Hi pals,
do you think new lovers should keep  secrets from their past from each other,especially if it is a dirty secret that could make or mar the relationship.


Maybe there is a secret child somewhere ,you lied about your age , there has been an incident of rape ,you have been to jail before,etc.

Secret is not "all about sexual secrets" 

Please give  reasons for your answer

hey wat up peeps?!
i'm one of those ppl that believe in complte and total honesty, tell me lemme know how to handle it..cos i no go find am funny at all, if i get to find out latyer on in the relationship...because ei dey automatically lose u points...
plus if u keep secrets, other ppl who wanna break u up, can use those secrets as blackmail, and in ur stupidity ur giving the a strong weapon against you!!
so i say be open...u aint got nothin to lose, cos at the start of it, u both got very little at stake, meanwhile when u leave it a while and u invest into the relationship..theres a lot at stake..and the more is at the stake, the harsher the consequences if the other person ever finds out

Too much honesty in a typical premarital relationship is a double edged sword. It is nice for your relationship, but what happens when you break up and your partner is bitter agaisnt you? Won't he or she use that information to try to get back at you?

not good at all too much honesty self they caused wahala, they prefer that you tell them lies than the truth

If truely u guys are going to marry each other,there's nothing wrong in telling him/her abt ur past but the problem there is how are u so sure ur relationship will lead to marriage?Thats d problem. As for me,I must truely be IN LOVE with my guy;if I have true feelings for my guy and i feel that he has same for me,i'll tell him if not all,95% about my past and the remaining 5% will be the ones i know he's not going to hear from anyone out there cos it might lead to break up.

There are some earth shaking and breaking secrets dat should not be divulged!!!!!

@rikkygen
There are some earth shaking and breaking secrets that should not be divulged!!!!!
I agree.Some things are better not being known about as long as they are not going to come out from somewhere or somebody else.

But if you think there is anything in your past that could have impact on the relationship,for example a guy who has a huge debt from a bad business he is still trying to repay or a girl who has lost her womb, I think it is only wise to tell because these are issues that are going to come out one day and affect the relationship.The sooner the other person knows about it the better,so both of you can decide the way forward before the committment gets to deep.

As for me, I am very secretive o! Before I begin to share concentrated details about my past and even present experiences, the person and I must be really close. But the thing is that once I see that I can trust someone, I bare it all.

hmmm,sometimes you just have to let sleeping dogs lie!!!

Past secrets that are no longer part of your life should never be brought up. Stuff that happened in previous relationships only breed mistrust, even if your partner is very understanding. But any past secret that remains a part of your life eg. love child must be brought up and resolved before you proceed. It is part of who you are.

I love honest people. I also love being honest, but there are some things i will never share with a boyfriend. maybe when you become my husband... or we are serious, like serious serious. But for boyfriend, dating ish.. nuh uh.

Neways, I have been there, done that. Dont divulge all infos for someone ur just dating....

@IAH
As for me, I am very secretive o!   Before I begin to share concentrated details about my past and even present experiences, the person and I must be really close. But the thing is that once I see that I can trust someone, I bare it all.

@hotangel
I love honest people. I also love being honest, but there are some things i will never share with a boyfriend. maybe when you become my husband... or we are serious, like serious serious. But for boyfriend, dating ish.. nuh uh.

The issue with this line of argument is that if you are already emotionally close to the person and you now bring up an unpalatable issue from your past you may rock the boat of a beautiful relationship,from which you might find very difficult to pull out off.
Imagine if you were married already and the police shows up one day to arrest your husband for  a crime he committed when he was a cult boy on campus and he never told you he was in the secret cult or your wife wakes you up one cool morning and tells you "darling,i had an abortion in the past and lost my womb" ?

Bros there are some things better not said than even trying to say them it cud cause u ur life except the gurl is to EMOTIONAL!!

well, truly some things are always better left unsaid, but it doesnt have to be deceit. but when the issues bother on key things like a girl who can't have a baby anymore or stuff like that, it should definitely be said as sson as you are sure that it is serious otherwise you may find yourself telling every nferyn, ocho and seun all your tightly held secrets only to have them dump you.

I would definately not spill my guts to a new lover, he made just get lost for all I know.

Rather wait till things get serious and I mean serious like if u wanna get married or something,
otherwise new lovers should just have a good time together and forget about their ghosts from the past.

no!!!!
u shd be straight-forward wit each other right from da start

@Rhodalyn

Would u tell a new lover u've recently had a miscarriage and have sufferd from STD'S in the past?

definitley no. unless u are doubly sure u are sure that he is the one.

My thoughts exactly!

Anything in her past that doent affect our future should remain there. I only want to know of past deeds thatwould have consequences that would influence our future.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot
and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and
not try to understand her at all.

i think you should tell your partners about your past because it might come back and hurt u, especially if the relationship is very serious and your both looking into the future togthere

@ peoples
I feel u

guess it is better to discuss eachother's past b4 going deep

[color=#990000]so called secret gets out when u least expect and can mar alot of things.discuss it now and ur conscience is clear

What is a secret? when you have something in mind that you feel you have to tell someone and never did(it becomes a secret) but If you feel it's not neccesary telling anyone about it then it's not a secrect.

4 me, Honesty is still d best policy no matter what,so as soon as am sure its okay,i'll let my partner knw things he''/might still find out in future,cos its beta he hears frm me than frm someone else!!!! imagine hidin sometin as huge as having a child frm ur partner, wat if he finds out frm someone else, dont u tink he'll be hurt and very hurt,cos he'll feel u'v bin dishonest all along, though there r tins dat r not necesary 4 him to knw, bt important ones like that shd be made known cos na serios matteer!!!

Well, from my own opinion there is nothing hidden under the sun, so if u're in love with him/her honesty is all u need coz u can never tell where or when the so called secret will escape from. besides telling one those secrets will help u know ur faith about the relationship and not cause as much damage as it will if told at a later stage.
Therefore u have to look b4 u leep in regards to telling the secret. Some pple (especially if the person doesn't really love u) will not take it like but some others (if the person really loves u) will still stick to u.

it all kinda depends on the secret involved,but if you wud take my advise,its not d best.