My story goes like this:-

2yrs ago; I talked to this sister in my church abt dating; she said that she wouldnt date me after praying abt it. I asked her why;;; in summary
she said i dont have an apartment ( because i was still staying with a christian brother); i dont look like the person she was asking God for.

1yr later; I got a job with a consultancy firm; and within 6mths I got my apartment; I was given an official car; i shared my testimony in church.

then this sister started dancing around me; to the extent of even coming to my new apartment on youth visitation. she couldnt believe what she saw.

she started coming on her own even at odd hrs ( i mean 6pm;7pm)...; wearing clothes that can make a man fall.
she will jst go to the kitchen and b asking after my welfare.

Then; one day something happened; we had intimacy; not once nor twice.

Jst last month she said I should go and see her parents...

Then I asked her for what? she said her father ( an elder in our church) wants to see me.
I decided to go ( because of the elder`s sake); on getting there; the man asked me; bro. X when are u coming to do the traditional rite etc....?

men; my head blew; i was mute; on getting home I called the sister;
did i tell u dat i want to marry u...?

i didnt invite u to my apartment at first; na u carry ur leg waka come.
i didnt even propose to u; na u dey try to form my wife to bi.
and the worst is that when i was poor & no body; u refused to date me; then what makes u feel that i will now marry u...

The case now as gotten to the church council; they insist that i must marry her & b ready to face suspension for committing fornication...

As for I am not ready to marry her although i am ready for the suspension...; also I am still ready for the worst i.e leaving the church to another.


please fellow NL friends; I need ur advice esp. to clear my conscience; am I wicked; is this wickedness on my part based on my current actions...
thanks

All the nonsense that goes on in these churches today ...

Shaking my head.

You are very wicked, what you did was more like "paying her back" for rejecting you when you were poor.
If she comes to your house at odd hour, you can help her emotion by chasing her away.
You encouraged her by playing along with her when you know you will have nothing to do with her
Even after having sex with her, you are not remorse about it cos u see it as a weapon to pay her back.
Xtian brother my foot!!!

dear poser

it is quite unfortunate that you have got yourself into this compromising situation due to lack of moral discipline and self control, cheers up there is always a way out of this quagmire, you dont never to give a damn about the church suspension stuff , if you love the girl and you think she worth being married bros pls marry her , but if you dont pls dont marry out of pity, i was once dis fellowship for more than 5 years because i did it and she had a baby , i was actually suspended because i accepted the responsibility as the father i still went ahead against all odds to marry her as wife though i was never reinstated but i am still happy that i took the best decision

@OP
the only thing you did wrong IS: not letting her know that this was just s[b]e[/b]x, and nothing more. you knew fully well that didnt want to marry this rat, so why didnt you let her know the next day or something. what's happening now is your fault, since you never told her that she was only being used as a cuum dump.

tell her father that you have prayed about the issue, and that God sent you a sign that she was NOT the one (was she even a virgin?). if push comes to shove then i suggest you go find yourself a different church and look for the right minded sister to marry.

MRbrownJAY: @OP
the only thing you did wrong IS: not letting her know that this was just s[b]e[/b]x, and nothing more. you knew fully well that didnt want to marry this rat, so why didnt you let her know the next day or something. what's happening now is your fault, since you never told her that she was only being used as a cuum dump.
tell her father that you have prayed about the issue, and that God sent you a sign that she was NOT the one(was she even a virgin?). if push comes to shove then i suggest you go find yourself a different church and look for the right minded sister to marry.

I always like ur matter-of-fact response to issues. You couldn't have said it any berra. My thoughts exactly!

Had a similar lady way back in my undergraduate days, always wanting to reap where they didn't sow.

Double thumbs up and cheers!

At poster! Don't marry the girl, she's a gold digger. And again, make sure you serve your punishment at the church before you leave. Shekena

Wicked yeah cz u entertained her.She just came to you like that Pharaoh's wife and instead of running you welcomed her with open arms.
Get expelled brother.The worst mistake you can ever do is to settle down with somebody you don't love.
What is with some churches anyway? Instead of chastening,forgiving and welcoming people they expel? Are they institutions of learning?
Face the other party and tell them NO. You aren't ready.Accept the expulsion,learn from that and move on to another church.
The future is more important than the present circumstances.

