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Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. - Family - Nairaland

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Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Ruthabokoku: 7:59pm On May 18, 2012
Hello guys,

New user here but has a burden.
I have been married to my hubby for a couple of years, we live abroad and things are not and have never been rosy.
Since I married him we have always struggled. We both have jobs but just manage to get by each month. We have loads of plans but never have excess cash.
He is a wonderful man and I love him so much but he is quite old and I am getting scared that things might keep going on like this.
Sometimes I think it is spiritual because this is what they call hand to mouth with no spare cash.
I would like to know if anyone has been through or is going through this?. How did you overcome this? share your testimony to encourage me to keep hoping. Please give advise on what we can do.

P.s I have a masters degree, I do small business with my job. Hubby is hard working and can do anything for his family but without a great job. We have 2 kids and do everything together including planning our finances.

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Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 8:27pm On May 18, 2012

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Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Ruthabokoku: 8:47pm On May 18, 2012
Thank you so much for your response.
I feel like I am going to print it out and frame it, so encouraging.
I tell you the truth, he is indeed wonderful..helps with the kids, housechores, takes care of me too as per ironing my clothes etc. he has never hurt me since we got married.
I told him recently that we have everything but money and he said to me, 'You should be happy because money can always come'.
I guess i am worried because I used to dream about the kind of life I wanted to have when i was much younger. It is not close to it financially but I am grateful for all other things.

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Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by EfemenaXY: 9:05pm On May 18, 2012
In addition to Chaircover's suggestions, you might want to take a closer look at your finances.

Are your monthly outgoings more than what you've got coming in? Assuming you both have debts (i.e: Credit cards, loans, overdrafts, HPs,Store cards, mortgage, etc) how do you service those debts? Bearing in mind you still have the normal household bills?

If this is the case, you might want to have a chat with your local Citizen's Advice Bureaur so they could give you a list of organizations that help people manage & take control of their finances, for free. Alternatively, you might want to pop into your local bank branch and request to have an Independent Financial Adviser help you set up a plan to help you both mmanage your finances more effectively.

It might help if prioritize your expenditures. Try to determine if something is:

* A MUST have: absolutely necessary and you can't live without it e.g food
* A SHOULD have
* A COULD have
*A WANT: not necessary and you can live without

I know it's easier said than done but, whatever you decide to do, avoid "loan sharks" as they charge exorbitant interest rates and their mode of collecting their dues most times borders on illegal means / methods.

Life abroad, especially im western countries like the UK is definitely not a walk in the park.

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Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Ruthabokoku: 9:20pm On May 18, 2012
Thanks

We dont really have any debts apart from credit cards (1 each) with little outstanding balances.
We are not extravagant, we pay our bills and take care of our kids whilst spending money prudently.
The problem is the income, my job is just OK and my hubby's quite bad so I am worried about living like this forever. You know that feeling of being stuck. I understand a lot of people in UK live like this but this is not our dream.
We don't need advisers actually because we manage our little money really well.
We look for a new job for him everyday but to be honest he doesnt have much skills so can't really get a high paying job. We have plans to relocate to Nigeria so he can do business which he is good at and I can get a job but how do we save the amount of money needed? We have discussed it and know/think that we would be better off in Nigeria.
That's why I thought to come on here to hear other people's stories and how they survived this kind of problems.
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by violent(m): 9:59pm On May 18, 2012
It would be a difficult task for anyone to provide advise or encouragement without basic information such as your approximate net earnings and cost.

From your post, it appears that your budget is already well planned, so there's very little advise to offer on that (you should consider writing a list of your monthly fixed costs and see which ones can be cut out.)

I wouldn't subscribe to to the party that advised you to save money in a piggy bank! I would advise that you consider making additional income with every little penny that you could have just kept in savings. I know a few people that make healthy sums by buying and selling stuffs on ebay. This will remove the costs of paying rents for a space and your earnings may not really be tax deductible.


You'd also have to push your hubby a little more....

