someone that lives by the moment is a disaster waiting to happen.

if you dont plan, you hardly save and if you hardly save, you never prepare for the unforseen.

it is better to begin from zero now that the disaster awaiting you together.

my two cents

Philipmighty:
Wat is he waiting for babe u go enter menopause for the relationship.
anyway if he doesn't wat to put ring on ur finger, u do same vice versa time waits for no man

Lol,that's not African, its a white man thing to be putting rings, it doesn't certify anything

If you like let those bitter souls advising you to dump him destroy what you have.
Some guys don't like to be pressured, as long as you are the only woman he is dating then give it time.
If you know he likes you so much then no need to worry.

Barzinime:
If you like let those bitter souls advising you to dump him destroy what you have.
Some guys don't like to be pressured, as long as you are the only woman he is dating then give it time.
If you know he likes you so much then no need to worry.

Thanks, I can't dump him,I just want him to change. He's a good person and he makes my day anytime. As far as play is concerned, we don't get bored of each other. But he doesn't like marital topics or life topics

skillmyman:
someone that lives by the moment is a disaster waiting to happen.

if you dont plan, you hardly save and if you hardly save, you never prepare for the unforseen.

it is better to begin from zero now that the disaster awaiting you together.

my two cents

You are right

Some ppl dey try sha....
How can u date someone u see only once a year or sometimes u dont even see at all...
Its just a matter of time before both of u wuld b tired of each other...
LDR hardly ends well...
GL

Stop nagging him about marriage, he is still young if he is below 30, stop building you future around him, just do your thing.. The dude has been with you for 4 years, cares about you, gives you money and does not cheat on you.. My dear that's commitment. Don't drive a nice guy away from your life because of your obsession with marriage..
A man has to be mentally ready before he gets married.. While ladies have been dreaming about their wedding since they are little girls.

I remember when my wife whom I have dated for 5 years through out our university days started putting pressure on me, it nearly broke the relationship because I was not ready mentally and she had suitors all over the place, guys that are even richer than me...

Getting married to a guy is a big step in his life and it might take sometime for some of them to get ready mentally but that does not make him a bad person or do not love you..

Do the following and it will help you prepare him mentally..

1.Show him the importance of having a woman by making your presence count any time you are around him or in his house...make his house a home.. Let him be eager to rush home because you came visiting

2. Make yourself a little scares, don't just be available any time or day he needs you, men don't value a cow if they can always get free milk. Travel out of town, visit your relations, spend time away from him.
Get a life away from him that way he will value any time you spend with him and like I said earlier make your presence count so that he will look forward to spending time with you again.

3. Have plans for yourself and talk to him about it and please don't mention marriage as part of your plans. It's his duty to fit married and himself into your plans e.g tell him of you plans to further your studies, start a business, learn a trade etc..by telling him you are increasing your value in his eyes and what you are bringing into the marriage.

4.watch his circle of friends, how many of them are married? If most of his friends are single the chances of him talking about marriage is low.. Visit friends that are married, young couples, little babies, it will help set his brains into seeing the joy of marriage...go for naming ceremonies and birthday parties of your friends and relatives, drag him along.. Introduce him to the other man of the house.. The bros know what to tell him..every married man will always tell the young men that marriage is sweet even if he is lieing.

So sorry for my long talk but I hope you learn a little bit out of it.. I am old school

So this guy is good in all aspects apart from the fact that he doesn’t talk to you about marriage, and nairalanders own advice is that you should leave him. Only God knows how many good relationships have gone down due to advice from people here.

He said you’re both young, you haven’t disputed that fact. Do you have a job? He does. He’s working on himself, and your own is to be pestering him for marriage all the time. If you like, break your good relationship and go outside to look for who will marry you quickly. I don’t think you even know what marriage is.

He tells you “sweet” things and you respond with anger...you have no idea what you’re doing.

Women have seen being given money in a relationship as a right...that’s why somebody who is “broke” and being taken care of by their guy will still be talking rubbish about how he doesn’t see a future with her.

Modified: Now you’ve edited your post and you’ve seen that a lot of the people here are telling you rubbish. You’ve seen how they started painting the guy evil as if they know him as well as you do. Be very careful about the kind of advice you take seriously here.
You only see once a year?...That is a definite hole in that relationship. Whatever problems you think you have now are because you very rarely see.
Take the advice of the guy above. Most of it is what you need. In the end, you know your relationship and only you can determine what needs to be done. Don’t end up making a decision based on shallow observations.

Sometimes marriage could be scary you know, or might seems like forcing it on him.
Just give it time don't rush things & let him see the good person he wants to settle down with cos he might still have his doubts.

Acmepreneur:

Thanks, I can't dump him,I just want him to change. He's a good person and he makes my day anytime. As far as play is concerned, we don't get bored of each other. But he doesn't like marital topics or life topics

@poster I perfectly understand your pain as I have been there before. The truth is that you have to be resolute as to what you want. Even if he proposes and marries you now, the truth is that you two will hardly find peace because while you will want to plan, he would want to live by the fire brigade approach. One step you can take is first try to buy him books and send him messages that will help him see the need for planning. If that still doesn't work then you can move to the next level.

majamajic:



Mine is u can't force a man into marriage, it's not a journey of one day

And don't let anyone marry u out of pity or pressure from u ,

e like say U dey run from the truth or U want understand her angle.
4 years is more than enough for the guy decide which direction the relationship is headed.
And besides, the op is the type that said, she loves to plan ahead, she didn't give him ultimatum. She only wants to know what are his plan.
I believe they old enough to determine what they want.

