poster you need to be more specific with your outburst.

i dont support using underhand ways to get a gaddem man, like i see many women stoop to in their desperate quests to get hooked, but at the same time beware of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

face the people you want to address [probably your partners in crime], and desist from attacking others in the name of generalization.

tpia, how come you are becoming tough like that, this is his opinion,

If you don't get married, what are you going to do with your life when you are ninety and all your friends are dead

This is why people get married v
v
v
v

^^^Have the "money and contribution to humanity" you have made look after you

Nayah:

tpia, how come you are becoming tough like that, this is his opinion,

poster knows what he's doing.

i'm simply telling him to talk directly to his partners in crime, unless he cant do that because they'll kill him or something.

some of these people are in deep shiit.

obodunwin grrrrrr you're stubbered oh lol
Tpia, well you may recognize his logic is not insane and especially in our (African) society.

kandiikane:

^^^Have the "money and contribution to humanity" you have made look after you

No one will give two knocks about the boring old woman next door, who gave all her money away, only to sleep alone in the cold dead of the night!

There's no greater joy in growing up than seeing your loved ones springing up like beautiful sunshine!----Imagine how proud your parents must be thinking about you, imagine how lovely it must feel if even when you are 90 and frail, you have beautiful looking kids screaming "Grandma"!!!

kandiikane:
She cares. . .Seeing  her mates having something she wants. . .She will care. .

No amount of envying her mates will grant her what she wants. If she wants something, changes will have to come from her to make her situation better.

mekaboy:


when your 90yrs and all your friends are dead, what are u waiting for? u die with them

You have no idea, especially when death just happens to have passed you over, waking up every morning with no one to love will be the saddest thing one can ever experience!

Nayah:

Tpia, well you may recognize his logic is not insane and especially in our (African) society.

he knows what he's seeing, and why he opened the thread.

in african society, marriage isnt seen as an abnormal thing, and neither does it have to be abnormal the way many westernized africans want it to be.

this doesnt mean i'm saying african marriages are perfect however. It's a question of context.

anyway, the poster should find another way in addition to this one, to get his message across to the women who are driving themselves bonkers over other people's men.

^^bro, enough of your doom and gloom, thanks.


face your fellow criminals abeg.

everybody cant have the same life or the same head.


being married is no barrier to adoption or sponsoring underpriviledged kids.

Tpia I'm not completely with you on this I mean why when someone doesn't have the same opinion as the majority in Africa, is qualified as "westernized" actually I was born in France and I'm french with my African culture and blood highly represented, but I think taking the good from one side doesn't make you anyone else!  Being African doesn't mean being born out there or whatever for me it's about the link and love you have for this land. Don't really understand why some don't want to put on table what's wrong with some aspect of our way of thinking rather than putting "traditions"on relief all the time.

^^we're cool.

my post wasnt referring to you but rather this op of a person.

Marriage is a part of the circle of life.We get married and have kids and besides if you are a married woman it gives you some sort of respect.You know in our african setting if you are lady and its time to get married and you not married ppl start assuming you might be some sort of a hooker.Yes marriage is not important but its very necessary.

I know Tpia but I really want my african brother take their time to considerate some positions which can be different from the "common sense" in Africa

Ogugua88,
You see your mates with husband get jealous/hate her for it and  do something drastic about your mate's situation(maybe steal the husband)-envy
You are not envious of your mates because the desire to have a husband and children stems from you.
It becomes envy If you have never wanted marriage nor children but then become resentful towards your mates possession after seeing how happy she is with her husband and family

My post on "seeing your mates with a husband and family" is not based on envy but despair,desperation and heartache- which was already there but worsened by seeing your age mates with what you desire but don't have. . .

Layman's term
Eg: I want a certain type of shoes I saw in a store window but cannot afford and so I left the store unhappy. . .Next day I see my friend with those shoes I want  this will make me more unhappy and I become more desperate to get the shoes- This is not me being envious

I see my friend with the shoes I become jealous and I resent her for it, I might then steal the shoes when she is not looking or destroy it-this is me being envious

Nayah:

I know Tpia but I really want my african brother take their time to considerate some positions which can be different from the "common sense" in Africa

i dont support the epidemic of baby mamas and almajiri-producing absentee fathers either, but it is what it is.

some people simply prefer it that way.

Tpia and some do not

^^true.

Im in total agreement with the poster - marriage and child rearing is not for everyone, there are many dysfunctional individuals roaming the streets who were brought up in terrible homes where they were unloved and even abused, people need to start thinking a lot more deeply about marriage and child rearing, also if you are unable to find the right person to spend the rest of your life with why force  yourself on someone who doesnt want you? you just create more problems for yourself, thanks poster your view is one which many nigerians who see marriage as a do or die affair need to take on board, cheers.

marriage is not a do or die affair as exhibited by some of our women.take ur time and build a carrier.men ill even come after u.most of our women today are lazy.a girl in d primary school is talking abt marriage,same as person in d university.the just lazy about believing a man will come and marry them to take care of their problems thereby they dont concentrate on what will give them focus in life

It is silly- You say people take marriage as a do or die affair how about people's desperation on a do or die success in life? It all goes hand in hand. . .

Just like from a young age humans plans are to become successful in life so is people's plan to also get married and have children.

