The institution called marriage has been bastardized. The bible said that women should be help meet(abi na this type).

They got married about a year ago, and she got a 'juicy' job, some are advicing that the man should throw away his self respect and self worth and go to Rwanda to play house husband. Why did you guys not also advice that the lady in question should grow a di.ck and impregnate her husband.

If her career is more important than her marriage, by all means I will advice her to go. If making money, rather than raising a family is more important in her life, by all means she should board the next available flight to Rwanda.

If i where to be in the man's shoe (which I dont pray for) i will not uproot myself to go and play house husband for any woman. Call it male ego or whatever. He is earning a living here small or not, and they have been surviving on that. So if she thinks that because i supported her in getting ahead, that i will also support the idea of going back to semi-bachelorhood or playing house husband then one of us should really visit a shrink.

Am out of here.

People calling d husband illogical & unreasonable have no regards 4 d institution called marriage. As for me the wifee has already failed the first test of marriage by showing her husband that she is materialistic. I'm sure if she didn't adopt a combative approach her hubby would have softened up. She has clearly shown dat once she is there she can do anything including infidelity. As for me NO because she failed d test simple.

the wife should just ask herself which is more important, her career or her marriage n she will hav d answer she needs.

I believe the woman in question should sacrifice her new job. The fact that the man is still struggling in his career today does not mean he will continue to struggle and marriage is all about compromise. If she goes then she is saying bye bye to her marriage. This is not about if he loves me he will allow me to go its about the effect of the job on the marriage itself And i dont think she's expecting her husband to follow her and in the process becomes unemployed or does she want to engage in long distance marriage for 5 yrs? Tell ur friend to be very careful. This is how women sell their birthright for a mossle of bread

I think the man should make the sacrifice since the contract is supposed to run for 5 years.It's not like she will be spending donkey years over there.I'm sure the woman would ve made the same sacrifice if he was the one that got this job.

I have a coleague who got married some 3 yrs ago.The wife was in America he in Nigeria they managed the situation till he joined his wife last week
They can always work things out.

It's a tight rope. I can't really give any advice.

But the man has a point though -too early in the marriage to be apart from each other.

In my opinion, the woman does not appreciate her marriage and I am convinced she is one of those who get married because they think at a particular age marriage should be the next so that they do not remain single. What has their material possession got to do without love/peace in their home? She should weigh her options and divorce the man since she now wants to call the shots in the marriage. Who cares about her fasting and prayers as she is claiming if all her prayers were not geared at improving and building the family she presently has?

There is hope for Nigeria and indeed the marriage institution going by the responses seen here. This short sighted, no future looking mentality is what kills not a few. So if the man goes with her and 3 years down the line contract is terminated what happens to both of them now unemployed probably with kids then.

Rubbish!! of all sorts,I THINK THE LADY SHOULD HAVE A RE-THINK ABEG, as their is no 2 way about it the marriage will surely scatter.but i have my questions to ask before they got it scattered, where was the Juicy job before she married HER HUSBAND?,are there not better jobs in Nigeria than going abroad?,why would she risk her husband for anything?,Does the lady really love and shows commitment/submission for the hubby with the hope of keeping her marriage regardless of what happen? would the lady now allow MONEY to affect her marriage?after spending her time acquiring such qualifications? does she want to end up in regrets and crying?The truth is,the devil is always after disruptions of homes and breaking of young marriages through adultery/ fornication and abortion. The man should not allow that because many homes have been BROKEN by such means.For instance i know of a brother in my church whose wife got a job in an oil company in France precisely,initially all was going on fine with both traveling almost weekly,monthly possible to meet up with their sex lives, both try to push it for a while but later on the stress was just too numerous for both, then a little a break occurred and because she refused to summits to her husband who wanted her in Nigeria the lady saw a well nourished man in France who snashed her away frm the guy in nigeria, today the marriage is gone the brother has re married, my pastor opposed his 2nd marriage but the guy left the church and get on with this life, a lesson to be learn nice day to u all.

I know if it were to be the guy that landed the job, the issue of who to stay or who to go will not arise. To me, i believe they have to sit down and reason together. Weigh the pros and cons. I believe the guy can stay, there are stuffs like leave, public holidays, weekend and all what not, and being in Africa too. I know if they trust each other, the marriage will survive for the 5yrs that she will stay.

