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Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Long time married couples please? / Do You Encourage Beating Of Children By Teachers At Schools? / To The Married Couples-please Help Say Something Meaningful (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by TV01(m): 11:18pm On May 20, 2012
I'd like to think that Oga is also chasing up leads as to what steps the family can take to improve their fortunes. It's a partnership no? Wherever the solution comes from, if it's viable it's paydirt, if it works, jackpot.

I'm a little puzzled at pride - even minimally - being a factor here. How glamorous can any minimum wage job be? And no matter how glamourous it is, who wouldn't jump at the chance of something better paying, no matter how less glamorous?

Financial planning prior to marriage? That's all well and good, laudable even. But in reality, when the time, circumstance or the person comes, for most, it is at best a secondary consideration and even then, not a long-term one.

I have English friends who often use the phrase "we can't afford to have children". I don't see that term in the Nigerian lexicon. The poorest of the poor marry and sire offspring. And culturally we see it as an obligatory "life achievement", regardless of our means.

(As an aside, has anyone else noticed the phenomena, whereby African women of an age will simply have a kid, regardless of means or a man? I am not referring to the age-old teenage pregnancy issue here. I have witnessed this repeatedly in different settings of late. Or was I just late cottoning on here? A few years back,someone told me her mother had told her that at 38 with no husband,she'd best have a kid. I didn't take it seriously at the time, but I see this constantly now).

You are 40/40+ and you meet a "keeper". But you aren't that financially stable. Will you honestly wait till you are more financially bouyant before you get married? Likewise you are that age and married, will you really subject your fertility to your finances? I don't think so. Besides, finances can go from solid to decidedly shakey in a flash. It wouldn't be a reason to undo your vows would it?

Most, consciously or unconsciously, go by the "two can live more cheaply than one" maxim, or the Nigerian equivalents "we will manage" or "God will provide". They will typically worry only about the wedding cost (short-term) and possibly the cost of setting up home (and that cost would in a sense, have been ongoing anyway), and proceed.

Then kids come along, and like the introduction of a long forgotten debt that have been accruing usurious interest, finances take a hit. I say kids, because the thinking after the first one will invariably be " lets just get childbirth out of the way and have the next one, two. More especially for older couples. Like I said, I totally get the ideal, but in the Nigerian context, the imperative of marriage and children swipes it aside.


Sorry for digressing/derailing.

Best
TV
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 12:26am On May 21, 2012
Good point TV01, but i dont advocate pple put off marriage and kids until they have enough money to build a mansion. I simply believe a couple should sit down and seriously discuss what they expect out of a marriage financially and how they plan to achieve that BEFORE marriage. For example, it is not rocket science that in most cases your level of education/skill-set is an important determinant in how high up the salary scale you will go.

Being a "keeper" is a lot more than being nice, attentive to the needs of your spouse at home, helping with kids and being faithful. it is equally important that you (as the head of the home)strive to provide for your wife and kids an acceptable lifestyle. Lets not kid ourselves, money is just as much an important part of any marriage. I would not want my wife to spend her valuable time worrying so much about being able to save for vacations, put her kids through schools of her choice or being able to afford the little things that make her comfortable and happy.

Many of us NEVER think about the future until it is too late. We sit around quoting christianese phrases like "God will provide"... "speak into your future"... bla bla bla forgetting that the bible is replete with God blessing you on the basis of what it is you have in your hands at the moment. Gideon wasnt idling in his father's house when God called him to lead Israel in battle.

Why for example should the OPs husband be earning 800 pounds ($1265)/month? Exactly how did he expect to pay a mortgage, bills and support kids with less than what we got as a stipend to survive graduate school? Was he so busy reading the bible in his 20s to realize that he could have gone to school part-time when he first came to the UK to enhance his financial base?

