yeyenatu: .

Anyway, Islam is a religion where individuality ain't given much chance. So a lot of people tend to bend what they're comfortable with to fit into what's acceptable in the teachings of Islam. Which to me is kosher and super fun!

Singleship in Islam and individuality tend to leave a lot of Islam brothers a little stuck-up, while the sisters get shelled/middled.

Anyway, I salute you all. But know that when choosing, it's best to choose with at least 60% of what you can accept as an individual or you may end up being married to yourself under a husband or you live like you are wife-less. Islam marriage is only enjoyed best when individuals are very compatible or things may turn real sour, real fast.

Peace upon y'all!!

YeaYeaNot

I completely disagree with a lot of this. Anyone familiar will the seerah will understand that Abubakr (RA) and Umar (RA), two of the closest companions of the prophet had very different if not opposite characters. One was outgoing and vocal. The other was quiet and reflective.

You seem to be projecting your impression of muslims on every single person. Muslims are as diverse as they come. If you even read through this thread, you might notice different character traits.

Which one is 'islam marriage'? All marriages require a level of compatibility.

maclatunji:

You are a classic example of people misunderstanding me. I have described a state of affairs, where did you see me complaining about it? You are telling someone who would rather enjoy privacy that most people do not want to get close and you think it is a problem to him? Do not get it twisted.

I am only saying in general terms people misunderstand others and it might prevent great friendships from emerging not: "Help maclatunji get people to like him".

I wrote it before: I like to analyse things, do not assume that the things I write are exactly about me unless I say so. For example, I wrote that people misunderstand me off Nairaland and even when I do not speak; that was a hint that you were getting the wrong notions about my posts.

You have no idea how much I enjoy solitude and will only leave it for specific types of company.

haha.. Did i insinuate that up there? Nope.

Go up and reread it. I wasn't misunderstanding you. You are more like a specimen we were analysing. So i gave you thoughts on what i have observed. I.e the general perception of people on here as regards you. Doesn't have to be my personal opinion or thoughts of you. If that was it. I would have clearly stated it. I am not misunderstanding you. Please note that. I can fairly well paint a mental picture of everyone here. And mind you it's not a one time thing.

You voicing out also means you don't like it. So i was right to use the word complain.

maclatunji:

Nah, let me give an example: Someone has been running a lot of ideas by me and I just tell them honestly that they are not so hot based on my experiences of those ideas which is the truth. The person then begins to think I believe we cannot do business together. They had to go to a third party to complain about my lack of "enthusism". When the third party told me, I just laughed.

Sometimes when I joke people think I am mocking them. Being me has a lot of advantages and I am not about to change greatly. I just laugh when people go like: "I did not know he is like this" or " I did not know he could do that" after their past misconceptions.

I am just complex in shot.

Here is the thing.
Someone runs an idea by you and has a misconception isn't the same as people running ideas by you and having the same misconception.
If you constantly tell people their ideas are not so hot based on your experience then really you can't do business together except they come with that business idea and them saying you believe that you can't do that business together is actually true as, how do you partner with someone in a business you don't believe in? And the problem with that is your experience irrespective of how large you think it might be is still "limited". And really in some cases ideas people deemed not so hot, turned into big businesses.

When you joke and people think your mocking them and you know they think you are mocking them, you actually are mocking them even if you don't mean it.
If a personal joke isn't funny to the person you based it on, others might laugh at it but don't expect the person to laugh and take it as a joke, as it's not about You!. It's more important a joke is funny to the person you tell it too than to you.

Except for a mental case, or extreme behavioural behavior/situation , people have great advantages for being who they are, but obviously everyone can do better, nothing to be defensive about.

Sissie:


Sometimes marrying someone with the feeling you could have done better and you settled for him/her is a recipe for disaster, it can turn into larger problems. And have seen this happen. Many at times end up not really happy.

During the bad times I.e quarrels, reconciliation isn't always easy and takes longer time.

i think that might happen if the person perhaps thinks too highly of themselves, if not, then they didnt need to marry someone they were not satisfied with.


and most likely, even if they marry their "el dorado", it probably wouldnt work out either since the problem is internal, ie inside them, not necessarily solely about the other person who "doesnt meet up" to their "standard" or "what they would have desired".

