perambulator:


Life is not like that. The problem with most Nigerians is we have not experienced what we are unleashing unto the next generation. We are creating a generation of troubled children for the future. I dont have the time to type at length but many years ago I once dated a black American who gave me an insight into the world of pysche of Black Americans. A major reason why Black Americans are bleeped up no matter how educated they are is because they dont know their roots, their families were deliberately broken up by he slave masters and many of them are products of single mothers. it becomes a generational problem that is difficult to rectify. Do not underestimate the effect of a man who doesnt know his roots. We take it for granted!!! there is no amount of love or money that will compensate for it.

You feel I am underestimating it but I feel you are overestimating it to prove a point. The child will clearly still have his roots and clearly know where he comes from. Your father's heritage isn't solely your roots. Your mothers heritage also makes up 50% of it. So this doesn't apply at all. I wonder what you will say about adopted children. Listen black Americans or at least the ones you claim are fu*ked up isn't because of the fact they don't know their roots. That's just a lazy excuse to defend poor parenting and negative societal influences. Don't pretend you don't know what they go through in the US. That alone can mess you up

Again a child that is brought up well with lots of love and constant validation will be 100% fine. Obviously they would wish they had a dad in certain situations and in others they will be happy they don't. Not all dads are great I'm sure you know that.

They will know who they are and where they are from. I talk like this because I was raised by a single mom. But never once have I felt inadequate or that I don't know my roots that's just some lazy excuse. I have even had a more exciting life compared to certain people with both parents. I know a couple of kids who ran away from home back then. But that was something that never crossed my mind. Why because I was surrounded by love and family. In the end that's all that matters.

dfrost:


No human is truly happy by himself or herself. Even Jesus when he came down to earth also had friends.

Man was not created to be a lone ranger like animals.

You're correct, man must then carefully select his/her companion to live a happy life.

Lollittaa:

You're too old to be talking like this. Whether women choose to have babies or not, is not your business. It's probably because you're not a good fellow yourself, else you should be preaching to your fellow men to man up, and take care of their relationship life instead of jumping from one vagina to the next.

Ha, shey e pain you ni?

QueenVaji:
All this people...very easy for them to be saying shlt...

if u marry wahala...if u no marry wahala..
mke nobdy disturb me jor jor jor

your biological clock is ticking

Not at all,it'd ike a cycle in the life of every naija female. The ones who got married later divorced,some died in the process,others are just out to become baby mama.

Hassanmaye:

Hahahhahahaha I'm sure women have shown you pepper

Toks2008:


I undrstand your point but it still does not change the narrative that REAL MEN see no big deal in marrying a single mum. That does not mean men don't have a choice to make.

Replace "real" with "some". Your statement should read: ...Some men see no big deal marrying a single mum... The fact that a man doesn't want to marry a single mum doesn't mean he isn't a real man, and the fact that another man chooses to marry a single mum doesn't make him a real man. They both have different standards of the type of partner that they can each settle down with. So stop calling a man real because he choosed to go for someone that meets his standard...

Petyprincess:
The truth is not everyone will get married, I have the utmost respect for women living their best life without depending on a man.
A woman's happiness should not be defined by having a man because of two hairy balls!!

Living their best lives? How sure are of that? You have interviewed a few and they told you that?

Tiwa living best life after marriage break-up?
Tonto?
Linda?

It applies to both gender though.

Not saying they are not enjoying their lives but saying “living their best lives?”

I still have doubts. I stand to be corrected though.

Petyprincess:
The truth is not everyone will get married, I have the utmost respect for women living their best life without depending on a man.
A woman's happiness should not be defined by having a man because of two hairy balls!!

From observation, single mums are very bitter and toxic to raise children with that character of theirs.

U sound broke. Religion is a big problem in nigeria okay.

matm:
And if u are married with kids ur problems are over.And u are sure ur kids will take care of u in d future instead of beign d cause of ur death.
My dear,every woman and man whether with kids or not is carrying their crosses and none knows where and how life will end him/her up.
Any day u wake up alive,give thanks to God and make urself happy.No one will do dt for u including wife/husband or kids.If u see a good food,eat.Each person has just one life to live.Struggle for heaven instead.
Do not assume it is better for anyone in this life.
We all are ending up in d grave.

sisisioge:


You're correct, man must then carefully select his/her companion to live a happy life.

Perfect!!! I like that. All these postulation of what should or not shouldn't come in. Choose your mate and manage your life peacefully.

No competition. Life is not a bed of roses (I'm yet to see one though).

