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Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend - Romance (2) - Nairaland

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Please, I Need Advice What Can I Do In This Situation. / My Boyfriend Slept With My Best Friend / I Gave My Boyfriend N500k, Has He Duped Me? (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Nobody: 7:29am On Apr 19, 2020
Galactico4ever:
Don't ever marry that guy. and also you seem to be keeping to yourself so i'll advice you to go out more(if you can) and try to make new friendz whether male or female
Thanks, I don't like making friends
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Nobody: 7:31am On Apr 19, 2020
felix55:
this ur man s a PLAYER..but if u can endue his attitude fine. but truly, being with a man who doesn't talk abt marriage with u or who doesn't include u in all his plans s a BOMB... try 2 b communicating with his parents because wit that, u will get to know whether u r welcome in his family or not.time doesn't wait 4 anyone..
Thanks, but he's not a player. That's my point, time doesn't wait for anyone.
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Nobody: 7:33am On Apr 19, 2020
blovesther:
thanks for telling her the truth....he is just playing gentle with you because he still want the relationship.
just give another man a chance if you have any around you and dump him ASAP
Thanks ma'am. I can't love any other person aside him
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Nobody: 7:35am On Apr 19, 2020
majamajic:


What if it's not his plans to marry u ? And he can't tell u openly ?
From the beginning, I told him I don't date
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by StennyB(f): 7:42am On Apr 19, 2020
My dear, 4 years of a Lady's life is not to be joked with. And people hinting at her lack of patience should know this.

The thing is that you need to sit and discuss the prospects of the relationship. Because if he isn't ready after four years chances are he isn't in a hurry to put a ring on it. And this one you said he doesn't like discussing marriage....

2 Likes

Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Dammylois(f): 7:44am On Apr 19, 2020
He's not seeing you in his future that's why he won't plan anything..you need to come to the reality of this and move on . Four years is a long time already

2 Likes

Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Nobody: 7:45am On Apr 19, 2020
One of the tell-tale signs of commitment from a man is talking about "we" not "i". I doubt he truly wants to be with you in the nearest future from your story. Try to give him space first to see if he'll reflect and see your good qualities. Please don't try to force commitment from a man. Let him lead, you follow.

3 Likes

Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Fragility6: 7:47am On Apr 19, 2020
And i dey here dey find gal like you wey ready to plan. My own na almost d same exhibit like ur boyfriend. Settling neva enta her dictionary .OP mk we exchange na. I go love u pass ur current boyfriend u go shock
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Fragility6: 7:48am On Apr 19, 2020
Dammylois:
He's not seeing you in his future that's why he won't plan anything..you need to come to the reality of this and move on . Four years is a long time already
Yes o. Goat buhari don rule one tenure finish under dat 4years
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by majamajic(m): 7:51am On Apr 19, 2020
Acmepreneur:

From the beginning, I told him I don't date

And u ended up dating him for 4 yrs

Seriously , I wish I can advise u . I see u love the guy so much , can u allow things to flow ? So u can flow with the rhythm , allow things to flow naturally. Am a man , most times we don't like when a girl discuss about marriage with us , alot of us don't like it . Men has this ego of ' are u forcing me ?

What's his age ? Are u older than him ? Is he capable ? What's his position in the family ?

All these is what u will check , am not in position to tell u to quit , cos I don't know if u can attract a better person later , so u don't jump from frying pan to fire , my advice is allow things to flow naturally don't force yourself on someone

3 Likes

Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Dande55: 7:54am On Apr 19, 2020
Acmepreneur:

Thanks ma'am. I can't love any other person aside him
Lol. E go soon clear for your eyes.

2 Likes

Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by 24kmagic: 7:56am On Apr 19, 2020
Acmepreneur:

Nope

How old are you guys?
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by LordKO(m): 8:08am On Apr 19, 2020
You need all the willpower you can gather at this point in time in order to forge ahead, either with him or with another man, after undergoing the following process, because I've detected stockholm syndrome in you - you need to untangle yourself from him, for now. I know that it won't be easy for to do this because of the kind of personality you've. More so, because it's a difficult thing to do for someone who didn't conquer self before going into a romantic relationship.

The first step towards untangling yourself from him is cutting all forms of contact with him, for at least a month, of course, without expecting and accepting any kinds of favour from him - this is why you need all the willpower you can gather now.