People might also be resentful if they married someone their family approved of rather than someone they themselves wanted, i suppose. Or if they feel they were pressured into marriage in some way.

Sissie:

Here is the thing.
Someone runs an idea by you and has a misconception isn't the same as people running ideas by you and having the same misconception.
If you constantly tell people their ideas are not so hot based on your experience then really you can't do business together except they come with that business idea and them saying you believe that you can't do that business together is actually true as, how do you partner with someone in a business you don't believe in? And the problem with that is your experience irrespective of how large you think it might be is still "limited". And really in some cases ideas people deemed not so hot, turned into big businesses.

When you joke and people think your mocking them and you know they think you are mocking them, you actually are mocking them even if you don't mean it.
If a personal joke isn't funny to the person you based it on, others might laugh at it but don't expect the person to laugh and take it as a joke, as it's not about You!. It's more important a joke is funny to the person you tell it too than to you.

Except for a mental case, or extreme behavioural behavior/situation , people have great advantages for being who they are, but obviously everyone can do better, nothing to be defensive about.

What would you say if I told you that I was already in business with the person complaining and most of the jokes are directed at myself?

maclatunji:

What would you say if I told you that I was already in business with the person complaining and most of the jokes are directed at myself?

oga Mac,keep me abreast on 'IT',I am in dark

maclatunji:

What would you say if I told you that I was already in business with the person complaining and most of the jokes are directed at myself?

Then that's not a first impression. Or a misconception based on first impression.

I hear you. Of course I know this, we can't all be the same. What I meant was that a lot of people venture out, for whatever reason, to meet with Muslims from several tribes and even countries. Then they find out that there are actually a few things that'll keep them apart even when their depth and knowledge of Islam is so deep. I can't claim to be that knowledgeable, in fact, I'm still learning but if it comes to being an individual and a wife at the same time, I maybe do it better than those that are supposedly deep in the faith, because I know my individuality and personality traits.

Marriage is about acceptance and happiness, right? Marriage is about love and submission. When submission, because the rules of the faith says so, keeps her from leaving an abusive marriage, then there is something wrong somewhere. In situation like that such had let her submission cloud her personality and individuality which may make her unsure of what to make of some decisions. I still see a lot of marriages done because 'both are Muslims' so it's a 'yes!' I am a very private person. It is high time sisters stop getting into courtship because he is a muslim and knows the Qur'an and hadith by heart. Believe me, that is what most; well, that I have come in contact with, use as a criteria.

But... what's wrong with other things? cook well? It's not manly? Dance? Eloquent? Fervent? Traditional? Modern? Rap? Pool? Talk dirty? Be sexy? Regal? Be quiet? Be loud? Wear face caps? No over the ankle trousers? No beard? Manicure?

Anyway, to each his own. I'm a muslim, I rock my scarf, rock my snickers, rock my sunshades, I love rap, love fast cars, love muscled men, love bearded men, I look at cute men... it is what it is. no more, no less. it's wrong in so many ways when we take some things just too seriously. When I say isn't he cute, some sisters would look at me like... wt? are you kidding me?

Una well done though. Good night.

tbaba1234:

I completely disagree with a lot of this. Anyone familiar will the seerah will understand that Abubakr (RA) and Umar (RA), two of the closest companions of the prophet had very different if not opposite characters. One was outgoing and vocal. The other was quiet and reflective.

You seem to be projecting your impression of muslims on every single person. Muslims are as diverse as they come. If you even read through this thread, you might notice different character traits.

Which one is 'islam marriage'? All marriages require a level of compatibility.

its that level that I'm concerned about really. And there is always a musina somewhere down the lane. Abi what's it called sef?

Ma Salaam!!

Sissie:

Then that's not a first impression. Or a misconception based on first impression.

But a misunderstanding nonetheless... imagine people feeling bad about a guy laughing at himself for the most part.

