God bless you.
You've said it all.

Cantonese:


He is not daft bro.

You make it sound so easy from your angle, or that you are getting cheated of your right. When you have an adult daughter, you will defend her, if she falls into that situation.

Your first sentence initially depicted you as not the father of the child as you said “my gf got pregnant”. I read through also until you said “my baby”, thereby clarifying the point that you are the father of the child.

I like the fact that you do not subscribe to abortions, but when you get a woman pregnant, you must be prepared to bear the responsibilities that follow.

Truly you cannot eat your cake and have it. When you have an unplanned pregnancy as you have encountered, wisdom, cooperation and understanding must be allowed to work.

You claimed that you could not foot the bill of a family, yet you have retained the young woman, accommodating her and paying her school fees. What will happen if she gets pregnant again? Have you thought about the possibility too? You surrendered responsibility of the child to the grandma the day you handed over. Now she sees you as not being able to support a family, so she wants her daughter to abandon you, irrespective of the child between the two of you.

Most parents rise to defend their children in cases like this and some choose the extreme of severing ties, just like this woman has done with her child.

I think that you need to get some reasonable people with you to meet the family of the lady. If the lady wishes to go on with a marriage now and you are not ready, then you must take a decision to either let her go or marry her even with your status.

On the child, you need to sort it out with the girl physically, so they do not stop you from seeing the child. Your child needs to grow knowing you are involved completely in her life, no matter what happens.

Cheers.

Witlee1

Continue training her in the University..
She would dump you and marry a SIMPle medical graduate after her Nysc..
It would end in premium larger tears ..

lexy2014:


Have u used a condom before? What did u use it to do and on what occasion did u use it?

Kindly share your use of condom experience

Ask your papa.

lexy2014:


U sound hurt but allowing your emotions spiral out of control won't answer d questions:

1. Can u explain how he is irresponsible?

2. Is he d first man on earth to have sex with a lady before marrying her?

3. Are u telling me that all d sex u have had in your life u paid bride price first before having sex?

4. How did u no about condom? What is it used for?

Lol hurt ko, hot ni. Sicko deadbeat. You no go see your pikin again. You are not fit to be called a father

Zeel007:
probably the mother has gotten her a financially buoyant individual to marry. I will advice you to focus on your Hussle and forget her for your own sanity. If she really wants you she would have convinced her mum and not rain insult on you when she picks her call if what you said is actually true though. Because we didn't hear her own side.

But you coming hear to post this really means you really want her and the child as a family. If not you wouldn't have give a damn about it

He doesn't want her, he only wants to keep bleeping her kitty until he finds a financially buoyant woman who will shoulder.his responsibilities.. Dont be deceived.

He also wants to be a dad to a child he cannot carer for when in reality he is nothing but a self centered deadbeat not fit to be a father.

Digmygold:


Lol hurt ko, hot ni. Sicko deadbeat. You no go see your pikin again. You are not fit to be called a father

Your hurt has so blinded u that u actually thought am d OP. Meanwhile,

1. Can u explain how he is irresponsible?

2. Is he d first man on earth to have sex with a lady before marrying her?

3. Are u telling me that all d sex u have had in your life u paid bride price first before having sex?

4. How did u no about condom? What is it used for?

Digmygold:


Ask your papa.

Have u used a condom before? What did u use it to do and on what occasion did u use it?

Kindly share your use of condom experience

lexy2014:


Your hurt has so blinded u that u actually thought am d OP. Meanwhile,

1. Can u explain how he is irresponsible?

2. Is he d first man on earth to have sex with a lady before marrying her?

3. Are u telling me that all d sex u have had in your life u paid bride price first before having sex?

4. How did u no about condom? What is it used for?

Ask your future hoe daughter.

FlipModeSquade:
Life's so unfair?

To you or to your girlfriend and her mother?

You didn't want to marry her and yet you insisted on the baby?

And You wonder why her mother is against you?

You want to eat your cake and have it?

Ogbeni..

Carry your load..

The best thing he could do was to allow his gf keep the baby and he dint abandoned them with the intent of starting a family with them once his financially capable....
Abi u want make he tell the girl to do abortion ? What if she died were do you think he would be by now ?? Be smart....

