...

I would be very grateful for a friendly conversation helping me to understand my story.

You don't seem to be asking any question(s) so I guess it's in place to ask some. . .

How long ago did you find out about his other girlfriend?

What are your plans here? Have you ended it or are you still turning it over in your mind? I mean, his 'sins' seem to be plenty and serious, even involving criminality as you suggested, so what's the 411.

If you're leaving him would it be because of this other girl you recently discovered or any or all of the others? It seems to me the guy has crossed the line long since. Just saying.

Interesting read. How did it end? I hope you've walked away and left this man. He does not deserve you. At all.

A man who cheats for you or with you will surely cheat on you. Stay with the person who treats you the way you want. A heartbreak is a sign of more heartbreaks to come. They don't deserve you! #bittertruth

Why is he still a topic for discussion? 

So you discover that your BF gets money through Illegal channels and your did not alert the authorities. What's wrong with people? Here's one more thing to think about if he hurts anymore person through that business of his, it's on you

kambili190:

Dear All,

I would be very greateful for a friendly conversation helping me to understand my story.

I am 28 years old and I live in Germany. My family immigrated here many years ago but I was born elsewhere in Europe and spent most of my childhood outside Germany.

Three years ago, I met a Nigerian man. For me it was the first African guy I have ever dated and been together with. We met, dated and fell in love. He was very good to me and I was very happy. I felt we had a very good relationship, caring for each other and spending wonderful time together. Though he was African and I was European I felt like we had more in commen than I ever had before with a European guy. One of the things I so appreciated in this relationship was the fact that he would go to church with me. I am a very religious person and I love God very much but in Germany you will have a hard time finding someone in my generation going to church on a regular basis. My Nigerian boyfriend was happy to find a European woman who would do as he was taught back home. He was greatful since in Germany he stopped going to church every Sunday like most people here.

However, things started changing too soon ,  I discovered that he lied about his job. This was a shock. I discovered he would get his money by doing illegal business. Naiv as I was I believed he / we could change it. BEing at the end of my studies and having very good job prospects, I said that my new job and an ordinary job that he would do (without eduacation) would still bring us enough money. Now I am laughing at myself ,  my Nigerian boyfriend would never accept the fact that his woman earns more than he.

What I discovered next was also disturbing.  his sister visited us in Germany. His sister was well known to me ,  from the stories he told me. She was in her mid 30s, not married bus successful and rich. She flew first class and laughed at my student's salary. She had a lot of money but asked for money everyday. She spent so much money on cloths in a week, that I maybe soend in half a  year. So far so good, for me it still was not about the money. It was about this: I discovered that she knew about the business her brother was doing at this time. She knew what danger he was in. She knew (as a Christian and regular churchgoer who sits in the first row) that what he did was highly immoral. And I have ever since been wondering, what kind of sister would risk her own brother’s life if she didn’t have to? Maybe one of you can help me to enlighten me on this point because I simply don’t understand. I also have a younger brother and I desire to give him what I have and avoid anything that could make his life harder.

So this thing has always been an issue and we discussed it over and over again. He had plans and good intentions, so did I ….

The second incident in this relationship that affected me negatively was when he told me that he had a second child. I knew about his first child, a son of a German woman. The boy would spend time with us regularly. I still love his son very much. The child is a good child and I feel pity his father does not live with him under the same roof. His parents have never been married but they wanted this child. When I met my boyfriend they were not a couple anymore. They broke up two years before. His second child was with a woman from Congo who lives in Germany. He said he didn’t want this child ( a girl), he only had an affair with the girl from Congo and that she did it on purpose, to set him a trap. I didn’t know how to come to terms with the fact that he left back two broken families but I neither wanted to accuse him. I was confused. On the one hand, I had this wonderful, caring, affectionate boyfriend who would go to church with me, pray with me, share EVERYTHING with me but on the other hand he was someone who did things I couldn’t come to terms with.