So what of those ppl that get married and the husband will travel back to abroad or wherever he is staying and might not come back for 5yrs or even more. Any way, they should discuss it well.

This should not have been a problem at all if their union is rooted on trust.The couple must make a collaberative decision.Maenwhile. the husband has a very good point that he might end up loosing his wife if allowed becos women can be such funny at times, not withstading, this golden oppotunity must not be allowed to slip by.Therefore, my advice is that, the husband should disallowed his wife if he does not really trust her for such adventure, and the wife too must not proof heady to her husband's decision if really she values the union does not pray for a broken home. the fact that the marriage is till young is not strong enough, i hav a guy friend that got married, Sept. 2010 and travelled out Feb. 2011 and not yet back now, meanwhile, his marriage is intact.So,if the husband end up saying is not possible, then wife should succumb, if she really values her union, unless she is ready to disagree,break up and go.In all this, TRUST MATTER MOST AND SHOULD BE THE BASIS OF ANY DECISION BY THE COUPLE. 10Q

otokx:

There is hope for Nigeria and indeed the marriage institution going by the responses seen here. This short sighted, no future looking mentality is what kills not a few. So if the man goes with her and 3 years down the line contract is terminated what happens to both of them now unemployed probably with kids then.

[b][size=16pt]Oh! This is for you and the poster!

Just want to know, is it how short, your own short-sightedness is?

You are here accusing people of being short sighted and am telling you now, if anyone is short sighted on this N/L topic, it's you and your kind who could not see the trees from the forest!

Look man, he who dares wins!

This is why, our country is not moving ahead and no development in Nigeria because of lazy thinking and short sighted Leaders who think the way you do. 

Leaders who dare not speculate in order to accumulate - who are frightened  of getting out of their comfort zone because of their inability to tackle the demands and challenges of modern politics and hence, push their people, backwards.

We do not need such intellectually lazy men to lead a progressive and ambitious country as Nigeria likewise, modern women do not need such men as husbands, too.  We need, strong and bold husbands not wimps!

Look man, wake up, wake up! If you're still living in the 1950's and 60's, there's no such thing as job for life in this modern times ok? You, who go about thinking  because, you got a 3 year contract as you said, you've got a job for life therefore, fold your arms, and sit on your lazy bum working 9 to 5 untill the contract runs off and then, begin to wonder what happened to you and your job.  How, silly!

Naturally, in such situ, it's obvious you'll head home to Nigeria, blaming everyone else except yourself for your sudden unemployment because, you failed to realise/foresee the furture that, whilst holding down a job these days, you continue to Network for a better and glorious future for your family!

Do we need to tell you that, do we?? That's how things are done in this modern times, ok!

So, when you get to that your Rwanda Contract, immediately you take your luggage to your room start making enquiries, searching and Networking for jobs further afields, ok??  Don't just sit on your lazy bum and relax, like some people do in Nigeria because, they have Abraham as father.

Now that you realise, how short sighted you are, go preach the news and tell others how things are done but remember, where you first heard it - in Nairaland!

Finally, I suggest you wake up and grab this marvelous breakthrough God has given you else, there will never be one like this for you, again! Hear it! [/size][/b]

OP,

It is very easier to be on the side of the wife since this seems to be a dream job to her. But if so many woman where to be given choice/s on issues about decision (infidelity, lies etc) that men takes that later hurts woman I believe we will sacrfice so many things for happiness and joy in our marriages.

If the wife believes that it is God that has open the way, then God is much more able to speak to the heart of her husband and if not he will bring another job that will be better than this one.

My advice is this, she should take it to God in prayers, reconcile with her husband, submit to her husband as per his decision on this matter and let her come to prove if God will not reward her heart of sacrifice. Believe me it will not be easy decision to take.

Has becomerich/musiwa started mutating across gender?

kunlaxo:

For instance i know of a brother in my church whose wife got a job in an oil company in France precisely,initially all was going on fine with both traveling almost weekly,monthly possible to meet up with their sex lives, both try to push it for a while but later on the stress was just too numerous for both, then a little a break occurred and because she refused to summits to her husband who wanted her in Nigeria the lady saw a well nourished man in France who snashed her away frm the guy in nigeria, today the marriage is gone the brother has re married

Lol @ "well nourished man". They always find it easy to snatch the girlfriends and wives of malnourished guys.

