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I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: - Romance - Nairaland

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I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by jennyching(f): 8:26am On Jan 12, 2012
Guys help me pls,  need some advice,  I have a 3years long distance relationship with a married guy. I entered this relationship knowing that he is over with his wife and its really true that they don't live together anymore for many years but the problem is that they are not divorce. They don't have any kid and he was working abroad 1st year i met him. After that he went back to his country and i was worried  because its where his wife is. The relationship continued as he is living as single,no wife around so we have constant communication until one day i caught him lying. He still get to meet his wife in some occasions like his in laws birthdays,  his wife graduation,  during holidays, etc,  i talked about this with him and he said its just for formality. Unfortunately his family don't know anything about me as they are from Muslim country. He told me that he will divorce his wife as soon as he get enough money for it but why did he lied to me about his open communication with his wife? Whenever i ask him if he' still in love with his wife and he would say there's no love left just care but why cant he stop communicating with her knowing that they don't have any kid. Every time i try to break up with him, he would beg me and he would say he loves me, that he cant live without me, We had talked many things about our future,  being together till we grow old,  He said im the only one for him,  im confuse now why he needs to keep the communication with his wife,  by the way his wife is not an emotional type of girl and she dont mind living alone because she cares more about her career and she cant leave his parents for his husband "my bf", that is how my bf started to look for love,  One month back my bf went to Canada for study.I told him to become more open to me about all things including his wife matters if really there is nothing to hide and for me to know that he is not into his wife,  One time i asked him if he gets to talk to his wife after few days he reached Canada. I was surprised because he said his wife called him and they had a talked. His wife will not know his number if he didn't give it to her or maybe its him who called to his wife,   sad   , im confuse,  why,  what should i do? i wanna be with him for the rest of my life but im starting to think twice,
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by seedord247(m): 8:42am On Jan 12, 2012
first of all . . listen to this song from Celine Dion . . Think twice  lipsrsealed

Though i know how it hurt seeing somebody you love cheating or lying to you. but in this kind of situation i ain't gonna tell you to breakup neither tell you to stay with him . . But the thing is you know him more than us here on NL.

so what ya gonna do is to ask him, do you really love me?. . .If he says he loves you then you have to tell him that he has to move on otherwise if he still keeps seeing or calling her  then he hasn't move on yet and your relationship is at risk. There is no way you gonna have a healthy relationship if he keeps calling his ex even if he tells you that he still loves you.

This sounds to me like very immature and disrespectful behaviour. They have broken up and YOU are his girlfriend, you and your feelings ought to be his priority in this matter. It is his responsibility when embarking upon a new relationship to ensure that he has his personal matters in order and that he is able to maintain boundaries with his ex (and any other women!) that are appropriate and respectful to you. Telling you that "he still care about her" isn't really appropriate. This is bound to be hurtful for you. embarassed embarassed

Like i said earlier , you should talk to your boyfriend about this calmly, and explain to him that you can't continue a relationship in which you're made to feel insecure about your position and his boundaries with other women. Make it clear that you don't intend to be where you don't feel you are shown some respect. Hopefully this will cause your boyfriend to think twice about his behaviour. sad

If not then unfortunately (I know it's hard!), you might have to accept that this man does not take your relationship as seriously as you'd like, irrespective of how he feels about his ex, and consider moving on for your own good. There are plenty of good men out there who'll love you and treat you with respect. Men who can make up their mind and act well. Don't sell yourself short! tongue lipsrsealed

My GF is calling me grin
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by nelly4(f): 8:45am On Jan 12, 2012
the  best thing for U is to think twice, the way things are ryt nw be sure that u guys will surely have problems if u get  married to him cos he will still refer to his ex and make communications and possibly still have issues with u thats if he really is serious about u in d first place, BTW their are over a million single dudes out their so i bliv u should have ur options,
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by chrishenzo: 8:46am On Jan 12, 2012
I don't find your boyfriend guilty if he chat with his ex but I found him guilty if he lies about it. Breaking up with someone doesn't mean that they are your enemy. It only means that it doesn't work out for you two.

If I may ask, do you feel jealous if/when your boyfriend chat/talk with his ex? If your answer if YES, then I am sorry to say that you might be one of the reason he is behaving like that. He might not want to tell you about it because he is afraid of hurting your feeling.