I have said the first impression thing is not necessarily about me but it is related to the idea of people getting the wrong notions about others and misjudging them whether it be after first or several encounters.

yeyenatu: I hear you. Of course I know this, we can't all be the same. What I meant was that a lot of people venture out, for whatever reason, to meet with Muslims from several tribes and even countries. Then they find out that there are actually a few things that'll keep them apart even when their depth and knowledge of Islam is so deep. I can't claim to be that knowledgeable, in fact, I'm still learning but if it comes to being an individual and a wife at the same time, I maybe do it better than those that are supposedly deep in the faith, because I know my individuality and personality traits.

Marriage is about acceptance and happiness, right? Marriage is about love and submission. When submission, because the rules of the faith says so, keeps her from leaving an abusive marriage, then there is something wrong somewhere. In situation like that such had let her submission cloud her personality and individuality which may make her unsure of what to make of some decisions. I still see a lot of marriages done because 'both are Muslims' so it's a 'yes!' I am a very private person. It is high time sisters stop getting into courtship because he is a muslim and knows the Qur'an and hadith by heart. Believe me, that is what most; well, that I have come in contact with, use as a criteria.

But... what's wrong with other things? cook well? It's not manly? Dance? Eloquent? Fervent? Traditional? Modern? Rap? Pool? Talk dirty? Be sexy? Regal? Be quiet? Be loud? Wear face caps? No over the ankle trousers? No beard? Manicure?

Anyway, to each his own. I'm a muslim, I rock my scarf, rock my snickers, rock my sunshades, I love rap, love fast cars, love muscled men, love bearded men, I look at cute men... it is what it is. no more, no less. it's wrong in so many ways when we take some things just too seriously. When I say isn't he cute, some sisters would look at me like... wt? are you kidding me?

Una well done though. Good night. its that level that I'm concerned about really. And there is always a musina somewhere down the lane. Abi what's it called sef?

Ma Salaam!!

If you are above 23, I might believe you write out of your persona but if you are below this age, I will be tempted to believe you write more out of youthful exuberance.

Simplistic I know.

baba11: oga Mac,keep me abreast on 'IT',I am in dark

Kindly expatiate on what you mean by 'IT' bro.

Yes I'm above. It is not youthful exuberance kankan. It is what it is.

And I didn't want to stick my nose where it's not needed, but the chats up there that I read. You were defensive and it just won't let people know that it is what it is. What many would see as you making mockery of someone's idea because you didn't birth it, you probably would see as your candid opinion. If it's your candid opinion, why should you defend it? Unless maybe you actually meant a part of it to get to the person involved, then it leaves him to start thinking for what purpose.

Anyway, to each his own.

Whatever rocks your boats. I never do well in crowds anyway, I seem to leave a weird impression about me on people and I don't always care to explain it. And I don't always do it on purpose. Your space, my space; we need not defend what we feel and how interpretation of what our faith is to us and our personality.

I don't come here anyway, too many snubs and stuck-ups. I used to follow you thus my gbeborun here.

maclatunji:


If you are above 23, I might believe you write out of your persona but if you are below this age, I will be tempted to believe you write more out of youthful exuberance.

Simplistic I know.

yeyenatu: .

Marriage is about acceptance and happiness, right? Marriage is about love and submission. When submission, because the rules of the faith says so, keeps her from leaving an abusive marriage, then there is something wrong somewhere. In situation like that such had let her submission cloud her personality and individuality which may make her unsure of what to make of some decisions. I still see a lot of marriages done because 'both are Muslims' so it's a 'yes!' I am a very private person. It is high time sisters stop getting into courtship because he is a muslim and knows the Qur'an and hadith by heart. Believe me, that is what most; well, that I have come in contact with, use as a criteria.

But... what's wrong with other things? cook well? It's not manly? Dance? Eloquent? Fervent? Traditional? Modern? Rap? Pool? Talk dirty? Be sexy? Regal? Be quiet? Be loud? Wear face caps? No over the ankle trousers? No beard? Manicure?

Anyway, to each his own. I'm a muslim, I rock my scarf, rock my snickers, rock my sunshades, I love rap, love fast cars, love muscled men, love bearded men, I look at cute men... it is what it is. no more, no less. it's wrong in so many ways when we take some things just too seriously. When I say isn't he cute, some sisters would look at me like... wt? are you kidding me?