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Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by EfemenaXY: 6:50am On May 19, 2012
Ruthabokoku: Thanks

We dont really have any debts apart from credit cards (1 each) with little outstanding balances.
We are not extravagant, we pay our bills and take care of our kids whilst spending money prudently.
The problem is the income, my job is just OK and my hubby's quite bad so I am worried about living like this forever. You know that feeling of being stuck. I understand a lot of people in UK live like this but this is not our dream.
We don't need advisers actually because we manage our little money really well.
We look for a new job for him everyday but to be honest he doesnt have much skills so can't really get a high paying job. We have plans to relocate to Nigeria so he can do business which he is good at and I can get a job but how do we save the amount of money needed? We have discussed it and know/think that we would be better off in Nigeria.
That's why I thought to come on here to hear other people's stories and how they survived this kind of problems.


Re: Feeling stuck - I fully understand where you're coming from & empathise with you. We've all been through that stage at one point or another in our lives. It might feel like an endless cycle right now with no way to escape, but take heart it's just a phase AND YOU WILL PULL THROUGH!

You mentioned your hubby's job isn't that great and low paying because of his limited skills. Has he considered going back to school to gain better qualifications, thereby upskilling on what he presently has? He needs to decide what his ideal job would be, then he should look up nearby colleagues for adult day / evening part-time courses.

You mentioned you've got 2 kids. How old are they? If they are aged 1-5 years most colleges & universities offer reduced / cheaper child care (with great facilities), for students with kids. Also, depending on how low your total household income is, you might even get the childcare for free. Pay a visit to the school of both your choice and ask them what they have on offer. Mind you, the earlier the better - as places tend to be over subscribed for. Alternatively, he could look into long distance learning via The Open University, too.

Once he's got those extra qualifications under his belt, then he'll have a greater scope & potential for better paying jobs. As per his age (you mentioned he's old?), that shouldn't pose an obstacle to his learning as we are NEVER too old to learn. It is a continuous process, right to the very end. I know of a family friend who finally got his law degree. Lord, that man must be close to 85 years now.

Bottom line here is: Never give up on your dreams. It's never over, till it's all over. Take heart and all will be well.

Hope this helps & goodluck! smiley

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Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 7:48am On May 19, 2012

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Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by moremi2008(m): 8:18am On May 19, 2012
chaircover: Hmmmmmmm efe I am going to smack you ooooo!!!! grin

Do you know how heartbreaking it is to see 40 year olds and 50 year olds struggling with School, thinking that a CISCO, SAP or Law qualification will land them a six figure job. They are sold the idea by going through jobserve and blinking at the wages and thinking Shebi it is SAP qualification; lets go there!!! but what I see in reality is grown people borrowing money to do these very expensive courses but have nothing to show for it at the end of the day.

The job market out there is cut throat and its a field day for employers; they pick & choose what they want and if they have a choice between a 22 year old and a 49 year old it goes without saying they will pick the younger one; unless you want to work for B&Q or Homebase etc They are "older people friendly" employers

If the man is in a dead end job, the only option at this point is to supplement his income. I dont know how old the posters husband is but I reckon that he must be over 40. At this stage I would forget about qualifications and look at other ways of generating income for himself. Of course a short saturday or evening business course will be a positive thing.

Knowledge is power of course, but there is a difference between someone just taking a course in his spare time to expand his knowledge and someone going on a course to get a specific job at the end of it.

I agree with Chaircover. At a certain point, investing in higher education for the purposes of higher pay is not advisable; the returns to that extra education are not worth the cost. Besides, where is the money for additional school going to come from? Loans? It's just too risky, especially in the UK's double-dip recession. Nothing is worse that seeing older students saddled with loans and no job!

Recessions are typically cyclical and the UK can't be in a recession forever (and I have been hearing nothing but terrible things about the UK lately). Just have a little patience and consider additional sources of income (like an extra job) to create some excess income for savings. To be honest, things could be much worse! Haven't you been reading the horror stories on here lately about unhappy homes and terror husbands? Just thank God and keep your faith up. Things will turn around if you keep working hard and looking for creative ways to earn extra money. Hopefully, this economic cycle is over quickly!
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Ruthabokoku: 8:22am On May 19, 2012
Thanks Efe, Chaircover and Violent.