@ poster u r on d rite track, let's face it d lady too must b ex communicated so also her parents,its definite that they were aware of the intimacy and started cryin foul cos of d rejection.

Ther r many churches around abeg.NO one shuld cast any stone,dnt marry her.Accept d suspension.

guy; i dont think u re wicked o...;

females have the same no. of brain cells like their male fellow. so they can think alike.

when she refused u; and decided to come back; she was trying to play her card... ok now assuming u were d one
dat dumped her at first & decided to come will her parents welcome u back?

lets b real here...

i will not b surprise if u start to mention all d recharge cards ; give me give me pocket money that she has collected...

come life is a game; some people win & others lose...

if she decided to carry ur kpekus to u under FOC; O boy chop am clean mouth.... simple as ABC.

as per church; do u knw if her father has already bribed the pastor to speak in his daughter`s favour ??

because No average Nigerian father (esp. elderly) will see a promising young man with future and tell his daughter to leave him alone ok

Poster u were on point, no mind them

BUT WAIT OH....IS THE CHURCH GOING TO SUSPEND THE GIRL FOR DISREGARDING YOU WHEN YOU HAD NOTHING

WAS SHE A VIRGIN?DID YOU FORCE HER? IS SHE PREGNANT?IF NO THEN I REALLY DONT SEE WHY THE CHURCH IS INSISTING....COS NEITHER OF YOU EVEN LOVE EACH OTHER ( YOU LIKE HER BODY AND SHE LIKES YOUR MONEY)

lEFT TO ME I THINK YOU SHOULD MOVE TO A GOOD CHURCH WHERE THEY WORSHIP GOD WHOLEHEARTEDLY AND WHERE THEY DONT ENCOURAGE GOLDDIGGING.

I FEEL FOR THE GIRL SHA BUT SHE SHOULD LEARN HER LESSON AND LEARN TO STAY WITH PEOPLE FOR LOVE NOT FOR MONEY...

MAKE SHE SORRY..

Don't marry her cos of pressure.Remember she came back to you because you now have a job.she's loves cos of your money.

@op, its not ur fault, afterall, u never defined ur relationship with her. Pls remind her that u are not d type of man she ever prayed 4. As 4 d sex...... It takes 2 to tangle n since it wasnt a r.ape, u guys only helped urselfs.

I don’t blame you for your actions, but as the man, you should have defined the relationship from the onset as mrbrownjay rightly said.

First of all do the required forgiveness, restitution, e.t.c. then explain to the necessary peeps that you don’t see her in that light i.e. your lifetime companion.
That it was a ‘not so honest’ mistake lol, which really shouldn’t sentence you to a miserable married life. If she wasn’t a virgin, I don’t see the issue, Good luck!

I blame u for fallen into the temptation of having s e x with her.u should hav turned her down the moment she started flashing the green light.pray that God forgives u. if the church council suspends u ,go to another church afterall they aren't ur God.

@Op, no be church plenty outside so? u did nothing wrong abeg.. D lady was just stupid. No offense to women but some of dem can be very myopic.

It is sin to say such thing in a open forum..
U had sex with a lady who is not your wife and you came to this open forum and expose urself...
If you have not expose urself.. God can still forgive u but its now left for God to judge u

Cuteobi: I blame u for fallen into the temptation of having s e x with her.u should hav turned her down the moment she started flashing the green light.pray that God forgives u. if the church council suspends u ,go to another church afterall they aren't ur God.

em! na she carry her nyash go there. Na she open her legs make the guy Bleep. Na she no ask the guy, abeg ol boy wetin we go do. Abi u won date me or wetin?

You must marry her! You proposed to her when u had no house, she turned you down on dat point, you then got a house meanwhile your proposal was not withdrawn and you slept with her! C'mon! marry am!

On point bro...totally on point!!

adonisgold: You must marry her! You proposed to her when u had no house, she turned you down on dat point, you then got a house meanwhile your proposal was not withdrawn and you slept with her! C'mon! marry am!

em, na lie ooo, proposal ended when she refused. Her words exactly were and I quote

favinvest: "I have prayed about it and wouldnt date u. U dont have an apartment ( because i was still staying with a christian brother); u dont look like the person she was asking God for"

adonisgold: You must marry her! You proposed to her when u had no house, she turned you down on dat point, you then got a house meanwhile your proposal was not withdrawn and you slept with her! C'mon! marry am!

