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My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do - Family (6) - Nairaland

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Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by lastpage: 8:35pm On Dec 09, 2011
@Chaircover
Lastpage I am surprised at your choice of words by going as far as calling people homebreakers. Whose home has anyone broken?

After investigation, it transpires that the OP modified her opening post but many people missed that (including me) and people are still having a discussion on the original topic as it were. . . don’t think that there is anything wrong with that.

I appreciate your comment and your position on the matter, as reflected above.

First, l see the issue as presented by the "Op" as one of a serious misunderstanding between her and her hubby.
I also sense that she still loves her husband (for whatever "derogatory reasons" as some her put up here) and what they are experiencing is one of those "communication gaps" in marriage which if left unattended to, may conflagrate into bigger issues.

The pregnancy loss as a result of her husband misbehavior (which l will conclude he has reflected on and realized his error) was a grievous mistake and very bad judgement on his part; it does not make him a murderer or beast as some are bent on painting him, to his wife (who wants to remain married to a murderer?).
In cases like this, l feel "matured mothers' in the house should sow comfort into thsi woman's soul 'cos she's gone through a lot already and asking her to dump her home at this time (recall that she said the man has not laid hand on her ever since, the man still consoles her on their lack of a child and though he comes across as one of those men with "outlandish fantasies" grin (man never finish the 'front job' im dey ask for back job! tough some women will swear that unless you do them back job, you are still a long way off wink ) he is not doing all these from a wicked heart.

His intentions are not "evil" as some are trying very hard, to make the wife believe and what do you think will be the aftermath, once "the wife swallows the picture they are trying to paint? BROKEN HOME, nothing less!

That is why l used those words and even made allusion to it, in mt first post (not knowing she would come and amend her post and tell us "all is now well".

i think people should be more reluctant to tell another female like themselves, to dump her home, her marriage and possible the children involved, at the first sign of marital upheavals.
You are married and l am married and we all know that "marriage has it challenges and it can also be the most blissful relationship in this world".
Some have not even tried to "walk the talk", while some ave "tried and failed woefully" yet they come here and offer ill-conceived advice, without due consideration!

What has a 23 year-old single male/female who has never married, got to offer in terms of advise, when it come to marital issues?
TextBook advise? Hearsay? Or just wishful thinking?


What good advise would someone who cannot hold her own home together got to offer?
Thats wat am saying.
Cheers
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by ronkebp(f): 11:12pm On Dec 09, 2011
^^^^^^^^ Lastpage, how do you know that some women cannot hold their homes down and are offering advice, how about the men that have given the same advices that the ''so called married women'' have given
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by ronkebp(f): 11:12pm On Dec 09, 2011
armyofone:

i think so too. maybe that's why our brother asked for her yan.sh hole. i doubt he could ask a naija sister make she open her yan.sh hole to shook him amu inside.
our brothers eh, grin

grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by Sagamite(m): 11:21pm On Dec 09, 2011
lastpage:

The pregnancy loss as a result of her husband misbehavior (which l will conclude he has reflected on and realized his error) was a grievous mistake and very bad judgement on his part; it does not make him a murderer or beast as some are bent on painting him, to his wife (who wants to remain married to a murderer?).

So you call beating your pregnant wife to the point of losing a pregnancy a "misbehaviour"?

A grievous mistake?

Fck me Lawd!

Amazing view point!
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by ronkebp(f): 11:29pm On Dec 09, 2011
^^^^^^^^^^Sagamite that was my exact thought?? i tire>>>>>>> what is bad is bad, there is no point painting what is bad as good. We could infer from the woman's first post that she was not ready to leave her hubby anyways, if she did, na my hubby she go kon marry? wink wink .
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by Sagamite(m): 11:59pm On Dec 09, 2011
All I can say is FCK ME LAWD!
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by Busybody2(f): 1:18am On Dec 10, 2011
27 naira:
nawa o.
some idle women are satan's workshops

Yes na real wa, chastising someone to have some manners and respect their elders is the bidding of the devil, afterall it is the devil whose aim is for worldpeace and goodwill to all men, hence hordes and masses of people turning their backs on Christianity abi nor be so, pssffft cool
   

ima ima:
ronke and busybody i tire for una. get back to work and stop dis childs play. someone is asking for advice and u suddenly made urseves the topic, chai!!! if u like, both of u shld turn on me.

Sorry, if you can't read properly to assume this is childsplay and that i have made this thread about myself. This is a public forum and everyone should be allowed to air their views without some senseless people thinking they are the only one who have the monopoly to offer their own redundant advice undecided It should be left to the OP to sift through all the advices proferred and settle for the ones they feel the most comfortable with, end of cool


$ugardaddy:


@busy_body & ronke_bp
When una quarrel finish, make una ask una self if it's morally right to derail a thread as sensitive as this with una femine childish jabs.


