Truely you met and fell inlove with this person who has all the attributes you desire so much in a mate; but is HIV positive what will you do expecially when you are due to be married.

i don't understand u, the person u fell in love with is it the same person u are due to marry?or u are due to marry a healthy normal person but now u are in love with the hiv guy?pls answer,

Veracious:

Truely you met and fell inlove with this person who has all the attributes you desire so much in a mate; but is HIV positive what will you do expecially when you are due to be married.

hazel eyed has said it all, pls throw more light. we are waiting.

Hmm, I think the HIV guy is the hypothetical person here, the only one there is.

Thank God you said 'fall in love' not 'dive in love'.
Falling is something that occurs by mistakes, mishaps or unplanned. you simply just rise up from your fall and forge ahead. my reply would be different if it had been a case of diving in love with an HIV victim.

Hazel-eyed:

i don't understand u, the person u fell in love with is it the same person u are due to marry?or u are due to marry a healthy normal person but now u are in love with the hiv guy?please answer,

Am sorry you did not get the question very well. what i mean here is the person you are getting married to (male or female) was diagnosed to be HIV positive not FULL BLOWN AIDS and you're really inlove and looking forward to your wedding day. what will you do expecially when you are old enough to be married,both famillies know about your relationship together, and this person is asking you to keep it a secret and go ahead with the wedding?

I hope you get it now. mind you am not the one involved.

I just need your opinion cos it could happen to anyone or family member.

First of all, people living with HIv are not Victims. A Victim is one who is in a helpless situation but people living with HIV can take control of their lives by living positively.
To answer your question, as long as you take precautionary measures, yes. I know and work with lots of people , couples where one is positive and the other is negative.
Infact my first contact with a Person living with HIV was when at wedding. I attended the wedding of an aquaintance in 1999, i was one of her bridesmaid because i knew her in secondary school and she was a very good Born again girl, a virgin am sure. A day to the wedding they had a test and she was found to be positive, most of the other bridesmaids and even the chief bridesmaid ran away, but maybe because i was curious i stayed.( Then i did not have as much information about HIV as i do now) The guy insisted on getting married to her because He loved her and he knew she was a good person, She had an accident in 1996 when we were in secondary school and was given a blood tranfusion which blood later discovered to be infected.
They have been happily married since 1999 and have two negative kids, Husband is still negative and our friendship is tighter than ever, my friend is healthy and still has a high CD4 count, that means she is not yet on Anti retroviral drugs.

I will encourage her to take heart before I fall out of love

aisha2:

First of all, people living with HIv are not Victims. A Victim is one who is in a helpless situation but people living with HIV can take control of their lives by living positively.
To answer your question, as long as you take precautionary measures, yes. I know and work with lots of people , couples where one is positive and the other is negative.
Infact my first contact with a Person living with HIV was when at wedding. I attended the wedding of an aquaintance in 1999, i was one of her bridesmaid because i knew her in secondary school and she was a very good Born again girl, a virgin am sure. A day to the wedding they had a test and she was found to be positive, most of the other bridesmaids and even the chief bridesmaid ran away, but maybe because i was curious i stayed.( Then i did not have as much information about HIV as i do now) The guy insisted on getting married to her because He loved her and he knew she was a good person, She had an accident in 1996 when we were in secondary school and was given a blood tranfusion which blood later discovered to be infected.
They have been happily married since 1999 and have two negative kids, Husband is still negative and our friendship is tighter than ever, my friend is healthy and still has a high CD4 count, that means she is not yet on Anti retroviral drugs.

good story, @veracious,my people say that they don't tell a deaf man that there is war because once the war starts he will see with his eyes, the choice is yours.u can try this long gist above but if i were u,

deb:

I will encourage her to take heart before I fall out of love

i'll follow Deb's advice,

deb:

I will encourage her to take heart before I fall out of love

this shows u don't know d true meaning of luv, and i want u 2 ask u if the case was reversed and u were to be the victim, would u still give the same answer? @Aisha2, tanx 4 dat story, its quite touchy & educative.

@ HAZEL-EYED where is the true love you profess to have for that someone then? remember it could happen to anybody.

@ DEB i second SANRIMA'S question to you. what if you were the victim?

Personally, me?

I couldn't marry a HIV carrier. There's no stigma attached, and both HIV and non-HIV can live relatively healthy lives, as long as certain precautions are taken by both parties.

I however, can't live my daily life, being "careful" all the time. Some may think I'm selfish, but it's honesty we're talking here.

I couldn't go through with it.

My dear,we are only being realistic.it's not an issue of stigmatization like siena said.if u search urself deep down and tell ur self the truth am sure u know the answer to your question.

@ hazel eyed and seina

agreed,its difficult for us. but this person needs you,your love and care.and you know he or she could do the same for you. why leave?

come to think of it even when you both get married as HIV negatives,YOU still need to be carefull not to contact the virus, you don't have to be cheating on your spouse befor youcontact it.

