We need a female version to balance the equation. However, that doesn't mean i agree with this.

Sissie:

modified

Very correct

Very nice, the skill in crafting that is difficult to replicate.

Sisters do not mind tbaba and the sheikh. The first part is what you should read.

Seriously though, it is sad that many young husbands mess-up in marriage. Many young wives are striving to make their marriage work but the brothers are not helping.

I just wonder sometimes how something meant to be beautiful becomes ugly. I mean marriage.

maclatunji: Seriously though, it is sad that many young husbands mess-up in marriage. Many young wives are striving to make their marriage work but the brothers are not helping.

I just wonder sometimes how something meant to be beautiful becomes ugly. I mean marriage.

I guess we mostly go into it unprepared. There's always a difference between visions and thoughts you have of something and the reality. We tend to believe we have all the needed ideas to make it work but the rude awakening may be too much for most to handle. And once there's a slide, it's always hard to get back up if you started on the wrong footing.

onegig: I guess we mostly go into it unprepared. There's always a difference between visions and thoughts you have of something and the reality. We tend to believe we have all the needed ideas to make it work but the rude awakening may be too much for most to handle. And once there's a slide, it's always hard to get back up if you started on the wrong footing.

I disagree with this because there is hardly any man that wins a woman's hand in marriage by being abusive or irresponsible. For people to do that in marriage is an indication of bad character in my opinion.

It is like employment, most people get a surprise when they start work, finding that it is not like they thought it would be, does this mean they start misbehaving? No.

maclatunji:

I disagree with this because there is hardly any man that wins a woman's hand in marriage by being abusive or irresponsible. For people to do that in marriage is an indication of bad character in my opinion.

It is like employment, most people get a surprise when they start work, finding that it is not like they thought it would be, does this mean they start misbehaving? No.

I wasn't talking about abuse. I was talking about lack of fulfilment and satisfaction. Abuse should have no place in any marriage. You don't have to maltreat your spouse before you guys can be termed to be in a bad marriage. Any marriage with atleast one unhappy partner is not an happy one.

I can be an employee and grumble through the job without misbehaving. It doesn't mean i enjoy the job or the work is satisfying. It means the job is not meeting my expectations. As for a job, i could decide to be content and happy with what i have. It's a singular person thing but when it comes to marriage, it is two partners and most times only you cannot change the outlook of things. You need your better half. you can't single out the young guys as the culprits. It takes two to tango and they both share equal blame for the state of their marriage. There are lots of things that are not open to the eyes of outsiders. So its hard to judge from the outside.

onegig: I wasn't talking about abuse. I was talking about lack of fulfilment and satisfaction. Abuse should have no place in any marriage. You don't have to maltreat your spouse before you guys can be termed to be in a bad marriage. Any marriage with atleast one unhappy partner is not an happy one.

I was writing about abuse; physical and emotional. An irresponsible husband is at the very least abusing his wife emotionally because she is likely to be concerned and upset about his behaviour.

As for happiness, you cannot be happy all the time and that does not necessarily mean your marriage is about to crash.

maclatunji:

I was writing about abuse; physical and emotional. An irresponsible husband is at the very least abusing his wife emotionally because she is likely to be concerned and upset about his behaviour.

As for happiness, you cannot be happy all the time and that does not necessarily mean your marriage is about to crash.

ok. I get you.

No one is happy always. But would you categorize the prolonged unhappiness stemming from the actions and inactions without an end in sight of your partner under this?

onegig:

ok. I get you.

No one is happy always. But would you categorize the prolonged unhappiness stemming from the actions and inactions without an end in sight of your partner under this?

Of course not, self-evidently.

maclatunji:

I disagree with this because there is hardly any man that wins a woman's hand in marriage by being abusive or irresponsible. For people to do that in marriage is an indication of bad character in my opinion.

It is like employment, most people get a surprise when they start work, finding that it is not like they thought it would be, does this mean they start misbehaving? No.

It's not about being unprepared.
Many young men mess up their marriage because they can and get away with it, without much consequences.
They believe or have been trained to believe they can do whatever they want as leaders, and they don't need to put much work or energy into the marriage all they need to do is provide (which many of them don't even do well).

Sissie:

It's not about being unprepared.
Many young men mess up their marriage because they can and get away with it, without much consequences.
They believe or have been trained to believe they can do whatever they want as leaders, and they don't need to put much work or energy into the marriage all they need to do is provide (which many of them don't even do well).

You are right.

Marriage failure can come from both parties.

Sometimes, a man is doing his best but is not getting appreciation or acknowledgement from his wife. Nagging et al.