Una well done though. Good night. its that level that I'm concerned about really. And there is always a musina somewhere down the lane. Abi what's it called sef?

Ma Salaam!!

Salaam,

There is nothing that should keep a woman in an abusive relationship. Islam allows the woman to seek divorce for reasons far less than that. She can seek a divorce because she does not like him again and staying with him will affect her faith.

There is nothing wrong in having preferences regarding yourself, fashion , lifestyle etc however in Islam, there are limits. Staring at a cute man because he is cute, is not on. A muslim man is also expected to restrain his gaze when he sees a beautiful woman and not keep staring.

This is part of the minimum modesty expected for the muslim. There are no different interpretations to this. We are told quite clearly to lower our gaze in the Quran.

You are correct, you should look for other things apart from religious commitment and look for the things you have in common. We all have our priorities and you should respect that..

NB: You should come here more often, your passion will be appreciated.

Take care.

yeyenatu: .
I don't come here anyway, too many snubs and stuck-ups. I used to follow you thus my gbeborun here.

Speaking of first impressions, sorry, we come across as 'snubs and stuck-ups'. If you stick around, you will find out that we are not like that.

yeyenatu:
I don't come here anyway, too many snubs and stuck-ups.

what gave you that impression?

maybe you are confusing here with somewhere else.

i doubt the level of stuck ups here is higher than elsewhere on the forum (actually, its lower for now).

yeyenatu: Yes I'm above. It is not youthful exuberance kankan. It is what it is.

And I didn't want to stick my nose where it's not needed, but the chats up there that I read. You were defensive and it just won't let people know that it is what it is. What many would see as you making mockery of someone's idea because you didn't birth it, you probably would see as your candid opinion. If it's your candid opinion, why should you defend it? Unless maybe you actually meant a part of it to get to the person involved, then it leaves him to start thinking for what purpose.

Anyway, to each his own.

Whatever rocks your boats. I never do well in crowds anyway, I seem to leave a weird impression about me on people and I don't always care to explain it. And I don't always do it on purpose. Your space, my space; we need not defend what we feel and how interpretation of what our faith is to us and our personality.

I don't come here anyway, too many snubs and stuck-ups. I used to follow you thus my gbeborun here.

I actually like your candid nature and bear with my mannerisms. So, you are not being exuberant but you do realise that some of your submissions will generate questions. It does not mean we think we are better than you.

Ok, I hear rap songs for example and for the most part I am offended on behalf of ladies with the way you are described in them. The videos are shockingly demeaning to women in my opinion.

How do you reconcile these seeming contradictions with your good judgement as a lady and your understanding of the teachings of Islam regarding how men should treat women?

I would like to continue the conversation and trust that I bear you no ill-will nor consider myself better than you in any way. I want to understand you.

Thanks.

tbaba1234:

Speaking of first impressions, sorry, we come across as 'snubs and stuck-ups'. If you stick around, you will find out that we are not like that.

#Word

Yeyenatu, time to prove you are not "stuck-up" yourself. Let us interact.

The way the lady vex over my post no be small thing at all.

I look forward to her being less-offended in the morning, I have to sleep now. Ma salam.

Baba 11 you have a point but seriously I have my standard and they are realistic. As i have got my non negotiable character in men so I have some negotiable ones. I cannot compromise on my non negotiable ones because people feel i am in my marriageable age.... It is not about people now, it is about me and him, can we tolerate each other? . We know we cannot get a 100 percent as Allah is the only perfect one but to some extent we should be able to complement each other. May Allah direct our steps....

baba11: You don't necessary have to do gf-bf things before u get your soulmate..if you really have good intention and you are among the righteous, Y not,Allah will give u your heart desire with prayer..I as a cased study,I didn't have time for ladies throughout my academic pursuit despite many 'crushes', but now,I think I'm in a better position to select the best among them for me as a wife now despite no string attachingattaching # .. apart from the fact that school relationship is not allowed,it ruins the academic performance and focus of the doers

I'm very sure if u purified ur intention,do the needful(istikhara),be among the righteous and prayerful, He'll do it in a short while....

