i've read a lot of "she's older than me" threads on nairaland and im still in a dilemma, i've been goin out with this girl for 2yrs now, and she's 2yrs older than me , (im 23 , she's 25), at first i thot it wont matter, because i really like her company and she's always there for me, , but now, things are gettin more tense, because sooner or later we'll be talkin of marriage (she will be finishing NYSC in august, and i finished in february) , her family knws me , and my family members knw her too, so i feel its too late to call it quit because of age (they will say didnt i knw that before?) , but still, im having a second thot that we shld break up, before its too late, and i shld get someone that is younger, but im really confused,
like i said, she's a good partner, i love her company , i love her, the only 2 issues i have with her is that
1. she's 2yrs older than me

2. she's very fat

don't ask what i was thinkin before we started dating, because i thot, her good properties overshadows the bad ones,

please i need your opinion, _{feel free to abuse me}

It can work provided that both of you are in love.

But if you become too choosy like you are doing.
"she's too fat"
she's to dark
she's too tall
she's too short
Then you are the one whose going to ruin that relatioship because you won't be able to believe in yourself that something good can come out of it.

1. she's older -  that is never a problem as long as she gives you the respect as the leader in the relationship. I've dated someone 6 yrs older than me before and it worked far better than with the younger girls. If you love her as much as you claom then this should not be a problem.

2. She's very fat - 2 yrs ago i would have told you this did not matter but dear IT DOES MATTER. When she gets pregnant she will put on more weight, now that she's married she wont see any reason to shed her weight. Do you want to battle with a woman who is too tired to walk 2 centimeters, think of putting up with cardiovascular diseases or diabetes in old age, its never fun.

If her weight is bothering you now it wont go away no matter how loudly you both claim to love each other. it will only get worse with marriage. Call it quits now. better now than later.

crazykid:

It can work provided that both of you are in love.

But if you become too choosy like you are doing.
"she's too fat"
she's to dark
she's too tall
she's too short
Then you are the one whose going to ruin that relatioship because you won't be able to believe in yourself that something good can come out of it.

it is not being too choosy, it is making sure you both are compatible.

davidylan:

If her weight is bothering you now it wont go away no matter how loudly you both claim to love each other. it will only get worse with marriage. Call it quits now. better now than later.

davidlan, wont i sound very stupid to tell her that im breakin up because she's too fat for me ?

By all means I hope you tell her that IS the exact reason why

and then please report to us her reaction/response.

We will be patiently waiting

camden:

davidlan, wont i sound very stupid to tell her that im breakin up because she's too fat for me ?

that will be really hard to do i must confess. Youu may damage her self esteem more than you know. Maybe you should have considered the pros and cons before deciding to go this far with her. I'm wont to wonder what you were doing for 2 yrs!!

My point is now that you are not married you have problems with her weight, what will happen when you are now living together? It will only get worse and you will start resenting her when you see ur friends and siblings with much slimmer women.

I dont know how you will tell her u want a break up but marrying her will be the wrong move if you cant put up with everything good and bad about her.

tell me, have you asked her to marry you?

LMFAO -

She's too fat - Well she obviously didn't gain the weight while with u, she already had it b4 u committed to her. Like David said consider yo options carefully and since u're already raising this issue now, i'd suggest that u break it up from now as later will only make matterz worse.
You can decide to be a man about yours and tell her the truth, as idiotic as it would sound or you can lie and avoid the real reason u're breaking up with her.

I agree with most people that have commented, i know they say beauty aint all that, yea yea . . but physical attraction is very important in a relationship . . and not that "fat" people can't be in one where they'll be most appreciated, but they have to be in it with someone that treasures them like that.

My poster here obviously doesnt.

Some questions though . . Does she know she's fat?
Is she the beneficiary of her fatness (i mean is she the kind that eats 24hrs a day)?
Has she always been like that?

Now if (and i hope it is) her case is one of those that eat too much, or eats without working it out, or eats late at night, or eats right before they go to bed, or takes a nap everytime they eat (to cut it short, if she's the type with bad eating habits, then all hope isnt lost.

She's got to button up her shirt . . sit her down and tell her how much you love her, make her understand you want the best for her, and you also want her to look her best, tell her it wouldnt hurt if she lost a pound or two.
Get her to start eating moderately, maybe work out some, and cut off the bad eating habits, she should also eat healthy - - with you as her inspiration, she can make it.

But if her case isnt sinamous with the above listed (i mean for some, its in their nature to be on the heavy side), then David is absolutely right, maybe you want to call it a day. You don't go into a marriage wondering if you can cope with the person's bads or not, you got to be certain . . and like the rest before me already pointed, i don't think the age is a/the problem, its just the cherry that topped the cake!!!

cute-ass:

and tell her how much you love her, make her understand you want the best for her, and you also want her to look her best, tell her it wouldnt hurt if she lost a pound or two.

