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Help - Shes Killing Me - Romance - Nairaland

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Help - Shes Killing Me by downcasted: 3:00pm On Nov 18, 2011
THREAD REMOVED!
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by iyatrustee(f): 3:17pm On Nov 18, 2011
sorry bro! she is as good as gone. what assurances did you give her before you left naija? what was the communication between you guys like in the first few months after you left? so you had a financial obligation towards her and you cut it off after you got to cyprus? how were you expecting her not to jump into the hands of the next financially supportive guy?
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by tutuwater(m): 3:20pm On Nov 18, 2011
before i continue reading this piece do you say her birthday is

0ctober 19

i have a NYSC girlfriend whose birthday is October 19 hope she wont be a hoe too.
damn i beleive in astrology.
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by omega25red(m): 3:24pm On Nov 18, 2011
poster

you need to face your studies and leave that girl alone. Aren't there any other girls you can hook up with what exactly is so special about this woman who you know cheats on you and lie constantly to you?

Anyway breaking the bonds of love and what you are used to is hard but you have to be a man and be strong and leave her alone. your family hates her her own family can't stand her and worst of all you are a laughing stock amongst your friends because they all know how she is and yet you are still holding on. Please find some courage even if it is a white chick in cyprus or some other chick somewhere else just forget that girl.
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by Nobody: 3:27pm On Nov 18, 2011
downcasted:

Dear nairalanders

Im an adent follower of this forum but mainly spends time reading more till today i decided to come forward with my depressing issue.

i left nigeria to cyprus for my msc since last year and after leaving tried all i could to keep in touch with my woman (22) whom ive been dating for the past 4years, although we had issues then but i tried to remain positive on the relationship and wanted to serious see if she could stand the test of time, i cut down all financial aspects at my young age (25),  I wanted to see what she had to offer and if she could wait for the one year duration, to cut all story short may this year reports started getting to me bout my woman dating a dude  a 400level finals student like herself, i confronted her with this story and she denied it - i pressed on, she opened up that she had to give in to the pressure of the dude during a period when we had some misunderstanding and that he guy has only kissed her and helped her out financially but hasn't slept with her, My world came crashing before me, my 4year relationship was going down - 

I had to run back to Nigeria and i indeed confirmed tins for myself, flooded in her fone were pics of this guy, she had locks on all her fone and was so phone concious the whole time, I gave her a ring which she accepted after some serious talks trying to make her remember the past we shared before i departed the shores of Nigeria, she agreed but the next day - I noticed the ring was no where to be found on her hands -i asked her and she claimed it was missing somewhere in her room, i ignored it knowing fully well that she might have kept it
and whenever I asked why, she said the feelings were not there and that "like you said, they would come back with time" although we still Were Intimate but it was terrible as her mind didnt seem to be in it

Fast forward to a week later we had issues again as a result of that same dude and in the midst of anger, demanded my ring back cos im very temperamental and she returned the ring, i was ready to break it off this time and head back to europe - her family intervened and got the info of the dude and asked him to leave the girl alone (so i was told) had a couple of words with her and then she wanted a meeting  - which i acknowledged, she wanted space to work on ourselves so she claimed - she said she no longer felt love for me any more and that she had like 40% love for me - tears rolled down my eyes knowing im so emotional but she wasnt moved - i wished her all the best and we agreed to give ourselves the space, she claimed she could always call me - try to keep in touch etc but i made up my mind that the sooner i left nigeria, the better for me as im going to delete all contacts of her from my life.

Sorry its quite long but it sure would make me feel better typing this all out - 2days after she asked for the space, she got in touch with a friend of mine and told her she needed tins to work out and then proceeded in asking me that we should make things work, I would like to maintain that ive since cut off all financial aspects away from the relationship which she never complained about - My family went behind me and my father personally asked her himself that we do some sort of introductions before i leave the country back to cyprus and she turned the offer down saying she wasnt ready - My family whom she was so close to saw how depressed i was and knew exactly what was happening to me as i took to alcohol and they were amazingly shocked - they washed their hands away from this girl and everyone within my family circle hated her

