my boyfriend and i were having problems. At least i was having problem with him. I felt like he wasn't putting too much effort as in putting quality time for us to be together. I felt like his excuse of " working" was man made. In short, i thought he could be seeing someelse. so i broke up with him. We were apart for three weeks before getting back to together. A couple of days into it i asked if he was seeing someone else, he said " kind of" that they are just friends and are not sleeping together. He said i should stop worrying. I probed on, he said that he wants to be with me but that i should give him time to sort himself out. During this time we'll still be together

Anyway, i called him three nigths ago, he did not pick up. I was so sad  because i really love this guy. I decided to go to his place. On getting there i buzz the door bell and a lady answered, she questioned me for a while before opening the door. I got to his front door and knocked, the same lady opend with A WHOLE LOT of attitude syaing this is X wife, how may i help u. I was lost for words. i politely told her to get X for me that i needed to get something from him, she slammed the door on me about three times


He finally came out he was dripping with water so i guess he was in the shower. He asked me to come inside, i said no. I asked him to give me my stuff( about 12 naija movies) that i never want to see his face again. HE said no. So i left and he followed me. He was begging me. he said this is what he was trying to tell me but wanted to sort it out before telling me.
We stood out there for a long time . The girl came out twice to ask him to come inside but he didn't.

He still wants to be with me, wants me to give him some time while he sorts himself out. I have been crying for one week now. Everyone is telling me to hold on. That the girl ( his ex, she use to call and threaten me. The girl use to call the whole community to beg him, i guess she succeeded. they are from the same tribe.) is fetish that he needs to let her down gently. People who don't know me are sending this message to me. Please dear people. what do i do under this circumstance. I am extremely hurt. Should i move on? i have never known this much pain in my whole life. My heart burns, the pain hurts. Do u guys think he cares about me? or is he eating his cake and having it too?

Sorry it's too long. but i want u guys to know every detail.

Hey luv u had better move.am in d same boat wit u.it hurts i tel bt u need 2 move on 2 deal wit d pain.i knw it's difficult bt move on cos he's nt going 2 do anythng bt d gal.trust me i've been there.some men are jus jerks! they r nt worth d tears.

pele , sorry just move on , u dont want to be with a cheat

@Topic
Um-Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Una neva start! More to come! Brace ya self oh! The roller coaster ride is long and bumpy before and even after you settle down. Goodbye to innocence!

@Chikito
What other clue do you need?? The guy is a LOSER !! Move on with your life and save the heartache !!!

say good bye girl, more still to come, why wait?

.

@post
Is he still with the girl, what i mean is have you got evidence that they are dating.

wot proof,catch them nawoing?

do you have a problem?

it's really heart-breaking to read ur story.pls dnt give excuses for the guy.He could have made a decision long ago before u even caught him( i.e abt leaving the girl)when u guys got back 2geda.i know u might have invested alot in the relationship and it is painful letting go,but i tell u i've been there that is the only thing u can do that in the next few weeks when u remember the all story u'll be glad u did.because then all the scales will be gone from your eyes and u'll know the guy whenevr really wanted u,but wanted u 2 be a "spare" outside.if he wanted 2 leave the other lady,he would have done that by now,"what is letting down gently because she is fetish"?if he really is truthful he would have told u abt he's ex coming back and u call dat a future faithful husband,pls!!!. no excuses for him,he messed up.
By all indictions of what u have said his ppl likes the girl and she is even from his tribe.My sister move on.I know u might be feeling that u should hang around cos there are no guys out there,but i can assure u there are better guys than him.
Cheers!!!

@ all thanks for your advice.

I'm really hurting. had it been he told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore, i would have gladly moved on. The fetish thing and letting her down slowly was said by an older woman who is from their tribe. He hasn't really said anything about the girl. All he said was that a lot of people were begging him to take her back and he gave in after a while. He said i should give him a couple of weeks to sort himself out. i asked if i could acept advances from other guys during this period he Said no that we are still together. So he hasn't really said anything about the girl per se.

The pain i'm going through knows no bound. Sometimes when i wake up and see the morning i break down and cry because i don't know how i'll go through the day. It hurts greatly. It hurt more because all those times he was giving me excuses of working, he was spending time with someone else.

People are telling me that the girl is not important to him. because when i saw both of them he came outside and stayed with me, that the fact that he came outside to beg me instead of going inside to beg her means he care about me.

The only reason i'm giving him a second thought is because he is the first stable guy i've ever dated. so naturally i though maybe i've finally met the one. I'm confused. i'm thinking even if things were to work out, is this the time of person i want to be with? i'm trying to move on but IT IS REALLY HARD

it should not matter too you if you catch your man with another person.just bone am.

