Toks2008:
Creating this thread has been on my mind for a long time but for some reasons I kept shelving it but after coming across a thread on front page about a 41 year old single lady asking for advise I think it is about time I drop this.

Now what you are about to read is for ladies who are still single in their late 30s and I will make it as simple and as real as possible...

You will never come across the advise I'm about to give you from pastors or many relationship experts but as many people already know me, I keep it as real as possible.

1. Understand that not everybody will get married:

Marriage is not a do or die thing... Marriage does not define who you are and you must never be bothered by what people say cos most of them are Clueless about the institution of marriage. Those who truly understand will never look down on you because you are single. Your happiness is more important than marriage.

2. Be financially independent: Any single lady in her late 30s should never make it a priority to get married cos the more you worry about it the more pressure you put on yourself and this is bad for your psych.

At this stage of your life, self actualization is what you need and trust me, by the time you make it a priority to get the best out of life, this will inadvertently gravitate men to you.

Before I give this third advise let me share this very touching story...

I remember a certain lady who contacted me about 6years ago and she said she has made up her mind to be a single mum if she turns 36 and she is still unmarried and asking me to be ready to donate sperm for her cos she sees me as a responsible guy... Furthermore, she will not put any pressure on me to be financially responsible for the child as she is well to do but she just want to have a child to avoid a situation where she will reach menopause and still childless.

Unfortunately she left this world before she could make this happen... So What is the point?

3. GET A SPERM DONOR TO BEAT EARLY MENOPAUSE.

The paramount purpose of a lady is not necessarily marriage but to multiply, bring forth new generations and replenish the earth. The good thing is that with the modern medical advancement, any lady can achieve this without getting married.

Believe it or not, it is better to get a sperm donor and be a single mum than getting married under pressure to a jerk who will make life hell for you.

If you are a lady still single in your late 30s please get a man to donate sperm for you. You don't have to sleep with him and he needs not be financially responsible for the child but just for you to point to somebody in future as the child's father. This will let you relax to get a better choice of a husband.

4. A man who will love you will love you.

Some may say once they are single mums, guys will run from them and YES I agree but this will also attract real men who understand that single motherhood is not a taboo but Infact a proof that a lady is fertile, a proof that she is responsible enough to keep a baby even when they had the choice to abort.. No genuine man will reject a lady cos she is a single mum especially if the child(ren) is her first.

5. And lastly as suggested by Pocohantas in the comment below... If you are open to polygamy, give it a shot.

According to her, as a lady gets older in Nigeria, it gets harder to see a never-been-married man with noble intentions. So if you don’t mind polygamy, if you just want to have your kids by one man, find one polygamous man and have all your kids with him.

All I wrote, this is an opinionated advise but any lady in this position could still decide to wait until she finds a husband but she must understand that whilst she is waiting, her time is ticking and menopause will definitely come regardless.

I hope this makes sense.

pocohantas:
1: Use juju and hook one man.

Don’t waste your time going to Shiloh or all these scam pentecostal churches. They will end up hooking you up with one boring evangelist that suffers premature ejaculatiôn.

It is better you use your hand and hook the one you like. But treat him well.

Nothing wrong in hooking husband. Even the bible says the kingdom of God suffereth violence.

2. If you are open to polygamy, give it a shot.
As you get older in Nigeria, it gets harder to see a never-been-married man with noble intentions. So if you don’t mind polygamy, if you just want to have your kids by one man, find one polygamous man and have all your kids with him.

, it gets harder to see a never-been-married man with noble intentions.

perambulator:


Exactly why it is bad advice. The child will spend a life time wondering. It is psychologically damaging to a child not knowing your roots.

Mikester:


Wrong. Terming men irresponsible or immature for having standards is wrong. Turning down single moms doesn't make a man irresponsible. There is a huge difference between responsibility and burden. A man who turns down a single mom does so to not place a burden that isn't his upon him. Does that make him irresponsible or a child?

Women ruthlessly place high standards on men who intend to marry them but weak-minded men misguided by information such as yours lower their standards for damaged women and commit to them.

You are right in some areas but get your mentality straight and stop guilt-tripping others for making their own choices.

Petyprincess:
The truth is not everyone will get married, I have the utmost respect for women living their best life without depending on a man.
A woman's happiness should not be defined by having a man because of two hairy balls!!

siofra:

We wey no like children now? This one everyone is saying have children if you're in your late thirties or early forties and you haven't seen a responsible man to marry.

humilitypays:
Toks you made some valid points but the sperm donor stuff could go wrong in the Nigerian context.



Ladies should stop believing that why they are single is because they are not employed or not rich or not living abroad like some maybe thinking.