*cringes* and how many men have lived to say these words?

Btw it's one thing if she started getting bigger when they were together but if he actually met her like that and stayed, he had better sharrap and move along now or get used to it.

cute-ass:


You don't go into a marriage wondering if you can cope with the person's bads or not, you got to be certain . .

And there sir lies the cure to your problem.  If I were you I would take this antidote and run.  It is obvious you have doubts and the sooner you two part ways, the better it will be. Be polite, thank her for the time she spent and wish her well then let her be. Trust me, life is too short, no one deserves this much drama,

Why would the age be a problem now, u did know that she was older than u. Unless u feel embarressed about her being older, but 2 years is really nothing.

Now about her weight.
How fat is fat? Is she obese, or is it just that she has a bit of a belly.
Well u know ur gf better than us. If she prefers brutal honesty, tell her she needs to lose weight. If she's the sensitive type, suggest to her how u BOTH could do exercise together, go for walks, sign up to a gym. U could also mention how u want to try some weights out.
Explain to her the implications of being overweight, diabetes, CVD, fertility problems, The fact that she doesnt care about her weight means that shes comfortable with the way she is, was she fat before u met her?

Now if ur really having doubts about the relationship, and feel that she's not the one for u, i think u should end it now. Becoz the longer u leave it, the harder it gets. U might end up trapped in an unwanted marriage.

1. She's 2 years older - That is not a valid reason. You need to re-evaluate your position on this. You can't use it to break up with her because of your knowledge b4 dating her

2. She's very fat? - Is that making her repelling? Or are you just looking for reasons to break up with her? Have you found someone else?

It seems you're just confused.

thanks for all the comments, i must confess, im getting nearer to the solution,

crazykid:

It can work provided that both of you are in love.

i agree with you, and yes, we're in love,

davidylan:

Youu may damage her self esteem more than you know. Maybe you should have considered the pros and cons before deciding to go this far with her. I'm wont to wonder what you were doing for 2 years!!

i will not just damage her self esteem, she might commit suicide, and yes, i considered the pro's an cons, then, it was worth it, the reason im raising the issue now is because, a few pple talked to me about it, and they made me feel i was making the wrong move and in the process got me confused, so i need to get a wide barrage of opinions,

liftedme:

tell me, have you asked her to marry you?

Not yet, but with the way things are goin, we shld get there soon,

cute-ass:


. You don't go into a marriage wondering if you can cope with the person's bads or not, you got to be certain . . and like the rest before me already pointed, i don't think the age is a/the problem, its just the cherry that topped the cake!!!

,

j-girl:

1. She's 2 years older - That is not a valid reason. You need to re-evaluate your position on this. You can't use it to break up with her because of your knowledge before dating her

2. She's very fat? - Is that making her repelling? Or are you just looking for reasons to break up with her? Have you found someone else?

It seems you're just confused.

blue-sky:

Why would the age be a problem now, u did know that she was older than u. Unless u feel embarressed about her being older, but 2 years is really nothing.

Now if your really having doubts about the relationship, and feel that she's not the one for u, i think u should end it now. Becoz the longer u leave it, the harder it gets. You might end up trapped in an unwanted marriage.

those ones got me thinking, ,

the fatness issue is the icing on the cake, she's got a beautiful face and she's attractive, fatness is just an issue because im slim and tall, i think i can live with that (expecially as i get older)

but the age issue gives me concern, unfortunately most of u have knocked it off, but my concerns are

1. my parents might have issues with it (my mum knws her but she's not talking yet,)

2. she might realize wit time that she cant keep bein submissive to someone younger than her, and starts forming boss all (rite now, she's so submissive that i think she's just doin it to please me), what if we get married and things begin to change

can i ask if anyone has seen any marriage that is a victim of the age wahala ??/


once again, im grateful for all ur comments,

Sweetheart, if her weight isnt a problem for you, then her age isnt that much a big deal.

But hey, at the end of the day, ts your decision to make. Consider our views and opinions, but do not do whatever you finally decide to do because we say/id so, when the time of troubles come, we won't be there. And you would rather regret your personal mistakes than our decisions!!


Now here's my view and opinion;

Stop listening to what friends think, if you find her attractive and all that, then you're good to go. Tell me somethng, what happens when a next person comes along, and they don't think she's good enough either?? You can't go about living your life based on other people's dictations, what might be good for your friends, might not be good for you . . and in such situation is where you stand up for yourself as a man, and make them reaise, that being friends don't necesarily mean same insight to life.

As for the age thingy, no, not everybody changes with time . . you've known this girl for like so long, if there were chances of her intentionally and deliberately changing for the worse, you'da seen it by now.
But just for the records, so you know, even a younger girl could turn all bossy and silly with time, while an older one could be the most devoted, humble person you'd ever meet, its a vice versa thing pal . . i mean it all goes down to what the individual is made of.