Our kids are 4 and 2 and our net is about £2100, £500 goes to transport to and from work for both of us because of distance.
I would say the going back to school won't work for him. He has never been a 'book'person and going to spend money on him at his age (over 40) would only waste our little resources.
He has a BSC from Nigeria but has never really used it to work. He was into business before we moved here for some reasons, so you see why it is hard for him to get a skilled job.
He has done a course in the healthcare sector for those that take blood from patients and yet to get a job, my problem is the jobs dont even pay that much too.
I think our best bet is to look for other sources of income, I have started looking for a saturday job.
I used to do online work when I was on maternity leave but hardly have time now. I have done some ebay trading before but i find that the fees from ebay and paypal means you don't make much profit at the end of the day.
We would keep trying and hoping.
Thanks for all the advise and encouragement.
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Ruthabokoku: 8:26am On May 19, 2012
Thanks Moremi

I just read your post, we would keep going and praying for God's blessings.
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by EfemenaXY: 9:31am On May 19, 2012
Madam CC! grin grin Don't you know it's illegal to smack over here? You suppose say "Go stand by the wall" or "Sit on the naughty step!" tongue tongue

But on a more serious note, I hear what both you & moremi say. My reason for suggesting going back to school was because the poster mentioned the difficulties they've met in applying for better paying jobs due to her hubby's limited skill set. A couple of years ago (seems like aeons now), if the couple were in receipt of Income Support / Child Tax Credits from the govt, they would be eligible to undertake courses at their nearby college for absolutely FREE plus free child care. Those could be NVQ courses or even Diploma courses.

Moremi, yep what you say about us being in a double dip recession is spot on. But, I do know that a legislation against ageism was implemented a few years back, meaning an employer can't refuse you for a job based on age. You don't even need to include your age on your CV anymore. I work in the private sector & boy, do we have lots of over 40s and 50 something year olds there too. It is also possible to get a job in finance (operations) without a degree in banking or finance. Infact, as long as you've got a good credit rating and potential, they're happy to train you up.

Anyway @poster, since you say that isn't an option would he consider mini cabbing? It's flexible and as long as your hubby has had his driving licence for over 3 years, then he can apply for a PCO license. With the Olympics coming to London, the rewards for a seasonal job as mini cabbing would be good. I don't know much about it but perhaps that's something you both might want to research on to boost your household income?

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Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 9:41am On May 19, 2012

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Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by violent(m): 10:31am On May 19, 2012
Another stuff i think is worth doing -- and this may sound a bit silly -- is to consider putting your fixed costs on your cards, and saving up on cash! Your banks are not likely to demand credit payments right away, this could give you some leeway to increase your cash buffer and start considering a higher income generating business. You simply need money to make more money...that's how these things work....and if all the money earned is used to fund your current liabilities, then how are you going to make any more money?

If ebay isn't your thing, how about starting an African restaurant? This may require that you take out a bank loan but i feel the benefits in the long term will be worthwhile. My friends and i eat out at such restaurants on weekends, spending an average of 20 quid per person and many times those restaurants are typically busy and filled with lazy Naija guys just like myself who couldn't be bothered to cook but would pay any cost to eat correct Amala and Efo riro!

Obviously the success of this will be based on factors which may include location and your personal entrepreneurial drive, but i feel it may be worth investigating. Your husband can manage the proposed business while you channel more efforts into your current stuff.....the ultimate goal is to increase your net revenue.


If this is not something you may wish to consider, you could also encourage your husband to gain salable unconventional skills such as Plumbing or even Barbing ....I pay my Barber 10 pounds for his services, and i typically visit every week!!....if he attends to only 10 people a day , that's easily 100 pounds a day and 3000 pounds a month!...Since these businesses are not monitored, it means the queen does not stand a chance to dip her hands into your husband's earnings. Plumbers make a whole lot more!!!


You should also try to get something like a progress chart. You need to be able to measure just how well you are doing and any visible progress made. All of these will likely be very stressful in the short term but the long term gains will be worth it.

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Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by maclatunji: 11:03am On May 19, 2012
Wow! Nice thread on Family Economics. OP, free your mind and see opportunities instead of threats.

Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 11:04am On May 19, 2012
@Violent

Can they afford the monthly repayments for the loan with their net income- you think?

@OP

Is that what you people earn per fortnight or per month? if it is per month, believe me I feel for you, even per fortnight sef I still feel sorry for you. God is your strength. That is the amount of money medical Dr's here earn per day when they do their Locum work.