I was old enough to know that you can’t change a person and I couldn’t stop loving him. He was my home. I wanted to be his. I started to feel unhappy. I showed it, even when I tried to keep it to myself. I was aggressive sometimes. I was criticizing him every often. He took some distance, became increasingly reserved, showed me less affection. I understand it now. But back then I was bleeding. I felt so down, I questioned my abilities, my personality, my beauty, my worth ….

One day, a phone call …. Someone tells me that he has another girlfriend, he has had her for some months now. She knows all about me, I don’t know about her. She is African but not Nigerian. I ask him, he confesses. On the phone … My world is trembling … I suffer … I pray to God to carry me. I have given my heart away and so much more (yes, this silly concept of romantic love, I wish I would be more pragmatic) and I fell that he betrayed me. Just a few weeks ago, I asked him (I had this feeling) if he is cheating on me. He replies (looking deeply into my eyes): I swear on my MOTHER and my SON that I am not cheating on you. I was convinced nobody would swear on his MOTHER or CHILD unless maybe his life is in danger.

This is by far one of the biggest disappointments in my life. I didn’t believe he was flawless, nobody is. And those without guilt, throw the first stone … but I decided to love this man as much as I can and he turned out to be a stranger. The man I loved die when I discovered what he is able to, namely to swear on a child.

The story does not end here but I am so curious about what you people will reply. And maybe some day I will have the opportunity to tell you how it all ended. Hopefully finally … ended.

Best
Kambili

I will not be in position to judge but would strongly recommend that you WALK away while you can! Religion should not confused with Christianity. Many are religious today but lack the character/fruit of a true Christian. It has nothing to do with either being a Nigerian or not, I mean its not a cultural issue.

Hello again,

thank you for your answers. Actually, I am angry about myself. I should have ended it a long time ago. I guess that I realized that I don't take care of myself very well. I am attractive, educated, hard working, a good house keeper but I didn't consider myself worthy of a good man. Wel, well, well ,  time to learn from this experience and your answers help me so much.

Well, when I discovered he had this other girlfriend, I broke up. It wasn't easy but I was very tough and I didn't even give him a chance to explain it to me. He kept calling over and over again but my door was closed. I was so angry but so sad at the same time. I couldn't forget the good time we had and the good features I saw at the beginning.

Yes, it's true. Just because you go to church, doesn't make you a good person but I believed that someone who goes to church would at least have a conscience. I was wrong. I was so stupid, I can't believe it.

However, I asked questions. What kind of sister supports his brother’s wrongdoings if she doesn’t have to. Why is money so important to some Nigerians even though they have enough of it?

A year later, he called me again. By this time I wasn’t thinking of him too much but still haven’t forgotten. I was still a bit heartbroken. Yes, it took me a lot of time to heal. When he called me, we had a nice conversation and he asked me to meet and talk things over. He said how I was the best woman he has ever met and that he cannot forget me and that he wants his girlfriend (the one he cheated with on me) to move out to be with me. I told him that I need to talk things over (because we have never done it and I thought I needed it to finally end this thing in my mind) but that I am not considering being with him again, I just want to make it up to forgive. As a Christian, it is very important for me to forgive but so hard to forgive him.

So far so good. We arranged a date and a time. Guess what! He didn’t show up. He switched off his phone and disappeared. I thought something had happened to him and worried. One day, two, three, four, five, six, seven …  over Christmas … and then someone told me that he was happily celebrating Christmas with his girlfriend and his children (both of them).

I feel … I can’t explain how I feel. I know I have to forget. But how? Why would a person treat another person like that? What for? I really am not a bad person but why does it happen to me?

I am so happy to have discovered this page here to read these different opinions of Nigerian people and to learn how you look at life or some of life’s issues. Here in Germany, we seem to get the worst people from your country. When I heard some rumours about Nigerian people at the beginning, I thought that women who spread these rumours are these, sorry, desperate women, 15 years older than their Nigerian boyfriends who married them to get papers and this is what came out of it. But with me it’s different. I am not old, neither unattractive and my boyfriend had his papers already.  I gave him so much love and believed that every good deed is worth it. But whatever good I did, he returned it with evil deeds.

