This epistle is about WHY MARRIED MEN CHEAT; and yup, it’s very long,   

Why do guys get married in the first place?

When I inquired from my married friends who wanna cheat and those who don’t wanna cheat why they get married, only about 8% of them confirmed they got married because they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with their sweetheart; I know my statistics sucks but I need a figure mehn ; below are some of the flimsy excuses as to why he walked down the aisle or visited the registry:



    She wanted marriage
    My mom wanted a grandchild
    My family & friends see my being single at this age as IRRESPONSIBLE
    Am bored
    I wanted marriage
    I needed someone to cook my food, do my laundry and warm my bed
    She was very pretty
    I liked her dress sense
    I like her genes
    She can cook!!!
    She was pregnant
    She had a baby for me
    We dated for long and she was getting old
    She helped me financially
    I want babies
    She scammed me.

Yea, marriage is sweet and cool but it’s not all relationship that must end in marriage. That’s while we have stuffs like DATING and COURTING; these processes are meant to shortlist and eliminate candidates (lol).  Lady, the fact that you have aborted 7 pregnancies for him doesn’t mean he will or should marry you, if you like stay in an abusive relationship for 10years and get married to your peril. Na you go suffer ram.



I keep telling ladies, don’t commit abortion for any baggard, he may end up marrying you after damaging your womb and then proceed to cheat on you with another woman that can give him a baby. If you guys enjoy playing MUMMY & DADDY & you scored, have the kid, it aint that bad.



For those guys who got married because they needed a maid and cook, well, a time will come when you will get tired of her food. What about the guy that wanted to give his mom a grandchild? Well the cute babies will arrive and then what? What about sex? It also will get boring and cease after sometime, what will hold you guys together then? Your friends and family now see you as responsible innit? Do they know about the side girls



MRS. Churchy; did you dupe your man into marriage? You went to church because you needed a husband right? You trashed all the “BAD” attitudes and took on the cute ones just so you land a husband, well, you gonna have that husband but is that what he really wants too? Do you know that he also joined your church so that he can get a meek woman who wouldn’t challenge his nefarious behaviors in the future The fact that you fake or are bornagain, a virgin, striper, or independent woman doesn’t mean you will live happily ever after.



Madam, do you choose to ignore his randy behavior? Do you even care? Well I understand you are now a MRS, ‘dem kids are cute and well taken care of, your career  couldn’t be better, he provides for all your needs, got you a nice car and nice house but is that enough reason to IGNORE him and grow fat? Without him there wouldn’t have been any baby, you know that right? He is more important than the kids.



Some men got married because they wanted kids and don’t want their children to be BASTARDS; others do so because they played hard and scored a baby, some other ones do so because she got pregnant and the honorable thing to do in such situation is to marry the girl which in my opinion aint cool. What happens when the children are all out and grown? Some guys even marry the girl because she has been of tremendous financial assistance to them and the only way to show their appreciation is MARRIAGE; lol, marriage aint GRATITUDE buddy.



Babes; please don’t put the idea of marriage in his head, as much as am bold & like to flirt; I think proposing should be left to the man, let him play till he is tired of playing, let him beg you to marry him, don’t manipulate him into putting a ring on it because that does not guarantee your everlasting happiness.



MRS; Marriage aint gonna change him either, make sure you are comfortable with the whole package before you take that leap. If he womanizes, smokes & drinks while you were dating he aint gonna stop because of marriage, it will only get worse. Well, he may stop because he feels like it or get tired of it. Your prayers may work too but it’s gonna take a long damn time mehn, don’t challenge yourself unnecessarily.



I think people should get married because it’s what they BOTH want and not because it’s what HE or SHE want and for the right reasons too because whether we like/believe it or not, a time will come in a relationship when both partners will be tempted to cheat; and the only thing that will make either party scale through unscathed is the reason why they got married in the first place.



Some married men claim they cheat because;

    He’s bored
    Tired of eating only FISH, wanna taste CHICKEN & MEAT too
    She got fat
    He likes me; has never done something like this before
    She is out of town
    They commute
    She is reproductively challenged
    They made a mistake
    She doesn’t know how to take care of a man
    She got sloppy with her fashion sense
    She nags
    She prefers the kids to him
    They lost touch
    She got big (in that place) after the baby
    Everything is ok at the home front but he just wanna play
    She doesn’t appreciate him anymore
    She got OLD
    They stopped having sex.

