nnemdi21:

CHAI SAGAMITE, U MAKE ME LOOK SO BAD ,
BUT U ARE RIGHT THO

STEVE DNT WORRY, I WILL EMAIL U

Listen be extremely weary and cautious. Some of us have been here long enough to see a lot go on behind the scenes.
Just be careful.

oh yeahÉÉ, that will be fine.

nnemdi21:

freesia,

are u referring to the thread i made a while back?
about yoruba vs igbo?
jst wanted to be sure before i give u my honest response

Yes you got that right,It would be interesting to hear what you feel now compared to last year,a similar experience comes to mind when I saw your previous post

You are doing well.KEep a circle of potential male friends and don't snub anyone :the right man will emerge:don't show any desperation yet,you are still youn g

Sagamite the matchmaker!

Nnemdi, ur response ''I'm feeling desperate, not that am acting desperate" struck a cord in me. This is not a diss. I'm serious.

My advice is: That feeling is a disaster in waiting. It's a time bomb. Kill that feeling. Take some time off for yourself. I usually call it ''project me''. Sort yourself out. Find urself, who u truly are, your beliefs, values, needs, temperament, behavioural patters, attitudes, goals, dreams, purpose. Then after u have done this. LOVE yourself. What I mean is: fill yourself with so much love that it overflows, diffuses, emits, from all over u. The word is ''Love urself die!" . Do affirmations, nfesstions and engage in coactivities that are in resonance with loving urself. Bottom line is : that feeling must vanish.

I have read ur posts and I feel u are an intelligent and mature girl. But it takes more than that. Many good and intelligent men and women have made Richter scale shattering mistakes because of this little feeling of ''desperation''. The implication of the that ''little desperate feeling'' is dire. It means there is a void somewhere, which u can't place ur hand on and which u need someone to fill. That's where d danger lies! In marriage, it's a no no! For marriage to work 1+1 =1. The meaning is that you must first be ''1'' . 1 is a whole number. That is: not needy, not desperate, whole. It's a synonym of the injunction : Love thy neighbour as thyself. Loving thyself is key. Love does not feel '' a little desperate'',

I repeat: do '' project me'' achieve growth in other areas of your life, achieve other goals while u are at it. Grow in confidence and love. Then u will be ready. U will see more clearly and your decisions on your Mr RIGHT will be more like it and the likelihood of heartache in marriage itself will have been minimized.

Just my 2 kobo to u. Best wishes.


















Only when that feeling has vanished can u conclude that you are ready for marriage. Only when u have enough of love on ur inside to give out will u say u are ready for marriaage!.

Dats not a bad feeling @ all but then u ve to position n present urself as one dat wants a serious relationship or marriage,cos the way u present ur self will determine d kinda guy dat u ll attract to urself!

U shouldn't be too desperate;else u ll fall in2 wrong hands. There r many fishes in d ocean, but then we have fishes like d sharks n whales too! So beware!

@ FREESIA: my dear i had to let go jare, not entirely because of my parents preference for igbo guys but also because we had so much differences and i couldn't hold on.
i know my parents want the best for me, so i will try and bring an igbo brother home, hopefully i find one whose accent isnt so annoying {lol}
BUT IF NOT, i know at the end of the day, they will come around and accept my choice.
so my dear, if u feel u love some1, hold on to them regardless of tribe,

DEEMAIN: from your response i can tel u are very mature. thanks btw for your response.

DeeMain:

Nnemdi, your response ''I'm feeling desperate, not that am acting desperate" struck a cord in me. This is not a diss. I'm serious.

My advice is: That feeling is a disaster in waiting. It's a time bomb. Kill that feeling. Take some time off for yourself. I usually call it ''project me''. Sort yourself out. Find urself, who u truly are, your beliefs, values, needs, temperament, behavioural patters, attitudes, goals, dreams, purpose. Then after u have done this. LOVE yourself. What I mean is: fill yourself with so much love that it overflows, diffuses, emits, from all over u. The word is ''Love urself die!" . Do affirmations, nfesstions and engage in coactivities that are in resonance with loving urself. Bottom line is : that feeling must vanish.

First of all, i love myself. i understand what it means to love your self before u can love any body else. one quick question for you, you dont think anyone can achieve all these by having a man or a woman by their side?
its ok to feel this way, majority of the response i got from females made me understand that its normal to feel a lil desperate some times especially when u are leaving that adolescent stage, that does not mean i let desperation cloud your sense of reasoning.