Thanks for your post and glad to hear you trying to move on, but you just have to LET GO. Forgive him and move on, he is history. The earlier you accept that the better. There is  and should be nothing to talk about!

Hello Sammy,

thank you ver much for this post. I have never said Nigerian people are like that. I am not a racist. And as I am a foreigner in Germany, I know what it feels like to be discriminated against. Yes, it happens to white persons too.

I am happy to hear that an interracial marriage can work. I wish you and your wife the best! And thank you for your advice.

Best
Kambili

kambili190:

Hello Sammy,

thank you ver much for this post. I have never said Nigerian people are like that. I am not a racist. And as I am a foreigner in Germany, I know what it feels like to be discriminated against. Yes, it happens to white persons too.

I am happy to hear that an interracial marriage can work. I wish you and your wife the best! And thank you for your advice.

Best
Kambili

Thanks.

I am not indicating any racist slurs. It is far from my mind and orientation but rather encouraging you to be open to the Lord, you may be surprised that the next man on your way may be a Nigerian! This was exactly my spouse's experience before we met. God will give you a man that deserves you in due time. Just keep hope and faith alive in Him.

God bless

, and yes, interracial marriages do work, like any other racial marriages. I have friends too who are doing well married interracially.

The same factor that is required to succeed in both marriages are the same but it is sad that our generation is fast loosing the basics and chasing shadows. The fear of God is fast disappearing and instead complicating the foundation they should be laying for a successful marital life.

Hello Kamibili,

I hope your name's from Adichie's book, cos that'd explain your seeming love for the country. Anwyayz, I must reveal to you different peoples look at life differently. Germans examine life quite a lot differently from Nigerians. Many of your observations cannot simply be put down to how "humans" behave. While "humans" apparently have universally bad behaviours to an extent, Nigerians have their own specific mannerisms.
I find it difficult to believe you'd get the best of advice on here, since it's only natural for Nigerians to defend themselves. However, it must be said that your Nigerian boyfriend might not have behaved all too differently from how Nigerians generally do.

Your innocence cheated you. Innocence is not exactly the thing you want to communicate when engaged with a handful of Nigerians. Times have rendered them tough, and only a tough lady can prove to be a good partner.

Take heart and move on. Damn the guy! He was only being Nigerian!

Sauer

sauer:

Hello Kamibili,

I hope your name's from Adichie's book, cos that'd explain your seeming love for the country. Anwyayz, I must reveal to you different peoples look at life differently. Germans examine life quite a lot differently from Nigerians. Many of your observations cannot simply be put down to how "humans" behave. While "humans" apparently have universally bad behaviours to an extent, Nigerians have their own specific mannerisms.
I find it difficult to believe you'd get the best of advice on here, since it's only natural for Nigerians to defend themselves. However, it must be said that your Nigerian boyfriend might not have behaved all too differently from how Nigerians generally do.

Your innocence cheated you. Innocence is not exactly the thing you want to communicate when engaged with a handful of Nigerians. Times have rendered them tough, and only a tough lady can prove to be a good partner.

Take heart and move on. Damn the guy! He was only being Nigerian!

Sauer

Please refer to the highlighted from your quotes.

I understand and appreciate your effort to strike a balance in your argument but it ends up being stereotypical in my opinion, when trying to understand your definitions and context of quotes like 'Nigerian mannerisims', 'only natural for Nigerians to defend themselves', 'handful of Nigerians'. For example how much is an 'handfu'l considering the current population of 150-165 million population? How many from this population are in diaspora to qualify for your term?

My point is this: As our fingerprints are different so is our attitude and values as humans. Yes, we may be affected one way or the other by society and systems but every human is responsible for the core values they develop and live by. I completely find it unpleasant and inappropriate to refer to a people or generalise when dealing with an isolated situation. Even when we unconsciously/consciously think stereotypical thoughts in our minds, I think it may be better to keep it ourselves rather than spill it out in this manner.