For you ladies' exclusive info, majority of Nigerian men aren't interested in your money or success as a lady when they want to settle down, they are more interested in your looks and of course character and background.


So before you go chasing big dreams of acquiring long degrees and wealth, have a sensible guy committed to you, this is not difficult if you are not greedy and materialistic.


There are so many cool headed guys who just want a normal fine girl to be in a Relationship with but most fine chicks don't want basic guys who aren't speaking money and as a guy who have been in both sides (broke and buoyant), once a guy becomes financially successful, his interest in ladies reduces to fun and no longer for keeps or commitment until family pressure mounts enough to subdue him into considering settling down and at this point, he will go with the closest female friend he has who he is attracted to and she was the most behaved and well mannered.



But if you miss the 20s and couldn't get any man committed for marriage, just freeze your eggs for later use, or get a decent sensible guy to impregnate you, this is not hard for a lady to achieve.



If those options fail, use juju to get a guy like Poco rightfully advised, many Nigerian ladies used this to get their present husband, but don't overdo it, treat him nice and discard the juju once u get him down, cos some Nigerian guys will never agree to settle down with one woman, na only juju go fit reset their brains

Toks2008:
Creating this thread has been on my mind for a long time but for some reasons I kept shelving it but after coming across a thread on front page about a 41 year old single lady asking for advise I think it is about time I drop this.

Now what you are about to read is for ladies who are still single in their late 30s and I will make it as simple and as real as possible...

You will never come across the advise I'm about to give you from pastors or many relationship experts but as many people already know me, I keep it as real as possible.

1. Understand that not everybody will get married:

Marriage is not a do or die thing... Marriage does not define who you are and you must never be bothered by what people say cos most of them are Clueless about the institution of marriage. Those who truly understand will never look down on you because you are single. Your happiness is more important than marriage.

2. Be financially independent: Any single lady in her late 30s should never make it a priority to get married cos the more you worry about it the more pressure you put on yourself and this is bad for your psych.

At this stage of your life, self actualization is what you need and trust me, by the time you make it a priority to get the best out of life, this will inadvertently gravitate men to you.

Before I give this third advise let me share this very touching story...

I remember a certain lady who contacted me about 6years ago and she said she has made up her mind to be a single mum if she turns 36 and she is still unmarried and asking me to be ready to donate sperm for her cos she sees me as a responsible guy... Furthermore, she will not put any pressure on me to be financially responsible for the child as she is well to do but she just want to have a child to avoid a situation where she will reach menopause and still childless.

Unfortunately she left this world before she could make this happen... So What is the point?

3. GET A SPERM DONOR TO BEAT EARLY MENOPAUSE.

The paramount purpose of a lady is not necessarily marriage but to multiply, bring forth new generations and replenish the earth. The good thing is that with the modern medical advancement, any lady can achieve this without getting married.

Believe it or not, it is better to get a sperm donor and be a single mum than getting married under pressure to a jerk who will make life hell for you.

If you are a lady still single in your late 30s please get a man to donate sperm for you. You don't have to sleep with him and he needs not be financially responsible for the child but just for you to point to somebody in future as the child's father. This will let you relax to get a better choice of a husband.

4. A man who will love you will love you.

Some may say once they are single mums, guys will run from them and YES I agree but this will also attract real men who understand that single motherhood is not a taboo but Infact a proof that a lady is fertile, a proof that she is responsible enough to keep a baby even when they had the choice to abort.. No genuine man will reject a lady cos she is a single mum especially if the child(ren) is her first.

5. And lastly as suggested by Pocohantas in the comment below... If you are open to polygamy, give it a shot.

According to her, as a lady gets older in Nigeria, it gets harder to see a never-been-married man with noble intentions. So if you don’t mind polygamy, if you just want to have your kids by one man, find one polygamous man and have all your kids with him.

All I wrote, this is an opinionated advise but any lady in this position could still decide to wait until she finds a husband but she must understand that whilst she is waiting, her time is ticking and menopause will definitely come regardless.

I hope this makes sense.

Mercychen:
Something is wrong with you. So because someone decided on her own to make you a sperm donor before she hits menopause, you're now forcing advising everyone to do the same thing. For what?

Why force someones view on others? That's thoughtless of you.

Every one is old enough to think and make decisions for themselves. We don't all have the same choice. It was your friends choice to do that. It may not be for others.

Sperm donor kor. Egg keeper ni.

realestate99:


Please do not stain your excellent submission with this argument, the term " RealMan" is a social construct to deceive weak men to swallow what the society throws at them without considering if it is healthy for them ( the men).