^Lol

babydol:

OP,

It is very easier to be on the side of the wife since this seems to be a dream job to her. But if so many woman where to be given choice/s on issues about decision (infidelity, lies etc) that men takes that later hurts woman I believe we will sacrfice so many things for happiness and joy in our marriages.

If the wife believes that it is God that has open the way, then God is much more able to speak to the heart of her husband and if not he will bring another job that will be better than this one.

My advice is this, she should take it to God in prayers, reconcile with her husband, submit to her husband as per his decision on this matter and let her come to prove if God will not reward her heart of sacrifice. Believe me it will not be easy decision to take.

Babydol, you don talk am finish, jare!!! the matter seff the give me headache, especially reading some of these men post, it is sad, that most men are still very very very selfish, Thank God for my own hubby. ooooo,

she jst hv to go, after all she has been fasting n praying for it. Her happiness is my happiness and i can live all by myself. stopping her would really bring a lot of problems because if anything is not working out for her,she'll blame it on me and dat can eventually lead to breakup especially wen her patience is stretched beyond endurance.i dnt care how long we've been married for,all i care abt is her happiness and wat wont make her regret marrying me. I dnt knw abt any other man oo but as for me, she WILL go since she'll be coming home once a month(she shld jst make sure dat she not on her period when she comes visiting sha )

The man is the head of the home and i suggest that the lady listen to her husband. She can also try to convince him to let her go but anything wey she see, make she take am like that.

This is a thing of joy but the couple should be sensetive to the devices of the devil.Either party can sacrifice but the marriage should be preserved.I believe is a "Holy Matrimony".

I think the woman should go with the husband, this is an opportunity they should not miss.

hp dt dude didnt take a loan 4 d wedding :-x :-D
but sincerely i'd lay back n wait 4her decision.it wld've bn smarter to hv refusd d offer first jst to see his reactn,ds way he may feel guilt in discouragin her,he may rather want to be supportive n start persuading her 2take d offer. For me,I'd simply let her go. And whoeva told u peeps dt a couple who's havin faceoff on this kind of issue wil b interestd in flyin every mnth 2visit.he shld consider himself single again n let her go bt reevaluate after a while if she's turns unbearable- it might b a sweet divorce since no kids yet -like it neva happend. . . wats wt ds insecurity thin sef :-(

this is a true test of marriage,

and a very tricky one at that.

looking at the scenario, its difficult to say who should sacrifice for the other.
the man should handle this with wisdom.

the man can let the woman go and get the Job
the woman can give the Job up, and be with his husband.

the most important thing is for them to do what each of them will be satisfied with.
otherwise they will just be setting a framework for future disaster.

because either decision is going to impact the marriage.
and they must be ready to deal with the outcome of their choices.

people don't make mistakes they make choices,

and please lets not be Judgemental about these people. cos neither decision is right or wrong, it depends entirely on both of them.

This is one of the problems with non-planning!

Did they discuss the options before she went looking for a job? Did they discuss the possibility of living separately? If she knew her husband would object to her leaving home in the first place, why apply for the job at all      

It's like a man without legs going to buy a pair of shoes . . . . 

If it were me, I will let the job go for the following reasons:

1. My family comes FIRST . . .  The job is just for 5 years, why break up the family over that   
2. The husband has already stated his fears about not being able to cope alone, why give him the excuse he's so obviously looking for 
3. Living separately and making regular trips is just too tedious and nobody should be made to pass through that, especially a woman.

That being said, I think men should try and be a little less selfish!

A woman who has worked so hard to get to that position should not be made to feel like she's doing something wrong. If the tables were turned, I'd sure the wife will let the husband go . . .

Sometimes, it's best to be selfless . . . even when you don't want to!

@Amario (m) spoke well as below and that is the middle way approach I can only add the following:

FOR A WIN-WIN SITUATION, WHERE ALL GETS HALF EACH

1. THE HUSBAND SHOULD ALLOW THE WIFE GO FOR THE JOB
SINCE THEY HAVE NO CHILD NOW, ITS EASIER
2. THE WIFE COMES HOME EVERY MONTH (ONE WEEKEND)
THE HUSBAND ALSO VISIT MID-MONTH (ONE WEEKEND)
SO THEY SPEND TWO DAYS TOGETHER EVERY FORTHNIGHT
3. THEY ARE BOTH SACRIFICING SOMETHING (SOME DAYS, FARE, BEING MOBILE)
4. REVIEW THE SITUATION EVERY YEAR AND SEE WHAT WORKS BETTER.