Lemme be reading comments

Bruno whyyyyy??

sisisioge:


So a woman should marry the next owner of prick that comes to her because time is going? No wonder those who decided to make lemonade with the lemons they saw are grossly unhappy and dissatisfied in the union.....violent and unhappy marriages the order of the day.

Indeed, to whom sense is given, wisdom is expected. It is well.

Haba na... Is that how you understood what I wrote? Not like that.

I mentioned the reasons. It might be one, two, three or all three.

Joke Silva
Beyoncé - hubby cheated but she managed her home.

No marriage is easy but it takes the two to understand each other.

TarOrfeeek:



You're a sensible brother.

May your comment resonate deeply in the hearts of ALL Men.


OP is an irresponsible and irrelevant person for making such careless statements.

Just doing the right thing bro. Thanks.

Y dis defence de leak like this

The word of God shall not go unfulfilled. Isaiah 4: 1 coming to pass. Pvssy will make no sense AGAIN.

...

jikins:


You feel I am underestimating it but I feel you are overestimating it to prove a point. The child will clearly still have his roots and clearly know where he comes from. Your father's heritage isn't solely your roots. Your mothers heritage also makes up 50% of it. So this doesn't apply at all. I wonder what you will say about adopted children. Listen black Americans or at least the ones you claim are fu*ked up isn't because of the fact they don't know their roots. That's just a lazy excuse to defend poor parenting and negative societal influences. Don't pretend you don't know what they go through in the US. That alone can mess you up

Again a child that is brought up well with lots of love and constant validation will be 100% fine. Obviously they would wish they had a dad in certain situations and in others they will be happy they don't. Not all dads are great I'm sure you know that.

They will know who they are and where they are from. I talk like this because I was raised by a single mom. But never once have I felt inadequate or that I don't know my roots that's just some lazy excuse. I have even had a more exciting life compared to certain people with both parents. I know a couple of kids who ran away from home back then. But that was something that never crossed my mind. Why because I was surrounded by love and family. In the end that's all that matters.

In this life, you tend to justify anything once youve made up your mind especially when you are desperate. The truth is there is no reason a good responsible woman with a good attitude should be single at 40. Most are in the position they are because of the poor choices they made or attitude and it is that same mindset which clearly hasnt been resolved with which they think less about the child's future but their selfish needs by bringing a child to the world without a father talk less of via a sperm donor. It is the height of selfishness and the consequences on both the mother and the child will manifest as sure as there is night and day! 5% may escape but they will be the exception rather than the rule.

You cannot cheat nature...a price will be paid!!! That these women are single at 40 is in itself a price for past poor decisions...have these women introspected and resolved these poor life choices that got them here in the 1st place? I make bold to say ANY woman who has a child DELIBERATELY without a father is inherently a selfish woman because it is clear her needs come before that of the child!!!! this is exactly the reason she is 40 and single. There is a time for everything, you must know when you missed the boat and dont create bigger problems in your desperation!!!

You talk about love. Never mind that i dont think it is an act of love to deny a child the chance of a father to begin with but what happens is single mother tend to over pamper their child to compensate in the process creating children with an entitlement mentality, Weak minded men, or daughters with a bad outlook to men from birth because they've never experienced a real father. God help you as a single mother if you have a daughter because no man can replace her father. Any other male figure especially in these times will be very careful not to get too close or to upset her. The last thing a man wants is for a your daughter to accuse him of sexual abuse, even you the mother will be paranoid to have her alone around adult men. The only man that you can feel comfortable around her is her father and she doesnt have one so she will grow up with a bent/warped attitude towards men by default.

I have said my own. dont waste your youth so you dont finding yourself facing unsavoury choices at 40.

You are rather promoting single parenting without considering its impact on the child , i think a study on the effect of single parenting on child raising should be done if it hasn't. It's quite challenging for both parent to raise a child how much more when it's done by just one parent . In the end the society suffers largerly from the effect of poorly raised kids. I know it's quite challenging for people approaching menopause and unmarried but there are responsible men out there that wouldn't mind raising a family with such persons if they care to lower their standards a bit . There are responsible men out there that would want to get married but can't , majorly for economic reasons . I ll also like to advise ladies in their prime to settle down with a responsible man if raising a family is quite important to them rather than wasting their time in purposeless relationships all in the name of flexing. Your attractivess wane as you age so make the best use when at its peak .

pocohantas:
1: Use juju and hook one man.

Don’t waste your time going to Shiloh or all these scam pentecostal churches. They will end up hooking you up with one boring evangelist that suffers premature ejaculatiôn.