We all don't have the same moral compass so goodluck to you for seeing this as childish banter. If someone feels no compulsion beating their chest that they have the right to "attack" and bully fellow forumites simply for having a dissenting opinion, and because a little voice in her head told her the Kingdom of God suffers violence, complete utter tosh, allow me exercise and execute my moral obligation to "declaw" such people, and if they have to lose a few teeth and one eye or two in the process, tough, that will teach 'em cool If y'all cannot step in to prevent your fellows forumite from being sullied and bullied, and if y'all can't stand the gorefest that ensues when such people are being called to order or paid back in their own coin, feel free to wakapass cool
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by Busybody2(f): 1:23am On Dec 10, 2011
lastpage:

l dey write sermon sometimes grinLastpage


You write sermon sometimes ke tongue, nah, you must be confusing yourself with someone else, yeah thats it cheesy
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by lastpage: 11:47pm On Dec 10, 2011
^^^^I try to cater for all strata of forum members!
I am not unaware that some lack the "mental capacity" to read, understand and digest more than two lines of post but you will agree with me that it is not always possible to fully expatiate on a serious issue, in two or three lines of post.

In primary school, our composition was "a page at most"; in secondary school, it went up to 3pages, (even on the same topic, like "How l spent my last Holiday! grin ), and so on, and on.

I wonder how many pages YOU can write now?    shockedgrin

Dont blame me, blame my parents who invested heavily in my education, from an early age! wink
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by lastpage: 11:54pm On Dec 10, 2011
@Sagamite
So you call beating your? pregnant wife to the point of losing a pregnancy a "misbehaviour"?

A grievous mistake?

Fck me Lawd!

Amazing view point!
This is an excerpt from my first post on the issue. It is “comment 143” on the topic.
Take this from me: Your husband's behavior is UNACCEPTABLE (l would ave used stronger words but l take it that couples do fight sometimes and reconcile after) BUT HE IS NO MURDERER!
Its very sad that you lost your baby when you and your hubby physically fought (l know he is stronger and the phrase you used was "he BEAT me"; but it still takes two to tango, sorry, thats how l see "fights", generally).
I can also tell you that your husband feels more pain for what happened, he suffers more and he bleeds inside, for that "baby accident" which he was the major player! I can assure you that he is regretting, continues to regret and will only forgive himself when you deliver TWINS to him, God willing.
The quote that got you got “fckd and lawd over”, came when l observed that there seems to be an “on-going reconciliatory tone” by the Poster and maturity demands that ‘l should not cry more than the bereaved”! 
You can see how those that ‘took the other root” got politely reprimanded!

So, if it was not a "mistake" on the husbands part, that means he did is "deliberately"! (simple "word and opposite" nah?)

Wisdom comes with “age and experience”, believe me or not.

@Ronkebp
^^^^^^^^ Lastpage, how do you know that some women cannot hold their homes down and are offering advice, how about the men that have given the same advices that the ''so called married women'' have given

First, my post should not degenerate into “a Gender-War”, as you’re trying to infer.

Having said that, Women, as created, are “our mothers” and are uniquely gifted in certain things, over men! Making a home is one of such.
Men too, have their own unique qualities and that is why l will never be “a fan” of  all these “gender competition foolishness” that goes on in the form of “Equality of Sexes”.
Men and Women are not equal, not same, but are complementary!

Let me use these two cliché to answer you, in a nutshell:
1.)  “Out of the abundance of the heart, the Mouth speaks!”
2) “By their fruit, you shall know them” (Every good tree will definitely bear good fruit!).

When “A Doctor" starts killing babies, then you would agree, something is fundamentally wrong!

Thanks,
Lastpage.
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by Sagamite(m): 3:18am On Dec 11, 2011
lastpage:

@Sagamite This is an excerpt from my first post on the issue. It is “comment 143” on the topic. The quote that got you got “fckd and lawd over”, came when l observed that there seems to be an “on-going reconciliatory tone” by the Poster and maturity demands that ‘l should not cry more than the bereaved”! 
You can see how those that ‘took the other root” got politely reprimanded!

So, if it was not a "mistake" on the husbands part, that means he did is "deliberately"! (simple "word and opposite" nah?)

You first comment is really no excuse.

What kind of mistake is that?
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by Nobody: 5:41am On Dec 11, 2011
^^^^Ehen naaaaa, it's a normal mistake that a man beats his wife mercilessly when she was preggers. grin grin grin grin
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by Busta(f): 5:51am On Dec 11, 2011
jennykadry:

^^^^Ehen naaaaa, it's a normal mistake that a man beats his wife mercilessly when she was preggers. grin grin grin grin

Madam Kadry . . . hmmm grin
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by Nobody: 6:14am On Dec 11, 2011
Bustaaaaaaaaa shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked Saga someone sh[i]a[/i]g me now, who am I seeing? shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by debosky(m): 9:02am On Dec 11, 2011
jennykadry:

Bustaaaaaaaaa shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked Saga someone sh[i]a[/i]g me now, who am I seeing? shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked

Bend over. grin

@ lastpage
He's no murderer indeed - beating your pregger wife till she loses her baby isn't far off from murder - the only difference is that the death of the baby was unintentional, i.e. involuntary manslaughter.

And saying it takes two to tango?? So if my papa whipped me silly (and he did a number of times grin) we were also 'tangoing' or 'fighting'? cheesy

Clearly you haven't seen men beat women the way someone would beat their children.