Now that he is in his 40s, he is busy worrying about "pride" as a hindrance to doing some extra work to provide for his wife? At this rate, the OP cannot imagine retirement before the age of 70 and even at that what would they have saved up to live comfortably during retirement?
My brother just needs to man up, grow a spine and do whatever it takes to support his family. I would be VERY ALARMED if my wife spent 0.02% of her time worrying about how to survive day to day... i would be better off dead. That is what a man is there for.

3 Likes

Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Ruthabokoku: 6:52am On May 21, 2012
Thanks guys, very constructive arguements there, but don't make me start thinking of running away o..lol *just kidding*

@John, sent you an email last night..

Good day everyone
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by PrettyCindy(f): 7:28am On May 21, 2012
@Davidlan do you have a twin brother who reasons like you? Abeg link us up sharp sharp. *just kidding* but seriously i love your style.
@TV01
@op goodmorning to you too.
@chaircover goodmorning, am still expecting to hear from you u. Wanted to send you a mail but your email isn't in your profile.
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 7:54am On May 21, 2012
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 8:08am On May 21, 2012
PrettyCindy: @Davidlan do you have a twin brother who reasons like you? Abeg link us up sharp sharp. *just kidding* but seriously i love your style.

lol the only single brother left is too young for you.

chaircover: Hi Ruth, good morning to you too and wishing you and everyone else a blessed and fruitful week also

Ha cotton what did I do oooooooo? Abeg No vex my sister, but sha let me know if its something i can sort out kiss

Pretty I am in the UK. To post to Delta na helele o! My email addy is okeado@yahoo.co.uk.

My Gents, Please please please, let us not put negative ideas into this ladies head. lets keep it positive. The man is not here to defend himself and by "reprimanding" him, we are sowing small seeds of doubt in ruth's mind. What is done is done so lets move one.

Off record, my husband and I never sat down before marriage to discuss finances, infact we hardly discussed anything serious LOL; we never discussed how many children we wanted or which city we will settle in and raise our children etc so It is by sheer grace that we are still standing LOL. My husband is working in a job that it never crossed our minds that he will do and thankfully it all worked out OK. What am I saying? you can make your plans but God may have other plans for you. One of my favorite prayer points is that " God Let your will be done in my life"

my dear aunty, i respect you very much here and i rarely have course to disagree with your words of wisdom but i must in this case. Abegi enough of this God this God that... that is the reason Africans are way way behind in the development curve compared to the whites. Rather than be proactive, we are too busy sleeping and expecting God to "take charge". I cant count the number of "pastors" i came across in university then who spent more time on village outreach than in their classrooms all the while praying for God to "take charge". 90% of them finished with third class or pass degrees and are struggling with menial jobs today... all the while waiting for "God".

Lets call a spade a spade, you were one of the lucky few... i will never give my daughter (when or if i get one) to a man who cannot provide me a serious plan for the future of his marriage. I am a christian too, but i know that apostle Peter was a successful fisherman and Paul worked hard at his tanning job to provide for his own extended family... they didnt just loaf around with a bible screaming about "speaking into their future". the bible is clear - he that will not work, let him not eat. You can pray from now till next yr. Sympathy is of no use in this case.

God indeed has His own infinite plans for our lives, but has that prevented us from going to school, working hard at certifications and improving our skill-set to enable us climb up the career ladder? If you dont have the pali, God cannot make you a bank manager tomorrow... except of course in naija... all things are now possible.

1 Like

Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by blacklion(m): 8:28am On May 21, 2012
davidylan: ... i will never give my daughter (when or if i get one) to a man who cannot provide me a serious plan for the future of his marriage...

That is if she even grants you the privilege...
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 8:42am On May 21, 2012
I can see where David is coming from. Even I will not give my daughter out to a man without any solid source of income Abeg or plans for the future. I am married to a man who is a serious born again Christian Infact one that preaches sef for minutes during morning devotion but once morning devotion is over, the dude picks his keys and zooms off to go provide for his family. I took Leave without pay from work for a few weeks just to spend time with my family. If I was married to a man who carries his bible everyday instead of going out to look for work, You think i could afford such luxury of sitting at home and doing nothing?

