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Difficult to for man and woman to be friend when they are mutually attracted to each other

Chaircover and Ifyalways: Both of you remind me of my aunt. Not only for the great advice you give to so many people on here but the demeanor. You both are NEVER insulting or belittling of anyone. That commands respect from all and sundry. Quite frankly, I almost always look forward to your responses on several different issues. You lot make the difference. I applaud you both. Okay I'm done

Plz mind ur steps but so far u still ok. All u need do is try to help ur hussy into doing wat ur colleague does better but dont mention ur colleague's name in dat house ever & u too shld know wat makes him happy stop thinkg of ur self alone REMINISCE. For ur info am yet to

LOL,

Later some women will come here to defend how good marriage is.

Please save your Husband of high BP, get a divorce move on with your new found love.

Because you are not going to stop seeing him and things will get rougher.

Madam don't mind those abusive word of the people, is a lack of knowledge. You have take the right step by inviting his family into your home, let your family visit his own, then try to reduce your discussion with him, create a gap and get close to his wife and let him get close to your husband, another thing is be transparent to your husband, don't hide any of your experience for him, if you could do that it will help. You can call for more counsel on 08025298269. God bless you.

i think u both are playing with fire, greatest crime to commit in a matrimonial home is fornication, pls be GUIDED

Aboluwarin:

Madam don't mind those abusive word of the people, is a lack of knowledge. You have take the right step by inviting his family into your home, let your family visit his own, then try to reduce your discussion with him, create a gap and get close to his wife and let him get close to your husband, another thing is be transparent to your husband, don't hide any of your experience for him, if you could do that it will help. You can call for more counsel on 08025298269. God bless you.

HMM,

That is a decoy to continue the fling.

It is a why of killing her husband's suspicion so she can continue.

We know how this things work.

The show is already going on. It is guilty conscience that is worrying the poster.

@Lady_Winona
Ive read your comments and others too, and I beg to differ.

I dont see any problem in being fond of someone(a man on this occassion) as long as you know where the full stop is. Its good as you said you have invited him to your home - maybe to take the "hiddenness" away. I am not a marriage counselor, but I think first, you are blaming yourself for something you haven't done yet. If you continue blaming yourself, you would find yourself over-guilty for a crime not yet committed. (If you accuse an innocent man of a crime he didnt commit, he could as well commit the crime to justify the accusation).

Sometimes, time and place bring people together for the purpose of developing lasting friendships, but unfortunately we allow our emotions to go on the overdrive, either positively or negatively, and at the end, we miss the real point. Thank God if its just missing the point, and not wrecking something else in the process.

I am of the opinion that as long as things are professionally handled, all will be well. This is a man you met in your workplace (I suppose). What if he was somebody you grew up with? its not easy to cut someone like that off u know. Whenever I tell people that a lady is my best friend, they are like what?!!!!!! anyway, its a long story.

Its not so easy to cut off someone like that from your life. In fact, every attempt to cut him or her off would only injure you as a person. And what if this fondness was with a woman / single lady in your place of work, would you be double-minded on whether you are turning into  a lesbian / homosexual?

Kai.

Yes you have to be careful. Im not saying throw all into the air. I do not know how you would defind your own fondness, as long as french kisses, necking etc., are not involved, you might still be on higher ground. Also, if you find your thoughts running sexually wild, you know yourself, you might be on sinking sand.

To ease the tension, I would advise you get to know his wife. Get to be friends with her. Perhaps, if you give his wife some friendship, your own thoughts will leave him, and his likewise.

Just a thought!

Listen up lady i do not have all the time in the world to read all comments but let me simply tell u.if truly you are married please my dear cut off whatever fondness u have for this dude.like they say"na from play play we dey get players" u may not want the immoral part at this stage but there'll come time he'll be irresistable to you.for your good,dont give a damn to his feelings,break up that friendship"MARRIAGE IS HONOURABLE", [color=#006600][/color]

@mpmp:
Pls dont pretend that you do not understand human nature and the dynamics of opposite sex attraction. All  your talk of "proffesionally handled" is hogwash, sorry to say.
What is professional about a lady who is feeling itchy for a phallus that is not of her husband's ,and a suave player eager to score an empty net goal? Oh pls.

The lady is already deep into adultery as it is morally and legally defined. She should stop now or forever regret it. Pls ask your selves this: Would this guy love and respect his wife if he found out that his wife was doing what the op is currently doing? NO! After he gets his fill of what he wants(and that would depend on whether he finds it satisfying enough), I can assure you that he would loose all respect her the Op. She would stand humiliated and ashamed.

Aboluwarin:

Madam don't mind those abusive word of the people, is a lack of knowledge. You have take the right step by inviting his family into your home, let your family visit his own, then try to reduce your discussion with him, create a gap and get close to his wife and let him get close to your husband, another thing is be transparent to your husband, don't hide any of your experience for him, if you could do that it will help. You can call for more counsel on 08025298269. God bless you.

