Hi fellas,I need your help.

I am unmarried and used to live with my elder brother(I will call John) ,his wife(Jane)and their 2 kids before I moved to Kaduna on transfer last 3 years ago .They been married 8 years and cut the picture of an ok couple.He works in one the top 5 banks and she does her own business travelling to the US,Europe , and Dubai.


He seemed to have had some suspicions about her lately(for reasons I really don't know) and checked through her phone recently and came acrosss 2 text messages to a guy in the Dubai(let's call him Jack).In fairness he never used to do that or so he says. He felt the texts had words whose meaning can be easily misconstrued especially if it had been the other way(ie from a lady to him). She explained it away that there was nothing , just a close biz friend and things died down after a while.
Last week again he stumbled on some of her mails(while working on the PC) and saw in more detail words of affection which he felt should be reserved for him .(Why he checked her mails at all is another story)


My brother is modern but can also be a bit  old-fashioned . We are quite close and he shared the contents of the mail with me.(He knew I'd mention it to her)If my girlfriend wrote those things I 'd believe the worst. Words like I love you ,I miss you really are not light words to be used by a married woman to another man.

I am fond of Jane and she cuts the image of a decent woman but honestly cannot explain the motive behind some of her  musings. She is in her early 30's and my brother was 40 this year. They seemed so perfect but you can see the strain now. I was there last week.He simply does not believe her. He insists that if it had been written to me he would not have been bothered because he knows we are quite close. He is extremely angry and jealous . He wonders who else could be so close to his wife.

I know my brother is not perfect(which man is )but he is finding it a bit hard to take. I am a very close to his wife and do not think she is capable of extra-marital affairs(however I am not her husband) I have to admit though that her communication with 'Jack' was flirtatious at best.

My brother says he's going to stop all her travels Though he can comfortably take care of his family without the added income,I told him that won't stop anything if indeed there was something.

But really,could she be cheating on him after 8 years of marriage and 2 kids. She swore to me that she only needed a listening ear. I cannot but believe her but that is not who she needs to believe her.

She says John does not give her attention but he  insists that she does things he abhors:dressing to please herself and not him,maintaining a high standard of living,nagging. . .you know the works. But they looked so perfect or at least everything seemed so fine.


Is it possible for a married woman to say(or rather write) I love you to another man and not mean it THAT WAY.
Is it possible for the man in his response to use words like sweety and 'never leave you' and nothing's gwan
Is it proper for a married woman to have a close personal relationship with another man(If so,is it advisable)

Really,could she be cheating on him?

Why exactly are you going thru your sister in law's phone in the first place? gbegborun

Family, I swear.

I did not check through her phone .Her husband did.

Man, neva judge a book by its cover. . Just about anybody is capable of just about anything!

@Ruudie,I don't quite understand.
Is John crying wolf where there's none or do you think she could actually be having an affair?

hmmmm, i wouldn't want to judge but i believe there is no smoke without fire. it is inappropriate for a married woman or anyone in a committed relationship using words like i love you to the opposite sex,

your brother has every right for being suspicious if he actually saw those things. besides, you wouldnt expect her to agree she 's been having an affair with someone,

going thru somebodies mail &text msg is wrong, but well d deed has been done. this issue is a very sensitive one and so d best thing u can do is to advice ur bros wife to severe the r/ship she has with the other guy ie if she wants peace to reign in her home, cos even if its a platonic affair she should have told her husband about it. make her to understand that married women do not use those kind of words to d opposite sex, especially married women. she should know dat if the case were 2 be reversed, she would also feel sad and cheated just like her huband is feeling now. also talk to ur bros to let things be & pls he should start appreciating his wife oh, except he wants somebody else to help him out!

thanks people.
I have tried convincing my brother but he finds it difficult to let go.
He feels down because he allowed his wife a lot of freedom travelling around the world and feels betrayed. I have told her to let him be but keep reassuring him that she did not do anything.
I've never seen a guy feeling so hurt.
I tend to believe her though(I linked them both when I was in school. . .she was 2 years my senior and a decent girl). I have a lot at stake.