If your answer is NO, then call your boyfriend to order and ask him to act like a really MAN
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by seedord247(m): 8:54am On Jan 12, 2012
chrishenzo:

I don't find your boyfriend guilty if he chat with his ex but I found him guilty if he lies about it. Breaking up with someone doesn't mean that they are your enemy. It only means that it doesn't work out for you two.

If I may ask, do you feel jealous if/when your boyfriend chat/talk with his ex? If your answer if YES, then I am sorry to say that you might be one of the reason he is behaving like that. He might not want to tell you about it because he is afraid of hurting your feeling.

If your answer is NO, then call your boyfriend to order and ask him to act like a really MAN

I totally disagree with the bolded statement. and i think is bcus you are a guy that's why you are saying these. how will you feel if you are with your girl and she's talking to her EX on phone?? don't tell me you'll tell her to send your regards to her EX.

when you say BYE BYE to somethings mean you don't have anything to do with that thing again. lipsrsealed
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Mynd44: 9:31am On Jan 12, 2012
The OP needs to take the chill pill jorh. Untill you have evidence that he is lying to you or cheating on you, I don't see what the big deal is. Sure it will hurt but they were friends before they got married and why should that stop just cos the marriage did not work?
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by jennyching(f): 9:40am On Jan 12, 2012
Because they are still married in status, He still visit his in laws when there is an occasion for formality. They live in a conservative country and they are Muslim.
I just find out recently that he still get to meet his wife and in laws, For 3years he told me that there's no more communication between them so i thought its really over though they are still married in status, That is how im worried, he lied, and they didnt have a really formal talks about ending up their relationship as husband and wife.
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Nobody: 9:50am On Jan 12, 2012
jennyching:

Guys help me pls,  need some advice,  I have a 3years long distance relationship with a married guy. I entered this relationship knowing that he is over with his wife and its really true that they don't live together anymore for many years but [size=20pt]the problem is that they are not divorce.[/size] They don't have any kid and he was working abroad 1st year i met him. After that he went back to his country and i was worried  because its where his wife is. The relationship continued as he is living as single,no wife around so we have constant communication until one day i caught him lying. He still get to meet his wife in some occasions like his in laws birthdays,  his wife graduation,  during holidays, etc,  i talked about this with him and he said its just for formality. Unfortunately his family don't know anything about me as they are from Muslim country. He told me that he will divorce his wife as soon as he get enough money for it but why did he lied to me about his open communication with his wife? Whenever i ask him if he' still in love with his wife and he would say there's no love left just care but why cant he stop communicating with her knowing that they don't have any kid. Every time i try to break up with him, he would beg me and he would say he loves me, that he cant live without me, We had talked many things about our future,  being together till we grow old,  He said im the only one for him,  im confuse now why he needs to keep the communication with his wife,  by the way his wife is not an emotional type of girl and she dont mind living alone because she cares more about her career and she cant leave his parents for his husband "my bf", that is how my bf started to look for love,  One month back my bf went to Canada for study.I told him to become more open to me about all things including his wife matters if really there is nothing to hide and for me to know that he is not into his wife,  One time i asked him if he gets to talk to his wife after few days he reached Canada. I was surprised because he said his wife called him and they had a talked. His wife will not know his number if he didn't give it to her or maybe its him who called to his wife,   sad   , im confuse,  why,  what should i do? i wanna be with him for the rest of my life but im starting to think twice,
They are not divorced, therefore, she is NOT his EX! Legally she is still his wife, and you have been played!. . . Simplicias! cheesy
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Mynd44: 10:00am On Jan 12, 2012
He lied!!!! In that case, you need to start acting tough with him. Give him conditions for you to stay and those conditions must include you meeting his family, the whole truth else start planning to walk
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by jennyching(f): 10:15am On Jan 12, 2012
Though he is married but he's been living as single for many years. Guys,,, im thinking of talking to him this friday, i wanna end it but not so sure,
cry whenever we get to talk my mind kept on changing, i tried breaking up many times but when he begs, i donno, i change my mind so easy, i just cant let go,
its really hard,,,, its stressing me,
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Nobody: 10:20am On Jan 12, 2012
^^
He will NEVER leave his wife for you! How long you are willing to be his "shock absorber" is your own what? your own cup of coffee! smiley
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Mynd44: 10:38am On Jan 12, 2012
You need to pull yourself together and take a stand or else you would be used and continued to be used.
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Nobody: 10:47am On Jan 12, 2012
^^^
You mean like "Okirika"? cheesy
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by jennyching(f): 10:54am On Jan 12, 2012
cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Nobody: 11:04am On Jan 12, 2012
Truth hurts! sad
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Mynd44: 11:15am On Jan 12, 2012
sexkillz:

^^^
You mean like "Okirika"? cheesy
You read my mind
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Eiregirl(f): 11:23am On Jan 12, 2012
OP - RUN!!!!!!!!! Don't waste any more of your time or you emotions on this. I know someone in a similar situation only the girl I know is the wife & her husband is still in touch with his ex because they have a child together. That's not the problem. The problem is that the ex is abusive to my friend & tells her that she's still sleeping with my friends husband etc. My friend & her husband also have children together so she doesn't want to end the marriage & break up the family, but it's really taking it's toll on her! Get out of there while you can, before it gets any more complicated.
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Mynd44: 11:42am On Jan 12, 2012
^^^
Leave her she is a masochist
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Eiregirl(f): 12:01pm On Jan 12, 2012
Who's a masochist? shocked
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Mynd44: 1:53pm On Jan 12, 2012
Eiregirl:

Who's a masochist? shocked
The OP
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by jennyching(f): 8:19am On Jan 13, 2012
Masochistic means that you like being in pain for your own pleasure. You like the feeling of suffering, of feeling sad and depressed.

To mynd, do u think being in pain is a pleasure to me? I just found out recently that he still connects with his wife. And we had 3years relationship so do u think i'll fall in love this way if i knew from the start all these things? I'm also surprise about it,
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Mynd44: 8:50am On Jan 13, 2012
@Jennyching, we understand that you love him but except you want to allow him to use you continually you have to stand up and be strong. What else is there to do? Infact run!!!! But if you enjoy the pain he inflicts on you well you can stay.
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Wislet(f): 9:59am On Jan 13, 2012
leave the man so he can go back to his wife jare.

Do not be the one coming in-between two people that are married!
God does not joke with that.

Be careful, cos if u succeed in doing that, don't be surprised another woman will take your husband from u.

The man still has strong feelings toward his wife.
Find your own man & allow them repair their marriage.

U should even tell him to do so, not date him!.
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by jennyching(f): 10:16am On Jan 13, 2012
Hi everyone, thank u so much, it helps a lot,
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Mynd44: 10:18am On Jan 13, 2012
Hope you will listen to advice
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by zhukafa(m): 9:32pm On Jan 13, 2012
jenny, forget about that guy. There are so many avilable good and caring guys available. Am one of them. Just trust me, if am not good , then quit immediately.
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by omega25red(m): 9:40pm On Jan 13, 2012
sexkillz:

They are not divorced, therefore, she is NOT his EX! Legally she is still his wife, and you have been played!. . . Simplicias! cheesy
dude it's like you read my mind

poster you are the other woman like it or not and you are the home wrecker like it or not. you knew he was married and yet you entered a relationship with him now you come here to talk about being confused grin what is confusing you? the fact that he is married or the fact that you are the second woman?
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Mynd44: 10:08pm On Jan 13, 2012
zhukafa:

jenny, forget about that guy. There are so many avilable good and caring guys available. Am one of them. Just trust me, if am not good , then quit immediately.
Beware!!!!!!
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by zhukafa(m): 7:41am On Jan 14, 2012
@mynd, beware of what? Am not the kind of guy you are thinking. I was only telling her the truth.
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by Mynd44: 10:21am On Jan 14, 2012
^^^
Just cos she came here for advice does not mean you should hit on her. Don't play on her weakness badt boy
Re: I Think My Boyfriend Is Still In Love With His X Wife: by wiscul4: 3:38pm On Feb 07, 2012
Wislet:


leave the man so he can go back to his wife.
Do not be the one in-between two people that are married!
God does not joke with that.

Be careful, cos if u succeed in doing that, don't be surprised another woman will take your husband from u.

The man still has strong feelings toward his wife.
Find your own man & allow them repair their marriage.

U should even tell him to do so, not date him!.


I do aggree with this.

Its a sin to get into one's married life.
You should tell him not to proceed with u and u also because what I think,it will give u further pain and sufferings in life.He will never forget his wife because God doesnot retain any relationship based on lie.Let them solve and repair.

Hope you will find a person who is really care your feelings and which is actual love. Actual love really based on truth.
You should stop communicating with him.


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