I have read your posts and I feel u are an intelligent and mature girl. But it takes more than that. Many good and intelligent men and women have made Richter scale shattering mistakes because of this little feeling of ''desperation''. The implication of the that ''little desperate feeling'' is dire. It means there is a void somewhere, which u can't place your hand on and which u need someone to fill. That's where d danger lies! In marriage, it's a no no! For marriage to work 1+1 =1. The meaning is that you must first be ''1'' . 1 is a whole number. That is: not needy, not desperate, whole. It's a synonym of the injunction : Love thy neighbour as thyself. Loving thyself is key. Love does not feel '' a little desperate'',

there is suppose to be a viod. its very normal. i cant possibly fill up every void i have in my heart. thats why even a man with all the money of this world cant be happy if he has no wife, children or love from family,
as a human being i crave happiness, i want to be able to fall in love with a man a build a family with him, thats a void money cannot buy, its a void "a families love" can not fill, its a void education can not buy either. its just very normal to feel this way as a human being.

I repeat: do '' project me'' achieve growth in other areas of your life, achieve other goals while u are at it. Grow in confidence and love. Then u will be ready. U will see more clearly and your decisions on your Mr RIGHT will be more like it and the likelihood of heartache in marriage itself will have been minimized.
but thanks, i will try the whole "project me thing", every advise i can get is worth a try. thanks



















Only when that feeling has vanished can u conclude that you are ready for marriage. Only when u have enough of love on your inside to give out will u say u are ready for marriaage!.

its not jst u wow. such feeling abounds.
2b honest wit u, am obsessed wit dat feelings everyday n wonder if it will ever come 2 pass.
its a natural feeling dat happens 2 a responsible n matured adult.
i started having dis feeling since i got my current job n unfortunately, some1 dat i had in mind 4 more dan 7 years got married  few months letter after d job.
am even confused n dnt knw where 2 start from.
wish us well in our quest.

7 years?

Freesia:



Not necessarily true,It's not guaranteed that because you went back home to get a bride your marriage will be a solid one.Keep an open mind there are some African girls raised in the west who are just as respectful and good. Same way there are some wayward ones back home

If you read my post again, you will see that I used the phrase, "lesser feminist." I never said that going back to Nigeria to marry will guarantee one a solid marriage or that those girls living in Nigeria are saints. But the truth is that the ones living in Western nations are worse when it comes to marriage department.

i no blame u! if to say u don reach 35/38 na only cry u for d cry in d secret.

@Sagamite, steve and Nnemdi (op), this love una dey find for nairaland, una go see am o

Abeg,invite us during the wedding o

Fi[color=#990000]rst of all, i love myself. i understand what it means to love your self before u can love any body else. one quick question for you, you dont think anyone can achieve all these by having a man or a woman by their side?[/color]

It's normal for a man or a woman to want to get married, look for love, connection, happiness - those are values and needs that are very normal. Everyone needs it. My only issue is '' a little desperate''. It's normal to want these. What isn't a good sign is the '''desperate'' part. A relationship is a power transaction. There's probably a power deficit within u. The danger in it is that if your partner has the power in your relationship, then he may manipulate or mess with you. Besides, that little desperation, may transform into neediness in the relationship proper. This can pollute your relationship. Solve that power deficit issue. I think u are almost there. Do the project me stuff and u will be Ok.

its ok to feel this way, majority of the response i got from females made me understand that its normal to feel a lil desperate some times especially when u are leaving that adolescent stage, that does not mean i let desperation cloud your sense of reasoning.

It's not Ok. It's the reason, most of these women made the mistakes they made in their lives.



there is suppose to be a viod. its very normal. i cant possibly fill up every void i have in my heart. thats why even a man with all the money of this world cant be happy if he has no wife, children or love from family,
as a human being i crave happiness, i want to be able to fall in love with a man a build a family with him, thats a void money cannot buy, its a void "a families love" can not fill, its a void education can not buy either. its just very normal to feel this way as a human being.