This time she seem ready and was more back to her senses but then a problem happened, her birthday happened to be october 19th and on the 18th nite to the 19th morning - i asked her to spend the night at my place after much talking she agreed but then she did something which i noticed and frowned at cos she stays at her school hostel - before coming to spend the nite at mine, she bought a new sim and placed it in her fone leaving her real sim back in the another fone at her hostel - i believe her intention was to avoid calls from whoever she was expecting calls from to wish her a happy birthday wish - 12am that nite she was sleeping already, i got up and called her line it kept ringing but her phone right in my hand was mute then i knew something was up, i woke her up and complained why wont she drop this cheating habit of hers and she said she did it knowing my temper decided to avoid any issue that would cause us having an arguments

the next day 19th (her day) , she decided to read that nite for her upcoming exams which i agreed to because i value education so well - i was completely cool with it, then 20th afternoon - i saw a friend who asked me where was my girlfriend last nite and i was quick to defend her that she was reading the whole nite back in her hostel the guy laughed and asked me to ask her well where she was last night - then i knew i was in trouble again.

I approached her house and on getting there she wasnt in but her bag was in the living room, i angrily took the bag dropped it in my car and sped off waiting 4 her to call me so she cud tell me where exactly she was last nite, she didnt call. 6pm that evening the 20th october her mom rang me on my way there, i met a friend who confided in me that my girl did some birthday bash in a club that nite and that same boy whom her family has warned she stay away from was indeed there and after the birthday on their way to her hostel or where-ever got arrested by the police and locked up in prison, i thanked him for this info and went to see her mom on getting there - broke the news to the woman who apologized to me, reported her dad and he threatened to disown her after her entire family kept apologizing to me.

the 21st she came to meet me and went on her knees and confessed that it was a friends birthday bash after reading decided 2 go with some of her friends and met the guy coincidentally in the same club and by 11pm he was going to drop she and her friends off when they got arrested, she also confessed only kissing the guy and collecting money for up keep from him but never Were Intimate with him (Who cares) her father had a meeting with me a day before i travelled and it was agreed that December this year, i should come for some family introduction but my family are not in anyway ready for this because they hate this girl now so much cos of what shes done to me and the fact that she couldnt wait - they seem to have their own way of getting info about my girl from random sources close to her (all eyes fixed on us)

I met another young lady during my stay bout 2weeks before i left just to allow me get this girl off my head and my family immediately accepted her but truth to be told, i dont really love this girl as much as i love my original girlfriend.

Im back in europe again and she has started yet again,her attitude hasn't changed since i left - infact its even worse - I'm so confused n dnt knw wat to do again , her eyes seem to be so outside I dnt knw wat she's loookin for out there - 4days ago  we had sum miss understandin and I angrily sent her a text she forwarded d message to her mom and brother who calld me and told me all sorts of Bullshiit -

I got talking with a friend of hers whom i happen to know through her and stays very close to her room in the same hostel and here was what the girl told me -
In quote " I know since ,she told people dat she loves d guy,dat d guy is caring,she said u always shout at her.when d boy called her, she said my boyfriend is calling me and i know becos she was wishing him sucess in his exam.a friend of mine stay close to d boys house and she told someone dat (my girl) do spend nite in d guys house.all her room mates and friends know about this."

I believe what this girl is saying but im blinded by love so is taking it all as lies, even if its true - theres notin i can do cos ive seen worst things from her

Nairalanders i understand you peeps would say read the handwriting on the wall which i have already done but im just having difficulty moving on - on the 30th of this month we would have been 5years together and shes graduating today from uni but ive decided not to call her again and so far till now she hasnt called me to tell me anything - This was a girl i paid her got admission for into her 100level botany nearly 5years ago - while i was in my finals

Please Nairalanders please dont advice me on how to go back to the 2nd girl who is more calm and collected than my first as i have no feelings for her but all i need is advices on how to save my first relationship and make things work out again - there is nothing i haven't tried under the sun, calling messaging, everything but yet still same issue especially when im away from the country

I have pleaded with her to tell me the truth - if shes going out with this guy but she denies every single time and flames up wanting to know whos been telling me things and that talks like that are what pisses her off
If she wants to be with the dude, i just want her to come clean and i would wish her the best of luck and move on with my life - shes not the first to double date, if she claims he is more caring than myself then  tell me and i would go - whats the need keeping me when you are in the hands of someone else -

Im just confused, please insult me or call me names, i deserve it - i just need an advice on how to save my relationship once again
she means alot to me

Maybe i should have never left nigeria - she wants a bb torch by xmas and 25,000 naira to block all her final year school exams so she dont get an extension -
till i left nigeria tried giving her the ring but she refused saying keep it when the time's right i'll accept it

