There is this guy I met, very financially stable, God fearing, good family background, good guy, good career etc but the problem is he lacks swag and his dress sense, just there. Someone told me I could help Behind him up a little, working out and all but I don;t know how to go about it without making him feel bad.
Guys do you feel bad if your/a lady wants to change you in this aspect?

He is comfortable with his dress sense and likes his body the way it is.  If he really wanted to change how he look by his own volition, he will do so. 

You upgrade him by supporting and being the person, you want him to be.  You can either be with him for who he is or find someone that has physical prowess and swag. 

Clothing isn't imperative in a good and healthy relationship.  If he has hygiene issues then address that but changing his OUTLOOK is just plain wrong in my opinion. 

If you are not careful, you will push him away and another chick will enjoy the benefits of your "hard work".

i don't see.anything wrong there.it depends on your manner of approach.with time things might improve wen u start buying him gifts that suits your taste

*Thinking*

swtdarling:

i don't see.anything wrong there.it depends on your manner of approach.with time things might improve wen u start buying him gifts that suits your taste

Buying gifts is a good way to go about it but if she buying something that she thinks he should wear and he doesn't like it, it would be a waste of money.  

She has to be careful on how she approach him with trying to change his outlook because if he is the type that doesn't allow others to define him, she will deal with potential rejection.  

Let say he does wear what she buys him, would that make him happy or her happy?  You don't want your partner to resent you which could be detrimental in the relationship.  How would you feel if your partner tell you I want you to look like Beyonce everyday and wear blonde weave to "upgrade" you?

Mynd_44:

*Thinking*

From a man's perspective, would you allow your woman to "upgrade" your fashion sense or identity?

Be honest.

Mrs, Chima:

He is comfortable with his dress sense and likes his body the way it is.  If he really wanted to change how he look by his own volition, he will do so. 

You upgrade him by supporting and being the person, you want him to be.  You can either be with him for who he is or find someone that has physical prowess and swag. 

Clothing isn't imperative in a good and healthy relationship.  If he has hygiene issues then address that but changing his OUTLOOK is just plain wrong in my opinion. 

If you are not careful, you will push him away and another chick will enjoy the benefits of your "hard work". 

he even said it with himself that he wants to improve the way he looks as in add body a lil, work out, His dress sense isn't that bad but he can improve to have a little swag, I dont think that's bad.

Deida:

he even said it with himself that he wants to improve the way he looks as in add body a lil, work out, His dress sense isn't that bad but he can improve to have a little swag, I dont think that's bad.

Hmm.

just simply invite him to go shopping with you and pick out a few things for him.
Hopefully he is NOT the sensitive type  .

It's no secret that most men aren't into the whole 'shopping' thing like us women. in fact most guys just want a simple shirt, pants, shoes and they are 'good to go'. I too have been in your shoes, but what i have done in the case of my guy is just invite him shopping with me and just get him a few things (like he does for me). He likes nice things but doesn't care for the actual shopping lol. The first time I took him shopping, I simply explained to him that I was not trying to change him but that i appreciate his features and body shape, that nice Polos and such bring them out more. He didn't mind that approach (as he is full of himself  ) and it worked for me lol.

iice:

Steer him towards clothes you think would look good on him if you go shopping together.
Otherwise, buy him stuff to add to his wardrobe. Do the 'honey, i think that tie/shirt/shoes etc look/works better with that pants/color/style'
As for work out, you can join him to give him the push he needs.

However let him retain some of his style so that he doesn't feel like you're taking over him.

Seconded.

I definitely can't row with a guy without dress sense. Mba nu.

Mrs, Chima:

Buying gifts is a good way to go about it but if she buying something that she thinks he should wear and he doesn't like it, it would be a waste of money.  

She has to be careful on how she approach him with trying to change his outlook because if he is the type that doesn't allow others to define him, she will deal with potential rejection.  

Let say he does wear what she buys him, would that make him happy or her happy?  You don't want your partner to resent you which could be detrimental in the relationship.  How would you feel if your partner tell you I want you to look like Beyonce everyday and wear blonde weave to "upgrade" you?  

You are right mrs chima.but it looks funny when two couples go out and one looks all dressed up.and the other looks so different.i like to feel comfortable with my partner when am with my friends.

swtdarling:

You are right mrs chima.but it looks funny when two couples go out and one looks all dressed up.and the other looks so different.i like to feel comfortable with my partner when am with my friends.

Believe it or not, I have seen men who wear simple clothing and looks good. There is nothing wrong with you wanting your man to look good, but if you don't like his fashion sense then it is an issue between you all.

I am not talking about let him walk around like a bum, but if he likes to wear two different colors shoes and pink mohawk, that is his style.

Fashion sense and appearance are two different things. It seems to me the dude dress decent but he isn't "flashy" like Op wants her man to be. A man can rock a simple ironed jeans and a decent shirt with matching shoes and be fly as hell.

Now if your man is fat then work out with him, but if his body is fit send him my way.

*Still thinking*

Now if your man is fat then work out with him, but if his body is fit send him my way.  
[quote][/quote]

iice:

Steer him towards clothes you think would look good on him if you go shopping together.
Otherwise, buy him stuff to add to his wardrobe. Do the 'honey, i think that tie/shirt/shoes etc look/works better with that pants/color/style'
As for work out, you can join him to give him the push he needs.

However let him retain some of his style so that he doesn't feel like you're taking over him.

I concur!!! Spotted,

MsDarkSkin:

just simply invite him to go shopping with you and pick out a few things for him.
Hopefully he is NOT the sensitive type  .