What kind of silly advise is this?. Bring a man of whom she is  lusting after to her  home? what nonsense.?  To do a wife swaping SinParty?
Forget about all this window dressing. Its all about se.x. Extra-marotal affairs are about sex. unfortuantely women fall into this pit when they eroneously think its about feelings of love. Aman who is boning a married woman is doing it just for the pleasure because deep down, he loathes the idea having such a woman as his trusted mate or wife.
In this case,the guy wants to sex her, and the woman subconsciously want the same but is afraid and confused about the possible fallout. Period.

@OP,i was at the receiving end of what you're doing to your hubby now sometime not too long ago. Dont know if your husband is aware you found succor in another man yet. In my case, i found out and this worsen the whole issue. This guy practically invaded my mat home pinging and texting his so called "words of encouragement" and i just no longer amuse my wife. It was just God because she almost got her fingers burnt. She's back fully now but i still find it unforgettable till tomorrow and does this still affect us?
Pls beware and give love a chance in your home.i know better pls. My people says"what game is a cat playing with a mouse, you can fill in the gap.a word is enough for the wise.

It's simple, you never fell in love with the man you are currently married to. You are just hanging on to the marraige

for one reason or the other. Ok OO!!!, keep on keeping the feelings that will take you no were, or better still if you

want it to take you some were, simply break his home and break yours, then you guys can have a secret wedding

so as to quench that desire, after then,  i think by the time you are tru with the first 5mins JIGI - JIGI your EYES GO

CLEAR.

Madam, just run far from the guy.


Ko ju ma ribi gbogbo ara loogun e.

Madam, you have already started crossing your boundary now because you are already possessed with the spirit of lust. Only deliverance can save you. With the way you have expressed your feeling that goes to show that you are already lost. The man himself is sick also and needs deliverance.

This steps you are taking will destroy your entire live and marriage. The man in question is equally having a problem here by getting too close to you knowing fully well that you are married.

I had an experience like this that with a lady I met in the course of my business and she was too cheerful and friendly. This woman is reach and drives a 2010 Honda Accord and she got a very big mansion owned by her and husband. She is very comfortable. I thought she was just a clean person. I was shocked the day she saw me driving by and pulled off the high way. I came down from my car to greet her.

After she complemented my dressing and look, she requested we get a soft drink as the weather was hot. I obliged. I asked the sales lady to give us 2 cans of soda and she did. We got talking and she told me plain that she admired me and wanted me to have her. That we should look for a guest house to relax. I told her, madam, you are married and I am married why such demand. Her word “does it mater?" I was shocked. I told her straight that she is a devil and for me, I cannot sleep with a married woman. I walked out on her.

So, I see you that with time, you will even ask to sleep with the man in question. Be careful before devil destroys you and your home.

Go and work out your marriage. No two perfect people on the face of this earth. Marriage is all about trials and endourance. Only God can help you out.

OP, I understand your plight. Your scenario is very common among married people in spite of what the rude and scripture thumping posters are saying. You are HUMAN. However, like many have said, it is a slippery slope you are on and I’m not saying this because of the marriage is forever blah blah blah, but because this could get very messy very fast. Plus the odds of you having a lasting relationship with this NEW guy are incredibly slim even if you did end your marriage because of him; on the long run it will not be worth letting the sh*t hit the fan. You don’t know him that well, remember you started somewhere with your husband too and it was rosy in the beginning.

Basically, what I’m saying is before you let things get out of hand with this guy, be very prepared for the massive quanta that will come out of it. It will be MAJOR!!! It will affect your husband, your family, your inlaws, your job etc, Are you willing and ready to risk it? Do you have the liver?

If the answer is no, then start to decrease the time spent with this man till the feelings pass or till you and your husband are in a good place with your relationship. It is possible to remain in a marriage even if you don’t love your husband. You just have to find the little things that make you happy and settle for them. If you do love your husband, then this whole situation is even a smaller matter (depending on what he has done wrong to you o, if he is battering you that one I don’t support staying). If you love him, it’s easier to resolve things, Good luck!

I think we have over-advised our sister! As a married man who prides himself on knowing some of the wiles of the heart, I think I can only say that male colleagues in the office can easily put on a front & facade of care & attention to the ladies. We may deny it, we may swear by the angels that we just care without any strings attached, yet the heart is cunning even to itself: all we really crave is dominance through sex! Women are too prone to be carried away by our attentions(so sad to admit: no wonder hearts are often broken in their hundreds daily these days). If I were to warn our trusty ladies: guys harbour some thoughts about your feminine assets without a thought about the viability of your homefront but only concerned abt our wild testoterones, and believe me, we are terrible! Mr Nice Guy, our Mr Cool, knows what he is doing and he can go to the ends of the earth to disguise it. HE WANTS TO HAMMER YOU REAL GOOD! And you are enjoying the attentions, naturally, even though u are denying this & lying through your teeth doing that.Our guy is adept at concealing  his intent behind a smiling exterior as a professional home-wrecker that he is,so wake up, lady!