@Ruth

Obviously you Did not see the meaning in sisi kills post re johndoe. If I were you I'd stay clear from that boy.
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 10:30am On May 21, 2012

3 Likes

Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by TV01(m): 11:28am On May 21, 2012
I'm more or less with CC on this, especially per her last post.

@Davidlyan
Life is messy and not as clear cut as we'd like to imagine. I have mentioned - in context - the powerful cultural imperatives of marriage and/or children, they are driven by societal pressure and desire, not by circumstances (its why I noted that recent phenomena of older single mothers). Can I even think of any more powerful drivers? Your thinking is eminently sensible. In fact, I can't fault it, but maybe a little naive?

CC' example of her start to married life is in fact typical. We get whatever qualifications we can, plan/pursue careers or business and hope for the best. There may not be a specific plan, but I'm in no doubt that most plan to "work and do their very best"?

I planned and prepared for my marriage for years and saved relentlessly. I even "slummed it" to save money. I knew I'd have to upgrade my "ketekete" car, fund a wedding, set-up home and expect kids. And I did this without knowing or factoring in what my WTB' financial position would be would have by way of finances. The wife sef, seemed like she would never show. Ol' boy, I prayed till I was hoarse.

Having by the grace of God gotten there, would more money have been good? Absolutely and without being profligate. Would I have done it with less. No question. A lot less. Maybe not to the degree of my "slumming it" days, but with the right women, I would have gone into it (marriage)with a view to working through and out of it (the financial hardship).

Even now, we are stable, financially, things are ok, we've progressed through the list, but I still can't gaurantee anything monetary wise. Very few are able to do that.

The right person is to my mind more important than the finances. Op' husband knows that much. And when I said "keeper" I meant from his point of view. He got that much right.

I'm loathe to have a go at anyones spouse, particularly not having heard their own account of affairs. I just don't feel it's my place and consider everyones' matrriage as sacrosanct as my own.

And in my walk, God has always been key. Not in a cliched way, but faith has really availed for me. Over and above practica christianity, which I also ascribe to.

I once knew this "pastor", who always used to shake is head and point his finger, saying "ah, marriage is expensive 0!"

Best
TV
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by debosky(m): 12:11pm On May 21, 2012
TV01:
I'm a little puzzled at pride - even minimally - being a factor here. How glamorous can any minimum wage job be? And no matter how glamourous it is, who wouldn't jump at the chance of something better paying, no matter how less glamorous?

I am puzzled also - my post was in response to a comment by the OP that her hubby prefers jobs where he won't be seen by anyone he knows (e.g. in a warehouse) than others he would not want to be seen doing. I think that pride is clearly misplaced.


Financial planning prior to marriage? That's all well and good, laudable even. But in reality, when the time, circumstance or the person comes, for most, it is at best a secondary consideration and even then, not a long-term one.

I agree, but this is where we NEED as a people to start THINKING deeply about these issues. Enough of simply muddling through and hoping for the best. I am not accusing the OP or her hubby of this, just a general comment.


I have English friends who often use the phrase "we can't afford to have children". I don't see that term in the Nigerian lexicon. The poorest of the poor marry and sire offspring. And culturally we see it as an obligatory "life achievement", regardless of our means.

This is one of the major differentiating factors between Africans/Nigerians and Westerners in general. We simply don't plan enough, and then we are surprised when others who have planned are often better able to provide for their families.

Like I said, I totally get the ideal, but in the Nigerian context, the imperative of marriage and children swipes it aside.

This is unfortunately the case, but it is possible to begin to move away from this imperative, especially in light of our own life experiences and those around us.

Life is unpredictable - no one is denying that - and the best made plans can be turned upside down overnight. But you know what? If you have a plan to start with, you’re likely to be much better off than if you didn’t have one.

