Although i am an ungrad in one of country's top universities, i find it very challenging communicating effectively in English. This undesirable situation is causing a big gap between me and my boyfriend, who speaks the language fluently. What can i do to salvage this precarious situation?

. What can i do to salvage this precarious situation?
Are u sure u cant speak English fluently, with all the grammar u used to start this thread?

asysometin

I wrote speak not write. Writing is no big issue, speaking fluently is the headache

Well well well, from all indications and expressions, you're good at written english, your problem is the oral part.

I suggest you induldge more in novels, and private practise. Atimes while reading the novels, read them out loud to yourself. It might be some esteem problem or that you know what to say, but your nervousness to make mistakes is what is drawing you back.

So i say "practise makes perfect", be more confident in yourself . . and dearie I'm not giving you these points oo, to think "yea yea", i challenge and expect you to put them into action oo.

As sad as it makes you, use that same effort to make a different, you got it in you, you juat have to prove you're up to the task.

Like i said, read lotsa novels, practise to yourself, and be bold to express it . . you can do this hun!!

Thanks a bunch, be rest assured am going to put the advices to good use. And more advices please?

littlekim:

Thanks a bunch, be rest assured am going to put the advices to good use. And more advices please?

Good, I'm so relieved and delighted to hear that.

When you speak, try to not be that concious, dont always try to be aware of yourself, just speak. If you know that language you speak perfectly, think of how you speak it. You don't really count your words, do you?? I don't think so.

There lies some of it, speak freely, and the rest will follow suit, God luck dear

now we know its not that you don't know how to construct correct English sentences, its just that u get nervous while trying to communicate, just stick to cute-ass advice, I trust her judgment anyday.
good luck

ditch the guy, hook up with another from your village so u can communicate well in your native dialect

lingual adivisers,

You are better off if you are able to establish the boyfriend's tolerance and patience for communication error. If he becomes aware that nervous bankruptcy is her problem, it would be easier for her. You know, love can perform wonders

@babe4u,

How far with your PM?

there are worse things baby. I've seen ground-shattering grammar on nairaland.
just work on it and you'll be fine ok?

Hey, Dont be emabarassed or shy to speak it coz u can write it damn well, Do u feel inferior to ur boyf as he speaks it fluently ? Well speak to him tell him you want to be able to speak it more confidently and i'm sure he will be only too happy to help you out. Do you have English speaking friends if not maybe you should try mix more with English speaking people or make a rule with ur boyf that you can only speak English for so many hours a day when u are together and se if that helps it improve. I've been there b4 my daughters dad is from Angola so he had terrible English when we firt met and it caused so much friction and misunderstandings with us. After some time it improved as he worked with English people so he used it more than Portugeuse so you will get there just be confident about urself. Good luck

I wonder what the point of a relationship is,if its success or failure is dependent on one partner's oratorical skills.

Littlekim, before I can adivise you effectively, I'll like to know if you attended "grammar" school. If you attended "grammar" school, you should be able to flow effortlessly either in writing or in speaking. Pls reply.

dear, its gr8 to know u recognize ur inadequacy and ur ready to work on it. nothing can beat that will so keep it up.

Thanks all

the advices are well appreciated. These are some of the answers to your questions:

I didn't just attend grammar school, am presently a final year student of one of the top universities in Nigeria

The young man is actually not complaining, but i know i cause him some embarrassment when all of a sudden i become taciturn in the company of his friends (most of hs friends are lawyers with very beautiful spoken english) because i dont want them to detect my ackward pronounciations and misplaced tenses.

My dear, as English is not your first language, it will not flow from your lips as readily as your native tongue without practice, practice and more practice.  This takes time.  That's a fact, so please don't be embarrassed or frustrated by it.  And, let's be very honest--English is not the easiest language to speak!  I'm sure you're doing much better than you think you are.   Believe me when I tell you this:  I live in the US, and I would be willing to bet that you speak English better than most of the people in this country!  And, I, for one, don't speak any Nigerian languages--yet!   

I must agree with I-man, who said:  "I wonder what the point of a relationship is,if its success or failure is dependent on one partner's oratorical skills."