Simple. quit your job. I know people have been suggesting creating boundaries and all that, but believe me when things want to happen they will.

it is easier to stay away from fire than trying to dance around it

All infatuation does is leave a bitter taste in the mouth after it has been indulged.

Simply cast out the demons feeding you that filth so you can face your family squarely.

@Winona; I'll advise you to run while you still can, because if you hang around temptation long enough you'll most likely yield to it. You can't resist this kind of temptation easily so stay away and stop lying to yourself that you can just be friends with this guy.Truth is, if you yield to the temptation, there's no way you're going to win in the end. Adultery keeps getting sweeter and sweeter (especially for women, because of their emotional attachments) till it consumes and destroys you. Dunno why, but that's just the way it works. And i'll guarantee you that when the proverbial "sh, hits the fan", he'll definitely run back to his family and you'll most likely lose yours and end up alone. You'll also have to deal with the guilt and the heartbreak that follows but they too will be nothing compared to the venom and the stigmatization that will be unleashed on you by society. And if you blow this marriage, what do you think are the chances of you getting another one, not to talk of a better one? Well, that being said, if you still want to "collect", you can, as long as you're ready to face the dire consequences of the "collection" when you're caught - cos you will. It's always a matter of time. Best of luck.

Lol, like it's my fault some female on this thread is in her late 20's ,single, was used and dumped  jealousy will kill you infact Jenny's case will kill you

Dont you all forget the OP is sexy, young, and beautiful. She is still in her 20s. That is exactly what that son-of-a-bitch is lusting after. Of course, I know how to make a woman love me. The easiest peopleto get in the world are married women. Most husband really do not have time to listen, pay compliment and other frivolities. Just feel that void and most married women are already dreaming about you.

In one week, if I want to sleep with two married women, I would. I know how not to take advantage because I know it is't fair to their hubby

Lol, like it's my fault some female on this thread is in her late 20's ,single, was used and dumped jealousy will kill you infact Jenny's case will kill you

Jenny wetin happen. Who is offending my dear Jenny. You people should take ur time before I send excaped boko harem after you

This is far more serious than you are seeing it, Adultery mostly is committed rite in ur mind n as a married woman you shld no when to draw d lines with ur males friends. pple who committed adultery dont just wakeup one morning to do it, its a gradual process and from ur explanation u r already on the lane of adultery because the only tin left not done yet is d guy getting u laid, there is a saying "dont smile wat u dont want to eat". I advise you to run far from the guy and learn to draw d lines wth ur male friends, i dont believe in a married woman keeping males friends, because every man is jealous and dats d gospel truth.

Mayflowa:


Jenny wetin happen. Who is offending my dear Jenny. You people should take your time before I send excaped boko harem after you

Awwwwwwwwww,my darlingg. Them no reach.

Do you guys know that lady winona's husband beats her? At least more than once. I was really curious on her case and read a post of hers in sept 2011 which explains what happened as per the beating (see link below and scroll down to her post)

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-758548.32.html

Do you wonder why she is developing feelings for another man? I dont condone a man beating a woman no matter what, but i think she should end her marriage respectfully before moving on to another man.

While what she is doing is not right and she should sort out her marriage (ending it or solving its issues), i thought this fact might be useful as we give her advice.

No

HDER

An adulterer in d making. This one nor need advice, na go ahead she need. Ok babe, u can go ahead and sleep with him. Stupid girls who marry for d wrong reasons. We men are in trouble.

I think we have over-advised our sister! As a married man who prides himself on knowing some of the wiles of the heart, I think I can only say that male colleagues in the office can easily put on a front & facade of care & attention to the ladies. We may deny it, we may swear by the angels that we just care without any strings attached, yet the heart is cunning even to itself: all we really crave is dominance through sex! Women are too prone to be carried away by our attentions(so sad to admit: no wonder hearts are often broken in their hundreds daily these days). If I were to warn our trusty ladies: guys harbour some thoughts about your feminine assets without a thought about the viability of your homefront but only concerned abt our wild testoterones, and believe me, we are terrible! Mr Nice Guy, our Mr Cool, knows what he is doing and he can go to the ends of the earth to disguise it. HE WANTS TO HAMMER YOU REAL GOOD! And you are enjoying the attentions, naturally, even though u are denying this  & lying through your teeth doing that.Our guy is adept at concealing  his intent behind a smiling exterior as a professional home-wrecker that he is,so wake up, lady! 

A bottle of beer for dis chap please.

It’s not just good enough as a man to have a 12 inch something (excuse my lewdness) or just good enough to give her heaps of soup money and buy her a jeep and think that you are done in making your woman happy or fulfilled.

your lewdness? u haven't said anything ma'am, be more explicit, we willl excuse excuse u.