Digmygold:


Ask your future hoe daughter.

Still doesn't answer d questions:

1. Can u explain how he is irresponsible?

2. Is he d first man on earth to have sex with a lady before marrying her?

3. Are u telling me that all d sex u have had in your life u paid bride price first before having sex?

4. How did u no about condom? What is it used for?

See everybody formingz Jackie Chan and abstinence. Abeg if u dont have something tangle to tell op, swerve. Blaming up and down like u are a virgin. He is even responsible sef una still dey form angel Micheal. The mistake has been made and he needs solution. Op continue to fight for the welfare of that baby. And if they insist that they do not want, there are witnesses that will attest to the kid that u did your best, shikena

From where I'm from, since you did not marry the child's mother, the children isn't your, won't even bare your name no matter how much you spend on here monthly. The child will bare her grandfather's name.

But to claim the child things need to be done appropriately.

But you Sha loose guard, why didn't you send the child to your mother in the first place.

And all this you are explaining have you gone to the lady's mother to explain you your gf is your only link to her mother. Things are not done that way.

Involve elders of both family. Don't go about threatening her.

Witlee1:


Thank you

How can I start the process?

Guy ur matter too simple....just use maximum #50k...go army barrack n explain ur situation to Dem....Dem go give u only 4 soldiers....enta dat girl house n pick ur daughter n give to ur mom or family...never ever marry or have anything wit dat bitch anymore henceforth

Awesomeking:
if you know how hard it is for a single mother to even get advances..you will stop saying baby doesn't bind people together

You would have been right if you said it is hard for single mothers to even get advances if it is written on their head. When a lady goes to outings without her kids, how does a guy want to know she is a single mother or does she have to take her kids everywhere?

I have seen several single mothers marry well. Life is a game, you just have to know how to play it. People are fond of giving their selves a reason for failure. When love enters life is sweeter. Life is not hard, if a single mother believes that her child is her only (but), she should simply date without her child and allow love to enter before bringing the baby into picture.

If some guys see a woman with kids they might get discourage half way without getting to know the woman personally but if a guy gets to know a lady well before he discovers she has got kids, it will be very hard for him to walk out on her, if he has falling in love with her. A lot of single mothers have used this technique and it tends to be very effective.

Modified
It is better for her to simply be his babyma. If she marries the guy because of her baby, she will end up suffering it, if love does not exist in their relationship because she will end up being a figurehead wife, the guy will still go out to have sex with the kind of ladies he loves. Some relationships are suffering today because there is no love in it.

Witlee1:
My gf got pregnant, I'm not an advocate of abortion so I told her to keep it so I and my live-in gf had a child (girl) outside wedlock who is 2 years old now and I took care of her and the child for 1 year and 8 months,paid the hospital bills and everything, which a single dough of the girls family didn't come to the wellbeing of the child, it was All me which the mother of the girl is aware of.

Though I dont want to marry the girl now due to the harsh economy of Nigeria but I have plans to marry her later on plus I can't just jump into marriage when I'm not yet able to cater for a family yet so I told her to keep the child with her mother till I can be able to stand on my feet and foster for us all,me and my gf still lived together without the baby and I helped her pay some fees for her school cuz I understood that for my baby to be educated the mother needs to be .

Fast forward to now, the mother of my gf doesn't want me to see my child because I don't want to marry my gf now, my gf and her mother had to even report me to human rights for me never to contact my gf any longer cuz I am threatening her which I never did... I tried contacting my gf to know what is happening, she's not picking her calls neither is the mother too and when I texted my gf she rained insults on me lol (life's so unfair)

NB: I learnt from a reliable source that the mother of my gf is the one Influencing her this way,my gf is also in her 3rd year at school
I'm so confused, please advice me on next step to take

Her mother does not want you to distract her from her studies in school.

Move on man if you don't want to marry the lady!

Go 1and pay her dowry, make a commitment or rather show her your seriousness to marry her.
That will put her mind at rest.
Besides, must you do a big ceremony? Take her to registry, marry her and have a small ceremony.
Dont you have family that will support you?
On a lighter note, That is why these pretty small ladies that are from humble backgrounds should be servicing matured men (date 1 at once) that will take care of them, not impregnate them. Small boys will nack them as if it is fight, then give them belle. Meanwhile no money!
All the smallie around, na so so belle, once one boy gets Okada, korope or Marwa on hire, they feel he has arrived next thing belle. That is now where their suffering starts. That is when the start looking for better person to be servicing but they have turned tokumbo

SavageResponse:


Her mother does not want you to distract her from her studies in school.