Acmepreneur:

I'm not forcing him. I just want him to discuss about it and let's plan for it

I understand ur concern, U see since U guys aren't staying in the same place, he might be having doubt about ur character hence the attitude towards marriage discussion. Forget the few times U have been together.
Just keep it option open Incase oo.

akaahs:

e like say U dey run from the truth or U want understand her angle.
4 years is more than enough for the guy decide which direction the relationship is headed.
And besides, the op is the type that said, she loves to plan ahead, she didn't give him ultimatum. She only wants to know what are his plan.
I believe they old enough to determine what they want.

Yes, truth is not like I want marriage now, what I want is a plan, discussing it together etc

Seriously u know is family members yet u claim his not making plans for u take him to ur family members too and let them accept him before u can blame him

Acmepreneur:
I used to call him fiancée before but bow, I have realized he's a boyfriend.we've been together for more than 4years.
I'm so tired of him right now, I love him and he loves me according to him.
My boyfriend was supposed to be my only friend because he's the only person I trusted the most in the entire universe. He prefers to chat and gist with his friends, not me.
The only thing he likes us to do is sweet talking, if I give him the chance, we would spend the next 5years discussing rubbish. E.g''how are you my baby, have you eaten etc.

He never discuss marriage, I'm always the one to bring up the topic, and he's bored a minute into it. Sometimes he says we are still young and sometimes he says not to pressure him.
Sometimes he would say I'm not ready
I never said we should do it now but all I'm saying is we should at least know where we are going and have some plans, or even discuss how our marital life would be.

He's good at saying sorry at every slight complain without allowing me to finish my sentence, that annoys me so much, because its a hypocritical sorry, and he would be angry if I say its hypocritical and tell me so many people want someone that would be apologetic and if I know his mind deep down.

I'm someone that derives joy in planning for future, but my boyfriend doesn't at all. No single plan about us except in his head, sometimes when I challenge him, he could say he planned this and that.
If I tell him today, I'm going to Canada, he doesn't mind, tomorrow Australia. He could say he's planning to go to Spain. I believe he should at least let us plan together where we both would be together, but he just doesn't care.
There's no US in his plans, only him,and in my plans too, I intentionally tell him those things I'd he would even say, what about us, but he doesn't at all.

Our relationship is filled with quarrels because of this behaviour of his, very lackadaisical about us, but yet, he only want to discuss sweet things, and if I don't give in, he will start to be angry. How can I be happy when our life is not progressing and he's not helping matter, sometimes he would call me a sadist, and that I don't like peace between us.

He doesn't care if I grow or not either, he just want to see me grown, he tells me that I'm broke and my mates are doing Better than myself. I like to tell him to do this and that to better his life, but he has turned me to a disturber and I should face my own Godforsaken life with my useless Msc.

Yesterday, I told him to stop calling or chatting me if he doesn't want me to curse him because he doesn't make me happy. Its better we don't speak because we won't fight, but if he calls and we speak, he would expect me to be replying his sweet words in a happy mood which is not possible, he could then gets angry and cut the call. That is when I would burst out and reminded of his lackadaisical behaviour in the relationship. If we don't talk, I won't remember him and thus won't be so hurt.

He's working and gives me money and thus he's good to me, he doesn't give me any problem oher than those listed above, he's a gentle person, and doesn't get angry, if he gets angry, he's easily calm. He doesn't cheat or with any bad behaviour
Edit: He gives me money doesn't mean he feeds me, it means he sends money to my account as he wishes and I send him money as well. He's a gentleman, he can't do all the bad things some people said, he's quite religious and easygoing. We do not stay together, we only see maybe once in a year or sometimes, we do not see at all for a year and other times, when I'm around his town we might see everyday
His from a good family as well, and his parents knows me but I'm yet to introduce him to anyone. His parents likes me already, everyone likes me because everyone likes beautiful people naturally.

OP, you are the kind of lady I want. Leave him and come to me.

jumpampass:


OP, you are the kind of lady I want. Leave him and come to me.

Lol, not possible. I love him very much, even if I don't I can't leave him

Since you rarely see / visit him, you rarely know him, when you stay with him closer, you will discover a lot of things about him

Acmepreneur:

Lol, not possible. I love him very much, even if I don't I can't leave him

Don't be surprised if your guy actually have life plans that doesn't involve you in it
The truth is always painful, but he's not really really into you enough to really care about you or a future with you
That apologetic part is like a mind game tactic that draws you back to him as a really good trait, don't be deceived

misreal:
When a man is truly serious with a woman.he sees the future, and makes plans for the future.but when he doesnt want to hear about the future, aunty you are on your own.and please, dont try to trap him with belle oh.

That's not true, I can always talk about how I want my future to be with fiancee but it doesn't necessarily mean she would b the one I will marry, I can still be talking about marriage boom I hv engaged another; its in men's nature. it's only the guy that can say what he wants from that relationship, all of you here telling her to move on, do this do that, he's a player, someone even said he's a star boy please the boyfriend is the only one that can tell her what she wants to here all of us here are massaging the relationship

pls, I will advise u let him be

some guys are like that
he. still doing try and error
hoping he will see someone better than u so that u can be dumped
whereas, thee beautiful ones are not yet born

pls pray too
I was once in ur shoe and it took me time to detach myself but I really did.
if he is ready for the real deal and have not found a partner yet, he can come back