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Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by Sagamite(m): 12:19pm On Feb 01, 2012
Wislet:

@sagamite, dearie wer u bin dey?

I dey, babes. Just been quite busy.
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by Sagamite(m): 12:21pm On Feb 01, 2012
tenibaby:

There are several reasons why a man should get married
1) Cohabiting with several women is a sin, you are not to commit fornication by sleeping with so many women, for spiritual and health reasons
2) It is Gods plan for a man to leave his home and cleave unto a woman for companionship for them to build ideas together and nurture children in the way of the Lord
3)The role of men is very important in a home because most male children love to learn from their fathers and when they don't see their fathers at home they learn from outside
So, in a nutshell marriage is very important for health reasons, spiritual reasons and nation building because the man is the strong force that holds the family together and God the stronghold. We have been through hurt and pain, but we must learn something positive from all forms of hurt and pain and become better people.

Shut up with all this religious junk.

Sky Rider:

Any sensible man would prefer a wife's tantrums, the children's murderous yells to the 25yrs olds.

Who will make sure he supplies them with all the vain things of this world. At the same time he is not the only one logging into their websites.

Only for him to wake up one day, even with all he has spent and find himself lonely, cause they will be so gone for greener pastures.

Sky Rider, you never fail to display it. grin

What is this rubbish you wrote?
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by tpia5: 12:23pm On Feb 01, 2012
Tenibaby has said it all.
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by tpia5: 12:27pm On Feb 01, 2012
@ topic

if you're happier being alone then by all means stay alone until you're ready to marry, if that time ever comes. Of course people will pressure you to settle down etc but if you dont want to, its not by force. After a while they'll leave you alone.

As per your mum's list- tall order because if you're not religious then you shouldnt really be dating a religious person.

On the beauty thingy- men from families where most of the women are beautiful, actually tend to not place physical beauty too high on their list of requirements for a partner. After all, nothing new there.

Just my observation, could be wrong. I'm referring to the yoruba setting of course.
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by adelegan1: 12:32pm On Feb 01, 2012
Marriage will only make you poor and uninteresting. na so so money women know. Imagine make house wife they call aristo for money say because her husband no dey give enough money. I beg no marry. Women just expect alot from guys this days
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by Wislet(f): 12:37pm On Feb 01, 2012
eGuirrella & moremi2008- examples of men no woman should touch with even a six feet pole.
With such mentality toward marriage, sorry for whoever marries you.
No offence.
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by Wislet(f): 12:40pm On Feb 01, 2012
@ sagamite, I'll wipe ur behind if u dnt take time angry
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by kizito96(m): 12:41pm On Feb 01, 2012
Marriage is worth it except yours is not working
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by Sagamite(m): 12:43pm On Feb 01, 2012
Wislet:

@ sagamite, I'll wipe ur behind if u dnt take time angry

I think you meant whip. tongue

If you will wipe it, I will put a ring on your finger now. Good wife. grin
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by 12inches1(m): 12:53pm On Feb 01, 2012
I don't see anything wrong in what the op is saying, Thank God many girl's are learning, at least most of my girl friends are, Nobody just wants the extra baggage of marriage anymore, Ladies better get educated and find a job cos u have to contribute something to the union, This is the 21st century,
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by Wislet(f): 12:56pm On Feb 01, 2012
Sagamite:

I think you meant whip. tongue

If you will wipe it, I will put a ring on your finger now. Good wife. grin
hehehehe grin grin
too busy to cal huh? angry

@opribo, don't say that dear. There are still great women around. Just ask God to lead you to one. A wonderful marriage is possible, even in this generation. Not everyone has lost it or forgotten how it should be done smiley
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by pro01: 1:30pm On Feb 01, 2012
It is ludicrous how some ladies here (predictably) would have us believe that not having a wife is necessarily tantamount to loneliness. Maybe you need to realise that being alone is not necessarily the same thing as being lonely. Why some of you like simplifying everything into two extremes (black OR white) is something I would never understand. Certainly, life is more complex than that.