Marriage is not a magical phase that suddenly makes him stop cheating, NO! He is still a boy and will always be a boy, he will very much love to continue doing what he was doing before he got married to you, he will still check out girls ass and boobs and will still be tempted to cheat.



If you look at it from outside; I mean if you have not dated, befriended or fraternized with these married men, you will conclude they cheat because of sex but am here to tell you that this is a huge misconception. Sex is just one of the benefits and not the main reason. Cheating whilst married is just like any other boy-girl relationship; the only difference is that he is TAKEN.



The job is good, wife is happy or look happy, money is in abundance & the car is cool; what next? WOMEN! Most of these guys get bored and don’t know how to put the fire back in their relationships. The only thing they now do at home is repair stuff, take the kids out and visit family friends, upon that, no sex (hehehe). The most obvious and simplest thing for them to do is look for action OUTSIDE their matrimonial homes.



My desperate sisters; you got pregnant for him just so you can trap him into marriage right? You even joined his FC just so he gets more attached. What about your pretense in church? Are you really as spiritual as you seem to be? Well, you will sure get lucky and land your dream husband, trust me on this one, guys like to marry churchy sedated girls but when the chips are down, if you jazzed or manipulated him, he will cheat and you may end up losing him to another woman. The guys’ sense our desperation and what do they do? They give us what we want of course!!! You wanna become a MRS? Fine, he can do that but just note that he may cheat while at it. Marriage doesn’t stop the PLAY; not even PAUSE it.



One of the prominent characteristics of married men besides the fact that they like UNAVAILABLE girls is that they crave “BAD GIRLS”. They go all out to land that churchy-good-girl, marry her & put her in the house to make babies and do chores then they proceed to cheat on her with her opposite outside. So MRS. JUMBOO; if you can do handcuffs and spank, you better let him know your talents before he seeks it outside. I really don’t understand why we CHANGE ourselves for these buggers and at the end of the day; they go out and look for EXACTLY those traits we eliminated. It’s all so confusing, a guy meets a girl, tells her all the stuffs he loves about her and the ones he aint cool with, the most obvious thing for the girl to do is to start making some adjustments so she can be his PERFECT girl and you would have thought they will live happily ever after. For where He will go out and look for those behaviors the girl dropped, I kid you not, these guys are crazzyyyyyyyyyyy…Like I always say; I had a life before we met and you got attracted to me because of a combination of stuff and they include those things you aint down with, I can pipe down a little (lol) & move some things around but by God! I aint gonna change for no boy; if you don’t like the package, look elsewhere! Plenty fish in the river.



While one married guy like that was hitting on me, I allowed him to finish his lines (they humor me) and then asked him why he was tryna cheat on his wife, he said he has been doing it for long that he love to play and was tired of eating fish, he wanted something different. I asked him what he would do if he were to catch his wife cheating and he said he will kill her. He further stressed it that his wife will never do such because he made sure he married a bornagain. That all she does is PRAY for him *smh*

                               

When married men cheat before, it used to be a kinda hush hush thing. The wife, kid(s), family and friends must not know; even the girl he plans to cheat with mustn’t know he is married but they are very bold now. They go: “BABE, I LIKE YOU BUT AM MARRIED & WANNA PLAY, YOU DOWN WITH THAT? I’LL TAKE VERY GOOD CARE OF YOU”. What about the guy who put up his wedding picture on a dating site; the picture he took with his bride and illegitimate children and guess what he wanted? He wants to MEET with girls between the ages of 18 – 21 *smh*.



Woman, please don’t stop being that chick he fell in love with, he may be your husband now but that doesn’t mean he has stopped playing or having fun, if you used to club while dating, don’t stop on account of marriage. Don’t get fat because you are now a comfortable MRS and don’t trash the clingy clothes either, yea you can modify them to say “AM MARRIED” but don’t stop them all together because if you do he will find another girl that looks like you (before marriage). The fact that you are married & have kids doesn’t mean you can still not go out on dates and sleep in hotels, reduce the activities but don’t stop it. Drop the kids at your cousin’s (family) and have a fun weekend with you man. Also minimize the no of times your kids sleep in your bed, you need some kinky time with ONLY your husband and what’s wrong with kissing in front of the children? Lol. They can even catch you in the act sef, all na sex education … Don’t stop being his best friend, girlfriend or whatever it is you guys go by… Sometimes, the MRS is responsible for her husband cheating.