Even Proverbs 16:3 says ‘Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.’ The latter implies you need to sit down to make a plan in the first place.

This is what marriage counselling should be about these days, not only about ‘submit to your husband’ and the likes.

Sorry for digressing/derailing as well, but those who are unmarried or plan to marry soon need to benefit from the experience of others.
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by monkeyleg: 1:28pm On May 21, 2012
People are taking a very simplistic view about this issue, You can have all sorts of grand plans, but believe me, that is not how life works. Dont get me wrong, it is good to plan, but that is not all it takes. I think what is required here is encouragement and helpful suggestion. I am also a believer that it is never too late, there are always options, you might need to dig deeper. For instance, I would always advice older folks who want to change or enhance thier careers to look for professions which are professional with a rapid growth rate (Law and Accounting) For instance there are Law conversion course which take 1 yr to achieve and can set him off in that direction. I have a friend, in his mid 40's, after years of working as an engineer, went back to do law and was called to bar in the uk last year. Guess what, he is a Barrister now, and just figure out what they get paid. There are also many Nigerian legel firms in the UK, where Nigerians are making a lot of money. So thats one.


Another is accountancy, he can start his acca, which if serious should take him 2yrs to complete. As he progresses and and becomes part qualified, he can get jobs which will pay him significantly more than he is getting now. Once fully qualified, he can work for himself as a Chartered Accountant and can work for himself.

So these are 2 good options, besides going through the business route. Research suggests that most of us in our working lives would at some point have to retrain at least 3 times. it is all about how you re-invent yourself. See link to one of the course below

http://www.allaboutlaw.co.uk/index.php/non-law/conversion-courses/

1 Like

Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 1:46pm On May 21, 2012
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by monkeyleg: 2:15pm On May 21, 2012
@Chaircover, you are so right. People need to take a balanced view about things like this. I for one will say well done to the man for at least getting a job and keeping it in mordern day Britain, things are hard.

I remember, the program they did on those who had lost thier jobs during the Credit Crunch, in there you had top project managers and executives who were used to earning 6 figure salaries, they struggled to find replacement jobs, when they eventually turned up at the job centre all that was available, were minial jobs, those who swallowed their pride took it, others well not quiet sure what happened. What about the Hedge fund manager who killed himself after loosing over £1Bn in France, I bet you he didnt see that coming.

life is all about peaks and troughs. It is how you ride it out that matters. I used to work with a guy who used to be an area manager for one of the top breweies in Nigeria, things went sour for them, they all lost thier jobs and he had to relocate to the UK in his early 40's to start all over again
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Johndoe100(m): 2:20pm On May 21, 2012
Ruthabokoku: Thanks guys

@John, sent you an email last night..

Good day everyone

Reply sent.
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by SisiKill1: 2:38pm On May 21, 2012
jennykadry: I can see where David is coming from. Even I will not give my daughter out to a man without any solid source of income Abeg or plans for the future. I am married to a man who is a serious born again Christian Infact one that preaches sef for minutes during morning devotion but once morning devotion is over, the dude picks his keys and zooms off to go provide for his family. I took Leave without pay from work for a few weeks just to spend time with my family. If I was married to a man who carries his bible everyday instead of going out to look for work, You think i could afford such luxury of sitting at home and doing nothing?

@Ruth

Obviously you Did not see the meaning in sisi kills post re johndoe. If I were you I'd stay clear from that boy.

Lmao!! cheesy

Jenny I will suspend suspicion for a moment because of this Yoruba Proverb

Yoruba Proverb - From The duduest of all Ikokos, comes the funfuniest of all ekos .

Literal Translation - Na for inside black pot, white eko (wtf is Eko in English?) dey comot.

Proverbial Translation - Even Johndoe can have something good to offer tongue

Johndoe100:

Reply sent.