Some of you will end up lonley old men
sleeping with your wads of money &
your pet cat on your bed with no one
to even ask you if your feet are warm

Hilarious isn't it? One would think that the above quote is actually entirely applicable to rich, single females who would eventually find out that their personal success is worthless without a husband or a Stedman kind of 'handbag' to validate them. But for a rich man? There is hardly such a thing as a 'lonely' old rich man. . .unless he has deep issues and despises female company.

No rich old man that loves women can ever be starved of beautiful female company - even without a wife. Ever heard of mistresses? Live-in-lovers? A million and one sweet women of all ages would be at a rich old man's beck and call ANYTIME he needs someone to ask him "if his feet [and 'third leg'] are warm". Not to mention countless beautiful maids, nurses, and female aides he can have around him attending to his every whim 24/7. He doesn't need to be officially married to any of his mistresses for him to get all the company he needs. Heck he could even have a harem for all he pleases. Let's not kid ourselves here.

'Loneliness' (especially for a successful man of ANY age) has NOTHING to do with lack of a wife. Only a psychologically or spiritually troubled man of that kind would be lonely (and that would even be his personal choice) - all the better for him 'cos he'd probably be dead anyway if he had a wife to nag the living-daylight out of him.
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by chaircover: 2:08pm On Feb 01, 2012
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by jaybee3(m): 2:10pm On Feb 01, 2012
chaircover:


Yes there is a minority of women who feel that their husbands have to provide their every need but they are certainly the minority, just as we have a minority of lazy men who expect their wives to provide for their every need.

Minority in the real world appears to be the majority on NL. Maybe just maybe most of them are still living in wonderland
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by coogar: 2:23pm On Feb 01, 2012
moremi2008:

Oga, I am a bit worried about you because you have outdated notions of marriage. Nobody is EVER going to get a marriage like their grandparents except they live in a remote village in Damaturu. The social insitution of marriage is dramatically different from what it used to be and cultural expectations are also vastly different.

that is a big lie from the pits of hell.
there are good women out there albeit few who would even do more than their grandparents as far as marriage is concerned.
if you are not meeting this type of women, then change your modus operandi and stop visiting whorehouses and red light districts to search for a life partner.



First, we now have divorce and if you live in the West like I do, divorce is a life-changing and financially catastrophic event for the man. Typically she gets 50% of your net worth + alimony + child support. It's a devastating proposal and men are wise to tread cautiously. You will be a fool if some woman carts off with all the fruits of your hard-earned labor. Even your family members will look at you with pity and warn their children not to be like you. Yes, I have seen it happen many, MANY, times.

there's what we call prenuptial agreement if you don't trust your partner wholeheartedly.
even if you feel entering such contract cheapens your spouse, go to nigeria and marry. the law of the country where the marriage certificate is issued would be followed - regardless of where the divorce took place. do wives get 50% in nigeria should she file for a divorce? i don't think so.


Second, women are now empowered and free. While this is a wonderful development for everybody, what it means in practical terms is that you might put 110% into your relationship but it won't make the woman stay because she is independent and can just up and out anyhow she likes. To the woman, you're just a living and breathing call option; she'll exercise that option only if your worth rises to meet her strike price. Otherwise, she is out. Today's marriage vows are for better and for better; these days "for worse" is confessing negative. Now, I am not advocating that women stay in unhappy marriages but the problem is that the woman can leave for WHATEVER reason she likes. She doesn't even have to give a convincing reason beyond the vague excuse of "irreconcilable differences." Her definition of "difference" could very well be, "I have found someone richer"

this is why you should know who you are marrying.
i am not ignorant of these facts - trust me, i know a great deal about women independence, women empowerment and the other indices but there are women out there ready to stick it through thick and thin. that you are yet to find one does not mean they don't exist.