Are you for real? It's the posters fault that he didn't set the parameters of what they had going on and now since he has money he wants to bang every girl he sees.

what the heck is wrong with all of you that you propose marriage before you even date a woman? poster, like MBJ said tell the father and the girl that you got a sign from heaven that said she wasn't the one for you. Even add that the sign said that she will die if you guys have a kid. (This will show you how true the church is)

Yes,you are!! ~~For not letting her know you wanted FOC all this while. ...And i guess you now have your own revelation she's not the type you are asking God for too ..Don't marry her.she's a Free rider!

She must be a grown up woman and she should take responsability as she wanted to sleep with u too. I dislike when some women just use the church just to give the impression they r 'good' when they are so fake and materialistic. So, as long as she did agree into his and nobody forced her to do anything I don't understand what obligation u have. U shouldn't have gone to see her family unless u had serious intentions with her. We live in 2012, when we women fight to have the same rights and opportunities with men in the work place and everywhere, so there's no excuse to pretend- she got what she deserved as long as she didn't want to date u when u were poor. She's not really worthy. Try and seek for a woman who will appreciate for what u are and not what u have eg money.

adonisgold: You must marry her! You proposed to her when u had no house, she turned you down on dat point, you then got a house meanwhile your proposal was not withdrawn and you slept with her! C'mon! marry am!

His offer of marriage became null & void when she turned him down ..
Her coming to him when he got made was actually an offer on her own part but she was dumb enuf not tell him wat she really wanted - marriage


@OP, you should have been man enough to tell her it's just for s€x before things got out of hand so therefore YES your wicked

As for the church pray for forgiveness but don't marry out of duress, find another church if needs be

@op, was she a virgin wen u phuucked her?

Efizzi: BUT WAIT OH....IS THE CHURCH GOING TO SUSPEND THE GIRL FOR DISREGARDING YOU WHEN YOU HAD NOTHING

WAS SHE A VIRGIN?DID YOU FORCE HER? IS SHE PREGNANT?IF NO THEN I REALLY DONT SEE WHY THE CHURCH IS INSISTING....COS NEITHER OF YOU EVEN LOVE EACH OTHER ( YOU LIKE HER BODY AND SHE LIKES YOUR MONEY)

lEFT TO ME I THINK YOU SHOULD MOVE TO A GOOD CHURCH WHERE THEY WORSHIP GOD WHOLEHEARTEDLY AND WHERE THEY DONT ENCOURAGE GOLDDIGGING.

I FEEL FOR THE GIRL SHA BUT SHE SHOULD LEARN HER LESSON AND LEARN TO STAY WITH PEOPLE FOR LOVE NOT FOR MONEY...

MAKE SHE SORRY..

I agree with most of your post. I do not think their church is a bible believing church, if not, they should be ashamed of themselves including the pastor. Her father should be ashamed too for bringing up her daughter like that and then trying to forcefully marry her off to you when you clearly do not love her.
Please move to a bible believing church and give your life to Christ. That girl is not your wife. Find a good woman that loves you and marry her. Forget about the suspension, the church will miss your tithe more when you leave, so the pastor may come back begging you.

Correct guy. Abeg chop knuckle.

Your worst mistake in life is to marry that girl cos she doesn't love you. She has proven that she's only after the goodies. During marriage, if the chips are down she will insult and leave you. Abeg if its possible to take ur suspension or leave the church, please do so.

Marriage isn't boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. I'm talking from experience.

omega25red: Are you for real? It's the posters fault that he didn't set the parameters of what they had going on and now since he has money he wants to bang every girl he sees.

what the heck is wrong with all of you that you propose marriage before you even date a woman? poster, like MBJ said tell the father and the girl that you got a sign from heaven that said she wasn't the one for you. Even add that the sign said that she will die if you guys have a kid. (This will show you how true the church is)

No woman wants to suffer, its natural. Even the lioness goes for the strongest male who can protect her and the cubs.