Well done! I hope it works well for OP. smiley
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 3:40pm On May 21, 2012
Sisi_Kill:

Lmao!! cheesy

Jenny I will suspend suspicion for a moment because of this Yoruba Proverb

Yoruba Proverb - From The duduest of all Ikokos, comes the funfuniest of all ekos .

Literal Translation - Na for inside black pot, white eko (wtf is Eko in English?) dey comot.

Proverbial Translation - Even Johndoe can have something good to offer tongue



Well done! I hope it works well for OP. smiley

Lmao e fi mi si le jare. grin

See who has something to offer blabbing up there. Lmao. Guilty conscience bad gan
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by luckgames(m): 4:43pm On May 21, 2012
chaircover: My dear, please dont be fooled; so many people abroad live from hand to mouth and that is the honest truth. From what you say, you both are in employment; yet another reason to be thankful especially now that there is a recession and so many people are out of jobs.

Now the good news; the two of you focused on your goals makes you so much stronger and the love that you have for each other and the peace that you enjoy in your home is priceless. Money cannot buy that. By your own admission you are married to a wonderful man. . . . these kinds of men are in short supply these days.

You are both hardworking and I believe that this will eventually pay off. Spend wisely and all you need to do is to pray and be focused and please stop worrying but enjoy your family and the breath of life.

Dont be tempted to look at other peoples watches to set your time because you dont know what problems that they too have in their lives that they too are covering up under smiles but what you can do is to try your best to put aside a little every month; even of its £50 a month; it may seem small to start with but that adds up to £600 a year.

Great comment
I am glad you appreciate your husband and his hard work
He must be lucky to have you
As long as you keep working hard things will turn around
Like she said don't look at people
Set a realistic goal
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by luckgames(m): 4:58pm On May 21, 2012
monkeyleg: People are taking a very simplistic view about this issue, You can have all sorts of grand plans, but believe me, that is not how life works. Dont get me wrong, it is good to plan, but that is not all it takes. I think what is required here is encouragement and helpful suggestion. I am also a believer that it is never too late, there are always options, you might need to dig deeper. For instance, I would always advice older folks who want to change or enhance thier careers to look for professions which are professional with a rapid growth rate (Law and Accounting) For instance there are Law conversion course which take 1 yr to achieve and can set him off in that direction. I have a friend, in his mid 40's, after years of working as an engineer, went back to do law and was called to bar in the uk last year. Guess what, he is a Barrister now, and just figure out what they get paid. There are also many Nigerian legel firms in the UK, where Nigerians are making a lot of money. So thats one.


Another is accountancy, he can start his acca, which if serious should take him 2yrs to complete. As he progresses and and becomes part qualified, he can get jobs which will pay him significantly more than he is getting now. Once fully qualified, he can work for himself as a Chartered Accountant and can work for himself.

So these are 2 good options, besides going through the business route. Research suggests that most of us in our working lives would at some point have to retrain at least 3 times. it is all about how you re-invent yourself. See link to one of the course below

http://www.allaboutlaw.co.uk/index.php/non-law/conversion-courses/
N/A
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by luckgames(m): 4:58pm On May 21, 2012
monkeyleg: People are taking a very simplistic view about this issue, You can have all sorts of grand plans, but believe me, that is not how life works. Dont get me wrong, it is good to plan, but that is not all it takes. I think what is required here is encouragement and helpful suggestion. I am also a believer that it is never too late, there are always options, you might need to dig deeper. For instance, I would always advice older folks who want to change or enhance thier careers to look for professions which are professional with a rapid growth rate (Law and Accounting) For instance there are Law conversion course which take 1 yr to achieve and can set him off in that direction. I have a friend, in his mid 40's, after years of working as an engineer, went back to do law and was called to bar in the uk last year. Guess what, he is a Barrister now, and just figure out what they get paid. There are also many Nigerian legel firms in the UK, where Nigerians are making a lot of money. So thats one.