Your garden analogy is really cute but cuteness if for little children. Have you ever heard of infertile grounds? Or plants that are especially susceptible to disease? You might garden as much as you want and still fail miserably. That mistake will cost you half a million dollars minimum, please. And while you're making payments, please keep your hands away from any fruits and flowers because she has got custody! Now, fcking roger that!  grin

except that there are fertilizers to cure infertility and there are pesticides to cure infections of plant.
a fact known very well to good garderners. cool


Successful young men in the West have EVERY incentive to wait and tread super-cautiously. Otherwise, they had better pony-up for a good lawyer and an iron-clad pre-nup. In the meanwhile, they can play in the garden of delight, sampling different flowers and squirrelling away assets in off-shore accounts where the future Mrs. can't touch it. At least, that's my plan.  grin grin grin grin grin grin

Oya! Kill me!  grin

i won't even discourage you from carrying your plan through. . . . you actually have a point.
however, some men are still out there who are catching the very last breed of the ideal women left on the planet.
seek and you shall find. . . . . . .you might end up meeting 50 before you find that special one but keep trying and your valiant efforts shall be rewarded.
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by Wislet(f): 2:31pm On Feb 01, 2012
@coogar, thanx honey. An example of a great man wink
Now where's lefulefu, Mr cork, etc. Learn from ur bro.
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by hispinkolo: 2:36pm On Feb 01, 2012
Marriage is a choice.Some have made it and are extremely happy to have someone to share their lives with and children to boot.Some are gnashing their teeth because of the financial and emotional toll it has taken on them.
 Everyday,there's news about some dude killing his ex-wife or a wife cutting off little jonny,the list is endless.I don't blame anyone who is scared.
  Some chicks are mentally unstable,some will not date a man who is not loaded.The newest trend is whoring wives,i went on a blog this week,enough exposure! shocked shocked Married women sleeping around for money in Lagos,Abuja will be dog eat dog.
Since most people are only thinking of assets on here,i will say every guy should be careful.Even if you sign a prenup,it can still be contested.Bottom line,she must leave with something.If thunder faya u and she has kids for you,you are eternally finished.
 The institution is not for everyone,a relationship is hard enough.Take Grandpa Hugh Hefner he tried marriage and it failed then he decided to live solo with babes servicing him.He may be the ultimate playa to some guys,and to others he's  a lonely old bugger(to me,he looks miserable).Shrivelled old viagra ravaged ding dong,he has to pay the babes to keep them there
 Society(speaking for naija only) has drummed it in from the start that marriage is what makes a person wholesome,so you've gotta tow the line to please the parents.One of my consultants,about 40 years old, fit male refuses to marry and has told his parents to leave him alone.Another one said no one wifed his mother,why would he wife another person's child.He prefers to be fed grapes by a young babe when he's vacationing in St Lucia.All great men and very accomplished.The only thing i have found they both have in common is lack of belief in organised religion and great cynicism  grin grin
 To each his own,it's not worth it to some.To the others,they wouldn't have it any other way.For me,marriage is what you make it.If you go pick a girl that her convo is only about peruvian hair and gucci bags,what do you expect?You think that when she is ready to leave she will just go meekly without wanting to maintain the lifestyle?Every guy should be walking around with a gold digger or ho alert bracelet then.
The good ones are plenty,unfortunately,they may not look as hot or as flashy as the leeches.

NB in some places,after shacking up with someone for a couple of years,she is entitled to a sizeable chunk.Damned if you do,damned if you don't.happily married female by the way. wink

1 Like

Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by LongOne1(m): 2:57pm On Feb 01, 2012
Oga, I am a bit worried about you because you have outdated notions of marriage. Nobody is EVER going to get a marriage like their grandparents except they live in a remote village in Damaturu. The social insitution of marriage is dramatically different from what it used to be and cultural expectations are also vastly different.

First, we now have divorce and if you live in the West like I do, divorce is a life-changing and financially catastrophic event for the man. Typically she gets 50% of your net worth + alimony + child support. It's a devastating proposal and men are wise to tread cautiously. You will be a fool if some woman carts off with all the fruits of your hard-earned labor. Even your family members will look at you with pity and warn their children not to be like you. Yes, I have seen it happen many, MANY, times.

