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Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? - Romance - Nairaland

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Was I Wrong To Reject His Money? / Am I Wrong? / Am I Wrong In Telling Her This? (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by dremoney(m): 1:18am On Jan 07, 2011
Hello everyone,this is a story i still cant believe is real. Unfortunately,it happened to me.

I met a lady on the net on wednesday,got talking and by saturday she was at my flat.On the very first day she jumped on my bed and we watched a movie tgeda on my laptop after having lunch at Nandos.She invited me to meet her mum the immediate sunday and we all went to church together.3weeks after,i proposed and she accepted.Her mum got to know and she fixed an appointment to meet her dad cuz they are divorced.2weeks later,i met the dad in a restaurant cuz we couldnt visit his house cuz of the new wife.Her mum proposed a date for traditional engagement on the spot and 2months down the line we got engaged.

Now before the engagement we had issues and i tried to stop the arrangement twice but her parents were always there to settle the rift.The first was about finance.I am a professional with a masters degree,studying for another professional exam.I graduated last year and only got a full time job 11months before i met her.I have been in school before then cuz i relocated basically for my masters.She on the other hand had been working as a doctor even before i came to UK but she lives with her uncle.Nevertheless,i have my flat,my car,plasma,ps3,home cinema and a fully stocked kitchen.I was perfectly ok on my own.I had all i wanted but we lived apart.Because of engagement n pending wedding,we discussed abt living tgeda,she and her family agreed i make the move to where she is cuz hers is a professional job.

A professional job but i foot all the bills with my drug and alcohol abuse job.I never asked her for anything,but then she wanted me to be paying rent on both sides cuz im the man.She wanted me to pay a higher % of d rent on her side n fully mine where my job is.I objected,took her to her mother n told them to stop d engagement that my life is in danger.I saw that as cruel and wicked.We then went to the issue of funding reception.she wanted me to foot all the bills too forgetting i wasnt prepared for marriage,she was the person who wanted it n bcus i loved her,i tried to make it work.We argued again n tried to end it but her parents pleaded.
The engagement went on and we got to the stage of registry.On d day we were to give a notice of intention,she got there an hour late without a call n dint even pick up wen i called.I waited for her to get dere,showed her to d lady n wanted to leave.She blocked my car,asked y i deared to leave and in-short,created a scene at d local council by shouting n assaulting me.We dint talk for a week until we made up.Two days later,we were on d fone n d line dropped,i called back 3times,she never picked up not knowing her mum had told her i cut the fone and she should not take that from me.We dint talk for two good weeks.In the process,i made up my mind to return home cuz dat was my plan anyway until she tried to convince that i will find a job.Somehow,her dad came in n it was settled but her mum wanted her to end the relationship,she refused though but we couldnt do anytin cuz her mum was upset with her.My visa was running out and i wanted to know what to do cuz i dint want to be caught unawares,packing my things n selling my car need time.

I asked her twice when we are goin further wit the registry but her response has always been NOT SURE.I just ignored her,sent some money home to buy a taxi for survival b4 i get a job and started making plans to return.In the process,my flat was burgled n 42inch plasma was stolen.I moved out d next day n started squatting wit a friend.she said this is a good time to get our apartment, I chose to drop the deposit(which is higher n she drops d first rent).she sparked again n said she should not be involved that i should not have sent any money home.My curiosity then was,i thot we are getting married and you work for chrissake.she wont bulge.At the same time,16hrs was cut from my working hours per weekThe next sunday,she made up with her mum and by monday,she called me and said she thinks the best thing is for me to go home.I said thank you cuz her excuse was we dint have enough money so no need to rush.By wednesday,i got a 50inch plasma n put my car up on ebay,called home to inquire about properties.she got to know n sparked again saying i had palns to leave before.I then seriously scolded her and told her bluntly that she is pathetic at managing relationships.I have spent alot n she wants me to continue spending.