Thanks for the help so far.

Of course she is cheating but my advice is to you. Stay out of the issue. Husband and wife matter is a delicate one.

I am not comfortable with the fact that her husband is not aware of her friendship with the other man. This makes me think she has something to hide. Anyway, mr husband should try to believe her

of course she's cheating! brother, what kind of question is that? a married woman writes "i love u, i miss u" to another man and u think they discuss global warming when they're together? she's definitely cheating. how to handle it is the issue. since she listens to u, u have to sit her down. she has to sever all ties to 'Jack' if she wants her marriage to survive. even if she confesses to u, maybe u shouldn't tell ur brother cos its better if he stays in his state of denial while she cuts everything off and re-dedicates herself to him.
its a very,very delicate issue and i really don't envy u now but good luck!

Is the grass green?Does the sun shine?Always put your mind on the obvious.She's obviously cheating

$ammy:

Is the grass green?Does the sun shine?Always put your mind on the obvious.She's obviously cheating

@ sammy, u don,t just conclude things that way u know, at times things seem to be wat they are not especially if u don,t keep an open mind wen analysing it. She says John does not give her attention but he insists that she does things he abhors:dressing to please herself and not him,maintaining a high standard of living,nagging. . .you know the works. But they looked so perfect or at least everything seemed so fine.
@ poster, women feel attracted & are easily carried away by a guy that tells them sweet words (like how beatiful they look), it makes them feel special. may be lack of this from her husband made her to start communicating wit this guy who may have been telling her sweet nothings. i dont really yhink anything has stated, so just advice her to cut it off.

Wifey is a bloody cheat or she is using the ish to negotiate, would t work for her? I DOUBT

Hey, Your brother wife is a cheat, she just put on the garment of a saint in her Husband Home, while she is playing games with Other Guy out there.

My advice is that Your Brother should sit his wife down, and make her Understand that he his not confortable with all these mess,and he should read to her the emails and phone messages and ask the woman to change, or all her bussiness internationally would be stop for her to become the house wife she is and the reason she was marrried

And also your brother should put in into prayers and GOD will do justice and touch her her, that should not break ur brother Home, in life it all happens too many thing is happening everyday,
There are Powerful Guys, that has all it takes to sweep any woman from thier Husbadn home, It may not be her fault,because satan the devil is moving around like a roaring lion, looking for whom to chop.

Pray always that we may Not fail into temtation, I Hope ur family is a christian Family.

uchetobi:

Of course she is cheating but my advice is to you. Stay out of the issue. Husband and wife matter is a delicate one.

You deserve a kiss an award for this post. True that.

It does not take rocket science to figure out that some Oil Prince in Dubai is putting a bulala to your brother's wife!

If they want to work things out, a start would be ending all trips to Dubai. She can promise all heaven and hell to remain faithful but once she's there alone, all bets are off.

Like someone already mentioned, you should stay out of this wahala. Nah between husband and wife, nothing concern you!

@ Bolarge give me the kiss jore. LOL

@ poster,

she may not be lying. she might not have gone the whole 9 yards with the dubai guy, but believe me, its just a matter of time.

my guess is she married him early, and really, after having children and that feeling of having accomplished, the next thing is the woman starts to feel like she may be missing out on something or she may have missed out on something. it is at this point that you know who the virtous woman is.

my friend argues that people don't change, perhaps that may be true, but i know people evolve. your sister in law is still in her early thirties, perhaps feeling young with herself and thinking she still has the world at her feet. that is why she now dresses to please herself, nags e.t.c

what your brother has to do is not to give himself heart attack, but to let his wife evolve, only this time he should be by her side. he should listen to her more often, he should take interest in whatever she is doing, he should go with her to dubai once in a while instead of cancelling her trips. he should plan family vacations, share her dreams; the list is endless.

and as for you, forget the fact that you hooked them up or did you say their vows for them too? let them deal with their problems. you cannot afford to get very involved. advise both parties and walk away. don't be their umpire.

cheers