You'll be in a new state of mind after observing the above, and it's in the new state of mind that you can be able to tell yourself hard truth, if you're discerning.

3 Likes

Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Nobody: 8:19am On Apr 19, 2020
modern day marriage is anti-men.

your boyfriend figured that out and he is willing to delay marriage since he can get the benefit of a married man without even giving you a ring.


or maybe he see you as a liability
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Expresswriter: 8:20am On Apr 19, 2020
Acmepreneur,

That guy isn't ready to settle down. He also doesn't love you. He likes you. Love and like are not the same thing.

Find relationship books by Praise George and read. You'll thank me later.

After reading the right books you would know what to do. I won't tell you that. Find it yourself in Praise George's books or any other relationship books out there.

Listen to messages by Myles Munroe on relationship. God bless you and Happy Sunday.
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Nobody: 8:47am On Apr 19, 2020
Acmepreneur:

No, how to change him

Wtf!!! shocked

Good luck with that grin grin grin Now i see why the relationship has no bearing even after four years... una go do another four in limbo. Better wake up undecided
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by cooooooks(m): 9:00am On Apr 19, 2020
Leave him o biko.

You are growing up, realizing your worth and what is important in life and to you.

Better now than later.

Congrats.

Acmepreneur:
I used to call him fiancée before but bow, I have realized he's a boyfriend.we've been together for more than 4years.
I'm so tired of him right now, I love him and he loves me according to him.
My boyfriend was supposed to be my only friend because he's the only person I trusted the most in the entire universe. He prefers to chat and gist with his friends, not me.
The only thing he likes us to do is sweet talking, if I give him the chance, we would spend the next 5years discussing rubbish. E.g''how are you my baby, have you eaten etc.

He never discuss marriage, I'm always the one to bring up the topic, and he's bored a minute into it. Sometimes he says we are still young and sometimes he says not to pressure him.
Sometimes he would say I'm not ready
I never said we should do it now but all I'm saying is we should at least know where we are going and have some plans, or even discuss how our marital life would be.

He's good at saying sorry at every slight complain without allowing me to finish my sentence, that annoys me so much, because its a hypocritical sorry, and he would be angry if I say its hypocritical and tell me so many people want someone that would be apologetic and if I know his mind deep down.

I'm someone that derives joy in planning for future, but my boyfriend doesn't at all. No single plan about us except in his head, sometimes when I challenge him, he could say he planned this and that.
If I tell him today, I'm going to Canada, he doesn't mind, tomorrow Australia. He could say he's planning to go to Spain. I believe he should at least let us plan together where we both would be together, but he just doesn't care.
There's no US in his plans, only him,and in my plans too, I intentionally tell him those things I'd he would even say, what about us, but he doesn't at all.

Our relationship is filled with quarrels because of this behaviour of his, very lackadaisical about us, but yet, he only want to discuss sweet things, and if I don't give in, he will start to be angry. How can I be happy when our life is not progressing and he's not helping matter, sometimes he would call me a sadist, and that I don't like peace between us.

He doesn't care if I grow or not either, he just want to see me grown, he tells me that I'm broke and my mates are doing Better than myself. I like to tell him to do this and that to better his life, but he has turned me to a disturber and I should face my own Godforsaken life with my useless Msc.

Yesterday, I told him to stop calling or chatting me if he doesn't want me to curse him because he doesn't make me happy. Its better we don't speak because we won't fight, but if he calls and we speak, he would expect me to be replying his sweet words in a happy mood which is not possible, he could then gets angry and cut the call. That is when I would burst out and reminded of his lackadaisical behaviour in the relationship. If we don't talk, I won't remember him and thus won't be so hurt.

He's working and gives me money and thus he's good to me, he doesn't give me any problem oher than those listed above, he's a gentle person, and doesn't get angry, if he gets angry, he's easily calm. He doesn't cheat or with any bad behaviour
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Nobody: 9:12am On Apr 19, 2020
24kmagic:


How old are you guys?
Both under 30,he's 4years older
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Nobody: 9:13am On Apr 19, 2020
24kmagic:


How old are you guys?
Both under 30,he's 4years older
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Nobody: 9:18am On Apr 19, 2020
majamajic:


And u ended up dating him for 4 yrs

Seriously , I wish I can advise u . I see u love the guy so much , can u allow things to flow ? So u can flow with the rhythm , allow things to flow naturally. Am a man , most times we don't like when a girl discuss about marriage with us , alot of us don't like it . Men has this ego of ' are u forcing me ?