Now shes started acting weird again

Brb!
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by 190_@(f): 3:33pm On Nov 18, 2011
Eyah OP pele

All would be well sad
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by iyatrustee(f): 3:35pm On Nov 18, 2011
^^^ hope you are not here to derail this thread?
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by Eiregirl(f): 3:37pm On Nov 18, 2011
Leave her in the hands of her lover & just be thankful that you're not married to her or don't have children with her. You can make a clean break & meet someone who deserves the love you have to give. You sound like a genuine guy & there aren't too many of those around. Good luck x
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by iyatrustee(f): 3:41pm On Nov 18, 2011
@ Eiregirl, i agree with you. his coming for formal intro in december would stop anything. a broken relationship is better than a troubled marriage.
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by downcasted: 3:42pm On Nov 18, 2011
I dont know, I Just dont know what to do, I cant do this on my own, i just need her to push me. Shes the best thing ever happened to me emotionally - why cant she Just come out straight and maintain that shes in a relationship with this guy


why keeping me stranded in the wild - if shes happy with him, she should simply tell me and i'll quietly move on, I dont know why this ever happened to me - I feel so empty and lost over here - i should have never left nigeria  sad
A close friend of mine said she has used black magic on me (who cares) I just want to face reality, I had an interview today and i messed it up cos i didnt even read last night all cos i couldnt focus on what i want now in life

I feel so empty and horrible, spoken to alot of female friends bt this and they've asked me to stop or dont call her which im currently doing, @Iyatrustee, the financial aspects of the relationship was broken as an advice from my mother who said - now u are aware would be the best time to stand the test of this girl and please cut off all financial spendings on this girl so as to see her true being, which i did and landed me in this catatrosphic mess

Money isnt my problem and she knows this, but why couldnt she just hang in there, she knows im so weak towards her and cant stand her - the day she apologized after getting arrested, i came running back into her hands cos that was all i needed -

I just need advice on how to get my girl back from this 400level dude
or
Just want her to confirm if shes really dating dat dude so i can move on with my life, why is she denying dating this dude, why cant she be straightforward its not like shes getting any money from me any longer
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by Eiregirl(f): 3:49pm On Nov 18, 2011
Seriously, you deserve better than this. I have a similar personal experience but mine's a bit more complicated. Move on before it's too late & you end up regretting your decision. You can't take her from the dude if she doesn't want to be taken from him. You know what they say, if you truly love someone let them go. If she's really yours she'll come back to you, if she doesn't, she was never yours.
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by 190_@(f): 3:51pm On Nov 18, 2011
downcasted:

I dont know, I Just dont know what to do, I cant do this on my own, i just need her to push me. Shes the best thing ever happened to me emotionally - why cant she Just come out straight and maintain that shes in a relationship with this guy


why keeping me stranded in the wild - if shes happy with him, she should simply tell me and i'll quietly move on, I dont know why this ever happened to me - I feel so empty and lost over here - i should have never left nigeria  sad
A close friend of mine said she has used black magic on me (who cares) I just want to face reality, I had an interview today and i messed it up cos i didnt even read last night all cos i couldnt focus on what i want now in life

I feel so empty and horrible, spoken to alot of female friends bt this and they've asked me to stop or dont call her which im currently doing, @Iyatrustee, the financial aspects of the relationship was broken as an advice from my mother who said - now u are aware would be the best time to stand the test of this girl and please cut off all financial spendings on this girl so as to see her true being, which i did and landed me in this catatrosphic mess

Money isnt my problem and she knows this, but why couldnt she just hang in there, she knows im so weak towards her and cant stand her - the day she apologized after getting arrested, i came running back into her hands cos that was all i needed -

I just need advice on how to get my girl back from this 400level dude
or
Just want her to confirm if shes really dating dat dude so i can move on with my life, why is she denying dating this dude, why cant she be straightforward its not like shes getting any money from me any longer




^To be sincere, I dont know why your woman wont come out straight and tell you shes moved on
Neither do i know why shes keeping you around, you claim you are not longer spending money on her
so why exactly is she keeping you around when its so obvious she has moved on

9ja babes and their wahala

That day Mr.chucks today this one -hmm
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by iyatrustee(f): 3:52pm On Nov 18, 2011
your cant win her back from the other guy. as harsh as that is, its the truth. cos you are not here. as for the financial aid cut off, i tink thats where you shot yourself. if you took up the responsibilty while you were in naija, why not when you left for greener pastures? that might have sent a wrong signal to her hence her change of attitude. You have to put yourself together cos no woman is worth you depressed enof for you not to read for an important interview.