Move on man if you don't want to marry the lady!

Understanding is the key. The lady's mother doesn't have to worry, her daughter can even decide to marry someone else and the guy and the lady doesn't have to be sexual involved any more so that it doesn't affect her studies but according to what he said he was always their for his baby

They cannot stop him from playing the role of the baby's father now, they should have stopped him from the beginning. He can fight for his right legally.

Witlee1:
My gf got pregnant, I'm not an advocate of abortion so I told her to keep it so I and my live-in gf had a child (girl) outside wedlock who is 2 years old now and I took care of her and the child for 1 year and 8 months,paid the hospital bills and everything, which a single dough of the girls family didn't come to the wellbeing of the child, it was All me which the mother of the girl is aware of.

Though I dont want to marry the girl now due to the harsh economy of Nigeria but I have plans to marry her later on plus I can't just jump into marriage when I'm not yet able to cater for a family yet so I told her to keep the child with her mother till I can be able to stand on my feet and foster for us all,me and my gf still lived together without the baby and I helped her pay some fees for her school cuz I understood that for my baby to be educated the mother needs to be .

Fast forward to now, the mother of my gf doesn't want me to see my child because I don't want to marry my gf now, my gf and her mother had to even report me to human rights for me never to contact my gf any longer cuz I am threatening her which I never did... I tried contacting my gf to know what is happening, she's not picking her calls neither is the mother too and when I texted my gf she rained insults on me lol (life's so unfair)

NB: I learnt from a reliable source that the mother of my gf is the one Influencing her this way,my gf is also in her 3rd year at school
I'm so confused, please advice me on next step to take

How are you even sure the child is yours?

The girl has probably told her mom the truth and that is why they are acting that way.

Just let them be. When they decide to come back then you can impose the DNA fees on them.

If not then move on with your life

the old woman is simply mother to ur babymama.she owes u no favour.settle ur dowry and u will be free with ur child.if u delay,another man will take the child!period!!

lexy2014:


What offence did he commit that he will go and be reconciling?

At this his present situation, he has to forget about what is written in a vehicle and just enter the vehicle, so far he will get to his destination

Juanmike:
The child is not his, the mother has the right to barr him forever.

when it is time the child will bring out cutlass and ask her of the father, na dat time she go dey beg

Witlee1:


I didn't abandon the baby, infact I took care of the baby and the mother for almost 2 years
I'm hearing they want to pack out of the house they are staying now so should I still relax and wait?

Do everything possible to contact your gf and be close to your child always.Never give up. Her mother must have poisoned her mind against you, but keep trying.
Most important of all,put your case into prayers, and things would definitely fall in line.

Favfables1:
When they say abstain from premarital sex, we no go hear, now see where it has landed you...((buh I'm guessing you already know that))...

Go back to the same place they reported you to and also report them... File numerous petition against them, sue them to court where possible...

Even if her parents won't approve your marriage to their daughter, fight tooth and nail to make sure you're in that child's life, you're her father and you have the right to be in that child's life as long as you're ready to be responsible...

And please don't be lackadaisical about this o, if not they'll make your daughter believe that you're dead, or you abandoned her or you're a good for nothing bla bla bla and that will be bad for the psyche of your daughter...

So fight!!

Don't take this advise, just try to when your girl back

Why cohabiting with someone's daughter when u know the economy is harsh and u ain't ready yet?

All those telling u to take her to court, I laugh in Spanish even contracted, fully wedded couple, don't drag for child when child is still young... You can ask fiery lawyer, K.E.Y.A.M.( lol).

You don't want a contract business due to oversense and u didn't see any future in it, profit miraculously come out, u now remember you needed to share in it( lol).

If u haven't paid bride price, since most of u believe this is even more marriage than church/court wedding, don't think u can claim that child...In fact, the girl can choose to name her child her family's name.