Don’t stop the sex either. Yea, you are overloaded with chores, career & kids but please still find time for sex. Get help with running the house if you have to because if you stop the sex, he will get it elsewhere; they like sex (A LOT) aint nothing you can do about that and don’t go thinking “HE UNDERSTANDS AM TIRED” and stuff, he doesn’t understand o even if he pretends to, he is just thinking which of the girls he sees at the office everyday will fill the sex gap while he smiles at you. Don’t get sloppy woman!



Ehen, what is it with married women overfeeding their husbands You are supposed to be a helpmeet and not helpobesify! If you make him fat just so peeps know how good a wife you her or if your intentions are to make him unattractive; its counterproductive because girls outside will play with his big round belly and help him loose weight (guys like stuff like that). Keep your man healthy and attractive; make him the envy of other wives and chicks.



Appreciation also matter, don’t ignore your man; he still wants to know how attractive and sexy you find him even after the 4th child. Doth on him, call him while he is at work, make hotel reservation and do naughty things together, go on road trips ALONE, the kids aint gonna die if you take 3days off once in a while. If you don’t appreciate him, another girl will do so to him outside. Cut down on the nagging too, that aint communication, guys don’t understand STORIES, the only way to get to them is through RESPECT & DISTANCE, that’s their language, speak it and all will be well (at least). These guys aint monogamous by nature, if he is gonna cheat make sure you aint the reason.



Most married men claim they are happy in their marriages and nothing is wrong but they just wanna have more fun. There is nothing like a HAPPILY-MARRIED-CHEATING-MAN. Well, he may be happy because everything looks good and everyone seem happy on the home front and his cheating is going unnoticed but something is definitely wrong if not you wouldn’t be hitting on me instead of taking your wife out for icecream. How can you be happy and still cheat? That’s absurd!



The fact that you were a virgin or stripper doesn’t mean happy ever after either; marriage aint DISNEY WORLD and there is more to marriage than food and sex. Can’t remember who but someone once said if the SEX, FOOD & COMMUNICATION is good, marry her. Did you notice the absence of LOVE & COMPATIBILITY on that list? Sex gets boring or stops all together after a while, so does food, you will eat and get tired of it, and communication without love is nothing but NOISE & NAGGING. LOVE alone cannot sustain a marriage either, there are a whole lot of factors; make sure 89% of your marriage ingredients are present, don’t skip a step in your relationship either. Plus if you are a guy and have always wondered what a 3some is like, you better check it out before you visit the registry. Make sure you enjoy your singleness and exhaust all fun ideas, don’t leave anything out because it may be a reason for cheating in the future.



Sometimes they just wanna waste money. I was gisting with my married mechanic one time and he went on and on about how his girlfriend was chopping his money but the way he was saying it you will know he’s real proud of himself and having a nice time. I asked him what his wife will do to him if she founds out he’s cheating and he said “NOTHING”. According to him, he provided enough for her and her children, they don’t lack so he is free to do whatever he please with his money.



Adoption is not a terrible idea either; those kids need a proper home to grow up in. Have you guys thought of what you will do if the kids decide to arrive late? Of course it’s not our portion (lol), we all want our biological kids and don’t wanna think otherwise but shits happen. When I ask some of my dates about their view on adoption, some have not even thought of it, most don’t wanna hear of it and only a small % of them welcome the idea. That’s another avenue for cheating, if you find the idea of you raising someone else’s kids appalling then you are gonna sleep with another woman just to have a baby when push comes to shove. Of course we can’t think of ALL the possible stuff that could go wrong in the future but we avoid discussing most of the simple issues staring us in the face and leave it to JESUS. Aint nothing wrong with having faith but let’s get real people.



All said, some of these married guys are bastards, no matter what we do, they still let their hormones rule them but we still gotta do our best and leave the rest to God and him. Am not saying married women don’t cheat, they do but not like their husbands do.