It is better you use your hand and hook the one you like. But treat him well.

Nothing wrong in hooking husband. Even the bible says the kingdom of God suffereth violence.

2. If you are open to polygamy, give it a shot.
As you get older in Nigeria, it gets harder to see a never-been-married man with noble intentions. So if you don’t mind polygamy, if you just want to have your kids by one man, find one polygamous man and have all your kids with him.

Poco!!
Juju ke?
But then....
Omo, man needs to be extra careful....

Good

humilitypays:
Toks you made some valid points but the sperm donor stuff could go wrong in the Nigerian context.



Ladies should stop believing that why they are single is because they are not employed or not rich or not living abroad like some maybe thinking.


For you ladies' exclusive info, majority of Nigerian men aren't interested in your money or success as a lady when they want to settle down, they are more interested in your looks and of course character and background.


So before you go chasing big dreams of acquiring long degrees and wealth, have a sensible guy committed to you, this is not difficult if you are not greedy and materialistic.


There are so many cool headed guys who just want a normal fine girl to be in a Relationship with but most fine chicks don't want basic guys who aren't speaking money and as a guy who have been in both sides (broke and buoyant), once a guy becomes financially successful, his interest in ladies reduces to fun and no longer for keeps or commitment until family pressure mounts enough to subdue him into considering settling down and at this point, he will go with the closest female friend he has who he is attracted to and she was the most behaved and well mannered.



But if you miss the 20s and couldn't get any man committed for marriage, just freeze your eggs for later use, or get a decent sensible guy to impregnate you, this is not hard for a lady to achieve.



If those options fail, use juju to get a guy like Poco rightfully advised, many Nigerian ladies used this to get their present husband, but don't overdo it, treat him nice and discard the juju once u get him down, cos some Nigerian guys will never agree to settle down with one woman, na only juju go fit reset their brains

This op bad ooo see all of your opinion is excellent save that last one, anything that has to do with forcing someone to do what they ordinarily not want to do is ungodly, and the consequences is not good so that last advice is a miss

Octopusssy:
Vivacious Vivi is deceased?

last seen today

Toks2008:
Creating this thread has been on my mind for a long time but for some reasons I kept shelving it but after coming across a thread on front page about a 41 year old single lady asking for advise I think it is about time I drop this.

Now what you are about to read is for ladies who are still single in their late 30s and I will make it as simple and as real as possible...

You will never come across the advise I'm about to give you from pastors or many relationship experts but as many people already know me, I keep it as real as possible.

1. Understand that not everybody will get married:

Marriage is not a do or die thing... Marriage does not define who you are and you must never be bothered by what people say cos most of them are Clueless about the institution of marriage. Those who truly understand will never look down on you because you are single. Your happiness is more important than marriage.

2. Be financially independent: Any single lady in her late 30s should never make it a priority to get married cos the more you worry about it the more pressure you put on yourself and this is bad for your psych.

At this stage of your life, self actualization is what you need and trust me, by the time you make it a priority to get the best out of life, this will inadvertently gravitate men to you.

Before I give this third advise let me share this very touching story...

I remember a certain lady who contacted me about 6years ago and she said she has made up her mind to be a single mum if she turns 36 and she is still unmarried and asking me to be ready to donate sperm for her cos she sees me as a responsible guy... Furthermore, she will not put any pressure on me to be financially responsible for the child as she is well to do but she just want to have a child to avoid a situation where she will reach menopause and still childless.

Unfortunately she left this world before she could make this happen... So What is the point?

3. GET A SPERM DONOR TO BEAT EARLY MENOPAUSE.

The paramount purpose of a lady is not necessarily marriage but to multiply, bring forth new generations and replenish the earth. The good thing is that with the modern medical advancement, any lady can achieve this without getting married.

Believe it or not, it is better to get a sperm donor and be a single mum than getting married under pressure to a jerk who will make life hell for you.

If you are a lady still single in your late 30s please get a man to donate sperm for you. You don't have to sleep with him and he needs not be financially responsible for the child but just for you to point to somebody in future as the child's father. This will let you relax to get a better choice of a husband.

4. A man who will love you will love you.

Some may say once they are single mums, guys will run from them and YES I agree but this will also attract real men who understand that single motherhood is not a taboo but Infact a proof that a lady is fertile, a proof that she is responsible enough to keep a baby even when they had the choice to abort.. No genuine man will reject a lady cos she is a single mum especially if the child(ren) is her first.