Think about it we all live carefull lives,aint we?

The true definition of love is staying and marrying an HIV infected person.

Who says after marrying an HIV negative person, the person will not become positive in future. Lets just pray for the best to come our way and accept with joy whatever comes to us

cheers

very honest opinions. first of all being Hiv+  doesn't make one incapable of loving or being loved. reading Siena's post, obviously he doesnt want to live in the fear of being infected or probably dying but hey, life is a risk and love is a choice.

the lady in question obviously loved this guy before prior knowledge of his condition, does HIV change the situation? yes, but does it kill the love? No. i think she should hold on to whats more important to her, the fear of the disease or the love for the guy. the table could turnaround u know.

NB: the only flaw here is the guy's secrecy about it especially to someone he's in love with.

@ abilityman

i like your positive attitude to life keep it up.

@2dye4

what you said is right, life is a risk and love is a choice.

i hope others learn from this.

but note pls that the poster of this topic is not the one in love with a victim so dont direct it personnaly to her. its an open topic to both males and females to share their opinions.

I thought this thread was more about, "would you"?

Not about whether there's a right or wrong, whatever one decides! I've answered the question honestly, and my answer was, and still is no.

Of course, one can contract HIV, even if both are negative. It's the same with using a condom - for protection from the inknown. It would be different if you actually knew the other party had more than HIV, let's say, full-blown AIDS. Suddenly, the condom to protect against what the other person MIGHT have becomes more to protect against what the person DOES have!

It's a free country, so, this thread isn't about bringing others round to your way of thinking. Opinions will always differ, it's democracy.

Hazel-eyed:

good story, @veracious,my people say that they don't tell a deaf man that there is war because once the war starts he will see with his eyes, the choice is yours.u can try this long gist above but if i were u,

I'll follow Deb's advice,

hazel eyes u dnt sound a bit like 1 dat believes in love atall.
love could make u crazy and i mean very mad.dats y they said its blind.

@siena:
ur right. iits about personal opinions but also the convictions behind them. in your case i guess it just an uncompromising caution.

seina you are right. we all have our different opinions.

cracydemo,demonstration of crac, crazy demonstration, that was how fela (baba70) puts it.

but we can and should still show some love and consideration.

i will de-fall the love or reverse the love madness

I will fall out love with her. WHICH KIN STUPID QUESTION BE THIS?

Am i the one who gave her HIV?
Or do you want me to die young. which kind love be that

If am in love with such person and i discover she has HIV, i would end that relationship immediately.

@ crazykid

is it only HIV victims that die young? olodo

veracious,
if na u , u fit continue d relationship? abi wetin I de hear so?

@ osereka

yes i would goahead and marry him,since its not a full blown AIDS. HIV victims can still live normal happy lives.

I will run for my dear life.

i beg no self righteousness here o. only honesty will be accepted

Veracious:

@ crazykid

is it only HIV victims that die young? olodo

Hey watch you tounge ok?

I will go on with her. I have a girl friend that is hiv+. Though she was -ve when we stated but along the line, she slept with a carrier and got it. Though she denied it initially but when she could not hide it again, she told me the truth.
She then said again "my life now depend on how you will treat me, if you break my heart, i will die" i have been going with her since then but i am -ve till now. I have had sex with her severally but protected but am -ve up till now. She atimes wished herself death but with good counsel and support, she has picked up. She is living a normal life and living well. Up till now, she is not on drug but is healthy.
Pls, what kills most is the stigma not the virus. With good understanding, the carrier lives a normal life.
With love, you will overcome the stigma and give hope to the carrier.

Soundmind:

I will go on with her. I have a girl friend that is hiv+. Though she was -ve when we stated but along the line, she slept with a carrier and got it. Though she denied it initially but when she could not hide it again, she told me the truth.
She then said again "my life now depend on how you will treat me, if you break my heart, i will die" i have been going with her since then but i am -ve till now. I have had sex with her severally but protected but am -ve up till now. She atimes wished herself death but with good counsel and support, she has picked up. She is living a normal life and living well. Up till now, she is not on drug but is healthy.
Please, what kills most is the stigma not the virus. With good understanding, the carrier lives a normal life.
With love, you will overcome the stigma and give hope to the carrier.

Oh this is a very pathetic life experience. i must say that your types are rare. but on a serious note some people would think you crazy for sticking with her after cheating on you and contacting the virus. pls permit me to ask you this questions. DO you have sex with her unprotected befor these incidence happened? and what is that thing you saw in her that made you remain with her till now? do you intend getting married to her?

@ crazykid

(crazykid) you sure sound like one.

Soundmind, you are a gem. Bravo to you. However, your girlfriend needs to start taking ARVs as soon as possible, otherwise she will suddenly fall ill and die. Please, take this seriously. She needs the drugs.