P.S abeg your post dey too long jare! na typewriter you be?
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by 190_@(f): 3:54pm On Nov 18, 2011
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by Kx: 3:57pm On Nov 18, 2011
i made serious effort to read, but its a bit too long. sorry
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by Talking(m): 4:02pm On Nov 18, 2011
Oga OP, U knw what to do, then do it. BTW, d post is a novel on its own, ish!
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by ng4am(f): 4:04pm On Nov 18, 2011
Guy plssss try and move on., i know u can do that. Just concentrate more on e new girl u will see urself doing it. Gudlk
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by Nobody: 4:13pm On Nov 18, 2011
Young Man! Take a Chill Pill! smiley

As long as you want to save this relationship, take this serious, else discard all i'm about to say as and deem it as " Obscurant confabulations of a Mad man"

May i remind you that you are in a Long Distance Relationship. And EXTRA EXTRA effort is needed in keeping in touch! I was in this situation, so i as hell know what am about to tell you!
You guy's are not married. So she is not under duress, neither does she owe you anything. Ladies crave attention, and once you aren't giving it to them, they feel dejected, and vulnerable. Especially when they dont see your face, or hear your voice. She stays in a school hostel, an the pressure on her to date other guys could sometimes become unbearable. Most of her friends would be telling her to date someone else, erroneously leading her to believe that you are also dating someone else over there. It's normal pressure. Now, she has those thoughts in her head, and the next misunderstanding you have with her, pushes her further away. I know bro, it happened to me. Almost exactly. While you may be right, and she is obviously wrong, dont be too harsh on her, else her mind starts telling her, "He's not here, i'm lonely, and he still shouts on me, WTF"? Really if you want her back, you have to be a little more understanding! There is no sin that cannot be forgiven, as long as you love her.
Communication is key. You have to look for ways to communicate with her on a daily basis. Mind you, who go spoil, go spoil. But since you dont want to give up on her yet, you have to make serious effort. Prove to her why she should wait for you. Prove to her why she should pick you over the guys you are seeing! Someone might ask you to pick from the girls you are seeing around you over there, would it not be hypocritical, to pick one over there, and ask her not to pick one here too? There you go! Show her that you are really the one for her. Your words and tone of voice means a lot to her. Say sorry when you wrong her, apologize. Dont use your gender or your age to try to score a point above her. Once you enter a relationship with a lady, you both become mates on that level. The way you sound, if all works well, you could get married to her, right? Good. Send her gifts occasionally, surprise her. Send her romantic messages, flood her facebook, her BBM, every where floodable. Constantly remind her that you love her, despite the distance between you. Blame her not seeing you on the distance. Let distance carry the blame. Tell her things like "I'd love to be beside you right now, but this stu[b]p[/b]id distance between us". . .

Look here young man! The damage has been done. You want her back, and you could get her back if you work for it. In your mind ehn, forget that 5 years thing o! Call her up talk soothingly to her, and tell her you are ready to fight for her love back! Apologize for the past fights and misunderstandings. Tell her it was because you loved her, and you were too scared to lose her. And the st[i]u[/i]pid distance made it worse because you were not seeing her, and you were missing her like crazy! Hey! You wouldn't have had to go to these extremities had you not traveled out, right? So do whatever thing possible to get her back! She has to admit that there is still a percentage of love for you left. As long as there exists a percentage, it would definitely grow. Start by calling her and wishing her a happy graduation. Forget anger now o. DONT ever get angry while talking to her! Ok, get angry but dont show it! Let her see that despite the distance, you still care about her. . . I'd advise you postpone that introduction thing, until her love for you returns, and is clearly obvious to you!