What's his age ? Are u older than him ? Is he capable ? What's his position in the family ?

All these is what u will check , am not in position to tell u to quit , cos I don't know if u can attract a better person later , so u don't jump from frying pan to fire , my advice is allow things to flow naturally don't force yourself on someone



We are both under 30 and he's 4years older than me. He's not capable to me and I'm not saying we should marry now,but at least let's discuss about it, that makes me happy and hopeful.
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by 24kmagic: 9:28am On Apr 19, 2020
Acmepreneur:

Both under 30,he's 4years older
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by asaju10(m): 9:32am On Apr 19, 2020
Acmepreneur:

Thanks ma'am. I can't love any other person aside him
Imagine! Then why are you disturbing us since your mind is made up to be with him...Keep enduring till wen ur eyes go clear
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by yeuch: 9:46am On Apr 19, 2020
I would advice if you don’t have a job find one, volunteer, get out of home, give him some space, make friends, male and female( with no intentions to get him jealous, that may be counter productive) have a life ( no offenses). The truth is you might be brooding about your marriage because you are “mentally stuck”.

Also if you stay together pls find another place for yourself make plans on your own how you want your family to be, what you can tolerate and what you can’t. I think this will bring up the question of “what you want in a man” ,not with reference to him but with reference to what you want in your family. Do you guys have same values? If you guys have a lot of contrasting values/ perspectives in key issues in life even if you tie the knot there would still be bigger issues afterwards

PLEASE before you start thinking get out and associate with people, free your mind and spirit, take a break from being cared for, get a clear head and unbiased mind, then you can sort your self out

It’s good for a young person to think about marriage but balancing this out is more necessary
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Nobody: 11:05am On Apr 19, 2020
You are asking for the right thing from the wrong person. I dated someone like this last year and ended it last year December when I saw it was going no where. I have had peace of mind since then.

He is not on the same page with you, leave him and go find someone else that wants what you want. You are going to waste your youth trying to change this guy.

2 Likes

Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by majamajic(m): 11:16am On Apr 19, 2020
Acmepreneur:

We are both under 30 and he's 4years older than me. He's not capable to me and I'm not saying we should marry now,but at least let's discuss about it, that makes me happy and hopeful.

The worst thing any man can do to himself , is to promise a girl marriage and fail

To me he felt discussing it , is a kind of making a promise

U women , someone needs to be careful how he discuss marriage with u people , like me I don't discuss marriage with any girl, (before u know she will say u made a promise to marry her) , that does not mean I can't marry them , I can discuss when I have concluded within myself u are my wife , 90% sure , in fact I will start making all the necessary moves , many of us are like that

Sometimes discussing means promise !

1 Like

Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by TheGreatIYANU: 11:19am On Apr 19, 2020
Acmepreneur:
I used to call him fiancée before but bow, I have realized he's a boyfriend....

My dear, I love your kind of woman! You are the type any visionary would love to have, in fact, NEEDS to have!

Here's what's happening... your guy lacks ambition. PERIOD.

On the other hand, you are an ambitious lady with your mid bursting full of ideas and visions of what the future could be.

I also am like that, and here's what you can do -

1. Understand that you were not born with anyone. You owe him nothing and he owes you nothing. FORGE AHEAD WITH YOUR LIFE!

If he is not forthcoming on plans for your relationship, plans for your future, YOU FORGE AHEAD.

2. Start doing You. Develop yourself. Wean yourself off his help and money. Start a business or finish school and get a job.

Two things will happen. He will see the massive advancement in your life and wake up or he will see you as completion and back out.

Either way, you both Win.
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by adexpa(m): 11:29am On Apr 19, 2020
You have got good advice here, all I have read here are reasonable advice n it is left for you to act according to what you plan for your future n where you want to be soon. You said something like he is not a player, you do not know the meaning of player, you think only guys that carries different girls are called player, your guy is a player cus he can leave you anytime he gets opportunity either to travel out or get someone better financially and that is why he will never commit himself, he can easily tell you he never promised you marriage. I can see you are still young (23-25) you can still flow with him but frankly speaking, your guy has a plan for his future he is not ready to share with you and it is only if those plans turn impossible he will then resort to plan n marry you. Your guy is a smart guy....