Marriage is work, it involves both parties putting in some effort. To enjoy a relationship, it is give and take

Salam Bros n Sis, been ffg this thread lightly and from the most you've Sai∂ especially on the issue of faulty marriages. With my little experience I feel its best both parties resolve from the start that they be guided by the Holy Qur'an. From there,they will know what's expected of them when situation. These days there's a lot of deviation from the Islamic provisions hence the problem in marriages. Salam

blakky97:
We need a medium where we can meet potential spouses for the singles. Islamic principles made us shy individuals who cannot approach muslim girls for relationship, but we find it easier to have non muslim women as close friends. When marriage becomes difficult, zina becomes inevitable. I have lived in all parts of Nigeria, and now visiting the north- kaduna precisely, there's a place called obalende. I see muslim youth on kaftan, beards and cap trooping in and out just to sleep with prostitutes. The fitnah is at the door front already what are we doing about it?

What do you think about the request made in this post?

maclatunji:

What do you think about the request made in this post?

As 4 d request well I no wan talk 2 much but I can only infer dat our brodas ar selfish cos dey dnt av 2 buy a cow 2 get fresh milk

simbiatadesomi:

As 4 d request well I no wan talk 2 much but I can only infer dat our brodas ar selfish cos dey dnt av 2 buy a cow 2 get fresh milk

How?

simbiatadesomi:

As 4 d request well I no wan talk 2 much but I can only infer dat our brodas ar selfish cos dey dnt av 2 buy a cow 2 get fresh milk

Please explain better.

@All, I am asking what you think about the idea of trying to hitch serious brothers and sisters through Nairaland?

Can it work? If it can, what are the best modalities for achieving the objective?

maclatunji:

Please explain better.

@All, I am asking what you think about the idea of trying to hitch serious brothers and sisters through Nairaland?

Can it work? If it can, what are the best modalities for achieving the objective?

I doubt it's effectiveness considering the fact that Nigerians are still skeptical about online relationships and in that majority of those seeking to meet someone online are not sincere with their intentions. If it's to work, those that should be allowed to make known their attentions must be someone well known and with integrity.

curiouses:

I doubt it's effectiveness considering the fact that Nigerians are still skeptical about online relationships and in that majority of those seeking to meet someone online are not sincere with their intentions. If it's to work, those that should be allowed to make known their attentions must be someone well known and with integrity.

So, I see a condition attached. So far, I have avoided taking-up such a challenge, I see it as difficult to achieve and potentially counter-productive.

maclatunji:

Please explain better.

@All, I am asking what you think about the idea of trying to hitch serious brothers and sisters through Nairaland?

Can it work? If it can, what are the best modalities for achieving the objective?

All I'm sayin is it is easier 4 brodas 2 gain sexual satisfactn witout commitment so it makes it easy 4 dem 2 remain unmarried even when dey ar long over-due. They giv excuses of not wantin 2 marry d wrong lady or waitin until dey becom a billionaire. Finally dey know dat @80yrs dey can still father a child

Hehehe omo... y'all are one a long thing!!!

In my opinion, acts done and shown before relationships are with true intents; raw and genuine. The ones displayed during courtship are most times partially truthful, cos its often filled with what's gon' be satisfactory. Marriage is a very complicated situation that's not meant for everyone. Not all love stories end in marriage. I have seen people that are very very good together while courting, and after marriage and living together...they become more like flat mates. Someone that doesn't understand the complications of singleship and floating, will goof when s/he becomes emotionally tied to someone else... who may/not also have troubles with self/life complications.

The mentality of I can have more than one tends to make muslim brothers not try hard enough to make the sisters hang around. I mean, what are we saying?

A wife that can't respect that the husband is allowed to miss his singleship days shouldn't even be married. A husband that doesn't want his wife to have a girl's night out too. He is growing, let him grow into the marriage at his own pace. She is adjusting to being under you, it doesn't just happen...it needs easing into.

A lot of us make errors while dating because we mostly lack what it actually entails. Just because he asks you out/agrees to date you, doesnt mean he/she is already seeing wedding colors. Well, guys tend to need a lot of nudging though, they just being men na. Every lady wants a fairytale romance and happily ever after, but it doesn't always happen like that. Love is built and developed, not something that you just feel because of reasons you'd already marked out in your brain. I don't like tall guys, doesn't mean I won't see such and wonder if he'd be cool after all. Because of that mentality of 'I don't like', a lot of youngsters had lost out on happiness in relationships. It's good to set a bar; set to 23 while knowing that 18 is still a good way to go. Happy chappy, I say!

Chai, I talk too much. I don go...

Ma salaam peepz!! Sorry if I don't do all these sisterly brotherly shindig... its boring to me...