Another is accountancy, he can start his acca, which if serious should take him 2yrs to complete. As he progresses and and becomes part qualified, he can get jobs which will pay him significantly more than he is getting now. Once fully qualified, he can work for himself as a Chartered Accountant and can work for himself.

So these are 2 good options, besides going through the business route. Research suggests that most of us in our working lives would at some point have to retrain at least 3 times. it is all about how you re-invent yourself. See link to one of the course below

http://www.allaboutlaw.co.uk/index.php/non-law/conversion-courses/
Law degree big student loan?
I have seeing Lawyer want 65,000.00 fed job and I said WTF
Life is luck, hard work and never giving up
Growing up as a kid I have always wanted to be a lawyer or degree in International Relation
I left the country and I started think what type of job, can I have with out race been an issue
I was thinking of Accounting or my present Job
I am not the smartest dude around keep B's and C's and some A's but I have been luck,done the hard work of scarify and position myself
The lord has been good to Me
I will always be grateful to God, I have had set back
I have come back Better and stronger

1 Like

Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by partner5: 5:18pm On May 21, 2012
Ask your pastor the diffrents between NEEDS and WANTS. This will help you to know what you are working for.

1 Like

Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by keepingmum: 5:33pm On May 21, 2012
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Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by luckgames(m): 5:45pm On May 21, 2012
keepingmum: To the poster, I can relate wit u. A few months back I posted my similiar challenges on here n I got the good advise, d insults, d sympathies etc.
My situation hasn't changed yet. My hubby still hasn't got a job ( m d breadwinner of d family 7yrs running). I'd like 2 have child nos 2 but can't afford it even our son has been bugging for a sibling.
You myt b struggling, but take solace dt u r not struGgling alone, ur hubby is struggling with u. I happen 2 carry d family's burden on my shoulders as well as dealing with my inlaws belief that I am controling their son because I am earning.
I do believe nothing lasts forever and things do change. Even the clock/time is never static within the same hour. So have faith, work hard n stay +ve.
Sorry for your headache
I hope your husband appreciate you
Your husband might take any thing you said as controlling cos you are the breadwinner now
You need to be careful how you talk to him, he is still a man
Good luck
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Ruthabokoku: 6:07pm On May 21, 2012
Thank you all ever so much.
I have been reading all day and smiling but at work so could not reply.. CC you are not my aunty but my mother,some of the things you have said on here, my folks didnt even say to me. God bless you and yours.
I remain positive.

I just feel the need to defend him a bit in light of what the thread has become. Just for the sake of the future, what if he sees this someday?.

He is not lazy or relaxed about the whole situation, infact he worries day and night and I catch him looking into thin air all the time searching for what is not lost ...lol. I only feel he is in a wrong environment, one that he is not used to and has been unable to penetrate.

Years ago, before I met him he ran a successful business that went down the drain. He still has the company papers and some documents he shows me to prove it. Things went the order way and he lost all (long story). His longtime girlfirend left him and he sold what he had left and moved to another city thats where we met. Infact we joke about it and I say so you have made money before and I have never enjoyed your money and he replies that you would soon enjoy it and be tired. He started hustling and doing all sorts of business to make money (nothing bad) and by the time I met him he had bought a new car (toks o..lol) and was saving money to get a place. According to him, he bought the car first in order to move around easily. At that time he was staying with a friend. As for me, I would not lie I met someone with a bit of potential that I fell in love with and married him. He got a small place before we got married and we moved in. After a few months we moved to a bigger place. I was working and he was still hustling,selling all kinds of things, doing middleman for businesses etc. I would not say all was rosy because we were still managing but at least we were fine.

We relocated due to some reasons (I wont be tempted to share..lol) and obviously he is not used to this UK system, hence the position he is in. I encourage him all the time to think of what he can do to supplement the income but he tells me he is thinking, but if you ask him of what he can do in Nigeria, he has a long list. The not wanting to be seen in places issue as to do with people he knows back home, he has friends and past clients that visit and all that kind of thing (to be honest, I don't blame him)

Therefore, I came on here to seek advice on how to move ahead so we can at least increase our income and save enough money to return to Nigeria where I know he can excel.