1 Like

Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Franzese: 11:46am On Apr 19, 2020
It is obvious that your boyfriend does not see you as his wife. As a psychologist I have read your story and I can tell you that you have attitude issues. Don’t ask me how i know.

Work on your self. Cut off the relationship if you have to. Seek that which will make you happy. Don’t depend on marriage to be complete.

Your own time and man will come...

2 Likes

Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by Philipmighty(m): 12:24pm On Apr 19, 2020
Acmepreneur:

Both under 30,he's 4years older
Wat is he waiting for babe u go enter menopause for the relationship.
anyway if he doesn't wat to put ring on ur finger, u do same vice versa time waits for no man
Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by iceybux(m): 12:27pm On Apr 19, 2020
REad some silly advice from ppl here.. IF u think his not having you in his plans,he would have left u along time..FRom your post its obvious you nag abt same issuee and that seems to keep him away from you And 2ndly what guarantee would you get from the next man? Another 2 or more years and u back complaining.. U better be patient with your man and find a better means to talk things over with him.. Don't listen to advice's from ppl who don't even have a relationship..

2 Likes

Re: Advice: What To Do With My Boyfriend by frozen70(f): 12:45pm On Apr 19, 2020
Acmepreneur:
I used to call him fiancée before but bow, I have realized he's a boyfriend.we've been together for more than 4years.
I'm so tired of him right now, I love him and he loves me according to him.
My boyfriend was supposed to be my only friend because he's the only person I trusted the most in the entire universe. He prefers to chat and gist with his friends, not me.
The only thing he likes us to do is sweet talking, if I give him the chance, we would spend the next 5years discussing rubbish. E.g''how are you my baby, have you eaten etc.

He never discuss marriage, I'm always the one to bring up the topic, and he's bored a minute into it. Sometimes he says we are still young and sometimes he says not to pressure him.
Sometimes he would say I'm not ready
I never said we should do it now but all I'm saying is we should at least know where we are going and have some plans, or even discuss how our marital life would be.

He's good at saying sorry at every slight complain without allowing me to finish my sentence, that annoys me so much, because its a hypocritical sorry, and he would be angry if I say its hypocritical and tell me so many people want someone that would be apologetic and if I know his mind deep down.

I'm someone that derives joy in planning for future, but my boyfriend doesn't at all. No single plan about us except in his head, sometimes when I challenge him, he could say he planned this and that.
If I tell him today, I'm going to Canada, he doesn't mind, tomorrow Australia. He could say he's planning to go to Spain. I believe he should at least let us plan together where we both would be together, but he just doesn't care.
There's no US in his plans, only him,and in my plans too, I intentionally tell him those things I'd he would even say, what about us, but he doesn't at all.

Our relationship is filled with quarrels because of this behaviour of his, very lackadaisical about us, but yet, he only want to discuss sweet things, and if I don't give in, he will start to be angry. How can I be happy when our life is not progressing and he's not helping matter, sometimes he would call me a sadist, and that I don't like peace between us.

He doesn't care if I grow or not either, he just want to see me grown, he tells me that I'm broke and my mates are doing Better than myself. I like to tell him to do this and that to better his life, but he has turned me to a disturber and I should face my own Godforsaken life with my useless Msc.

Yesterday, I told him to stop calling or chatting me if he doesn't want me to curse him because he doesn't make me happy. Its better we don't speak because we won't fight, but if he calls and we speak, he would expect me to be replying his sweet words in a happy mood which is not possible, he could then gets angry and cut the call. That is when I would burst out and reminded of his lackadaisical behaviour in the relationship. If we don't talk, I won't remember him and thus won't be so hurt.

He's working and gives me money and thus he's good to me, he doesn't give me any problem oher than those listed above, he's a gentle person, and doesn't get angry, if he gets angry, he's easily calm. He doesn't cheat or with any bad behaviour

You are already prepared

How prepared do you think this guy is?

This particular guy loves you but he is not yet ready for marriage

You can't bear it any longer

Just walk away if you wish, without coursing him pls

He isn't ready for marriage or proposal that will take him forever to start

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