A thread was created some while back by a Nairaland user who was pissed at his female cousin for showing so muh respect and obedience to her man regardless of the fact that his cousin was older than the guy, you see, that could be your case too . . younger does not equals to "good wife material", compartibilty on the other hand does Now if you have that with her, please do not throw it away, but if you gat some doubt within you, the thats n entirely different story altogether!!

cute-ass:

Sweetheart, if her weight isnt a problem for you, then her age isnt that much a big deal.

But hey, at the end of the day, ts your decision to make. Consider our views and opinions, but do not do whatever you finally decide to do because we say/id so, when the time of troubles come, we won't be there. And you would rather regret your personal mistakes than our decisions!!


Now here's my view and opinion;

Stop listening to what friends think, if you find her attractive and all that, then you're good to go. Tell me somethng, what happens when a next person comes along, and they don't think she's good enough either?? You can't go about living your life based on other people's dictations, what might be good for your friends, might not be good for you . . and in such situation is where you stand up for yourself as a man, and make them reaise, that being friends don't necesarily mean same insight to life.

As for the age thingy, no, not everybody changes with time . . you've known this girl for like so long, if there were chances of her intentionally and deliberately changing for the worse, you'da seen it by now.
But just for the records, so you know, even a younger girl could turn all bossy and silly with time, while an older one could be the most devoted, humble person you'd ever meet, its a vice versa thing pal . . i mean it all goes down to what the individual is made of.

A thread was created some while back by a Nairaland user who was pissed at his female cousin for showing so muh respect and obedience to her man regardless of the fact that his cousin was older than the guy, you see, that could be your case too . . younger does not equals to "good wife material", compartibilty on the other hand does Now if you have that with her, please do not throw it away, but if you gat some doubt within you, the thats n entirely different story altogether!!

thanks

@ camden,

really, you should be prepared for the fact that after a while when you get married, she would remember she is actually older and stop being submissive. it always happens, so be prepared for that possibility.

and again, she may never loose weight, she may only gain some more. so if you love her, you have to accept the fact that she may never be halle berry or beyonce. just try to encourage her to exercise, eat less junks and more balanced diet (in little quantity), so she stays healthy and hopefully loose the weight gradually.

good luck and keep us posted

Aproko:

@ camden,

really, you should be prepared for the fact that after a while when you get married, she would remember she is actually older and stop being submissive. it always happens, so be prepared for that possibility.

how does one prepare for that ??
emotionally or what??

If u still think her good qualities outweigh her bad qualities there's no reason not 2 continue. Dont make anyone make u think u cant make a good relationship because she's older than u because u sound as if u've been listening 2 pple's comments. Just remember that both of u n only u 2 make d relationship n no one else no matter how well intentioned dis person may be.

Your post sounds childish to me. Pls help her out of this predicament she is presently in. Call it off today!Now! She deserves a matured/better person. What has she been thinking of?

benit:

Your post sounds childish to me. Please help her out of this predicament she is presently in. Call it off today!Now! She deserves a matured/better person. What has she been thinking of?

_{abuse number 1, suprised its coming this late,}

funny how things can easily be tied to maturity,

Mandora:

If u still think her good qualities outweigh her bad qualities there's no reason not 2 continue. Dont make anyone make u think u can't make a good relationship because she's older than u because u sound as if u've been listening 2 people's comments. Just remember that both of u n only you to make d relationship n no one else no matter how well intentioned this person may be.

the reason i'm tryin to listen to a different views is because, sometimes when u are in love wit someone, u might not be able to judge rationaly, so 3rd party views could be eye openers, , but i think i get ur point

the age should not be a issue . was she fat when you met her? if so why did you continue with her ? are you still atracted to her? these are things you will have to answer for yourself but be kind to her if you don't want her.

@ camden,

people have been married to older women and people would still marry older women. when i say be prepared, it simply means have it at the back of your mind that a time will come when she would remind you that she is older than you. you will just have to deal with it in a very mature manner when that time comes.

its not like i dont believe in happily ever after, but i believe in being realistic.

hmm

@Poster
tell us d truth u have found a cute girl that is prettier , younger and lepa than ur babe .please dont break her heart

anney:

@Poster
tell us d truth u have found a cute girl that is prettier , younger and lepa than your babe .please don't break her heart

could be the reality check he needed!

@poster,
i thnk u've made up ur mind to break it up with this chick, u're jus not sure how to do it without hurting her feelings, don't be in a relationship cos her family knows u, jus be a man and tell her u're no longer interested. once u say it, u'll feel better, and she'll definitely be better off , eventually.

@poster,
i thnk u've made up ur mind to break it up with this chick, u're jus not sure how to do it without hurting her feelings, don't be in a relationship cos her family knows u, jus be a man and tell her u're no longer interested. once u say it, u'll feel better, and she'll definitely be better off , eventually.