God give you strength and bless you people abundantly. There is light at the end of the tunnel my darling smiley
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 11:16am On May 19, 2012

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Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by violent(m): 11:16am On May 19, 2012
jennykadry: @Violent

Can they afford the monthly repayments for the loan with their net income- you think?

@OP

Is that what you people earn per fortnight or per month? if it is per month, believe me I feel for you, even per fortnight sef I still feel sorry for you. God is your strength. That is the amount of money medical Dr's here earn per day when they do their Locum work.

God give you strength and bless you people abundantly. There is light at the end of the tunnel my darling smiley


My thinking is that monthly repayments will typically be spread over multiple periods based on the couple's ability to pay. I'd expect that any business done with the money should typically start earning good profits within a few months.

2100 pounds in nets earning seems quite low..but considering that most of this would likely have been from the wife's earnings than the husband, then one may consider the earnings average. Most white collar jobs in Britain at a Junior to mid level will pay between 35k and 40k gross a year. Adjusting for tax will typically bring the monthly net earnings within the 2500 pounds range!

Only very few people in UK earn the amount stated in your post!
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Ruthabokoku: 11:21am On May 19, 2012
Thanks guys..I can't thank you enough.
I am noting down all the suggestions.

I have thought of so many things in line with your suggestions chair cover. I thought of cupcakes, making soup and stew for bachelors etc. The wedding decorations would still take me out of my house on saturday so amm I not better off getting a job from like 10 to 3 and hope for like £50 every saturday. I like the part that you prayed that we won't compromise on anything becaue it is so hard. I now understand why some girls want to marry rich men and I can't judge them.
MY hubby is good with his hands, he barbs his and our son's hair and it look's like A professional did it, he is also good with house fixing and furniture. I tell him how can you have such talents and we are suffering, I guess we don't know how to begin.I am ready to hustle and work my head off which is what I have always done but still worried about the future. These days we have 30 years olds that are already senior managers and u just wish it was your hubby.
After all has been said, I guess the next step is to try and get extra income, save and start a business that can help us achieve our dreams.
I know I can excel in my career because I am searching for jobs with Msc qualification which I got from here(my folks paid) and I know it would come but I am worried about my hubby.

@Jenny, unfortunately its a month's wages o. I earn £1300 and he earns £800 for now.
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 11:22am On May 19, 2012
chaircover: Jenny, you will be surprised at the number of people who jointly dont earn up to £4200 a month. How many Nigerian Doctors are around compared to the total number of immigrants. What the poster is going thorough is not uncommon, she just has to find a way round it.

Go to any care home, factory, shop, office job etc and you will see thousands of Nigerians working there. I dont have stats but It wouldn't surprise me if only about 10-20% of the total Nigerian immigrants are in the 40% tax bracket.

Are you serious? @ bolded shocked

I am not comparing the naija Doctors with every immigrant there. When I saw their net income, I just did a rough estimate with my brain and was like sh1t shocked shocked, This is what a medical Doctor earns every day for as long as their locum work lasts, plus sometimes if they are desperate sef they will add extra 10% to the money and pay for your flight, accomodation, feeding, give you a car when you get there and this is what a couple earn monthly? I shed a tear typing my first reply. cry cry I was opportuned to meet a nurse that immigrated from the UK, and she told me (maybe she was lying oo) she was earning 800 Pounds per month with her 11 years experience and when she earned her first pay, she told me she almost fainted cos it was triple what she was earning in the UK. Now I don't know how true that is

God have mercy and bless this people for the sake of their kids sad
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 11:23am On May 19, 2012
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 11:24am On May 19, 2012
chaircover: Violent, it is unlikely that any bank gives them a loan based on their income and outgoings unless they can find one of these business start up charities willing to assist them and I know Zilch about that; Ive only heard of them

True, don't they check incomes before giving out loans?
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 11:26am On May 19, 2012
Ruthabokoku: Thanks guys..I can't thank you enough.

@Jenny, unfortunately its a month's wages o. I earn £1300 and he earns £800 for now.