A man that does not want to take another man's responsibly is a " Real man". Taking responsibility for your actions should be paramount in definition of "Real ". Getting a girl pregnant and absconding is what you should address, not an innocent man trying to dodge a girl with a baggage.

Peace!!!.

Toks2008:


See as for ladies being selective, we can't change that cos the heart wants what it wants. Let them just have a baby first so they will calm down to be with the man that pleases them.

Believe it or not,in most cases, single mums get the best men.

Mikester:


Wrong. Terming men irresponsible or immature for having standards is wrong. Turning down single moms doesn't make a man irresponsible. There is a huge difference between responsibility and burden. A man who turns down a single mom does so to not place a burden that isn't his upon him. Does that make him irresponsible or a child?

Women ruthlessly place high standards on men who intend to marry them but weak-minded men misguided by information such as yours lower their standards for damaged women, commit to them and eventually regret.

Don't tell or teach men who to commit to, as adults they are in charge of their own decisions. You are right in some areas but get your mentality straight and stop guilt-tripping others for making their own choices.

jikins:


I don't agree that they will feel inadequate. Maybe the word you are looking for is incomplete. If the mother trains them well and give them all the attention they need they will be very fine. Yes they will be feeling incomplete as they don't have a dad. It's normal especially when they see the dads of others. But it's not a massive issue as you are putting it. So many people have been raised by single moms through out history, they didn't feel inadequate infact they went on to do great stuffs. A little white lie that their dad died before they were born would help lessen the impact.

Komu1048:



The level of decadence in our society is nothing to write home about. Imagine people suggesting juju should be used to tire a man down. So if an old witch use juju to tire your vibrant young son or relative down, will you praiseGod for her?

Octopusssy:

It's not Victorian.

humilitypays:
Toks you made some valid points but the sperm donor stuff could go wrong in the Nigerian context.



Ladies should stop believing that why they are single is because they are not employed or not rich or not living abroad like some maybe thinking.


For you ladies' exclusive info, majority of Nigerian men aren't interested in your money or success as a lady when they want to settle down, they are more interested in your looks and of course character and background.


So before you go chasing big dreams of acquiring long degrees and wealth, have a sensible guy committed to you, this is not difficult if you are not greedy and materialistic.


There are so many cool headed guys who just want a normal fine girl to be in a Relationship with but most fine chicks don't want basic guys who aren't speaking money and as a guy who have been in both sides (broke and buoyant), once a guy becomes financially successful, his interest in ladies reduces to fun and no longer for keeps or commitment until family pressure mounts enough to subdue him into considering settling down and at this point, he will go with the closest female friend he has who he is attracted to and she was the most behaved and well mannered.



But if you miss the 20s and couldn't get any man committed for marriage, just freeze your eggs for later use, or get a decent sensible guy to impregnate you, this is not hard for a lady to achieve.



If those options fail, use juju to get a guy like Poco rightfully advised, many Nigerian ladies used this to get their present husband, but don't overdo it, treat him nice and discard the juju once u get him down, cos some Nigerian guys will never agree to settle down with one woman, na only juju go fit reset their brains

Petyprincess:
The truth is not everyone will get married, I have the utmost respect for women living their best life without depending on a man.
A woman's happiness should not be defined by having a man because of two hairy balls!!

Toks2008:


Read the write up again and you will notice I only talked about a known donor.

There are friends who will gladly donate

Iyaebe:
Hmm i know the lady you are talking about,her Monika starts with "V" . I'll need your services and that of pansophist too since I'm 60+ and still hopeful. Are you in or not?

Shokoloko:


You have spoken well
This is Nike Osinowo (at 47 years) with beautiful kids from sperm donation. Case closed, all pressure off her shoulders.

pocohantas:
1: Use juju and hook one man.

Don’t waste your time going to Shiloh or all these scam pentecostal churches. They will end up hooking you up with one boring evangelist that suffers premature ejaculatiôn.

It is better you use your hand and hook the one you like. But treat him well.

Nothing wrong in hooking husband. Even the bible says the kingdom of God suffereth violence.

.

pocohantas:


2. If you are open to polygamy, give it a shot.
As you get older in Nigeria, it gets harder to see a never-been-married man with noble intentions. So if you don’t mind polygamy, if you just want to have your kids by one man, find one polygamous man and have all your kids with him.

Mercychen:
Something is wrong with you. So because someone decided on her own to make you a sperm donor before she hits menopause, you're now forcing advising everyone to do the same thing. For what?

Why force someones view on others? That's thoughtless of you.

Every one is old enough to think and make decisions for themselves. We don't all have the same choice. It was your friends choice to do that. It may not be for others.

Sperm donor kor. Egg keeper ni.