^^I understand your argument and I'm not being stereotypical. I think it's simply denial to think otherwise in this instance and in many more. One should not be considered stereotypical when one argues that different peoples have different mannerisms. Considered philosophically, it's only a result of collective consciousness. I am not going to argue that Nigerians are bad or are a evil people. My argument simply rests on the fact that the Nigerian society, as it is at the moment, has rendered Nigerians very different. In the same way, the British, American or Finnish society could have rendered its citizens quite different from every other. It's the societal content we are talking about here.

Forget what "a handful of Nigerians" means. . .it might as well be literary. Never bother about those in diaspora, cos then arguments may be raised about how many actually qualify as sufficiently integrated into their adopted societies. Anthropologists & sociologists have always made us know that societies are living entities and affect individuals as much as body chemistry does. Basing my arguments on this, I do not suppose that am wrong by claiming that the not-so-accommodating situations in Nigeria have changed Nigerians considerably and probably rendered them less filled with positive morals or universal values. Hence, the op's observation that the boyfriend's sister seemingly found nothing wrong in the illegal dealings of her brother. Are we not familiar with such many instances of this in Nigeria?

We do not have to like it. It's a fact. The Nigerian society has changed Nigerians considerably, albeit profoundly badly. . . .we can only look to it to effect a reversal, if at all. In many cases, individuals have no "individual" choices, as they must rely on society to live or survive. No wonder many are in the race for money in Nigeria's incredibly materialistic society. I am Nigerian and have no apologies for this. Staying in denial has no way of helping others. Affirming our suspicions goes a longer way in rescuing us from the jaws of corruption.

@kambili, i just want to ask u a question, why in the world r u  europeans bloody racists. I wil neva pity or sympathise wit u guys because am sure u thot u had met a stupid submissive african jungle monkey who wud satisfy u foreva bt unfortunately 4 u, he had a will, had a brain and was loved by other women. My advice 4 u b.1tch is " stay away 4rm us" ur racism isnt enuff u stil want to hv a black sex slave. Arsehole

My sister dust up your heart and move on to better things. Don't cry over rotten milk please.
If you view this from a positive point of view, you should be singing praises that God delivered you from that web of lies being woven around you.

Hey! I am sure that you know of the passage of the bible that says that "All things (even some unpleasant things) works for good to them that love God" also never forget that passage that assured us that " the plans God has for us are thoughts of good and not of evil, to give us an expected end".

Don't use "church-going" as a meter to weigh up a man. It is good for a man to have such a heart for God that he frequents church yet not all church goers are good. There are non church goers even atheist that are better men than some bible believing persons.
There is no doubt that you will soon meet a more responsible man dearie. I wish you your heart's desire.

sauer:

Hello Kamibili,

I hope your name's from Adichie's book, cos that'd explain your seeming love for the country. Anwyayz, I must reveal to you different peoples look at life differently. Germans examine life quite a lot differently from Nigerians. Many of your observations cannot simply be put down to how "humans" behave. While "humans" apparently have universally bad behaviours to an extent, Nigerians have their own specific mannerisms.
I find it difficult to believe you'd get the best of advice on here, since it's only natural for Nigerians to defend themselves. However, it must be said that your Nigerian boyfriend might not have behaved all too differently from how Nigerians generally do.

Your innocence cheated you. Innocence is not exactly the thing you want to communicate when engaged with a handful of Nigerians. Times have rendered them tough, and only a tough lady can prove to be a good partner.

Take heart and move on. Damn the guy! [b]He was only being Nigerian![/b]Sauer

How can you paint us all like that young man. There are still good male and female Nigerians with their integrity in the right place.
The fact that some Nigerians have soiled all our reps out there doesn't mean that we are all this rotten please. Gosh!