MR. MARRIED MAN; are you sure whatever it is that’s making you all randy, testy and restless can’t be remedied? Have you discussed how you feel with your better half? What about visiting a therapist or marriage counselor? I know you wear the shoes and know exactly where it pinches, just wondering if the shoemaker can be of assistance.



MRS. MARRIED WOMAN; I wasn’t joking about the SEX, FOOD, KIDS, FAT, DRESS & FUN stuffs I highlighted above. Did you fake your churchy attitude to hook him? Did he change after the marriage or when the kids started arriving? Getting sloppy with your fashion sense? You reproductively challenged or are you cheating on your man with someone else too? Do you suspect he is seeing another woman and choose to report him to family members instead of taking productive steps? Perhaps you choose to look the other way and curse the daughter of Jezebel who is making your man stray. Maybe you are even living in denial….whatever the case may be, make sure you aint the reason why he is cheating or will cheat. Appreciate him, listen to him, cut him some slack, dress nicely, watch your weight and don’t let household chores get to you. A lot of machines out there to help you now (thank God for technology) and don’t stop being that girl he fell in love with.



SINGLE / DESPERATE SISTERS; look before you leap, quit faking your “bornagaism”. If you don’t like the package, order something else before it’s too late. He aint gonna change. Quit throwing yourself at men and stop the abortion ish. Don’t ignore red flags either, if you can manage him, fine, if not, move on, lots of single quality guys out there, they are a bit scarce but they exist (I know they do). Be comfortable with your singleness, being single aint that bad. Perhaps it’s only for a while and some girls and boys aint meant to be married anyways. If I wanna get married in 6moths, I can accomplish that. I aint boasting; I know exactly what guys look for in a lady, what they wanna hear and see but what about what I want? Believe me am gonna divorce his sorry ass if he tires shit with me (I kid you not) so it’s safe for me to remain single till…,



SINGLE GUY; please don’t do it if you don’t feel like it. Don’t marry her just because she wants to get married, got pregnant, has a baby for you or because your parents want you to, make sure LOVE & COMPATIBILITY are on your list. Sit your parents down and talk sense into them, this is 2011. Don’t go into the union only to cheat 3months into your engagement and shortly after her pregnancy starts to show. Amazing sex and good food does not mean a happy & fulfilling marriage. If you need someone to do your laundry and cook for you, get a maid! If “BAD” girls appeal more to you, marry such, don’t put a “GOOD” girl in the house and then cheat on her with the bad one outside. I know a guy who has a fetish for fair skin ladies but when ahead to marry one with cark skin because she got married for me; of course he is presently cheating and can’t stop cheating. Infact, he told me he lusted after his wife’s friend who was very fair skin on their wedding day. Yea, you heard that right.



Don’t get married outta PITY, BOREDOM, PRESSURE / OBLIGATION, you will regret it and then CHEAT.



I not only wish but hope for a future where two peeps get married because they can no longer live without each other. A future where two mature peeps can tie and untie the nuptial knot as need be…



Was it long Of course it is (silly me) but you guys have all been encouraging me to write a book; well here is a taste. I could write an encyclopedia on why guys cheat and if you are gonna read my book we had better start practicing with some “LONG ASS NOTE”. What were you thinking when you told me to write a book Book nah very long thing o, thanks for reading guys; hope you learned something while reading; I did while writing it (seriously)…



Copyright © 2011 by Alero Olayinka Alfred

All rights reserved (DON’T STEAL MY THUNDER)


http://www.facebook.com/notes/herlirror-orleryeenker-herlfraid/wasis-he-ready-for-the-long-haul/239040106130660

My eyes,my eyes

Reading dis post i as good as travelling from OWERRI to CALVARY! makes sign of cross and leave

good post

@OP--Pls next time, put this into a movie. Too long mehn

Well said, but some men have self esteem issues, large egos but a small penis that fails to deliver so they have to hop from partner to partner often with little regard for safe sex.

post is too long.

Can someone please do a summary

Yes, It's really long.

I took time to digested every. Her writing sooth how I think and I feel I share this on nairaland for wider coverage and discussion.
I know NL people are very intelligent

Many thanks,