People dishing u foolish advice and even yourself, u won't take rubbish from her irresponsible boyfriend if your daughter brings this kind of shame home.

And those advocating condom all the time, know that it can 1) burst 2) Slip into a woman which will reqjire surgery to remove

FlipModeSquade:
Life's so unfair?

To you or to your girlfriend and her mother?

You didn't want to marry her and yet you insisted on the baby?

And You wonder why her mother is against you?

You want to eat your cake and have it?

Ogbeni..

Carry your load..

Ogbeni what part of English """ Though I dont want to marry the girl now due to the harsh economy of Nigeria but I have plans to marry her later on plus I can't just jump into marriage when I'm not yet able to cater for a family yet so I told her to keep the child with her mother till I can be able to stand on my feet and foster for us all """" don't you understand here

sharone21:
Why cohabiting with someone's daughter when u know the economy is harsh and u ain't ready yet?

All those telling u to take her to court, I laugh in Spanish even contracted, fully wedded couple, don't drag for child when child is still young... You can ask fiery lawyer, K.E.Y.A.M.( lol).

You don't want a contract business due to oversense and u didn't see any future in it, profit miraculously come out, u now remember you needed to share in it( lol).

If u haven't paid bride price, since most of u believe this is even more marriage than church/court wedding, don't think u can claim that child...In fact, the girl can choose to name her child her family's name.

People dishing u foolish advice and even yourself, u won't take rubbish from her irresponsible boyfriend if your daughter brings this kind of shame home.

And those advocating condom all the time, know that it can 1) burst 2) Slip into a woman which will reqjire surgery to remove

He will be giving visitation right by the court if it is proven that he is the biological father of the child and he did not abadon the child. He might have to do a DNA test to prove to the court that he is the father of the child.

Witlee1:
My gf got pregnant, I'm not an advocate of abortion so I told her to keep it so I and my live-in gf had a child (girl) outside wedlock who is 2 years old now and I took care of her and the child for 1 year and 8 months,paid the hospital bills and everything, which a single dough of the girls family didn't come to the wellbeing of the child, it was All me which the mother of the girl is aware of.

Though I dont want to marry the girl now due to the harsh economy of Nigeria but I have plans to marry her later on plus I can't just jump into marriage when I'm not yet able to cater for a family yet so I told her to keep the child with her mother till I can be able to stand on my feet and foster for us all,me and my gf still lived together without the baby and I helped her pay some fees for her school cuz I understood that for my baby to be educated the mother needs to be .

Fast forward to now, the mother of my gf doesn't want me to see my child because I don't want to marry my gf now, my gf and her mother had to even report me to human rights for me never to contact my gf any longer cuz I am threatening her which I never did... I tried contacting my gf to know what is happening, she's not picking her calls neither is the mother too and when I texted my gf she rained insults on me lol (life's so unfair)

NB: I learnt from a reliable source that the mother of my gf is the one Influencing her this way,my gf is also in her 3rd year at school
I'm so confused, please advice me on next step to take

..
..
From the way you're painting this story,, if I tell you to cut her off and forget about them, you won't even see my comment sef.

Rosement:

He will be giving visitation right by the court if it is proven that he is the biological father of the child and he did not abadon the child. He might have to do a DNA test to prove to the court that he is the father of the child.

If he only wants the child under the deceitful guise of wanting to marry the child's mum, the girl's family ought to totally severe ties with him so that their daughter can focus on her education and marry a more suitable man later in future instead of throwing her pearls to dogs which the Bible advised us against. His meddling in any form in her life even her getting money from him ( bait) will not allow her to fully concentrate on her new man when the time comes and his asking for co- parenting( wen no be say he marry her) will be a distraction to the girl and her husband....

It should be the other way round...The family can also sue him to take care of the baby( to force him to do it), that is if they are ready for all that after he had succeeded in inflicting PAIN on their hearts.

Let him allow the Child to grow and decide if he is still needed in his/her life...Though if the woman is not a long throat collecting from him, her family and husband to train the child, she will not need his dime, would have long changed child's name to any name she prefers( her dad's or new husband) and would train a child as he ought to be trained and the child may most likely not need a distraction who saw him/her as a burden when he/she (child) was younger.