She has worked longer than me and even earns more than me but she is not willing to support.She wants a clean guy but she wants to kill the clean guy with pressure.she wants me to stay yet she wants me to foot all the bills knowing i am yet to settle fully into the system.After scolding her,she just bought a ticket and went to lagos on the excuse that she is stressed and humiliated.she had been there from 23rd december til now,telling me she cant be bothered again cus i said i was returning to Nigeria.If i have to hussle for some useless office job and spend all my money on the family without savings,i can as well do the hussle in naija,earn less,be the man of the house conviniently and still save.Now i have told her i am off.

Im i wrong pls?
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by Shinor(m): 12:02pm On Jan 07, 2011
E be like say you like plasma small
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by Stmichael1: 12:04pm On Jan 07, 2011
She's gat no luv 4 u man, U did d write thing, jst move on with ur life.QED.
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by 190: 12:10pm On Jan 07, 2011
^^he did the write thing abi,
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by olybaby50(m): 12:17pm On Jan 07, 2011
Amazing grace, how sweet thou,
U're once was cool, but now u see,

so cry no more
for u have been delivered
Just got out of a similar experience and i'm having the best time of my life with my new found love.
Wish u the best of life
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by Omolola1(f): 12:27pm On Jan 07, 2011
You did the right thing my dear

Accept my Sympathy on the loss of your Plasma TV
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by Eveoeve(f): 12:29pm On Jan 07, 2011
Wow! Everything happened so fast! Really i think both of u are still strangers to eachother. It was all abt  getting married. Whether now or later, there was bound to be a breakup cos d foundation of d relationship was really faulty.

http://naturekay.blogspot.com
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by cyntlating(f): 12:32pm On Jan 07, 2011
nice decision to v made dis time,hope dey wouldn't come begging u to 4give THIS IS A RED FLAG
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by myk2mic: 12:36pm On Jan 07, 2011
a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, ur brain has told u the plain truth, nw ur heart is trying to bring in emotions/ feelings. thats y u r asking if u did the right thing. U DID RIGHT .
But truth be told, una two jump enter the marraige matter way to quickly bt it is well wit u.
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by deeplo(m): 12:49pm On Jan 07, 2011
It seems to me you are a confused man, am sorry but that is how i see it. You dont need a BABALAWO to tell you that this r.ship is going no where and if you go ahead with it, you will be the one heated the most, bc after awhile she will divorce you and settle anything you have left (property).
My Brother, shine your eyes
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by KGNAIRA: 12:50pm On Jan 07, 2011
I think calling it quit now will hurt a lot less than having to face divorce later in future. If before marriage you are already having it this tubulent, chances are that things will get worse after marriage.

I think you made a good decision
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by aktunde(m): 12:55pm On Jan 07, 2011
From what you have typed here, your plasma TV is much better than that lady described. Leave that lady alone, get a new plasma TV (if need be) and enjoy it with a new lady. You have just been delivered if you don't know cheesy cheesy cheesy
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by ferdiii(m): 12:59pm On Jan 07, 2011
Guy, na waoh for u oh! Ceremonies at engagements and weddings are not marriage.You can spend all you have and you have no peace. Meanwhile, that is not how to get a life partner.Showing you have all the coins and now u are crying of over-spending, keep all you have hidden.
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by DoubleN(m): 1:00pm On Jan 07, 2011
Shinor:

E be like say you like plasma small
The Plasma's where a big part of the relationship. cheesy
Guy move on with ur life Jare! The girl dey find husband wey she go use like Mop.
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by orbaxy(m): 1:06pm On Jan 07, 2011
lol,  i cant agree less. He did the "WRITE" thing, so he just cant be wrong.  undecided

190:

^^he did the write thing abi,
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by oluagness(m): 1:09pm On Jan 07, 2011
Her mother is not in support of the relationship and your woman in making is not in love with you. Thank God you know this early. My brother, pick your race and run kia kia.
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by ceej(m): 1:15pm On Jan 07, 2011
My brother it is not working. Most  Nigerian girls are like that.Especially this one from a broken home.She cant give what she does not have. She will divorce u some day.Love is not-material.Since she works and even earn better she can foot the bills knowing fully well that someday you will earn good too and carry the responsibilities.
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by gabriel4u(m): 1:21pm On Jan 07, 2011
myk2mic:

a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, your brain has told u the plain truth, nw your heart is trying to bring in emotions/ feelings. thats y u r asking if u did the right thing. U DID RIGHT .
But truth be told, una two jump enter the marraige matter way to quickly bt it is well wit u.
Am sure he knows.

