Hi y'all, I am knew in this site and would like help understanding sometin. I am dating a wonderful, thoughtful and amazing niaja guy. But the problem is he is ball of pain although he wants to behave like he does not care. It hurts me to realise that becouse of the past experience he has stopped being real and human. He discounts everything to being about money, not falling inlove or you will be hurt and moving on from anything that looks like a challenge. From what i have been reading here I think contrary to what a lot of us would like to believe, naijerians are highly principled people. Your women abstain as a matter of culture were as we and others did this as matter of religious conviction but not a standard social norm anymore. What I want to know is what would have happened to him? I do no see a naija woman cheating on her husband to an extent that he is destroyed . Is that mostlikely to happen. My heart is breaking for him. I like him but do not want to waste my time if this is a permanent damage.Thanks in advance for you responses.

who cares WHY he is the way he is. that should be your cue to step away from this man's life and let him deal with his issues.....unless you want to be drag down this negative and endless path. he needs some professional help and a wake up call, it can happen next week or in 20yrs.......are you willing to take such gamble with your life?

use the law of the three [b]C[/b]s, before stepping away:
you didnt [b]C[/b]reate the problem.
you are not the [b]C[/b]ause of this problem.
you dont have the [b]C[/b]ure for this problem.

RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!

MRbrownJAY: who cares WHY he is the way he is. that should be your cue to step away from this man's life and let him deal with his issues.....unless you want to be drag down this negative and endless path. he needs some professional help and a wake up call, it can happen next week or in 20yrs.......are you willing to take such gamble with your life?

use the law of the three [b]C[/b]s, before stepping away:
you didnt [b]C[/b]reate the problem.
you are not the [b]C[/b]ause of this problem.
you dont have the [b]C[/b]ure for this problem.

RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!

Thanks Jay for your opinion, you are right i am nt willing to wait hence i wannted to hear a cultural view here so I know i did not short change him. But i hear you!

sweetcheecks:


Thanks Jay for your opinion, you are right i am nt willing to wait hence i wannted to hear a cultural view here so I know i did not short change him. But i hear you!

No cultural view, he just wears his heart on his sleeve like a lot of other men.

@MBJ, good advice.

MRbrownJAY: who cares WHY he is the way he is. that should be your cue to step away from this man's life and let him deal with his issues.....unless you want to be drag down this negative and endless path. he needs some professional help and a wake up call, it can happen next week or in 20yrs.......are you willing to take such gamble with your life?

use the law of the three [b]C[/b]s, before stepping away:
you didnt [b]C[/b]reate the problem.
you are not the [b]C[/b]ause of this problem.
you dont have the [b]C[/b]ure for this problem.

RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!

How much time do you think one needs to give arelationship before letting go? We have been dating for four months. And he has been going out of his way to show that he care but sometimes i feel like he wants more than what i give him.

SAFO:

No cultural view, he just wears his heart on his sleeve like a lot of other men.

@MBJ, good advice.

A good aknowladgement there most do not want to admit that.


On the cultural view itis important to me because others would say he wants to keep his girl challenged as a way of testing her love for him ? I know it does not make sense but so does most relationship issues.

MRbrownJAY: who cares WHY he is the way he is. that should be your cue to step away from this man's life and let him deal with his issues.....unless you want to be drag down this negative and endless path. he needs some professional help and a wake up call, it can happen next week or in 20yrs.......are you willing to take such gamble with your life?

use the law of the three [b]C[/b]s, before stepping away:
you didnt [b]C[/b]reate the problem.
you are not the [b]C[/b]ause of this problem.
you dont have the [b]C[/b]ure for this problem.

RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!

if everyone ran away from a potential problem person then no one will be together. Poster this is good advice but sometimes you do have to stick it out for the sake of actually giving a s#it about the person you are with. you can try to help him help himself, by letting him know what you see and being supportive and encouraging him to get help. If and if he then decides that nothing is wrong or refuses to get help or for that matter if his behavior is affecting your relationship in a negative way, then run

sweetcheecks: Hi y'all, I am knew in this site and would like help understanding sometin. I am dating a wonderful, thoughtful and amazing niaja guy. I have known him for over a year before we started dating. But the problem is he is ball of pain although he wants to behave like he does not care. It hurts me to realise that becouse of the past experience he has stopped being real and human. He discounts everything to being about money, not falling inlove or you will be hurt and moving on from anything that looks like a challenge. From what i have been reading here I think contrary to what a lot of us would like to believe, naijerians are highly principled people. Your women abstain as a matter of culture were as we and others did this as matter of religious conviction but not a standard social norm anymore. What I want to know is what would have happened to him? I do no see a naija woman cheating on her husband to an extent that he is destroyed :'( . Is that mostlikely to happen. My heart is breaking for him. I like him but do not want to waste my time if this is a permanent damage.Thanks in advance for you responses.

Who told you Nigerian women don't cheat?
Please stop playing?
The women just know how to hid it.
For the dude he need to move on from his pass and accept your as his future if you make him happy
Lot of Nigerian men damage form their past relationship

@Omega, thanks for your opinion I really do want to do my best but i also do not want to waste my time. I will consider your advice.

@Luckgames,
No one said that but it is my assumption based on what i have been reading on the blog. I guess you are right but i know it her ex's loss. He is great has a great spirit and is a goodman.

Try helping him..

And if he eventually cums back to normal

He'd be very sure u truly luv him...

Bt I am nt sayin u shld stay there forever ooo..

Just help him...

sweetcheecks: @Omega, thanks for your opinion I really do want to do my best but i also do not want to waste my time. I will consider your advice.

@Luckgames,
No one said that but it is my assumption based on what i have been reading on the blog. I guess you are right but i know it her ex's loss. He is great has a great spirit and is a goodman.

That is how they try to play the men
We Nigerian love women and are good providers

@mashino, thanks i will try my best. But how do o bring it up without massing up his ego? I know he can take care of things but this one is hard for him.

@luckgames, its said if they lie about their horrible capabilities. I will pray for him, one thing i know that prayer goes to the deepest parts of a human we as humans can not reach to. I really care for him. My family and church community would give me grief about him but I was and still am willing to face the fire if he can just get through this. But am worried about doing all this for a lost cause! If you know what I mean?

Well, it's not impossible to help him if you truly want to give it a shot. But the ride will be tough, I tell you. The thing is, you should also really accept that it may not be fixable. If trust is broken in certain ways, it may never be repaired regardless of how long and hard you try to make amends. It isn't right to let another's mistake define the rest of your life. In this case , it is best for you if you end the relationship and move on to where this baggage doesn't follow you.
By the way, why is he in a relationship with you if he's lost so much trust in relationships anyway?

@rocktation, thats really a good question. Maybe he is trying but does not know how to move on. My guess is as good as yours. Just not willing to take too much baggage, I am trying to be happy in love not miserable. I am not saying he makes me miserable but i feel he is holding off much more he could be giving. Call it womans sixth sense.