Hello, plss i need an advice on this issue, Im in a committed relationship for 4yrs nw.
Shes 2yrs older. We started in our university days and it has bein goin well though we hav our challenges.we started NYSC service about same year but she was a batch ahead of me. Now she has concluded and about gettin a job and im yet to conclude service and also she wants to settle down b4 her thirties not because shes scared i mite leave her cos i have never given her reasons for that,but because she feels age wont be on her side. I told her of my plans to get a job and specialize then my masters before marriage, estimately this shud be 4-5yrs from now considering our present economic problem, When i asked her about her opinion, she went blank, just said shes confused and not sure if she can wait,
I need your advice on what to do here,cos i love her n dont really see any one else being able of takin her place as my life partner.
Is it wise to settle down before going for my masters just not to lose her,or to get my masters now before gettin married

Guy i dont know how old u are, but would advice u. How can u settle down without a job? My brother few years back after my NYSC, i was almost lured into doing same thing and now after about 5-6yrs post service, i ve my  Masters and a manageable job. Pls take to my advice. Get a good platform first before u venture into marriage. See we deceive our selves by saying no one is replaceable. God is the only one that cant be replaceable. U can always find a better man or a better woman on planet earth. Will u feed a woman without a job? At least the cheapest MSC or MBA in Nigeria would Cost about N300,000 and once u have marriage responsibilities on ur neck u might not be able to do ur Masters again. Get at least a manageable job first

If she really loves you she would support you and say go for your masters. Honestly i think you should go for your master's degree.

Skittles18 is right. Besides, I think you should be asking yourself that:

"is love all that matters for a couple to decide to get married? Is there anything else?"

Once you can answer that question, I believe that you are good to make a comfrotable decision yourself,

Wish you all the best.

Well, You sound like an M.Sc or M.BA would give you a job, fa fa fa fowl!!!! Don't even let that thinking deceive you. What I can tell you is that off course without a job it would be difficult to manage a home because of course money runs the home and nextly because we don't want you killing our sister just cos she got a bigger/better job than yours. You should concentrate on getting a job first.Blimey,there are lots of married folks doing their postgrad,infact I know a good number that were newly weds as in 1 month after kind oh.
@Toba,truly only God is irreplaceable but we don't want him to start afresh looking for a good girl after this one leaves,the devil he knows is way better.So my fellow bros,mbok firstly get it out of ur head that a Masters degree will open the job windows.

Finally which one is get a job and specialize , you sound like a commitment phobe. Stop pushing the "evil day" forward.

See my dear showstopa, its better to wait for Gods choice and at the right moment rather than hastly jump into what he might not be able to sustain cos of woman pressure. a friend of mine got married over 30 after achieving something good for himself. The poster should chill and pray to God for the right direction.
[center]God first[/center]

@ OP: chase the money and the women will come. Don't ever do otherwise.

@Toba,how do you know she is not God's choice for him? For some ppl, their wives are the good things that open the way for them. Note that I am not advocating marrying a jobless man o. Oloun maje

op

just let her go,

if she can wait 4 u. op

just let her go,

if she can wait 4 u.

edited for privacy sake. im sure you would understand

Cuddlemii:

@Op

I am a sucker for a masters degree. I have been chasing it for 4 years now but stuffs like funds and all always came up. In fact my name should be converted to masters. I have all school brochures and I have over 30 admission, in different countries, written GMAT and TOEFL, gone to my state for support, done human hair business combined with my job to raise funds. Why all these?

I know my priorities. There is nothing like a good job and a secured future. In fact, I want Oil company job if possible. Your ambitions and dreams should never be cut short for love. Love is a good thing so it should accommodate your growth & happiness too. All my friends are bothered about marriage and all, they are looking for rich husbands, lazy babes. People look at me like marriage is meant to be on my mind but I don't want to suffer. I want to be able to cater for myself and family if the need arises. I am not a patch patch babe. Masters is just 2 years max so whats the fuzz?

I look at married people around me sometimes looking hungry, sad, broke, stressed out and ashamed because they went into the union prematurely & unrealistically. I know marriage is everything but marriage is not going to feed you, your wife and family. When your kids ask you for a new pair of shoes, tell them u got married when you were meant to be hustling.

I understand your babe and all. I will suggest you do something small. Like a little introduction or engagement. Get the family introduced. Get her a ring and make some commitments. It could be a parlor thingy. I'm sure she would be happy and have a little assurance. Your babe should also be thinking about a masters degree too or a better future for herself. Didn't she consider her age before now so why the pressure

The Nigerian economy is not stable. Its every man for himself. Suffer early to enjoy later. You can even have both marriage and your career. Just do a little thing first and when you are buoyant then a big wedding.

Smile

[size=13pt]^{TOBA! ma man where the heck have you been ? cheii. . . . that ma freak} [/size]

@Cuddlemii. the OP in question is saying his estimated plans for the future not anything definite so your response though reasonable,is not exactly in line b/c he has no date. He is saying he estimates it to be btw 4-5 years. What if he gets a job today tomoro? Why can he not get married? Who says married people don't do Masters. i.e husband and wife self. And like I have said again who says a Masters would turn his luck around if he didnt have a job.If he had a plan like he already has admisiions and funds et al then we can say do this ,do that but my guy is just estimating. As for doing small thing for the girl,that's utter crap.If the girl in question cannot wait,why tie her down again. And I assume you are female,and you are telling a girl to hang around with a "Nigerian" guy for 9 years. You serious so?
After all said and done, we can only advice,the convinction comes from you.I try to limit my advice giving,infact I try not to give advice just point out th epros and the cons and allow th epersn in question to decide.

