it's too painful to relieve, i bent over backwards tryin to make it happen , evry effort i made to compromise was met with more stubborness and drama, in the end, i had to pack it up, eat humble pie and get out of d situation , thanking God it didn't get too far b4 d shell fell off my eyes.

maybe a lil back-ground will fill d blanks.i was transferred to Abeokuta early 2006 and i quickly fell in love with d sleepy town. a grat relief from d madness of lagos. i met this madam o and we just evolved from strangers to friends naturally. i was involved with someone in lagos at d time so i wasnt interested in pursuing it. that situation resolved itself (another long story) and i stepped up d chase 4 this wonderful new lady.

things got out of hand pretty quickly and we did start something serious. babe was all i thot i ever wanted in a lady. we met each other's folks and they all approved.my folks were goin to be out of d country for 6 months and we had to hold off formal intro till then (my saving Grace, i 4 don hook).

meanwhile, we moved in together and i admit, it seemed like a lovely idea at d time.very soon, i started to observe several traits that scared d s----t out of me. everytime i voiced concerns about her house-keeping, bad habbits, laziness and lack of respect 4 me, we ended up arguing all d time. she usually won because her capacity for saying nasty things was overwhelming. she just became an angry bitter person and i couldn't relate with her for fear of getting into mo drama.i know i aint perfect, amongst my many faults, i am quite dis-organised but i made every possible effort to make her comfortable (a cleaning lady comes in weekly). she also claimed she was a virgin , i had my doubts , besides, cellibacy isnt something i intended to embark on for any extended period (probably added to d stress) but i let that hang, at least we were making out regularly, and i thot i was being a 'GENTLEMAN"( I mugun small o, see wetin LOVE cause)

we had religious differences too.i was brought up catholic (though not very religious) while she was pentecostal. this was always going to be a deal-breaker especially with my family, but honestly, i didnt care too much about denomination and we were attending her own chuch togethr. all i required was her to play nice 4 my folks and let things sort themselves out. she had a different opinion and insisted that i must stand up to my folks and tell them blah blah blah, another bitter quarell ensued and my folks adopted siddon look approach.

during my annual leave, i had plenty of time on my own away from her and was able to reflect on where this journey was taking me, i knew it was a difficult thing to do, but we had to talk frankly and i was miserable with her.it just stopped making sense and i told her it was pertinent we called it off.she got nasty and rained all kinds of curses on me. i knew 4 sure i had made d most important decision of my life so i stood on my resolve. she no even beg me, na people she de send till today.when i broke d sad news to my peeps, they were elated and were screaming hallelujah.

my hurting days r over and i have moved on many times over since then. i dodge her as much as possible and even avoid any of our mutual friends.na total extreme severance, i figure that's d only way to format any trace that i ever endured such an idiotic experience.i have forgiven and forgotten, just dont want to know her no more.

maybe you are right but i wont be too hasty to make any conclusions based on one side of the story. men and women think differently and miscommunication and ASS U mption has done its fair share of damage to relationships and make an assof u. from your first mail, i could deduce you were not altogeather ready to let go competely, but that aside whilst still accepting that everybody is not perfect i would want to say that you might on deep refelections discover that you have your own share of blame in this failed relationship.(from experience)
well i would recommend this book for you, "men are from mars women from venus" to read bfore you embark on another relationship.
goodluck!! but its more of HARDWORK. that sustains a relationship

A woman with poor housekeeping habits, one who is lazy and sloppy is a deal breaker. She may be the most beautiful and the smartest in the world, you dont want any of ur kids picking up such bad behaviour and thinking its fine.

Good luck bro. Arsenal is playing right now.

congrats

manntee:

maybe you are right but i wont be too hasty to make any conclusions based on one side of the story. men and women think differently and miscommunication and ASS You mption has done its fair share of damage to relationships and make an assof u. from your first mail, i could deduce you were not altogeather ready to let go competely, but that aside whilst still accepting that everybody is not perfect i would want to say that you might on deep refelections discover that you have your own share of blame in this failed relationship.(from experience)
well i would recommend this book for you, "men are from mars women from venus" to read bfore you embark on another relationship.
goodluck!! but its more of HARDWORK. that sustains a relationship

U really do have a point.[color=#770077][/color]

@ mantee, chychy,

i really gave it a honest shot. kicked every side-action to d curb and focused on making it happen this time. u don't hav to see things my way, but b4 God and Man, i didnt screw this up. if anything, maybe i was too impulsive in diving into d marriage proposal thingy and looking back, i excercised very poor judgement for not bailing out at d 1st signs of trouble.i am being philosophical about this, perhaps God was using her to punish me for some past misdeeds or something. i have done my penance, it's time to move on.
PEACE.

Its good you found out and had the courage to stop. Its all good, we pass through rough times to prepare us for better things . Good Luck

@poster
Congratulations!
And don't be in a hurry next time.
Seems you initially acted on the spur of the moment.
All that glitters no be Gold.

From your story, You've acted rightly.

We often make mistakes of overlooking critical issues before diving into marriage thinking they'll change them with time - very wrong.

Anything we cant cope with before marriage has a higher probability of getting worse thereafter.

Thank your God and Stars cos you would have seen the other side of marriage and the darker side of life.

manntee:

maybe you are right but i wont be too hasty to make any conclusions based on one side of the story. men and women think differently and miscommunication and ASS You mption has done its fair share of damage to relationships and make an assof u. from your first mail, i could deduce you were not altogeather ready to let go competely, but that aside whilst still accepting that everybody is not perfect i would want to say that you might on deep refelections discover that you have your own share of blame in this failed relationship.(from experience)
well i would recommend this book for you, "men are from mars women from venus" to read bfore you embark on another relationship.
goodluck!! but its more of HARDWORK. that sustains a relationship

True talk! Honestly, I wish we could have listened to the other side of the story - the girl's side I mean.

Sometimes, everything is not what it seems to be. I read an interview in a newspaper about the daughter of a late judge. She has been married to a top corporate guy for over ten years and they have a few kids. She confessed that when she got married, the only thing she knew how to do was to boil an egg! Yes!! It was from her husband and a few friends, that she later picked up some domestic skills. Whenever she got frustrated by her lack of cooking skills, the guy would say: "If all I wanted in a woman was mastery of domestic chores, I would have married a househelp. So relax". He got a cook for the first few years, until she was able to master the ropes.

Secondly,  some women  have just never learnt the art of speaking softly and quietly. They were probably talked down to as kids, heavily criticised and insulted, so that is all they know how to be. They may have been raised in a combative environment, too. It would take a compassionate and patient man, to show them how to behave in a different manner.

Thirdly, some men dish out criticism with a heavy hand, or in a harsh abrupt tone. Others make their dislike known, by adopting a nonchalant dismissive manner, instead of sitting down to have a "heart-to-heart" talk, that would clear the air. Some even use a derisive tongue to send their message across. Am not saying coolkaboom did that, but then we need to ask: How did he make his views known to her? Was he contemptous or scathing in his remarks? Sometimes, just one word of ridicule can make a person see red. Is he saying that she didn't have any redeeming features? From what he has said, it seems she was a she-devil!

How come he didn't notice her caustic tongue before she moved in with him? Sometimes, when men have developed itchy feet, they start noticing all the bad traits in their partner.

Well, both parties have moved on. I do hope they will be able to take a long hard look at themselves (inwardly and outwardly), and effect lasting changes in their character that will make their lives better, at the end of the day.