Second, women are now empowered and free. While this is a wonderful development for everybody, what it means in practical terms is that you might put 110% into your relationship but it won't make the woman stay because she is independent and can just up and out anyhow she likes. To the woman, you're just a living and breathing call option; she'll exercise that option only if your worth rises to meet her strike price. Otherwise, she is out. Today's marriage vows are for better and for better; these days "for worse" is confessing negative. Now, I am not advocating that women stay in unhappy marriages but the problem is that the woman can leave for WHATEVER reason she likes. She doesn't even have to give a convincing reason beyond the vague excuse of "irreconcilable differences." Her definition of "difference" could very well be, "I have found someone richer"

Your garden analogy is really cute but cuteness if for little children. Have you ever heard of infertile grounds? Or plants that are especially susceptible to disease? You might garden as much as you want and still fail miserably. That mistake will cost you half a million dollars minimum, please. And while you're making payments, please keep your hands away from any fruits and flowers because she has got custody! Now, fcking roger that!   

Successful young men in the West have EVERY incentive to wait and tread super-cautiously. Otherwise, they had better pony-up for a good lawyer and an iron-clad pre-nup. In the meanwhile, they can play in the garden of delight, sampling different flowers and squirrelling away assets in off-shore accounts where the future Mrs. can't touch it. At least, that's my plan.         
Oya! Kill me!   
You raised valid points there, albeit a bit depressing.

Having said that, the difference between you and me is; I know I need to get married. From your last paragraph, the title of the thread should be ‘Marriage is not worth it for guys’ as you are not asking a question, rather looking for people to support your conclusion of ‘a wayward lifestyle is the way to go, as marriage has too many risks’.

Moreover, do I smell a ch-ch-chicken somewhere? lol
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by Claus(m): 3:15pm On Feb 01, 2012
It's been tempting to turn this into a men vs women argument.

Taking a step back, I do see a trend of guys not wanting to get married. I have about 5 male cousins in their late 30's/early 40's who have never been married. That would have been unheard of a generation ago where all my uncles were married by their early 30's (most before 30).

So the sentiment the poster is sharing is real with many guys. I can see why a lot of ladies here have become defensive, but that defensiveness just smothers what many men consider to be a real issue.
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by Claus(m): 3:33pm On Feb 01, 2012
In summary, one major (but not the only) aspect of this topic is that many guys are no longer interested in women that just want to "marry up".

The issue is not so much that women don't work (most of the ladies I know work). It's more to do with the fact that either by design or coincidence, a majority of women marry men with significantly more economic resources.
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by ronkebp(f): 3:34pm On Feb 01, 2012
Some wise men and women have spoken on this post, especially Coogar's first post, and Chaircovers' analysis.
A kolanut/bitter kola tree/plant cannot bring forth pineapple or straw berries, the bitter-kola hangs out with other bitter- kolas', apples hangout with apples, when you go to a produce junction, you would see apples in one basket, pineapples are together, potatoes are together.
You cannot see yourself as a responsible man and hang out with LovePeddlers and expect a ''good wife'' from one of them.

You cannot hangout all day in the club or beer parlour where you would tap the yansh of the peppersoup seller,or hit on the bar-tender wearing only bra and g-string to serve you don-pereon (or whatever you call it) and exepct to get a classy wife with self respect.


If you see marraige as a problem, it would remain a problem to you. If you are afraid of a gold-digger, so you will not marry, eat your money alone!!!!! after all you suffered for it. save the world the stress of your reasons behind not marrying and remain SINGLE
.
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by zilon12(m): 4:21pm On Feb 01, 2012
the essence of marrying is so that people will call you responsible grin grin grin
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by fred2265: 4:49pm On Feb 01, 2012
For me, marriage is no different that being in a monogamous unmarried relationship. It is just bureaucracy and conformity and has no impact on a genuine loving relationship.

Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by dayokanu(m): 5:05pm On Feb 01, 2012
No be small thing ooo
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by pro01: 5:06pm On Feb 01, 2012
Claus:

It's been tempting to turn this into a men vs women argument.