People used to say they did not marry Muslims because they didn't come across one that they could marry,you need to ask such people who they got used to before they got marry...

Buhahahahahaa... I can be stuck up sometimes y'all are just too serious jare. Word kor, verse ni... hehehe

maclatunji:
#Word
Yeyenatu, time to prove you are not "stuck-up" yourself. Let us interact.

tbaba1234:
Speaking of first impressions, sorry, we come across as 'snubs and stuck-ups'. If you stick around, you will find out that we are not like that.

okay, I'd ghost-mode myself here once in a while. Any I find interesting, i'll rub my nose in.

And, a cute guy is a cute guy. I'll look away. What I said was telling my 'sister friends/colleague' he is cute and they acting like I just spoke out of turn. Who says I can't gossip about it? I'm shy anyway, so it's mostly 'sheltered stares' unless I'm really up to mischief or amongst very very close friends.

@tpia1, I hear you. Thanks.

maclatunji:
I actually like your candid nature and bear with my mannerisms. So, you are not being exuberant but you do realise that some of your submissions will generate questions. It does not mean we think we are better than you.
Ok, I hear rap songs for example and for the most part I am offended on behalf of ladies with the way you are described in them. The videos are shockingly demeaning to women in my opinion.
How do you reconcile these seeming contradictions with your good judgment as a lady and your understanding of the teachings of Islam regarding how men should treat women?
I would like to continue the conversation and trust that I bear you no ill-will nor consider myself better than you in any way. I want to understand you.
Thanks.

artists don't sing alike. Rappers don't rap alike. Yes, offensive but it's an art and I learned to ignore anything anyone says on rap because he wants to sell his album. Come on, it's a genre of music. There is nothing more to it, some raps don't insult women anyway. Even if it does, it's not me. So why should I be offended on behalf of whoever the rapper (imaginary) is rapping about. I follow the rhythm and feel the vibe, What they saying, I know how to sieve. And the videos, to a guy viewing I understand it being 'offensive' but I see it more like he should look away and leave us 'women' to enjoy it, it's us after all, abi? He should be Embarrassed though, wetin him dey look..."lower your gaze" hehehe... isn't it how it's supposed to be. a guy says 'ho' 'bieetch' 'p***y' aren't they in the dictionary? Or a world known slang? So if they are, if I'm offended by it, I just won't say it or listen to it being said na. Se finis!! If I'm with my guy and we listing to maybe a rap song and he flinchs when he hears the 'b' word, i'll just laugh at him and that's it. I mos Def ain't gon' sit in a crowd and listen or watch it. It's What I enjoy in the comfort of my ear piece or phone screen. My space... so I don't think I find it embarrassing. Actually I don't.

^I see where you are coming from but you have not reconciled it with what Islam says about men respecting women. You have simply tried to explain it from a personal perspective of why and how you listen to it.

Perhaps if you be willing, explain how Islam is to you so that we get to understand you better.

But, don't get me wrong. men should respect women... Islam or not, women should put themselves in a place of respect too. They shouldn't hide behind 'men respect women' to have sh*tty attitudes. did I just say... hahaha... chai, ok. anyway,

Islam to me, is like a layout. With the terrain well laid out with guides on how best to maneuver your way around without losing your way, right? So, to me, our individuality as we have been birthed with, allows us to choose which routes would be easier for us without collapsing of exhaustion. No stamina? Don't climb the mountain to get to the other side. Can run fast? Take the expressway. blurry vision? Take your time and watch your steps? Your have the layout, so finding the mountains and flat lands and waters, wouldn't be difficult. Most times, my view on Islam is quite shifty sha. I respect submissive-ness but I also hold the torch for femininity. This tends to bring frowns sha.

maclatunji: ^I see where you are coming from but you have not reconciled it with what Islam says about men respecting women. You have simply tried to explain it from a personal perspective of why and how you listen to it.