My sister,u just have to move on and like i said stop making excuses for him.He was probably telling to Shakara tthe other lady by staying with u outside,just to make her jealous and atick with him very well this time around.There is more to enjoy in a relastionship than what your guy is giving u.i must tell u. hanging around for 'weeks' for him to sort himself out and u moping and crying every morning waiting for him is noy it.it would probably take him forver to 'break up' with his so-called fetish girl.I know it is hard cos like i have said i been there too.but i moved on and made him realise i aint a fool for him like he tot.
Anyway a word is enuogh for the wise,dont say u were not warned sha!!!
Wish u the best in whatever decision u make.One Love!!!

Word!

@Chikito93
Hey sweetheart, How old are you ?? No man is worth this $#!T. Dust yourself up and look for another one who will truely love you only !!

@Thioniaslim
What's up baby ?? You look good. Is that your boyfriend on top??

@ sweet T

I'll be 25 in october

@Chikito93
At 25 i think you should know better, most men are LOSERS ! Grab what is left of your dignity and find your true love. trust me, it's out there somewheres !! "The best revenge in life is living well". Live so well that he will regret ever hurting you !

@ sweet T, rachiwise and all, thanks for the advice.

I will try to patch the pieces of my heart and move on one day at a time. Right now everything is bleek to me. Just looking at my planner makes me cry cuz i don't know what those days hold for me. I'm scared. I gave him the best of me, i guess my best was not good enough. I will try to move on

@Chikito93
Remember there will never be a Brighter day without a dark night ?? As strong as you love right now, a man with all his senses will see it and return all the love that you want. Take your time and enjoy your life one day at a time ! Good things come to those who will wait !

@Chikito
I once had a fiancee that i gave my heart to. I put her into everything plan that i made. She was my all. She cheated on me at the worst moment of my life. A time i was still praying for my mother to survive from 2 brain surgeries ! I went to Nigeria and i saw it for myself through her mobile phone that she has been sleeping around. I almost lost my mind but prayers carried me though. I cancelled all my plans for, cancelled the visa, the down payment on the house and started from the scratch. Bad things at times is a sign of good things to come ! Take heart and chill !

@ sweet T

i'm sorry about everything. i'm glad you survived your ordeal.  i hope u meet a good woman someday.

@chikito
Oh i know ! It was God that saved me from the claw of a pending bad marriage ! Like i said, Good things come to those who waits.

"Oh i know ! It was God that saved me from the claw of a pending bad marriage ! Like i said, Good things come to those who waits."~Sweet T

i agree with u my brother!!!

well if u ever get over your madness for him, tell him that he will regret being with this woman. i mean for goodness saked the marriage already has a rocky start. he will only suffer heartache adn pain in the future if he isnot careful

Chikito,

Am happy for you that these is happening now than for it to happen when u are married to him. In truth, X is not happy with what he his doing to you from what u said and his actions, and he can't even control it. That is what I can deduce from the whole story. Its somehow to tell how far you have gone with him without noticing his moves and all that,maybe he is very comfortable in term of living and he just want to use u and dump u.

My sister, move on with ur life and I assure you, you will get your own man that will be for you alone and not SHARED. I hope u've learnt from what had happened to you. I have a feeling that he will come back on his knees begging you to come back. Please stop calling him and picking X ex's calls.

@ all Thanks very much. It is very comforting to read all your views.

I ignored him for three days, i did not make it to the end of the third day so i decided to call him(he called 3x i did not respond)
we had about an hr conversation. i think i was practically trying to get him to let me go.i told him how i felt about him and how he has hurt me tremendously without any reason. he said he's as confused as me that he's sorry. I asked if he's in love with Ex he said no, so i probed for the reason of the confusion but i did not get anything out of him. He did not say anything new. all he said was i want to be with u but give me time to sort myself out. i asked what he'll be sorting since he's sure of who he wants to be with and is not in love, all he said was u are trying to get me to lie to u and i don't want to lie to u. i asked if he was still seeing ex he replied "kind of". That was the end of the conversation for me.

A part of what i feel for him died during this conversation because i realized the level of his selfishness.  Is this what i'm supposed to go through before meeting the right person?

@ wale, i'm as comfortable as him, and will be even more within the next couple of months

awwwwwwwwwwww, am sorry, but if u want to bash him up, i no the baddest peeps on earth,

acidrop:

awwwwwwwwwwww, am sorry, but if u want to bash him up, i no the baddest peeps on earth,

Yeah I'm ready,n' I gat a hundred Adedibu thugs @ my disposal,clocked locked n' ready to rock.

"A part of what i feel for him died during this conversation because i realized the level of his selfishness. Is this what i'm supposed to go through before meeting the right person?"

u get to 'see' more i.e realise more as time goes on.i'm really happy u r getting to see the real picture.dont worry abt heartaches,sometimes things like that happen for us to learn from them.Take of u.u are worth more than any thing to God,so,Smile girl!!!

Chikito,
Little by little u will get over him. Try occupy you mind with somethings else that will add value to u and make u happy. Am sure, he is not the best guy u can get,what do u think