Should we also say success is not for everyone? There are mad men around who would use their success and power against humanity

If you can agree that marriage and children are not for everyone then success and money is not also for everyone. .

i do not accept that opinion that marriage is not compulsory for women. We are created as opposites to complement each other in addition to the fact that we can give birth to younger ones for continuity of life. Therefore, it is as important as other aspects of life for every man and woman to find the right perfect partner .

Now, I have time to respond to the OP properly:
For you information, I am a man above 35yrs but less than 40yrs. In my little journey on earth, marriage is the best decision I have ever made.I have a lot of academics certificates, such as OND, B.sc, ACA, as well as ACIBN including M.sc(In View) all these never give me joy as compared to my matrimonial home. I NEVER feel complete without my wife and kids. Therefore, you are absolutely wrong with your theory!!!

Of course, I quite agree that some are passing through ''hell'' in their home. And that is a function of who you marry, motive behind dating the person in question, understanding and other stochastic variables.

No man is complete without a woman and vice versa! God even said, ''it is not good for a man to be alone'' if you are the type that has time to go through your bible, you will even read a place that said, ''Woe unto him that is alone''

Marriage is not the problem, some people involve are the architectural of marriage failure.

in my opinion marriage is not for everyone - marriage is not the fairy tale fantasy that nollywood and hollywood continue to bamboozle gullible people with, marriage is about compromise, tolerance and perserverance - most people have been brainwashed into thinking that you meet y our soul mate and then live happily ever after - it rarely ever happens that way, unless you have the skills to deal with the ups and downs you will simply be setting yourself up for disappointment, i therefore say that if you cant find the right person its best to focus on other posjitive things, i noticed someone said that getting married and having a family guarantees that you will never end up alone - not necessarily - there are many people who get married and have children who still end up alone for one reason or the other, there are no guarantees in life.

Funny how overrated marriage is nowadays, true it is very important to start ones family. but marriage fever is now at new pitch.
also the criteria for marriage is something else. sisters want ready made men when it comes to marriage, love is simply not in the equation, so when poster wants those that are not financially capable to forget about bearing children, I simply have to differ with him.
if I am not good enof to marry someone and father a child because of my financial status, I most definitely will avoid marriage when blessed by God, cause I know such marriage will crumble at any sign of financial trouble.
marriage is not compulsory but it is necessary.
some will get married others wont, but frankly, someone need to post a thread on the HIGH COST OF MARRIAGE IN EASTHERN PART OF NIGERIA it will help the sisters from that area.

@Poster
It's great to have a Nigerian male with such dignifying notions about marriage. You are right, our society is turning it into something else and it is the female gender that are on the losing end of it all. A girl starts getting pressured into marriage and having it drummed into her ears as soon as she approaches puberty, by the time she is in her early twenties and some mates of hers are getting married the pressure doubles. Let her get into her thirties with no husband and she will be getting more than pressure because insults, side-talk and unhappiness (if she allows the pressure to get to her) will be added to it full measure shaken together.

I agree that marriage is good for love, procreation and companionship yet it isn't everybody that it appeals to. Children are worth having, they bring great joy yet it isn't every woman that loves and wants kids. Why pester and pressure such persons into it only for them to leave trails of divorce behind coupled with children that lack the luxury of cherishing their two parents under one roof. It is not right to pressure women who have no desire for kids into marriage only for them to bear children they do not intend to love and care for.

Excerpts from Da Doctor's post
----------------------------------------------  Marriage has its challenges though and this i think is making people come up with all manner of philosophy to defend their school of thought.
it is well sha, I WISH YOU ALL GOOD LUCK AND JONATHAN!!!
THE TRUE BEAUTY AND PRIDE AND HONOR OF A WOMAN IS THE HUSBAND, AND VICE VERSA, Dont get it twisted!!!!!
Da doctor writes from EKO  

I disagree with the notion displayed in Da Doctor's post above. The true beauty, pride and honor of a woman is not her husband. The true beauty of a woman is not in the things that surrounds her, it is not even in her physical features (however beautiful the features may be). The true beauty of a woman lies in her heart and soul.

Let us stop feeding the womenfolk that lie and having unmarried ladies get pressured into unhappiness and low esteem. Our women have a right to happiness, should enjoy themselves and live their lives even if there's no husband in it. Hey! no one was strapped with a husband from the womb so why should women be made to feel that a husband completes the stories of their lives. It is such wrong, archaic & ignorant notion that have some shallow thinking women snob and look down on the unmarried while considering themselves more fortunate and better than them. The fact that a woman has a husband and children does not make her a better person than the rest of the unmarried women folk. If that is the case, should a (widow) a woman that has lost her husband no more be respected or appreciated as a person? If the true beauty /pride and honour of a woman is her husband, does the essence of a woman die with the death of her husband?

A woman without husband is still a full woman whether the Nigerian society accepts that or not, unmarried ladies should no more allow themselves be trodden upon or nosed down by others with such sickening notions. Orprah has no husband yet she is still a great woman that has brought love, warmth and sunshine into the lives of many. A woman should be a woman loving, charming, warming and affecting her world with her feminity whether she has husband and children or not.

@thread,
what happen to the verse of the bible that stressed that man should go into the world and multiply? Marriage is a good thing, the thing about it is that when you are old you will learn the benefit of marriage and also having children. In summary, be it man or woman i'd advise try and get married. . . When you are old you'l know why!

@Ivynwa, OPRAH, has a man in her life.

She is successful and still has a man in her life.