No one can fill your void! Momentarily yes. After a while, it becomes a burden, a job. No one want's that. Marriage should be about giving not receiving. It's the cause of so much conflicts in relationships. L.C.M : Fill ur void yourself, and you will be a powerful giver in your marriage. A woman like that is irresistible. Priceless! Every man wants that. U have him at the palm of your hand. The same goes for men too.

nnemdi21:

@ FREESIA: my dear i had to let go jare,  not entirely because of my parents preference for igbo guys but also because we had so much differences and i couldn't hold on.
i know my parents want the best for me, so i will try and bring an igbo brother home, hopefully i find one whose accent isnt so annoying {lol}
BUT IF NOT, i know at the end of the day, they will come around and accept my choice.
so my dear, if u feel u love some1, hold on to them regardless of tribe,

lol @ annoying accent,I feel you sis,my own was anoda matter altogether might tell it one day here on NL  .Hope you have happy holidays and remain prayerful.

Metalgoong:

If you read my post again, you will see that I used the phrase, "lesser feminist." I never said that going back to Nigeria to marry will guarantee one a solid marriage or that those girls living in Nigeria are saints. But the truth is that the ones living in Western nations are worse when it comes to marriage department.

I see where you are coming from now ,try and filter those feminist types you keep coming across,they seem to be attracted to you, as you are attracted to them.It might be time to change your criteria and look closely at the standards you have set for yourself

Free advice for you sis,  on behalf of NL

BEWARE OF PEOPLE THAT HAVE ONLY NUMBERS IN THEIR NAME _{sometimes mercedes product,}

I didn't mention anybody's name ooo  

^^

@ Nnemdi21,

Hi, Nnemdi i found your post very interesting. Am a married woman but will like to know you more A staunch catholic and Igbo. Can i have your email adress to discuss further with you if you wouldnt mind. I have someone whom you will be really interested with . just your email Add.

NEGOZI:

@ Nnemdi21,

Hi, Nnemdi i found your post very interesting. Am a married woman but will like to know you more A staunch catholic and Igbo. Can i have your email adress to discuss further with you if you wouldnt mind. I have someone whom you will be really interested with . just your email Add.

hehehe yorisb
your picture alone scared the hell out of me.
even though i know thats a joke.

give me your email, i will email u

Nnemdi, maybe u think im kidding, if only we can give it a try. whats on your mind?

check ur mail

@ yoribs i dont understand the meaning of that ridicule . I was made to understand that every individual have freedom of expression anyway, @ Nnemdi i only made a request no hard feelings about it. The only advice just follow your heart afterall, you can never tell were MR Right man will come from. cheers and goodluck .

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE.

nnemdi21:

hehehe yorisb
your picture alone scared the hell out of me.
even though i know thats a joke.

give me your email, i will email u

It's no joke Ma'am. Lol

I'm very unassuming, so that's my pix u saw right there.

They say opposites attract and that about sums it up 4 us. - Gorgeous NNEMDI + 'not so gorgeous' YORISB = ??. . .Bingo!!

NEGOZI:

@ yoribs i dont understand the meaning of that ridicule . I was made to understand that every individual have freedom of expression anyway

[img]http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR6p0tPwqOdTmsZT0745xZ8iAJTAfGEwMHWSp0H6wHFRYY6lhORlA[/img]

negozi, no hard feeling ohh, ignore yorisb
my statement was referring to yorisb not you

give me ur email i will email u.

@ Nnemdi21,

Below is my email add- negozie2@yahoo.com

I will be expecting your mail. ciaooooooooooooo

,

nnemdi21: even though i dont voice it out loud, within my heart i have this desperation to find a husband.
i dont know why i feel this way. atimes i feel i am weird to feel this desperate,
i just want some1 to tell me this is absolutely normal
for the major part of my life, i have been focused on school, now i am almost rounding up, i beginning to feel this pressure to be married.
i am still very young but i feel so mature inside. i have had a few bfs in my life but now i want something more serious. i want commitment, i want love, i want a family.
coming from a typical igbo family, marrying young is something the family is excited about
my family is constantly reminding me of my single status and how they would love to have a son inlaw
it might sound a bit strange but 75% of my friends are married.
sometimes i feel so jealous. my youngest friend just turned 20 and is married as-well and heavily pregnant.

i have been in Canada for a couple of years and finding a husband here has not exactly been easy. or should i say finding a man that meets my criteria is very hard.
its hard to find true christian men, men that are comfortable and serious with life, family oriented men and men that would love me no matter the situation. the western culture has clouded our believe so much that no one ever really marries for the sake of love.

i love "LOVE", i breath love, i think love is so beautiful and i would never want to settle
but with the pressure from family and most of my friends being married i feel the urge to want to settle down.
i'm just 23 years old, is this feeling normal?
i feel so mature inside and sometimes i feel the need to hang out with people who are not within my age group.

i am not a desperate girl, i know my worth and i know some day the right man would come.
so how do i quench this feeling?
is there anyone out there in my shoes?