Taking a step back, I do see a trend of guys not wanting to get married. I have about 5 male cousins in their late 30's/early 40's who have never been married. That would have been unheard of a generation ago where all my uncles were married by their early 30's (most before 30).

So the sentiment the poster is sharing is real with many guys. I can see why a lot of ladies here have become defensive, but that defensiveness just smothers what many men consider to be a real issue.

1 Like

Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by emmalexabl(m): 5:13pm On Feb 01, 2012
WHY marry. . just to make ONE WOMAN HAPPY, when u can remain SINGLE and make LOTS of THEM(women) HAPPIER. .!!
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by mordi4evah: 5:32pm On Feb 01, 2012
Some thread o! *smh and rotflol @ crazy comments esp d rebutt on d muslim quote,kai! Buh on a serious tip,evry1 is entitled t his/her opininon abt life,marriage and so on,live it hau U̶̲̥̅̊ wanna,its urs!!
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by ronkebp(f): 5:48pm On Feb 01, 2012
emmalexabl:

WHY marry. . just to make ONE WOMAN HAPPY, when u can remain SINGLE and make LOTS of THEM(women) HAPPIER. .!!

Where is this mentality coming from, who says marriage is to ''make a woman happy''??
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by jennyb2: 5:53pm On Feb 01, 2012
i guess u r from a broken home or u r gay! shocked
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by Sagamite(m): 6:02pm On Feb 01, 2012
pro01:

It is ludicrous how some ladies here (predictably) would have us believe that not having a wife is necessarily tantamount to loneliness. Maybe you need to realise that being alone is not necessarily the same thing as being lonely. Why some of you like simplifying everything into two extremes (black OR white) is something I would never understand. Certainly, life is more complex than that.

Hilarious isn't it? One would think that the above quote is actually entirely applicable to rich, single females who would eventually find out that their personal success is worthless without a husband or a Stedman kind of 'handbag' to validate them. But for a rich man? There is hardly such a thing as a 'lonely' old rich man. . .unless he has deep issues and despises female company.

No rich old man that loves women can ever be starved of beautiful female company - even without a wife. Ever heard of mistresses? Live-in-lovers? A million and one sweet women of all ages would be at a rich old man's beck and call ANYTIME he needs someone to ask him "if his feet [and 'third leg'] are warm". Not to mention countless beautiful maids, nurses, and female aides he can have around him attending to his every whim 24/7. He doesn't need to be officially married to any of his mistresses for him to get all the company he needs. Heck he could even have a harem for all he pleases. Let's not kid ourselves here.

'Loneliness' (especially for a successful man of ANY age) has NOTHING to do with lack of a wife. Only a psychologically or spiritually troubled man of that kind would be lonely (and that would even be his personal choice) - all the better for him 'cos he'd probably be dead anyway if he had a wife to nag the living-daylight out of him.


Nelly, one more time: He's right you know. Heeee's right!

chaircover:

If you don’t want to marry, then fine but state the real reason, which is fear or commitment.  cool grin grin

It makes me laugh when I see women choosing selective words to make you feel you have to do what they want you to do.  grin grin grin

He is irresponsible because he is not married.  grin

He fears commitment because he does not want to settle down.  grin grin grin grin

Are men suppose to do what you want to prove he is a man with balls that has no fear?  grin

Let me correct your English. Why not try:

"If you don’t want to marry, then fine but state the real reason, which is lack of interest in commitment."

"If you don’t want to marry, then fine but state the real reason, which is refusal to commitment."

"If you don’t want to marry, then fine but state the real reason, which is exercising your right not to commitment.


Which one be fear? You chose that word to make it be like our masculinity is challenged? grin
Re: Is Marriage Worth It For Guys? by Claus(m): 6:16pm On Feb 01, 2012
Sagamite:

Which one be fear? You chose that word to make it be like our masculinity is challenged? grin

True dat! An aversion to commitment does not equal fear.

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