YaeYeaNot

simbiatadesomi:

All I'm sayin is it is easier 4 brodas 2 gain sexual satisfactn witout commitment so it makes it easy 4 dem 2 remain unmarried even when dey ar long over-due. They giv excuses of not wantin 2 marry d wrong lady or waitin until dey becom a billionaire. Finally dey know dat @80yrs dey can still father a child

Ok, but you and yeyenatu are still not getting what I am asking. Simply put:

1. Do you think Nairaland can be used to connect brothers and sisters seriously looking to get married?

2. How would this work within the confines of Islamic rules?

Thank you.

maclatunji:

Ok, but you and yeyenatu are still not getting what I am asking. Simply put:
1. Do you think Nairaland can be used to connect brothers and sisters seriously looking to get married?
2. How would this work within the confines of Islamic rules?
Thank you.

1) yes, I think so. When done right that is.
2) it would just be updating profiles and certain groups per week or so. Speed dating kinda thing. We can even make a weekly or monthly shindi out of it... errr... islamic rules? what's that?


YeaYeaNot

Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah.
It has been quite an age I say a word here...best regards to Sissie,Mac,Tbaba,new Yeyenatu,baba11,my e-yawo(Babylola-UmmuNusaybah) et al.
Its nice to use nairaland to connect muslim singles....Searchng for our e-da'i Tbaba,Babylola.....They've been gvng verdicts on it.

I've been busy on vacancies section.
Ma'assalam

Esji80: Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah.
It has been quite an age I say a word here...best regards to Sissie,Mac,Tbaba,new Yeyenatu,baba11,my e-yawo(Babylola-UmmuNusaybah) et al.
Its nice to use nairaland to connect muslim singles....Searchng for our e-da'i Tbaba,Babylola.....They've been gvng verdicts on it.

I've been busy on vacancies section.
Ma'assalam

jazakumulahu kairan Esji80..You are welcome

maclatunji:

Ok, but you and yeyenatu are still not getting what I am asking. Simply put:

1. Do you think Nairaland can be used to connect brothers and sisters seriously looking to get married?

2. How would this work within the confines of Islamic rules?

Thank you.

1. Yes I think nl can b used 2 connect serious bros & sis

2. Our proposed meetin can b a startin pt but anyone dat dates shall b doin so @ dia own risk

So, I see people wanting such a platform but not clearly defining how the process would work. @Simbiatadesomi, I see your suggestion.

@All, The danger with these arrangements is that you could have guys or even ladies acting this way:

1. Guy: Sister, I like you, you like me and we met on Nairalan Singles Forum that supports the idea that we get married. We have been getting along for 6 months now, don't you think it is time for you to come to my place? Don't you trust me? The sister is already emotionally attached and feels obliged to make concessions she is not supposed to make.

2. They start meeting in the wrong places, sex enters their relationship and it becomes "we will use condoms, so people can't find out " and then voila, pregnant sister arises.

These things happen and I am not interested in cluelessly engendering such. Can't the serious guys set out their marriage intentions to sisters they think have what they want?

As a sister too, can you not notify a brother you think is compatible for marriage? You never know, he may fancy you as a wife too. You guys can sort-out impediments together.

I am not throwing away the idea of creating a platform for Muslim Singles to connect towards marriage but you should give me better reasons why I should go through the trouble.

@Yeyenatu, this explains the rules you asked about without being too compex http://islam.about.com/od/marriage/a/courtship.htm

maclatunji: So, I see people wanting such a platform but not clearly defining how the process would work. @Simbiatadesomi, I see your suggestion.

@All, The danger with these arrangements is that you could have guys or even ladies acting this way:

1. Guy: Sister, I like you, you like me and we met on Nairalan Singles Forum that supports the idea that we get married. We have been getting along for 6 months now, don't you think it is time for you to come to my place? Don't you trust me? The sister is already emotionally attached and feels obliged to make concessions she is not supposed to make.

2. They start meeting in the wrong places, sex enters their relationship and it becomes "we will use condoms, so people can't find out " and then voila, pregnant sister arises.

These things happen and I am not interested in cluelessly engendering such. Can't the serious guys set out their marriage intentions to sisters they think have what they want?

As a sister too, can you not notify a brother you think is compatible for marriage? You never know, he may fancy you as a wife too. You guys can sort-out impediments together.

I am not throwing the idea of creating a platform for Muslim Singles to connect towatds marriage but you should give me better reasons why I should go through the trouble.

I go with this suggestion ooo mr maclatunji... control measures cannot be fully taken as the forum will not be included in their private or external interactions.

and besides, I'm not sure if I'm thinking too far. I think we should be very careful. some guys are not muslims and they may pretend to be in order to satisfy their urge and because they have special eyes for muslim sisters generally.

maclatunji: @Yeyenatu, this explains the rules you asked about without being too compex http://islam.about.com/od/marriage/a/courtship.htm

okay. Will read it. Thanks.

God bless your mma for me nd my mma for you too... hehehe!!! exactly!!!

maclatunji:

I was writing about abuse; physical and emotional. An irresponsible husband is at the very least abusing his wife emotionally because she is likely to be concerned and upset about his behaviour.

As for happiness, you cannot be happy all the time and that does not necessarily mean your marriage is about to crash.