You must be the dumbest engineer who ever graced the surface of this world!   That's if you an engineer anywayz , and not some tout who chanced upon the internet. If your experience has brought you to this conclusion, it isn't enough to immediately type this ramble. She might well be a b.1.tch, but how would you know? Plus what makes you think the man in question is really so desirable, and she didn't just make a mistake?

sauer:

^^I understand your argument and I'm not being stereotypical. I think it's simply denial to think otherwise in this instance and in many more. One should not be considered stereotypical when one argues that different peoples have different mannerisms. Considered philosophically, it's only a result of collective consciousness. I am not going to argue that Nigerians are bad or are a evil people. My argument simply rests on the fact that the Nigerian society, as it is at the moment, has rendered Nigerians very different. In the same way, the British, American or Finnish society could have rendered its citizens quite different from every other. It's the societal content we are talking about here.

Forget what "a handful of Nigerians" means. . .it might as well be literary. Never bother about those in diaspora, cos then arguments may be raised about how many actually qualify as sufficiently integrated into their adopted societies. Anthropologists & sociologists have always made us know that societies are living entities and affect individuals as much as body chemistry does. Basing my arguments on this, I do not suppose that am wrong by claiming that the not-so-accommodating situations in Nigeria have changed Nigerians considerably and probably rendered them less filled with positive morals or universal values. Hence, the op's observation that the boyfriend's sister seemingly found nothing wrong in the illegal dealings of her brother. Are we not familiar with such many instances of this in Nigeria?

We do not have to like it. It's a fact. The Nigerian society has changed Nigerians considerably, albeit profoundly badly. . . .we can only look to it to effect a reversal, if at all. In many cases, individuals have no "individual" choices, as they must rely on society to live or survive. No wonder many are in the race for money in Nigeria's incredibly materialistic society. I am Nigerian and have no apologies for this. Staying in denial has no way of helping others. Affirming our suspicions goes a longer way in rescuing us from the jaws of corruption.

iice:

Sauer is mostly right.

I do not disagree that the Nigerian leadership system has shaped a lot of the negative values that we have today in the society but refuse to believe or blame the Nigerian system, for example, for my wrong actions or decisions. Therefore , it is not an issue of denial as you claimed. In a similar vain, this guy's infidelity and corrupt conduct to an innocent lady should not be blamed or excused by the Nigerian system. He is personally responsible for the values he has chosen to live by and should be personally held liable, and this is my argument. Yes, we are shaped by our environment to an extent, though may be true in some cases, should not be an absolute. If it is, then we all have no personal consciousness of the right and wrong and should therefore blame people and systems for our wrong conduct and decisions. We know that in the real world this is often not the case.

In summary, I believe that this guy's action stemmed from his own personal value system, even though being a Nigerian but lived considerably in a non-Nigerian society (from this case). Should we now say he is a product of the Nigerian system (blaming his actions on the Nigerian mannerism) simply because he is a Nigerian or a product of the German system because he has lived considerably in Germany? Where do we draw the line? The argument could go on and on and that's why it does not matter your nationality or where you have lived but a matter of personal values which could be informed by a combination of both or non .eg some predicate their values purely on religious dictates.

In any case, it was quite interesting having this deep debate and appreciate your time in doing this. I wish the lad God's speed and hope 2012 will fulfil her expectations.

Happy New Year in advance.

Kambili
Note that just like the world is full of different kinds of people so will you get different kinds of response from different manner of persons here with some having great degree of vileness. This website is a good one to socialize in and have fun and in order not to allow vile persons get to you, don't attach importance to their words and better still don't read such posts.

Vomits are not meant to be eaten so don't bother reading some vomits like that one you got above there from the king of all racists.

Dear Ivynwa,

I am happy to have met you here. You are a very friendly person and you say the right things.
I don't agree when people claim that Nigerians are all bad. They are so many of them and indeed people are different. This applies to every person. Of course, people are products of their families and the societies they were brought up but god has given us hearts and brains so we are all capable of making choices. A system is an explanation but not an excuse. And asthe Bible says, a rotten tree will bring about rotten fruits but a good tree can bring nothing but good fruit.

kambili190:

Dear Ivynwa,

I am happy to have met you here. You are a very friendly person and you say the right things.
I don't agree when people claim that Nigerians are all bad. They are so many of them and indeed people are different. This applies to every person. Of course, people are products of their families and the societies they were brought up but god has given us hearts and brains so we are all capable of making choices. A system is an explanation but not an excuse. And asthe Bible says, a rotten tree will bring about rotten fruits but a good tree can bring nothing but good fruit.