You are at a top university.  You are clearly very skilled in written English.  I don't doubt that you are extremely intelligent and it's obvious that you're wanting to better yourself.  You care about others.  Heck, I don't care what language you speak--you sound like the kind of person I'd be proud to have as a ladyfriend!   

2 d poster.
Littlekim i must confess ur english sentences are neatly and richly constructed ! i just have one sweet advice for u i bet u it works . Since ur good in writting and not oratorically what u should do is get a paper and pen write each and every word u wish to say to him on a paper that is use writting method 2 communicate to him.
u go turn bebe bebe bebe lol (deaf and dumb) im only kidding my sister i will advice u to stick with Cute ass theory

Cute_ass is the hero in here huh?

@ topic
Well, i think cute_ass said it all actually, stick to her advice. You are not the only one with this problem you know, but yours is solved now because you are not silent about it. I like you for this. If your guy is a good guy like me, he will assit you to . Anyway, all the best dear!

If you feel its a real issue, the maybe you need to enrol for one on one classes on English to polish your spoken English.
And also make sure you take ur time when you are speaking because even the best of us have problems speaking the lingo when we are nervous.

So just try that sha.

@poster,
I'm so surprised u can write very well and can't speak fluently, or is it that some one dictated 2 u what 2 post on this forum.

It's better to know how to write than to speak. what's make an illiterate is the inability to read and write, and not the speaking aspect because the environment where one grows contribute to his or her fluency in the language that is spoken frequently in that vicinity. Let the guy help you or hell to him.

Go to a language school


There are a number of them in Lagos

i know for one thing ally pageant queens attend such schools for grooming in public speaking


It will build your confidence too

@ Topic
You have the solution to the problem in your hand. Talk to your boyfriend and let him realize that you need some help. Get him to communicate with you often in english. Practice makes perfect !

Why not get him to help you. If he truly does he will. And you will help. You also help him in a little way by opening your mouth less often when you people are surrounded by people you know to avoid embarrassment on his part. But am sure you’ll catch up soonest. Cheers

'Sure you are not under-rating yourself?

One tip is to keep it simple and natural. You don't have to mimic his lawyer friends who may use their legal terms and jargon in their conversations.

Be yourself! Going by your post and responses; your written English can hold it's own anywhere. I therefore suspect that your spoken English can't be far off. I personally beleive that language can be beautifull when kept simple. That's why I prefer Chinua Achebe to Wole Soyinka any day.

Does he make you feel nervous? Anyone can mix-up words, make mistakes and even stutter if they don't feel comfortable. Some people freeze when asked to speak at interviews, presentations and meetings etc, although they are quite eloquent when in a more natural setting.

Just like anything else, practice makes perfect, you are in Uni a great environment to meet and interact with others that will help you reach your full potential.

Meanwhile, have fun, remain positive and chin up!

ur boyfriend is an ass , he's suppose to help u out by teaching u

lilKim, tell men that english aint your first language, jokes apart, do someting about it, cos most men wants a woman that can express herself in public, you know what i means, so keep it real and do something about, practice behind close doors, good luck

Read two paragraphs of an english book to yourself in front of a mirror everyday, emphasize on the pronouciations and the tenses

cute-ass:

Well well well, from all indications and expressions, you're good at written english, your problem is the oral part.

I suggest you induldge more in novels, and private practise. Atimes while reading the novels, read them out loud to yourself. It might be some esteem problem or that you know what to say, but your nervousness to make mistakes is what is drawing you back.

So i say "practise makes perfect", be more confident in yourself . . and dearie I'm not giving you these points oo, to think "yea yea", i challenge and expect you to put them into action oo.

As sad as it makes you, use that same effort to make a different, you got it in you, you juat have to prove you're up to the task.

Like i said, read lotsa novels, practise to yourself, and be bold to express it . . you can do this hun!!

That was straight to the point. In addition, endeavour to get stuffs like 'how to communicate effectively in English' and other books that could school you on the effective use of English. Practice they say makes perfect.
You should also be all ears to corrections.