Good day nairaland,

I have this my ex girlfriend that just gave birth and she do call me at times to send her money, .. and come to think of it ,she has fought me before and also insult hell out of me that time I am still searching for job, telling me I don't have money to care for her..she left me though she had a baby girl for me of which I do send money for her feeding and school fees...but she will call me that she needed some money that I should send for her...to eat is difficult, she is doing creche job that they pay her token even where she stays with her husband is her husband friends house and that one had drove them away one night ..I have to send money to her to lodge in an hotel due to pregnancy ...the same husband did not show care at all dump her aside..I ask her about the whereabout of her husband she will say I should forget him, ....I told her can't she go to her husband family house ..she said no...

Even the naming ceremony self dey did...only the husband came..and it was this my baby mama father that just organise menu for the naming ceremony...

But I do send some money to for the sake of my daughter...

I do remember those days we were together ,she will be insulting me , talking to me mannerless ...

We fought then because she dates guys arround then until I broke up with her...

Now she do call for me to send money to her ...but I don't know what to do, I don't like insulting or shouting on someone because she needs help....but I only do for the sake of my daughter...but should I stop.the husband is not serious about her ....

And this my baby mama is stubborn.. hypertensive lady ..

But if I remember those days, is as if I should remind her... and I will stop sending her money.but as a Christian I just use church mind...

If she ask me for money, I do feel pity...

Should I stop or continue assisting her...

Mennnnnnnn,carry your pikin from her make the matter rest . The fact that she insulted you when you were a nobody should always serve as a quick reminder to you whenever she calls to beg you for money....

You see this life en,na so this kind stories take dey end...... Especially when woman discard and loosegaurd her man during him hard times,na then God take dey vex dey tear shirt just to open door of blessings for the man..

But wetin go cor vex God na be say when the guyman cor later forgive her.......No matter what,an ex should always be in the ex zone.

I don talk my own finish

What is your business with all these drama? Stay away from toxicity and focus on being a better version of yourself.
What is gone is gone. Send your daughters upkeep and mind your business.

Let's wait for the elders

Be a cheerful giver,God will reward you for every penny you give out.Givers shall never lack,remember this and do more,God bless you.

You are not doing God's work. Don't bring him into your drama.
Why not take your daughter and raise her yourself. How can you entrust someone like that to raise your child, or you want your daughter to become like her?

All I can tell you is that you're not too far from express

OP let me be real with you;

You must learn to forgive. What happened in the past should be a lesson to you but not a yardstick for revenge.

If you want to help someone, help because God in Heaven sees not because of anything.

I can see that you're nursing past grudges. It's fine. I'll suggest you talk to her about it. Let her apologize. That way you sef go get peace of mind.

I wonder how most of these girls get into event like this..

Most of them do see the red flag oo, but because of greed and belongingness, they'll use the husband for boyfriend and the boyfriend for husband

Op you no get family, where you can take you daughter to? .. All these type will use the influence of your daughter to run you local

dan9ice:
I wonder how most of these girls get into event like this..

Most of them do see the red flag oo, but because of greed and belongingness, they'll use the husband for boyfriend and the boyfriend for husband

Op you no get family, where you can take you daughter to? .. All these type will use the influence of your daughter to run you local

really... Even I still have some of them my ex girlfriends asking me for money...I wonder why their boyfriend don't give them

handsomeyitayo:
really... Even I still have some of them my ex girlfriends asking me for money...I wonder why their boyfriend don't give them

Na so one called vividly
Because of 1k,she done turn my enemy
Madam I don't have
To be frank, I don't have it

dan9ice:


Na so one called vividly
Because of 1k,she done turn my enemy
Madam I don't have
To be frank, I don't have it

why are the like that

handsomeyitayo:
why are the like that

Na entitlement mentality

I'm not saying helping her isn't good oo
But, at this time, I don't have.. Most of them refused to see reason. And I can't explain why I don't have, because I hold you no explanation...

dan9ice:


Na entitlement mentality

I'm not saying helping her isn't good oo
But, at this time, I don't have.. Most of them refused to see reason. And I can't explain why I don't have, because I hold you no explanation...

thanks man.....Gos bless

Nigerian Girls Are Useless...All Of Them

OP...
That girl is no more your gf, she is another man's WIFE and thus NOT your responsibility...

Take your daughter away from her and cut all ties with her, before the husband will come after you telling the entire world that you're nacking his wife...

And put yourself in the man's shoe, would you love your wife to still be this close to her ex?? Would you love your wife to call her ex and beg for money??

Use your head na...
If it's your daughter that's the tie, take your daughter and train her yourself

Favfables:
OP...
That girl is no more your gf, she is another man's WIFE and thus NOT your responsibility...

Take your daughter away from her and cut all ties with her, before the husband will come after you telling the entire world that you're nacking his wife...

And put yourself in the man's shoe, would you love your wife to still be this close to her ex?? Would you love your wife to call her ex and beg for money??

Use your head na...
If it's your daughter that's the tie, take your daughter and train her yourself

thanks � God bless you

Well like someone already advised take your baby from her and rest. But if you're financially capable there's no harm in setting her up in any little way possible so as to cater for her needs and that of your child without her bothering you every now and then. You really don't need to bring the past into the future as i always encourage forgiveness that's if it's from a repentant heart and you'll see God's continued blessings

You better find means of taking ur daughter away from such an environment before it moulds her into something ugly. The only business u have with her is ur little girl and from ur post the mother is toxic and unstable.. not a good influence on the innocent child.

handsomeyitayo:
Now she do call for me to send money to her ...but I don't know what to do, I don't like insulting or shouting on someone because she needs help....but I only do for the sake of my daughter...but should I stop.the husband is not serious about her ....