THIS WILL LEAD TO NEW EXPERIENCE, ENHANCING ABILITY TO PLAN, SOME INCONVINIENCE FOR BOTH ANDWHO KNOWS, THEY MAY COME TO ENJOY IT

THOSE ADVOCATING SEPERATION NOW ARE NOT THINKING








Amario (m)
UAE
Posts: 8

Offline

Re: Now Who Should Sacrifice Here And What Is Sacrifice Anyway
« #24 on: June 12, 2011, 07:17 AM »

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote from: upendo 98 on June 11, 2011, 04:15 PM
Now note this: They husband doesnt earn much but this job could be their dream come true.
At the time of being told the story they were not in talking terms and not sharing the bed/room together.Its gotten soo bad its a break or make situation.

Question now: who should sacrifice here and whey?


Well is not an easy choice, But since they are already staying apart from eachother suggest some level of disconnect. This is the time they need to stay close to each other the more and discuss ideas. No body know their relationship better than the concerned and the major decision lies within them.
If it were me Hmmmmmm, I will let her take the job since is a dream job, meaning is what we have actually been praying for, both in terms of finance and career break through, it doesnt matter if it is the he or she that gets it.

What can be done is this:

1. She Starts the Job and we observe the progress of the job (Say during a year period) and how we manage ourselves
2. She is not oblige to work for the 5years of the contract, so if #1 above is not working then she can quit.
3. During this observation time (say Within a year) we look for another dream job(Since we got one, another should not be impossible to get) either for her or for myself that will keep us together, either in that foreign country or back in Nigeria

I believe that should be my initial decision, I can't understand how a couple can move from praying together for a dream break through finally get what they call a break through and begin to stay apart from eachother, Where they praying to find something that will make them separate?, I believe as a couple nothing can be resolved if u stay apart, they must remain firm and tackle the issue same way they got the job by togetherness,

STAY WELL

Oh! This is for you and the poster!

Just want to know, is it how short, your own short-sightedness is?

You are here accusing people of being short sighted and am telling you now, if anyone is short sighted on this N/L topic, it's you and your kind who could not see the trees from the forest!

Look man, he who dares wins!

This is why, our country is not moving ahead and no development in Nigeria because of lazy thinking and short sighted Leaders who think the way you do.

Leaders who dare not speculate in order to accumulate - who are frightened  of getting out of their comfort zone because of their inability to tackle the demands and challenges of modern politics and hence, push their people, backwards.

We do not need such intellectually lazy men to lead a progressive and ambitious country as Nigeria likewise, modern women do not need such men as husbands, too.  We need, strong and bold husbands not wimps!

Look man, wake up, wake up! If you're still living in the 1950's and 60's, there's no such thing as job for life in this modern times ok? You, who go about thinking  because, you got a 3 year contract as you said, you've got a job for life therefore, fold your arms, and sit on your lazy bum working 9 to 5 untill the contract runs off and then, begin to wonder what happened to you and your job.  How, silly!

Naturally, in such situ, it's obvious you'll head home to Nigeria, blaming everyone else except yourself for your sudden unemployment because, you failed to realise/foresee the furture that, whilst holding down a job these days, you continue to Network for a better and glorious future for your family!

Do we need to tell you that, do we?? That's how things are done in this modern times, ok!

So, when you get to that your Rwanda Contract, immediately you take your luggage to your room start making enquiries, searching and Networking for jobs further afields, ok??  Don't just sit on your lazy bum and relax, like some people do in Nigeria because, they have Abraham as father.

Now that you realise, how short sighted you are, go preach the news and tell others how things are done but remember, where you first heard it - in Nairaland! Cool Cool

Finally, I suggest you wake up and grab this marvelous breakthrough God has given you else, there will never be one like this for you, again! Hear it! Sad

What's all these rantings from a product of a failed marriage. . . Modern day Woman my foot