@op

The mistake i can found in this is just that, u ran into the relationship. You love her does not mean you should quickly jump into an Engagement with her. Are u not mature enough or don't u inform your family,parent and friends before going ahead? I'm sure if u deed, you would not have jump into it.

You lucky now, run for ya head!
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by Ranoscky(m): 1:28pm On Jan 07, 2011
You didn't even come close to WRONG accordin to all what you said above. You did the RIGHT thing brov!
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by geosegun(m): 1:30pm On Jan 07, 2011
YOU CAN HAVE AN IMPERFECT WIFE (FIANCEE) BUT BAD IN-LAW? YOU MUST NOT.

YOUR IN-LAW IS THE PROBLEM OF UR EX-FIANCEE. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

BESIDES DID YOU ASKED YOUR EX-LADY WHY HER FATHER DIVORCED HER MOTHER?
COS THAT WOULD HAVE THROWN MORE LIGHT INTO WHAT TO EXPECT IN THE NEAR FUTURE!

According to JAMES Huttons Law in 'Geology' THE PAST IS THE KEY TO THE FUTURE

YOU 'VE DONE WELL YOUNG MAN. DO NOT GO BACK INTO THAT RELATIONSHIP!!
SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE HER HOME. SHE IS BOUND TO FAIL (THAT'S IF ALL YOU VE SAID IS TRUE)
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by KAYD007(m): 1:43pm On Jan 07, 2011
@ poster

u dont need a virgin angel to sing to you in heavenly tunes tht d marriage isnt going to work .
kick her backside to the pavement, doing so will change ya life 4 good! hmm huh.
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by deniyor: 2:05pm On Jan 07, 2011
You are not strong enough to handle her. She is selfish and domineering with the support of her divorced mom. Best u run away from her as fast as your legs will carry you. This is definitely a misery and divorce waiting to happen.
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by tureal(m): 2:11pm On Jan 07, 2011
to be forewarned is to be forearmed, open your eyes and try to be a MAN,
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by Elnuk34(m): 2:15pm On Jan 07, 2011
Omo, you have a lot of patience. You should have since seen that the relationship was meant to be doomed. You people have started reporting issues to her parents before you're married, I wonder who you will run to when you eventually become husband and wife. Sorry for the money and emotions already spent on trying to make things work. Goodluck.
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by WackyJ1(m): 2:21pm On Jan 07, 2011
From the story it seems everything happened so fast. Guy you did the right thing, it's best you just settle down and plan your life well
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by Ivynwa(f): 2:50pm On Jan 07, 2011
Sorry Pips what did I just do? Oh my God!, the work I was immersed in at the office made me lose concentration and I posted what I have for another thread here. That was a mistake Pips! Sorry about that.

I agree that friends should be there for each other in good times and rough times whether married or not, ther's no condition that is permanent in Life. There are times even the most capable and harworking of all men runs short of money and can do wt such help from his partner. Out there and far out from home, we should be one another's keeper.
We should help and it is also wise as some ladies said to help the man get a source of income like help him get a job, talk to work places on his behalf, help him with business initiative, encourage him and even support him financially and other wise just to see him be able to stand on his feet and be able to handle his financial affairs. A mature man that can't handle his financial scenes (ie is unable to use resources around him, work hard and even manage the little or much he makes) isn't attractive to women at all.