Reply this one first, before i kolo. . . grin
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by Yorisb: 4:23pm On Nov 18, 2011
she wants a bb torch by xmas and 25,000 naira to block all her final year school exams so she dont get an extension -

I give up! angry

1 Like

Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by Nobody: 4:24pm On Nov 18, 2011
downcasted:

I dont know, I Just dont know what to do, I cant do this on my own, i just need her to push me. Shes the best thing ever happened to me emotionally - why cant she Just come out straight and maintain that shes in a relationship with this guy


why keeping me stranded in the wild - if shes happy with him, she should simply tell me and i'll quietly move on, I dont know why this ever happened to me - I feel so empty and lost over here - i should have never left nigeria  sad
A close friend of mine said she has used black magic on me (who cares) I just want to face reality, I had an interview today and i messed it up cos i didnt even read last night all cos i couldnt focus on what i want now in life

I feel so empty and horrible, spoken to alot of female friends bt this and they've asked me to stop or dont call her which im currently doing, @Iyatrustee, the financial aspects of the relationship was broken as an advice from my mother who said - now u are aware would be the best time to stand the test of this girl and please cut off all financial spendings on this girl so as to see her true being, which i did and landed me in this catatrosphic mess

Money isnt my problem and she knows this, but why couldnt she just hang in there, she knows im so weak towards her and cant stand her - the day she apologized after getting arrested, i came running back into her hands cos that was all i needed -

I just need advice on how to get my girl back from this 400level dude
or
Just want her to confirm if shes really dating dat dude so i can move on with my life, why is she denying dating this dude, why cant she be straightforward its not like shes getting any money from me any longer

It wont be easy to get her back, neither is it impossible. It depends on you, and how much you are ready to condescend! Leave male pride out of this, else another guy go finally carry am go. Remember, she is not committing any sin by not marrying you, and on the contrary, if you keep maltreating her, by your word or actions, you are only confirming to her that she could actually be making a mistake with you. . . Do you want her back or not?

Brother, she's dating the guy, but she doesn't love him as much as you think she does. She still loves you, very well. But with your actions, she's not seeing that love for her! Please send her money and everything, like you used to. You want her back or not? Be honest to yourself o. I was in a similar mess. I had to talk to 3 of my married friends, na them give me scope o. . . grin
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by iyatrustee(f): 4:24pm On Nov 18, 2011
@ sexkills,Now i see why you had to BRB. Gosh!, na competition between you and the poster on who writes the longest? but you had strong points there.
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by Nobody: 4:32pm On Nov 18, 2011
I have not even finished the long post but all i can say is you cannot force someone to love you. And this goes out to every body, if someone says they are no longer in love with you, leave them be, else you deserve the heartbreak that follows.
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by Nobody: 4:37pm On Nov 18, 2011
Yorisb:

I give up! angry

U sef see am? The thing tire me too.

1 Like

Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by Nobody: 4:38pm On Nov 18, 2011
iyatrustee:

@ sexkills,Now i see why you had to BRB. Gosh!, na competition between you and the poster on who writes the longest? but you had strong points there.
^^^
We cure craze with Craze. . . You sef know say na true. The worst that you can do to a lady that you have gone very deep with is to abandon her, knowingly or unknowingly. What makes it even worse is that she is in a school hostel. Op should be thankful that she has not finally gone sef! The pressure on girls living in hostels is nothing to write home about!. . .
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by tellwisdom(m): 4:51pm On Nov 18, 2011
Look at this dude crying for expired milk undecided undecided. NIGERIAN GURL FOR THAT MATTER embarassed embarassed
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by ronkebp(f): 4:56pm On Nov 18, 2011
@ Poster you cannot save a relationship that has died since forever!!!!  Put your mind at rest and look for other girls that you would care for and cherish, not always you end up with your heart throb in life.  You need someone that would respect you and give you peace of mind not a ''cheap everything goes lady''.
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by iyatrustee(f): 4:57pm On Nov 18, 2011
tellwisdom:

NIGERIAN GURL FOR THAT MATTER embarassed embarassed

you don carry your  "oyinbo" girl syndrome reach here? i hope the duo of lefulefu and 190 dont follow suit. angry angry angry
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by tellwisdom(m): 5:07pm On Nov 18, 2011
you don carry your "oyinbo" girl syndrome reach here? i hope the duo of lefulefu and 190 dont follow suit. angry angry angry

where u saby me from??
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by iyatrustee(f): 5:12pm On Nov 18, 2011
from nairaland romance section! cheesy cheesy cheesy
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by tellwisdom(m): 5:56pm On Nov 18, 2011
Do you realise im hot?? and im interested in romancing you undecided undecided
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by echo- bee(f): 6:20pm On Nov 18, 2011
just forget abt her and move on with ur life.she is gone for good.
why is it that u guys cant be serious for once?
Re: Help - Shes Killing Me by 190_@(f): 7:50pm On Nov 18, 2011
undecided

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