5. And lastly as suggested by Pocohantas in the comment below... If you are open to polygamy, give it a shot.

According to her, as a lady gets older in Nigeria, it gets harder to see a never-been-married man with noble intentions. So if you don’t mind polygamy, if you just want to have your kids by one man, find one polygamous man and have all your kids with him.

All I wrote, this is an opinionated advise but any lady in this position could still decide to wait until she finds a husband but she must understand that whilst she is waiting, her time is ticking and menopause will definitely come regardless.

I hope this makes sense.

All these is story, for me, I advise find a sugar boy, and let him get you pregnant before menopause. I can't marry again, becuase my first marriage was a relationship from hell, although I'm getting suitors though.

I just want to be free and happy. Not a man that would be threatening to deal with me just because I talked to his friend or parents somehow. Mtcheww.

They need to drop "wokeness".(feminism,LGBT, sex positivity, body positivity, drugs, promiscuity, transactional sex), as those are the self inflicted injuries the modern woman have embraced as part of their psyche. They simply can't think straight! All the aforementioned adds to their already fickle minds and turns them against their innate femininity.

There's also the lie that they can do and be everything at the same time which is false.

What they need to adopt instead.

Reduce their unrealistic standards and expectations.

Be accountable.

Be open.

Be self sufficient enough, not to beg or LovePeddler.

Keep life simple and light.

Believe they can build with the average Joe.

Accept the average Joe, then actually build with him.

Marriage might be a scam but it's more disadvantageous to men, however anyone who minimises the need for companionship as humans get older is a big phoney.

To summarize, get back to the old traditions, you'll thank me later.

Hmmm.. Naim be say degree sperm-holders don be hot cake now oh. Na wa.

....

Stop commenting stupidly! Tell me deep down in your hearts you don't wish to be that young mother with beautiful kids with beautiful faces playing funnily with the kids. Have you not attended child dedication party in the last 6months? Tell Buhari you don't wish to be in the position of the mum of the young chap during the party. Na this kain pretense kept many of you single till you are 40.

siofra:

We wey no like children now? This one everyone is saying have children if you're in your late thirties or early forties and you haven't seen a responsible man to marry.

Looking at this topic factually;
First I will say that the female is already disadvantaged by the existence of menopause and being born with limited eggs at the time of birth. While this seems unfair, God has a reason for this and I can’t question it.
Secondly, not everyone must get married! But everyone needs someone to look after them at old age. Care homes can do that but can they sincerely handle your financial affairs without defrauding you?
Thirdly, most ladies do not know what they want. You set very high and sometimes unrealistic standards when age is on your side and then start lowering the bar as you age. This has worked for some but has not worked for others. Instead of going with this general flow, why not be different? Why not lower the bar to acceptable and reasonable levels while you are still young and get a good man?
Fourthly, most men have woken to the realization that marriage favours women more and are choosing to remain single for longer periods. This is going to worsen as globalization and westernization gets to the roots of the world. After all, while cater for another human’s needs when you have to do the dishes and do house chores?
Then lastly, most ladies are blind and superficial! They only want the enjoyment of today and attracts only those willing to give that enjoyment. Men who have lots to offer are sidelined because they are not superficial or wearing blings and driving big cars. In the end, its all empty drums that will make the loudest noise and this will definitely end in use and dump.

Drops mic

Petyprincess:
The truth is not everyone will get married, I have the utmost respect for women living their best life without depending on a man.
A woman's happiness should not be defined by having a man because of two hairy balls!!

If u desire to get married and don’t then u will not find much happiness doing anything else. U will always have that regret that u will live with the rest of ur life. That’s the truth.

Anylady that wants to get married should be ready to use her sense and think not just her feelings or ridiculous standards.

I’m speaking of ladies who actually want to get married. As for those who never had such intentions then enjoy ur life to the fullest with whatever u claim u like. I guess there will be little or no regrets for them.

It’s very simple.

Linda Ikeji still wants to get married and she just might cos she wants it. If she knows how to go about dating the right people not the person people think she should date.

shugamummy:
Stop commenting stupidly! Tell me deep down in your hearts you don't wish to be that young mother with beautiful kids with beautiful faces playing funnily with the kids. Have you not attended child dedication party in the last 6months? Tell Buhari you don't wish to be in the position of the mum of the young chap during the party. Na this kain pretense kept many of you single till you are 40.

No. I don't wish. I don't wish to have tiny children around me. Not everyone is the same. Not every woman is born to be a mother and that's not something you should be so triggered about.