I am happy you understood the point of my argument with Sauer, from the highlighted in your post, System is an explanation but not good enough for an excuse.  As you keep your heart open, God will make His plan come through for you.

Wishing you a pleasant New Year.

Ivynwa:

How can you paint us all like that young man. There are still good male and female Nigerians with their integrity in the right place.
The fact that some Nigerians have soiled all our reps out there doesn't mean that we are all this rotten please. Gosh!

Ivynwa:

Kambili
Note that just like the world is full of different kinds of people so will you get different kinds of response from different manner of persons here with some having great degree of vileness. This website is a good one to socialize in and have fun and in order not to allow vile persons get to you, don't attach importance to their words and better still don't read such posts.

Vomits are not meant to be eaten so don't bother reading some vomits like that one you got above there from the king of all racists.

I really have no idea what point you are trying to make. If you read carefully, you'd see I wasn't painting no Nigerian bad. Neither was I making racist comments. To me, you appear quite superficial and have only made do with what you saw on the surface. Next time, try making efforts to actually "read between the lines" ( that idiom wasn't just for idioms' sake).
That said, I maintain that the Nigerian society has considerably shaped Nigerians such that some of their own innocent actions might as well appear to debase universal values. It is often until they migrate that they see how "unsocially" (in other contexts and other societies now) they actually are.
There are of course Nigerians of high integrity. . .but I won't be surprised to learn that a number of them originally come from well-to-do homes or got lucky with honest, caring parents so that the societal heat was tempered with some dose of parental warmness. Or perhaps, they started out dishonest when the going was tough and only later, after scoring some achievements, saw reasons to put on garbs of honesty and integrity.
This is my point. And I do see enough people-examples to believe it's totally right!

Sammy79:

I am happy you understood the point of my argument with Sauer, from the highlighted in your post, System is an explanation but not good enough for an excuse.  As you keep your heart open, God will make His plan come through for you.

Wishing you a pleasant New Year.

No, sammy, system is not just an explanation or excuse. It's an all-powerful force which exerts such subtle influence that you'd think "No, it's not there, am still in control!". I find it laughable when people continue to think they have it all covered against a force so powerful it dictates to you what you put on or what you watch and eat. It's called society, bro, for want of a better name. . . .or a godly name.
I maintain Nigerians have their own mannerisms, which extends from moral to dietary. Just as British or Indian people do. Why then do we experience culture shock when we talk trips outside of our home countries?

Just get this straight: the young lady is at a loss as to why her Nigerian boyfriend should behave like that. Many a Nigerian would probably find her stranger than they do her Nigerian boyfriend. Many a German would probably find the Nigerian stranger than they do her. Isn't that just normal?

Dear Sammy,

if we claim that all people from a country or race are the same than we are no better than Hitler was. That is why I will never support this kind of opinion. And I refuse to support the opinion that people are mere products of their environment, there is something exisiting that we call "free will". And that is to decide if we do good or evil. It is up to every person. If you truly believe in God, he will be your only advice even in the hardest of circumstances. And if you have a conscience then listen to it, this is God's voice speaking to you. If you have no conscience, you are almost lost.

iice:

@Sammy i understand what you are saying.

But a big chunk of us act the same, think the same and respond the same way.  It's conditioned and in some cases like sauer said, no individual choices.  It's a hard thing fighting against pressure.  This greed of money thing is very high with us.  Our own personal value.  Where did we get it? And why is it people follow like cattle to this thing? Why is it a student picks a career based mostly on the money he will get? Why is it people pick their partners on what they can get from the person? Why is it pastors sometimes try to wring every last kobo from whoever they can? Why is it that when people go abroad, it's the main thing they are after? Is there anything in life that is interesting to them?  A nigerian man will remain mostly a nigerian man no matter where he goes or how long he has been away.  Isn't resilience one of our positive attributes? Yeah we prefer to remain corrupt and corruptible than to adapt and learn.  A mango tree will always produce mango unless it is propagated or crossbred.  Even then it can still have the mango flavor.