It's no secret that most men aren't into the whole 'shopping' thing like us women. in fact most guys just want a simple shirt, pants, shoes and they are 'good to go'. I too have been in your shoes, but what i have done in the case of my guy is just invite him shopping with me and just get him a few things (like he does for me). He likes nice things but doesn't care for the actual shopping lol. The first time I took him shopping, I simply explained to him that I was not trying to change him but that i appreciate his features and body shape, that nice Polos and such bring them out more. He didn't mind that approach (as he is full of himself  ) and it worked for me lol.

Seconded!!!

Mrs, Chima:

Believe it or not, I have seen men who wear simple clothing and looks good. There is nothing wrong with you wanting your man to look good, but if you don't like his fashion sense then it is an issue between you all.

I am not talking about let him walk around like a bum, but if he likes to wear two different colors shoes and pink mohawk, that is his style.

Fashion sense and appearance are two different things. It seems to me the dude dress decent but he isn't "flashy" like Op wants her man to be. A man can rock a simple ironed jeans and a decent shirt with matching shoes and be fly as hell.

Now if your man is fat then work out with him, but if his body is fit send him my way.

See her mouth you like good things o
Also it's not really about his style or wearing flashy things. A guy can wear a simple tee shirt and jeans and still look very good with some swag and simple, just Behind him up a little.

Deida:




See her mouth you like good things o
Also it's not really about his style or wearing flashy things. A guy can wear a simple tee shirt and jeans and still look very good with some swag and simple, just Behind him up a little.

I like a fit guy but will accept his simple clothing style. Now I was just kidding, my husband isn't into sharing.

iice:

Steer him towards clothes you think would look good on him if you go shopping together.
Otherwise, buy him stuff to add to his wardrobe. Do the 'honey, i think that tie/shirt/shoes etc look/works better with that pants/color/style'
As for work out, you can join him to give him the push he needs.

However let him retain some of his style so that he doesn't feel like you're taking over him.

100+

What's with the swagger thing , didn't know men still date girls. Last time I checked boys were dating girls and men were dating ladies.

apocalypse:

What's with the swagger thing , didn't know men still date girls. Last time I checked boys were dating girls and men were dating ladies.

apocalypse:

What's with the swagger thing , didn't know men still date girls. Last time I checked boys were dating girls and men were dating ladies.

lol.i think 'swagger' in this contest means carriage and the air he carries around.
@op,there are ways you can pass your message without being insultive or bossy and without your partner feeling like you are taking over his life.
This is where subtleness and diplomacy comes in.employ them!
My very stylish uncle got married a few years ago to a rough,carefree lady.her dress sense was so not it,her hair was always short,rough braids with roblins,she never wore make-up of any kind-no pwder,no lip-gloss,nothing!she was a no-handbag person.she was no where near qualifying as a lady but as soon as she joined the family,the teasing(lovingly) began.we nieces bought her stuff and made her wear them.we banned her from wearing roblins on her hair,made her carry handbags and wear light make-up.
We made her understand we are on a mission to transform 'our wife' into a queen.
Its been seven yrs and now,she a power-dresser!
Need i say more??

^^so? we are supposed to think you do nice makeovers? mtschew!

sauer:

^^so? we are supposed to think you do nice makeovers? mtschew!

think whatever u want.
I dont care!
I only want the op to find a message in all that.ta!

slimyem:

lol.i think 'swagger' in this contest means carriage and the air he carries around.
@op,there are ways you can pass your message without being insultive or bossy and without your partner feeling like you are taking over his life.
This is where subtleness and diplomacy comes in.employ them!
My very stylish uncle got married a few years ago to a rough,carefree lady.her dress sense was so not it,her hair was always short,rough braids with roblins,she never wore make-up of any kind-no pwder,no lip-gloss,nothing!she was a no-handbag person.she was no where near qualifying as a lady but as soon as she joined the family,the teasing(lovingly) began.we nieces bought her stuff and made her wear them.we banned her from wearing roblins on her hair,made her carry handbags and wear light make-up.
We made her understand we are on a mission to transform 'our wife' into a queen.
Its been seven yrs and now,she a power-dresser!
Need i say more??

Thank you for this! Noted,

slimyem:

think whatever u want.
I dont care!
I only want the op to find a message in all that.ta!

slimyem:

lol.i think 'swagger' in this contest means carriage and the air he carries around.
@op,there are ways you can pass your message without being insultive or bossy and without your partner feeling like you are taking over his life.
This is where subtleness and diplomacy comes in.employ them!
My very stylish uncle got married a few years ago to a rough,carefree lady.her dress sense was so not it,her hair was always short,rough braids with roblins,she never wore make-up of any kind-no pwder,no lip-gloss,nothing!she was a no-handbag person.she was no where near qualifying as a lady but as soon as she joined the family,the teasing(lovingly) began.we nieces bought her stuff and made her wear them.we banned her from wearing roblins on her hair,made her carry handbags and wear light make-up.
We made her understand we are on a mission to transform 'our wife' into a queen.
Its been seven yrs and now,she a power-dresser!
Need i say more??

How you doing ? I get the whole swagger thing just trying to tick the poster off. By the way , I hope you're out on the streets and not protesting in your mind.

Black people sef una wan kill person. Did you see the way Steve Jobs dressed all the time? even though he had all the paper in the world.

Some guys just like to keep things simple, myself included.
I've seen black women [b]refuse [/b]to go to church because her man didn't have something "fly" to where to church that morning.

I would probably be offended if someone felt I needed to look like Usher before leaving my house all the time.
Is it Usher you're dating?