God(if you believe in him) is not asleep darling. Nothing good comes easy, Trust me on this one. He won't fail you
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 11:30am On May 19, 2012
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by violent(m): 11:31am On May 19, 2012
jennykadry:

Are you serious? @ bolded shocked

I am not comparing the naija Doctors with every immigrant there. When I saw their net income, I just did a rough estimate with my brain and was like sh1t shocked shocked, This is what a medical Doctor earns every day for as long as their locum work lasts, plus sometimes if they are desperate sef they will add extra 10% to the money and pay for your flight, accomodation, feeding, give you a car when you get there and this is what a couple earn monthly? I shed a tear typing my first reply. cry cry I was opportuned to meet a nurse that immigrated from the UK, and she told me (maybe she was lying oo) she was earning 800 Pounds per month with her 11 years experience and when she earned her first pay, she told me she almost fainted cos it was triple what she was earning in the UK. Now I don't know how true that is

God have mercy and bless this people for the sake of their kids sad

Most people with good jobs in the UK will not earn the amounts you've stated in your post. Analysts at Investment Banks will normally take home a gross of 45 grand a year (excluding bonuses), and these are some of the best paid people in the UK.
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 11:33am On May 19, 2012
violent:

Most people with good jobs in the UK will not earn the amounts you've stated in your post. Analysts at Investment Banks will normally take home a gross of 45 grand a year (excluding bonuses), and these are some of the best paid people in the UK.


And here I was, thinking of coming to work in the UK for 6 months. I no come again grin cheesy

I wish una well grin wink

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Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 11:39am On May 19, 2012
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Ruthabokoku: 11:39am On May 19, 2012
Hello everyone,

Thanks for the prayers

That is after tax. I earn £19,500 pa so comes to about 1300/month after tax.
He earns minimum wage, so about £200 comes to his account weekly after tax.
A church member helps with the children, picks the 4 yr old from school and cares for the baby during the day. We pay her £200 a month which is very considerate of her.
Unfortunately, the only job I could get is far from home. Rent where I live is fair so we can't move to where I work because rent there is outrageous. I spend £280 a month on transport(Zone 1 inclusive). My hubby spends £200 on fuel to include transport to work, dropping the kids, shopping and all other things we have to do. We have no social life so nothing to account for there.
We save some bits but then car insurance comes, road tax comes and it goes again and we start again.
I am not moaning o, just looking for a way out and all your advises have been very helpful. smiley
I trust God to direct us.
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by violent(m): 11:40am On May 19, 2012
chaircover: Violent, it is unlikely that any bank gives them a loan based on their income and outgoings unless they can find one of these business start up charities willing to assist them and I know Zilch about that; Ive only heard of them

Setting up a Nigerian Restaurant is not beans and I have seen many around me start up and close down within months even though we have a vibrant Nigerian community in my city; There is a recession out there and people are cutting down and you hear people say that they cant justify spending £6.50 on a plate of jollof rice especially when they know that they can cook a pot of soup for less. . . .funny enough the same people dont mind spending £20 on a chicken at Nandos LOL

I expect that they'd check level of incomes...but then, there are acceptable levels for everyone based on their specific income level. No bank will give me a million pounds in loan (i wish someone will be dumb enough to tho) given my level of income...but chances are, even if i earned 500 pounds a month, there's likely to be some sort of package out there i could explore. I simply have to ask.
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 11:46am On May 19, 2012
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Johndoe100(m): 12:27pm On May 19, 2012
@OP
Are you and your husband ready and willing to make some extra money? I mean maybe in the region of £3,000 per month? There are many ways, but they involve hard work and commitment. I have found that people especially the ones in the UK poo poo any business where you have to start small. When you start you will not be making £3,000 a month.
You will need to invest in the business, say £200 to get it off the ground. I say this mainly because I feel for your husband. If you are intersted, holla at me here.
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Ruthabokoku: 1:11pm On May 19, 2012
Chaircover,
you are so nice...thanks very much. I'll keep you posted on our decisions. If I decide on cake making, I wont mind the items you offered but would not want you spending your money to post them. We'll discuss another way because as it is you are going to be giving out items worth a lot of money. kiss

John,
Thanks..we are most def interested in anything that would help us except get rich schemes and anything against the law.
Could you please elaborate on the kind of business

God bless everyone
Still looking out for more replies smiley

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