A happy new year to you too.

clever! Word!

kambili190:

Dear Sammy,

if we claim that all people from a country or race are the same than we are no better than Hitler was. That is why I will never support this kind of opinion. And I refuse to support the opinion that people are mere products of their environment, there is something exisiting that we call "free will". And that is to decide if we do good or evil. It is up to every person. If you truly believe in God, he will be your only advice even in the hardest of circumstances. And if you have a conscience then listen to it, this is God's voice speaking to you. If you have no conscience, you are almost lost.

You are making the same point Sammy's making, and am tempted to say "is this because you both believe in freewill?" I find nothing wrong there though. To say the truth, every human is to an extent in possession of the will to decide exactly what to do in every situation. But note, only to an extent. To the other extent, his decisions are influenced by his society of birth and where he lives. Okay then, my advice to you: do not reject any Nigerian who comes your way again, but when you find that he is being more influenced by his society of birth, than by his capacity to make individual decisions, RUN! RUN! RUN!!. When you find though, that he appears in full possession and use of his potential to make individual choices. . . .and he does this well, then STAY! STAY!! STAY!!

Best Wishes

Hello Sauer,

I am neither searching for another Nigerian nor rejecting any of them. I am simply not thinking of what nationality my next boyfriend should be. I will have my eyes wide open before I enter any other relationship in the future. From what I have learned, I can only say that I want a person with values, Christian values. And it is true that an atheist can have stronger values than a person who goes to church.

I agree with you when you say that we have a free will to some extent but not completely. That is true. However, if the system in Nigeria is so bad, what about the religious influence? I don't get that this does not hold some people back from doing evil. My boyfriend's house was decorated with pictures of Jesus. There was a Bible next to his bed which he read frequently. So how is it possible this "bad" system has so much influence but his religion doesn't? I don't understand how you can give in to bad but the positive aspect in your society, namley the strong belief in the Lord does not influence you?

sauer:

You are making the same point Sammy's making, and am tempted to say "is this because you both believe in freewill?" I find nothing wrong there though. To say the truth, every human is to an extent in possession of the will to decide exactly what to do in every situation. But note, only to an extent. To the other extent, his decisions are influenced by his society of birth and where he lives. Okay then, my advice to you: do not reject any Nigerian who comes your way again, but when you find that he is being more influenced by his society of birth, than by his capacity to make individual decisions, RUN! RUN! RUN!!. When you find though, that he appears in full possession and use of his potential to make individual choices. . . .and he does this well, then STAY! STAY!! STAY!!

Best Wishes

Find that really hilarious!!!

Sauer and iice, I rest my case with you guys with the my last submission, is Sauer doing a law degree or something?

I agree that a system is very powerful with the seemingly unresistable pressure for wealth and other grievous temptations. We can as well attribute the law of cause and effect to some problems peculiar to the Nigerian system. You have mentioned all of these and they are correct. In terms of moral decadence it is not getting any better in the world as a whole. However, it takes having the Spirit of God in-dwelling the life of someone to fight and overcome a system and that is why Jesus said 'you live in the world but not of the world'. This gift of God is freely available for those who believe in Jesus Christ and at the end of the day neither God nor system will be blamed if they reject the offer of this gift that could increasingly make one a better person in a corrupt world.


Now if you do not share my religious views, its fine but that is my position. But if you do, look at this way: when we are done on this earth and called to account for how we lived our lives, do you think the GREAT judge (God) will take systems into consideration no matter how ingrained they might have been to influence our actions and decisions? I think not. Rather we will be judged on the basis of the His word and if we received the gift He extended to us or not. Simply meaning  that at what point do we take responsibility for our actions without pointing to the system?

Having said this, I appreciate your comments and iice's

God bless