
I believe in the 50:50 relationships tho.

PatriotTemidayo:
I support shared responsibilities 100%. But what I do not support in all its ramifications is the feministic bitterness that Is never hidden whenever one of them write.

Here's a thing for you, No matter how long and how hard you try, YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE A NATURAL STRUCTURE. YOU CAN TRY, BUT A WOMAN CANNOT BECOME A MAN AND A MAN WILL NOT BE A WOMAN.

We get too smart instead of get wise. Las Las, every girl with a competitive mentality will remain a sex object, and never be a able to build a natural bond with a man as nature has made.

Even if I pay 90% of bills, I'll still support my woman in chores and home keeping. I don't see how that brings competition and gender vindictiveness.


Some of these feminist end up being Lesbians, and funny enough, when they do so, they still assign the "male" figure to one of the partners. Which shows delusions. You hate men so much but you still make one of the lesbian partners the male figure, are you not confused?

what does feminists being lesbians have to do with my post? Pretty unrelated.

Davash222:

The thing is, no sane man will accept washing of plates in a relationship as a 50/50 wareva!!!

I m sure there were other things apart from the washing of plates which she refused to tell me. It is mostly chores in general. Every one has that pet peeves they hate seeing when they get home. If he didn't wash the pates, he most likely never swept the floor, or cleaned the furniture, bathrooms and bedroom. stop finding excuses to why a man should be a lazy slob.

You feminist(Nigerian Ones) are really a big issue to the society with your misguided and distorted ideology

you want the guy to do everything for you while you contribute little or nothing and when the time comes to prove that a genuine relationship is a 2 way street, you fail woefully at that

i had this GF, placed her on a monthly allowance, tried to assist with any issues she had( from repairs of her car , to other minor/major costs) just to prove my love for her which i also showed in other aspects of our relationship( not just finances) but to my surprise , anytime i ask this babe for assistance or to borrow me some money, she tells brings up one excuse or the other of how she has transfer limit problem or that her bank has network ish

when we have arguments about this, she then tells me that she has sworn never to assist any guy financially except HER HUSBAND because she assisted her exes and they left her and married other women. she tells me i'm entitled to her money and that all her friends BF do EVERYTHING for them and ask for nothing

i told her i believe in partnership and my woman should be able to assist me once a while whenever i'm in need and if she cannot do this while dating, she wouldn't do same while married. her ideology is that i should do EVERYTHING for her. this is someone that works and earn money, very comfortable too. she prefers to receive from me but never give to me. pathetic!!

my submission, relationship should be give and take. may not be 50-50 exactly but one person should never do all the giving/receiving . love is about sacrifice and compromise

.

ilobasama:
You feminist(Nigerian Ones) are really a big issue to the society with your misguided and distorted ideology

you want the guy to do everything for you while you contribute little or nothing and when the time comes to prove that a genuine relationship is a 2 way street, you fail woefully at that

i had this GF, placed her on a monthly allowance, tried to assist with any issues she had( from repairs of her car , to other minor/major costs) just to prove my love for her which i also showed in other aspects of our relationship( not just finances) but to my surprise , anytime i ask this babe for assistance or to borrow me some money, she tells brings up one excuse or the other of how she has transfer limit problem or that her bank has network ish

when we have arguments about this, she then tells me that she has sworn never to assist any guy financially except HER HUSBAND because she assisted her exes and they left her and married other women. she tells me i'm entitled to her money and that all her friends BF do EVERYTHING for them and ask for nothing

i told her i believe in partnership and my woman should be able to assist me once a while whenever i'm in need and if she cannot do this while dating, she wouldn't do same while married. her ideology is that i should do EVERYTHING for her. this is someone that works and earn money, very comfortable too. she prefers to receive from me but never give to me. pathetic!!

my submission, relationship should be give and take. may not be 50-50 exactly but one person should never do all the giving/receiving . love is about sacrifice and compromise

. True, I agree with you. the case I wrote, is slightly different than what you experienced in that they were "committed" and living together. But that doesn't mean your experience is not valid.

Ekemeze:


Smart. lolz

of course, if something doesn't agree with you, it has to be fake.

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.

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Ekemeze:


Lolz frustration is the mother of feminism. So funny!

No, stupid male behavior is the mother of feminism, men have been getting away with too much for too long

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