Ogaga4Luv:

[size=13pt]^{TOBA!  ma man where the heck have you been ? cheii. . . . that ma freak} [/size]

Ogaga mon ami sataniste, how are u? Laisse aller à la salle de chat pour parler Romance

poster, go and do traditional marriage

@showstopa

Didn't the babe consider the age difference and all. Its either she waits for him to catch up or she leaves him and start scouting for another. Well as you said, its op's choice.

@Cuddlemii,
I am not even referring to the age difference at all. Let's say they started dating at 20(highly unlikely),its been 4 years now and in 5 years hopefully after the good job and Masters when he is ready she is 29. She aint exactly a spring chicken. For me its not even the age I am considering its the whole story in the light of his basis for his decisions

@ showstopper

Ok that's fair enough.

[size=13pt] <sup>LOL

What a bad advice gone wrong!</sup>

[/size]

Omolola1:

poster, go and do traditional marriage

na wa for this marriage issue. @OP, maybe as cuddlemii said, you should do a small engagement/introduction, then you can go ahead for your masters, that way she does not feel so much pressure from family and friends. Never, i repeat never ever marry her without a job, guy that your irreplacable love will trun to hate and resentment.

i see nothing wrong in marrying b4 doing ur masters but thats my opinion

[size=13pt]^Correct! [/size]

slymm:

na wa for this marriage issue. @OP, maybe as cuddlemii said, you should do a small engagement/introduction, then you can go ahead for your masters, that way she does not feel so much pressure from family and friends. Never, i repeat never ever marry her without a job, guy that your irreplacable love will trun to hate and resentment.

Its  a dicey one.you should sit with yourself and find out which has the higher priority.

thnks y'all for ur useful comments, im sam by name n now 24yrs,seriousli age has neva been an issue for me cos i look 8yrs older n i have neva dated any girl younga cos it reli dont go wel with me,so for dis reason i dont knw y shes scared of her age afterall im older facially n i'll still be d one to marry d old lady if she tink she's old, we started late 2007 in my third yr in schl n.and as for pressure, her parents are not the pressure type. D relationship is known to both families,her mother n myslf had a brief talk on the issue few wks ago n she told me to go easy,n dat i hav their backin in pursuin my career n layin a gud foundation first. As for her career,shes an accountant and if successfuli secures a job now, then by 2yrs time would hav rounded up her professions,
All i need is time to get a good job,den start up MSc, if tins work as planned, would walk down d aile with her few months to d conclusion of my MSc.
Is dis a big tin to ask, if all dis can be achieved within 2yr then i wont wait for a day more, but if not cant d rope be EXTENDED?

@Golusch, the only problem is that there is no dates attached to your plans. Or are there dates. What I mean is,do you have admission already and have paid your fees. Do you have a job start up date. If not,all you are doing is hoping and it's possible that even in 5 years time you still on't have a job or an M.Sc, God forbid anyways. Personally I think you are still too young to be getting married. At 24,I would be.That is ur major fear and don't tell me its not so,if not I see no reason why you would want an M.Sc before marriage,off course i understand about the job. Good luck with whatever you decide.

This whole discussion!

I think you are more worried about your financial status and the implications of getting married without having secured a good job using your masters.

I know so many people with families doing their Masters,Phd's etc. so I find it difficult to understand how a marriage can stop you from achieving your masters dream.

If you have been guaranteed a job as soon as you are done with the masters then I would urge you to put marriage plans on hold for those few years.After all ,24 is still too young for a man.

But listen,if you got a job today,and you feel 'mature enough' and 'ready for marriage' then nothing should stop you. You can join couples who are doing it.

[b]Just don't do it for her sake! [/b]Listen to your heart and try not to be in haste to please.

@OP, you will still be the one to marry the old lady, lol! That is kind of sweet and sad @ the same time. Anyways, tell her exactly what you posted up there, i mean from all indication, you love her, and she should be able to understand you will not let her down. 24 is a bit too young for a guy to settle down oh, are you sure you still do not have some wild oats left to sow??

slimyem:

Its  a dicey one.you should sit with yourself and find out which has the higher priority.

24??

Some elderly people will want to get back to your shoes at all cost, boy.

Get back to school, get your masters also phD if possible. What's meant to be's gonna be. If your woman can't support your ambition (after due delibration) then, she's no less than a tear in your eyes waiting to be shed. Marriage should not be a persuasive venture. It's a union of two minds, same dream, same destiny, same end. Believe me, true couples get married in their hearts before walking down the aisle. Now is the time to lay down your bricks and build a career, a future, a dream. You will know when to get married, you don't need to consult a forum
your grandfather said i should tell you this.

Make her wait for you and then dump her after 9 years. Good for u.

My sister married her hubby who dint have a masters.
At the time they married, he dint have a job.
After the wedding, they were still paying debt.
they only had a student bed in their house.
one year after, he started sending all four of us to a private university one year after the other.
The guy knew what he wanted in his woman and dint let any masters degree stop him.
Today,im a graduate who is going for masters abroad just because my sister married a "poor man without masters degree"

@poster, i just had to say this but if u are not sure of you two living together forever, then go for ur masters, please. goodluck