Poster your boyfriend doesn't seem like a lazy man though, be patient while supporting him but don't put yourself in financial difficulties to do that too because home is far and you are a lady and should avoid being vulnerable. You sound like you are already did that and I think you should let him know how you feel. If he is as nice as you made him sound he won't want to see you be unhappy and in difficulty all because you have the good heart to help.
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by GudLion(m): 3:00pm On Jan 07, 2011
Brov, make sure u insure the new plasma, and for the girl don't ever let her dad or whoever settle again!
She is no good! and next time don't allow anybody to fix marriage for you when you are not ready,
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by deniyor: 3:03pm On Jan 07, 2011
Ivynwa:

I agree that friends should be there for each other in good times and rough times whether married or not, ther's no condition that is permanent in Life. There are times even the most capable and harworking of all men runs short of money and can do wt such help from his partner. Out there and far out from home, we should be one another's keeper.
We should help and it is also wise as some ladies said to help the man get a source of income like help him get a job, talk to work places on his behalf, help him with business initiative, encourage him and even support him financially and other wise just to see him be able to stand on his feet and be able to handle his financial affairs. A mature man that can't handle his financial scenes (ie is unable to use resources around him, work hard and even manage the little or much he makes) isn't attractive to women at all.

Poster your boyfriend doesn't seem like a lazy man though, be patient while supporting him but don't put yourself in financial difficulties to do that too because home is far and you are a lady and should avoid being vulnerable. You sound like you are already did that and I think you should let him know how you feel. If he is as nice as you made him sound he won't want to see you be unhappy and in difficulty all because you have the good heart to help.

Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by Nobody: 3:26pm On Jan 07, 2011
deniyor:


Lol cheesy ; cheesy
@ poster,
Please next time, learn how to put paragraph whn writing a long story like ds.
I believe i did the right thing which you wuld have done a very long time ago. I will blame u for every abuse and pains u went thru cos u hardly knew a lady under 3wks and u propose to her. for the fact that she has a better job and earns more than u and she was not providing or willing to help shld have told you she wasnot a right woman to be with.
2ndly, no matter how m uch u love her and hw professional her job his, u shldnot have relocated or moved in wit her for noreason. That has reduced ur value as a man.Am not here to abuse but just telling u wot i wuld tell my elder brother that cares to listen to the truth. She saw it that she culd control and manipulate you and she succeeded.
Please as a man, face ur life, pray to God 4 a good job. Dnt listen to her whn she comes back with her family esp her mother. You shld even see her foundation. Her mother might be controlling her father be4 they separated and she has pick such xter from her mother.
Men shld always look very well be4 dey leap. The same applies to women.Dnt let love cover ur brain from thinking be4 u make ur decision.I believe in love covers all things but be wise and seek God be4 u take any decision.
Wish u all the best
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by hbrednic: 3:37pm On Jan 07, 2011
Ivynwa:

I agree that friends should be there for each other in good times and rough times whether married or not, ther's no condition that is permanent in Life. There are times even the most capable and harworking of all men runs short of money and can do wt such help from his partner. Out there and far out from home, we should be one another's keeper.
We should help and it is also wise as some ladies said to help the man get a source of income like help him get a job, talk to work places on his behalf, help him with business initiative, encourage him and even support him financially and other wise just to see him be able to stand on his feet and be able to handle his financial affairs. A mature man that can't handle his financial scenes (ie is unable to use resources around him, work hard and even manage the little or much he makes) isn't attractive to women at all.

Poster your boyfriend doesn't seem like a lazy man though, be patient while supporting him but don't put yourself in financial difficulties to do that too because home is far and you are a lady and should avoid being vulnerable. You sound like you are already did that and I think you should let him know how you feel. If he is as nice as you made him sound he won't want to see you be unhappy and in difficulty all because you have the good heart to help.


how many did you smoke today
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by Coolabbie(f): 3:45pm On Jan 07, 2011
If u had gone ahead 2 marry such a woman,it wuld have bin one tell of woe afta anoda. You did d right thing. Thank God dat now u can see.
Re: Am I Wrong To Stop The Relationship? by Meldrick(m): 3:52pm On Jan 07, 2011
My brother, I have realized women kill men faster than any other thing. Iam in your shoes and guy it is not easy. I thought I was good in relationship issues until now Iam finding myself in a mess. Prayer brother.

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