I thought DAD used to mean SACRIFICE... he can't eat his cake and have it using court to console himself...Even fiery lawyers when they had issues with theid wives didn't take their legally married wives to court dragging for custody...

I hope u are not a lawyer trying to deceive him that he will win this case. Which competent court of law go say make person wen no fit feed himself( probably without a comfortable home) to take care of baby when the mother ( unmarried)and her family her alive and well....Anyway, lawyer( Charge & Bail) wan chop money( lol)

West1side:


This is the must foolish response I ever came across on NL. A fool who got a girl pregnant knowing well that he can neither cater for the mother nor the child upon refusing to use condom, couldn't suggest postinor within 24 hours, neglected the poor girl n child to be catered for by her mother without any support be it material financial or spiritual just came back from hell feeling entitled to a child.

Someone need to bang the head of the 2 of you with a sledge hammer. You think taking care of a child is same with taking car of a dog abi have you gone mad with this your hopeless comment.

Mr. Man, respect yourself. We are all entitle to our opinion, must I speak your mind? At least i said there must be another part of the story that is untold.

sharone21:


If he only wants the child under the deceitful guise of wanting to marry the child, the girl's family ought to totally severe ties with Jim so that their daughter can focus on her education and marry a more suitable man later in future instead of throwing her pearls to dogs which the bible advised us against. His meddling in any form in her life even getting money from him ( bait) will not allow her to fully concentrate on her new man when the time comes and his asking for co- parenting( wen no be say he marry her) will be a distraction to the girl and her husband....

It should be the other way round...The family can also sue him to take care of the baby( to force him to do it), that is if they are ready for all that after he had succeeded in inflicting PAIN on their hearts.

Let him allow the Child to grow and decide if he is still needed in his/her life...Though if the woman is not a long throat collecting from him, her family and husband to train the child, she will not need his dime, would have long changed child's name to any name she prefers( her dad's or new husband) and would train a child as he ought to be trained and the child may most likely not need a distraction who saw him/her as a burden when the child was younger.

I thought DAD used to mean SACRIFICE... he can't eat his cake and have it using court to console himself...Even fiery lawyers when they had issues didn't take their legally married to court dragging for custody...

I hope u are not a lawyer trying to deceive him that he will win this case. Which competent court of law go say make person wen no fit feed himself( probably without a comfortable home) take care of baby when the mother ( unmarried)and her family her alive and well....Anyway, lawyer( Charge & Bail) wan chop money( lol)

According to what he said, it seems what he wants his visitation right not the child's custody. Being some else babyma will not affect a woman's marriage, I have seen situations like this in Nigeria and abroad. All they have to do is come to an agreement with each other. It is either, they discuss it on their own or in court.

Rosement:

According to what he said, it seems what he wants his visitation right not the child's custody. Being some else babyma will not affect a woman's marriage. I have seen situations like this in Nigeria and abroad. All they have to do is come to an agreement with each other. It is either, they discuss it on their own or in court.

It DEFINITINITELY will and can even tear a marriage apart. Marriage that he refused to give the girl.

It is marriage or forget about visitation...So, he wants to permanently be a distraction to that family.

If it is some wicked family, wen time reach, the child will be in boarding house.

He should learn to tame his urge in cohabiting with woman when he is not financially ready.

Will he accept this nonsense he wants to dish out to someone else?

sharone21:


It DEFINITINITELY will and can even tear a marriage apart. Marriage that he refused to give the girl.

It is marriage or forget about visitation...So, he wants to permanently be a distraction to that family.

If it is some wicked family, wen time reach, the child will be in boarding house.

He should learn to tame his urge in cohabiting with woman when he is not financially ready.

Will he accept this nonsense he wants to dish out to someone else?

Marriage is not by force, he should only marry her if he loves her and he is ready for marriage. If they are not able to come to an agreement on their own, the court will handle it better. Nobody is above the order of the court, whatever order the court makes, the both of them will have to follow it. There is no need for us to agrue, it is better for him to go to court, let's leave the decision to the court.

There will be specific visitation time, the guy will not be allowed to visit the house of the lady regularly because she is not his wife. The mother of the child might even decide to drop the child in the house of the man on the visitation days, if she doesn't want him to visit her house.