HEAR THIS..
Marriage is ordained by God Himself in the beginning to be between two mature heart i.e a Man and a Woman and not (Man to Man or Woman to Woman)
The Age for marriage is relative depending on various factors ranging from culture ,law of the land and religion. However, irrespective of any belief or culture marriage should be between two person who are mature Physically ,Mentally, Socially,Psychologically and Spiritually and this means that either party must be ready to take responsibilities of their actions when they are no longer under their parents.

Now ,when a lady has attained some maturity stated above and still not married this can be so worrisome and can lead to desperation which is dangerous on it own..to further comprehend my point however, let us demarcate the age bracket of marriageable ladies putting into consideration what the law stipulated which is 18 years and above at least.

a-18 years -25 years...........Very Normal stage

b-26 years -30 years...........Good stage

c-31 years- 35 years...........worrisome stage

d-36 years- 40 years...........Desperate stage

e-41 years and Above..........Dangerously desperate.

Above all, irrespective of the stages God is the only one that can give any man the best gift that will never add sorrow to it.Marrying in an early stage does not necessarily mean you can still marry rightly except God Himself is involved and choose for you, if you fall between the stages c and e above your story is not hopeless at all because you are uniquely and specially created by God for His Glory, it might seems to be late But God can not be late remember that sometimes the best is kept for the last moment and marrying the wrong person due to desperation is worst than not marrying at all...(Speaking from Experience)

NOW TEN THINGS A LADY MUST NOT DO WHEN SHE IS DESPERATE TO GET MARRIED.

1.YOU MUST NOT STOP PRAYING.

2.YOU MUST NOT COMPARE YOURSELF WITH OTHER MARRIED FRIENDS OF YOUR AGE.

3.YOU MUST NOT HAVE FIXED FIGURE OF THE PERSON YOU WISH TO MARRY OR CREATE A STANDARD FOR YOURSELF.

4.YOU MUST NOT EMBARRASS OR INSULT ANY MAN THAT APPROACH YOU BUT DON'T MAKE HASTY DECISIONS.

5.YOU MUST NOT BE TOO EXPENSIVE IN LOOKS EVEN IF YOU CAN AFFORD TO, BE NEAT AND MODERATE.

6.YOU MUST NOT BE IDLE i.e YOU MUST HAVE A JOB (No man is ready to marry a jobless woman)

7.YOU MUST NOT DEPEND ON YOUR DREAMS OR SYMPATHIZERS DREAMS OR PROPHESY TO CHOOSE OR PICK A MAN (Dreams could be deceptive and can be manipulated by devil)

8.YOU MUST NOT GO TO BED WITH ANY MAN TO SHOW HIM LOVE OR TO PROVE YOUR LOVE FOR HIM (He will dump you with negative passion and believe you have been doing same to other men)

9.YOU MUST NOT DISPLAY YOURSELF IN A SEDUCTIVE WAY TO ATTRACT MEN (They can only be excited by your looks but letter reject your attitude because every man want to marry a decent Girl irrespective of their own waywardness )

10.YOU MUST NOT READ INTIMATE ,FAKE LOVE STORIES MAGAZINES AND BOOKS RELATED TO MARRIAGE WRITTEN BY MEN OF LOW INTEGRITY WHO ONLY MAKE MERCHANDISE OF DESPERATE LADIES . READ THE WORD OF GOD FROM YOUR OWN BIBLE AND GODLY LITERATURE FROM TRUSTED SOURCES.

THE BIBLE SAYS IN Hebrew 13:4 ...Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

BEEN DESPERATION CAN ONLY......
1. Cloud your Thinking ability.
2. Expose you to wrong decision making.
3. Enslave you to Devil's manipulations.
4. Make you feel you are worthless.

BUT BE GLAD BECAUSE GOD KNOWS YOUR PROBLEM GO ON YOUR KNEE CONFESS YOUR SIN AND TELL HIM HE WILL SOLVE IT ALL BECAUSE FOR HIM ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE HE WILL RECOVER FOR YOU EVERYTHING YOU HAVE LOST IN THE PAST...IT IS WELL.

By Jude A

FOR MORE QUESTION WRITE TO:

(akubude_jude@yahoo.com)