And this my baby mama is stubborn.. hypertensive lady ..

But if I remember those days, is as if I should remind her... and I will stop sending her money.but as a Christian I just use church mind...

If she ask me for money, I do feel pity...
Should I stop or continue assisting her...

You say she is your baby mama and she is married to another man. My question is, why then is your own baby not with you instead? Since she is obviously is not able to care for your own and already has another she also cannot care for, why not focus instead on getting your child out of her hands so as to 'ease her current burdens?

Other than that, I don't think her marriage is any of your business really. Since she keeps calling for money, ask her to hand over your child into your care while she head back to her parents until she is able to get her situation sorted out.

Kobojunkie:
You say she is your baby mama and she is married to another man. My question is, why then is your own baby not with you instead? Since she is obviously is not able to care for your own and already has another she also cannot care for, why not focus instead on getting your child out of her hands so as to 'ease her current burdens?

Other than that, I don't think her marriage is any of your business really. Since she keeps calling for money, ask her to hand over your child into your care while she head back to her parents until she is able to get her situation sorted out.

my child is in her father's house but she is not with her

handsomeyitayo:
my child is in her father's house but she is not with her

Why is your child not instead in your own house since she is married to another man and left it with her parents instead?

Why are you so willing to listen her marriage business rather than focusing all your attention on the well being of your child that is in her hands? If she is asking you to fund her child with another man, don't you reason that even money you give her for your own child may go to taking care of her current situation and concern instead?

Kobojunkie:
Why is your child not instead in your own house since she is married to another man and left it with her parents instead?

Why are you so willing to listen her marriage business rather than focusing all your attention on the well being of your child that is in her hands? If she is asking you to fund her child with another man, don't you reason that even money you give her for your own child may go to taking care of her current situation and concern instead?

my own daughter is with my baby mamas father's house...not with her..I do send money to my daughter through her Dad...but she will call me that I only remember my daugyy that what of her ..

handsomeyitayo:
my own daughter is with my baby mamas father's house...not with her..I do send money to my daughter through her Dad...but she will call me that I only remember my daugyy that what of her ..

Then the solution to your problem is simple. Stop picking her calls and keep yourself out of her marriage.

This is unless you want to believe instead that it is for you to send money to her for the upkeep of her marriage as well.

She is not your wife. Sending money to her might get you into trouble. If the husband find out what you are doing he can finish you.

Kobojunkie:
Then the solution to your problem is simple. Stop picking her calls and keep yourself out of her marriage.

This is unless you want to believe instead that it is for you to send money to her for the upkeep of her marriage as well.

am fed up with her calls

handsomeyitayo:
am fed up with her calls

So long as your child is in good hands, then ignore her and her life so you don't create bigger problems for yourself later on.

Kobojunkie:
So long as your child is in good hands, then ignore her and her life so you don't create bigger problems for yourself later on.

thanks brother, God bless

handsomeyitayo:
my own daughter is with my baby mamas father's house...not with her..I do send money to my daughter through her Dad...but she will call me that I only remember my daugyy that what of her ..

I read some psychology book some time ago about Abuse. it was mostly on sexual abuse but there are some elements that could be found in toxic relationships such as yours.

Now, you mentioned that you suffered from consistent verbal assault from your Ex, from what i read, there exist some kind of relationship that usually develops between the abuser and the victim. Its almost similar to Stockholm syndrome, the two of you would find it difficult to exist separately, so much so that You-the victim, would find excuses to go back into your abusers care. common excuses include:
1) children
2) finances
3) blind belief that the abusive partner would change
4) fear of leaving "comfort zone".
unfortunately, i cannot remember the name of the condition but what you have developed may probably be some sort of search for blinded dependency on your abuser. Don't let those thoughts win.

Its not your sympathy talking sir, its actually your abused psyche trying to go back to its source. like an abused wife,like that of folykaze who continuously searches for means to grovel at the feet of her beloved abuser.

kkins25:

I read some psychology book some time ago about Abuse. it was mostly on sexual abuse but there are some elements that could be found in toxic relationships such as yours.

Now, you mentioned that you suffered from consistent verbal assault from your Ex, from what i read, there exist some kind of relationship that usually develops between the abuser and the victim. Its almost similar to Stockholm syndrome, the two of you would find it difficult to exist separately, so much so that You-the victim, would find excuses to go back into your abusers care. common excuses include:
1) children
2) finances
3) blind belief that the abusive partner would change
4) fear of leaving "comfort zone".
unfortunately, i cannot remember the name of the condition but what you have developed may probably be some sort of search for blinded dependency on your abuser. Don't let those thoughts win.

Its not your sympathy talking sir, its actually your abused psyche trying to go back to its source. like an abused wife,like that of folykaze who continuously searches for means to grovel at the feet of her beloved abuser.

thank brother.. God bless you..

Iyaebe:
Be a cheerful giver,God will reward you for every penny you give out.Givers shall never lack,remember this and do more,God bless you.

I have watched you closely, you are always in support of anything that has to do with the female gender, if OP was to be your brother, would you advice him to keep sending that biatch money? With the fact that she messed up and insulted him for not having money back then, I guess not. Call a spade a spade. OP take your child away from her and let her go through the hard times alone, then she'd understand how it feels to not have money, talk more of not having and someone insulting you upon it

kkins25:
like an abused wife,like that of foly who continuously searches for means to grovel at the feet of her beloved abuser.

Could you please stop stalking me? This is all about my life and privacy. You are a 'man', please try to man your issues, mind your own business. I had wish you earn a penny for chewing my name all over the places. So sorry dude, invest your time and effort into something important in your own life. Thanks