litusista: hi guys.. i have a little problem. Each time i try dating a guy i like, it doesnt work out fine. a few years back i started dating a very close friend of mine, but after like a year he went for nysc and came back telling me he doesnt think he can keep dating me because he's not sure i am the will of God 4 him, and that i was too jealous. i gave a lot into the relationship (calls, texts,) and i was hurt for a year after that and did not date any other guy.

I later fell in love with a classmate of mine which i liked very much. we became best friends. we've been friends for almost 4 years now, and i really like him. we have both talked about dating but, he keeps hesitating saying he's not ready. recently, a friend of his (a female), came to spend a weekend with him in schl it was after that weekend, that i noticed he started behaving somehow towards me. i know he had always liked the girl. i told a roomate that was also a friend, and she said she'll talk to him.
she later told me, that he said he cant date me because i am too possessive and jealous. And that the other girl was not like me. i feel sad and i know i have to move on. but i am scared. i have never really had a relationship that i desire. the guys i like just walk out on me. i am in my final yr and i just wish to be committed to someone.

What do i do? When i like someone, i do all i can to be around the person and show him that i really care.How do i do that without being possesive? When i see another girl with someone i love, i feel threatened. How do i overcome this?

First of all, you have a low self image, a low self esteem, a low view of yourself. You keep comparing yourself to others, that has to change. To you, being possessive is the only way you affirm something is yours, a way you mark your territory as the case may be, and then gradually, you become jealous, trying to know all the moves of your friends and trying to block the moves you know will not be to your favor.
Being possessive is not something anyone was born with, but it can be curbed and eradicated as time progresses. Ask your self what you really want from a friendship. You should be able to differentiate "friendship" from "relationship", you should know if you want the friendship to graduate into a relationship, you should know if that friendship/relationship with that person is a bid to boost your self esteem, thereby becoming popular using the persons influence. Blah blah blah
In adjusting your view about possessiveness, pls realize that you have to do to others the way you want to be done to you. If you want honesty, be honest. The things you want a friend to do for you, be ready to do likewise in return. Everyone needs some privacy, including your friends. You also need your privacy. Know when someone is intruding on your privacy, personal stuff, and quintessentially pissing you off, then, you use that same measure to know when your actions towards another are gravitating towards negativity. If you want privacy, give privacy. Whenever you want to express your opinions on matters involving your friend(s), do so non-judgmentally, always always always put yourself in their shoes(situation) before you express your opinion. Think before you talk. Avoid speaking thoughtlessly or in the spur of the moment. Think out words carefully before you use them on your friends. Give them some breathing space, reduce your visits to them, MAKE THEM MISS YOU!!! Anyone that doesn't miss you as much as you miss him doesn't take you as you do him, therefore, don't try to coerce him into doing what he doesn't want to. And don't be in a hurry to get committed. . . There is a time for everything. Take things at a time, and as they come. Don't try to skip any stage.

You seem a nice person, but you have a high tendency to "over do". Just remain the nice person that you are, and cut back 60% on the "over do". . .

litusista: @killz, thks..