Perhaps if you be willing, explain how Islam is to you so that we get to understand you better.

yeyenatu: But, don't get me wrong. men should respect women... Islam or not, women should put themselves in a place of respect too. They shouldn't hide behind 'men respect women' to have sh*tty attitudes. did I just say... hahaha... chai, ok.

I think I get your point.

yeyenatu:

Islam to me, is like a layout. With the terrain well laid out with guides on how best to maneuver your way around without losing your way, right? So, to me, our individuality as we have been birthed with, allows us to choose which routes would be easier for us without collapsing of exhaustion. No stamina? Don't climb the mountain to get to the other side. Can run fast? Take the expressway. blurry vision? Take your time and watch your steps? Your have the layout, so finding the mountains and flat lands and waters, wouldn't be difficult.

I suspect that you are saying that Muslims should be left to develop their faith at their own pace without being pushed to move faster. Do you believe in the concept of "continuous improvement" as a Muslim and that as your knowledge, understanding and faith develops, certain things might become abhorrent to you as a consequence? For example, a lady who has studied and understands the tafsir of the Qur'an might want to totally avoid any "good" that Ludacris has to say in his album even if some of us might think he made sense in one place or the other. #LOL She could be really fun and outgoing but her understanding of Islam might lead to her ignoring such altogether.

yeyenatu:
Most times, my view on Islam is quite shifty sha. I respect submissive-ness but I also hold the torch for femininity. This tends to bring frowns sha.

What is your definition of "femininity" or do you mean "feminism"? Do you think it contradicts Islam to the extent that Muslim women have to choose one over the other?

yeyenatu:
Islam to me, is like a layout. With the terrain well laid out with guides on how best to maneuver your way around without losing your way, right? So, to me, our individuality as we have been birthed with, allows us to choose which routes would be easier for us without collapsing of exhaustion. No stamina? Don't climb the mountain to get to the other side. Can run fast? Take the expressway. blurry vision? Take your time and watch your steps? Your have the layout, so finding the mountains and flat lands and waters, wouldn't be difficult. Most times, my view on Islam is quite shifty sha. I respect submissive-ness but I also hold the torch for femininity. This tends to bring frowns sha.

This reminds me of a hadith:

Abû Hurayrah relates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said “This religion is easy. No one becomes harsh and strict in the religion without it overwhelming him. So fulfill your duties as best you can and rejoice. Rely upon the efforts of the morning and the evening and a little at night and you will reach your goal.” [Sahîh al-Bukharî]

Everyone is at a stage of development, the most important thing is that you put in your best in fulfilling your duties.

Survey: What was the first impression of sissie and what's the present impression?

This yeyenatu sabi class herself o. So you think people you see here are stuckup? Huh?

You are living the stereotype well i see. If you are of the school of thought that believes religion restricts you from living a life then goodluck with that.

Sissie: Survey: What was the first impression of sissie and what's the present impression?

You don't wanna know seriously.

onegig: You don't wanna know seriously.

Is it that bad?

Sissie:

Is it that bad?

Nope. Not at all as for me but can't say for others.

But since you are keen on knowing. First impression of you was of someone who is strongly opinioniated and a bit strong willed when you want to be but under that facade is a tender you.


You don't really have that thick skin to carry such "face" for long and under intense arguements you tend to withdraw back into your shell. And you have confirmed that first impression over and over again.

Apart from that you are generally a nice person. Someone who knows how to use the carrot and stick approach would be very succesful friends with you.

I was banned by antispot. Had to register this one. The impression of one person shouldn't really matter, yes? What stereotype type? Religion, in my opinion, should complete you. Well, if that's What you think, to each his own.

onegig: This yeyenatu sabi class herself o. So you think people you see here are stuckup? Huh?

You are living the stereotype well i see. If you are of the school of thought that believes religion restricts you from living a life then goodluck with that.

And tbaba1234, "
Everyone is at a stage of development, the most important thing is that you put in your best in fulfilling your duties."
This I like.

baba11: oga Mac,keep me abreast on 'IT',I am in dark

It just occured to me that you might not have received the mail I promised to send you about 2 weeks ago. If this is the case, I apologise and please confirm if you received any mail from me after checking your spam box.

Thank you.