When women defend the indefensible for the aim of 'keeping their home', it shows how the priorities are more on bearing Mrs so and so, not the individual's health and sanity.
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by Sagamite(m): 9:17am On Dec 11, 2011
jennykadry:

Bustaaaaaaaaa shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked Saga someone sh[i]a[/i]g me now, who am I seeing? shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked

I would gladly oblige! angry

[flash=400,350]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMR92lUy7RI&feature=related[/flash]

debosky:

Bend over. grin

@ lastpage
He's no murderer indeed - beating your pregger wife till she loses her baby isn't far off from murder - the only difference is that the death of the baby  was unintentional, i.e. involuntary manslaughter.

And saying it takes two to tango?? So if my papa whipped me silly (and he did a number of times grin) we were also 'tangoing' or 'fighting'? cheesy

Clearly you haven't seen men beat women the way someone would beat their children.

When women defend the indefensible for the aim of 'keeping their home', it shows how the priorities are more on bearing Mrs so and so, not the individual's health and sanity.

I wonder what 'dancing leg strength' a woman that is 5 months pregnant has to 'tango'.

So the new name for battering your wife now is "tango".

But he is no murderer na. grin
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by Nobody: 10:30am On Dec 11, 2011
//
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by Busta(f): 5:04am On Dec 12, 2011
jennykadry:

Bustaaaaaaaaa shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked Saga someone sh[i]a[/i]g me now, who am I seeing? shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked

hahaha . . . What's Shakalacking mama? Howz Mr Kadry?

debosky:

Bend over. grin

@ lastpage
He's no murderer indeed - beating your pregger wife till she loses her baby isn't far off from murder - the only difference is that the death of the baby  was unintentional, i.e. involuntary manslaughter.

And saying it takes two to tango?? So if my papa whipped me silly (and he did a number of times grin) we were also 'tangoing' or 'fighting'? cheesy

Clearly you haven't seen men beat women the way someone would beat their children.

When women defend the indefensible for the aim of 'keeping their home', it shows how the priorities are more on bearing Mrs so and so, not the individual's health and sanity.

Debo, I see not much has changed. .  lipsrsealed


Y'all missed me. . . . . . . . . . NOT  tongue  grin
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by mutter(f): 9:32am On Dec 12, 2011
It is good to see that the poster has removed her original post. I think she has come to realise that there were simply two wrongs not making a right. We need to respect that and simply wish them both well.
It is very easy to judge based on what one writes but sometimes one has a very one sided view, especially when one is emotionally down and hurting real bad. Foriegnwife. I wish you the best in your marriage and always remember it can sometimes be a love hate carousel. The line between love and hate can sometimes be very thin but what is important is that love prevails in the end.
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by lastpage: 3:59pm On Dec 14, 2011
On behalf of "foreignwif", l would like to thank everyone who contributed, on either side of the bridge! wink

from 'tango, murderer, woman-slaughter, e.t.c', everyone try so much kiss

End of story.

Encore. Party is over.
Lets move-on.

Lastpage.
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by Kidandp: 11:12am On Apr 22, 2012
My fellow woman they are lots of things I have to say but if I do its going to turn into a book. I will give you just one advice build up your self esteem naw? he was raised by a woman and sees women like this? Please get a divorce as for the rest people on this trend esp Nigerians with archaic mentality yes I said divorce, pack your things and leave. Its only when she is six feet under the ground before they will call her stupid for not leaving. The man is a misogynist in the western world such person is seen as a psycho path in Nigerian he is blah blah because of the believe that women are properties who should forever be subservient and biologically degraded. She is a human being and the last time I checked we were advise to treat humanity with fear and respect. She is a human lord, leave him, divorce him and deny him sex before taking that step. You being abused both physically, mentally and verbally. This crimes are very serious but in our archaic culture that women should be with her man till she is six feet under the ground. Where marriage is judged based on quantity instead quality, she has a right to her body he doesn't own her, if she said no to anal sex then it should be it. I can confidently say most Nigerian women are unhappy in their marriages because they have been placed inferior positions from their husband to their so called in-laws. Well if I was in that position please don't take my advice because I'm an extremist so only 'REAL MEN' with self esteem, who respects women and see her as his partner and not his inferior, who knows a woman's worth is allowed in my zone. If I was in that condition, I will tie him up with help take a huge Love Machine or vibrator ans shove it in his anus while his mouth is tied up facing me while he watches me pack my things leaving him while someone help me thrust in and out of him. After which I'll take the Love Machine from his ass make sure it gapes well, then when I have drove far away to where I intend to go, I will make my assistance call up his friend or family to go check on him. When I'm back on my feet with my self esteem in tact I will return for a divorce and I must fight for my right as woman an individual with brains and the right to opinions and decisions of my life. In your case just leave him because you love him and can't treat him thi way, me I can treat anyone that hurt me badly this way.[color=#006600][/color]
Re: My Husband And I Are Not Talking - And I Don't Know What To Do by lovesolutions: 4:52am On Dec 27, 2014
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