To the law degree and accountancy, thanks for your advice but it did make me chuckle. Infact it made my day, I am my hubby's PA as he calls me o, I fill all his forms and pay all the bills. He is no good with computers and books o.

Once again guys I really appreciate the prayers, something +ve happened today, I received an invitation to a test from one of the coys I have been applying to and I believe this is due to all that happened over the weekend. I am someone that believes God answers some people's prayers more than others and he must have heard the cry of you guys. I am positive about this job.

God bless us all.

4 Likes

Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by recruitmnt: 6:33pm On May 21, 2012
Ruthabokoku: Thank you all ever so much.
I have been reading all day and smiling but at work so could not reply.. CC you are not my aunty but my mother,some of the things you have said on here, my folks didnt even say to me. God bless you and yours.
I remain positive.

I just feel the need to defend him a bit in light of what the thread has become. Just for the sake of the future, what if he sees this someday?.

He is not lazy or relaxed about the whole situation, infact he worries day and night and I catch him looking into thin air all the time searching for what is not lost ...lol. I only feel he is in a wrong environment, one that he is not used to and has been unable to penetrate.

Years ago, before I met him he ran a successful business that went down the drain. He still has the company papers and some documents he shows me to prove it. Things went the order way and he lost all (long story). His longtime girlfirend left him and he sold what he had left and moved to another city thats where we met. Infact we joke about it and I say so you have made money before and I have never enjoyed your money and he replies that you would soon enjoy it and be tired. He started hustling and doing all sorts of business to make money (nothing bad) and by the time I met him he had bought a new car (toks o..lol) and was saving money to get a place. According to him, he bought the car first in order to move around easily. At that time he was staying with a friend. As for me, I would not lie I met someone with a bit of potential that I fell in love with and married him. He got a small place before we got married and we moved in. After a few months we moved to a bigger place. I was working and he was still hustling,selling all kinds of things, doing middleman for businesses etc. I would not say all was rosy because we were still managing but at least we were fine.

We relocated due to some reasons (I wont be tempted to share..lol) and obviously he is not used to this UK system, hence the position he is in. I encourage him all the time to think of what he can do to supplement the income but he tells me he is thinking, but if you ask him of what he can do in Nigeria, he has a long list. The not wanting to be seen in places issue as to do with people he knows back home, he has friends and past clients that visit and all that kind of thing (to be honest, I don't blame him)

Therefore, I came on here to seek advice on how to move ahead so we can at least increase our income and save enough money to return to Nigeria where I know he can excel.

To the law degree and accountancy, thanks for your advice but it did make me chuckle. Infact it made my day, I am my hubby's PA as he calls me o, I fill all his forms and pay all the bills. He is no good with computers and books o.

Once again guys I really appreciate the prayers, something +ve happened today, I received an invitation to a test from one of the coys I have been applying to and I believe this is due to all that happened over the weekend. I am someone that believes God answers some people's prayers more than others and he must have heard the cry of you guys. I am positive about this job.

God bless us all.

Am i allowed to say ' I just love you' to a fellow woman...lol. You have a good heart. All the best in your test and hoping you and your hubby all the very best too!
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by luckgames(m): 6:35pm On May 21, 2012
Ruthabokoku: Thank you all ever so much.
I have been reading all day and smiling but at work so could not reply.. CC you are not my aunty but my mother,some of the things you have said on here, my folks didnt even say to me. God bless you and yours.
I remain positive.

I just feel the need to defend him a bit in light of what the thread has become. Just for the sake of the future, what if he sees this someday?.

He is not lazy or relaxed about the whole situation, infact he worries day and night and I catch him looking into thin air all the time searching for what is not lost ...lol. I only feel he is in a wrong environment, one that he is not used to and has been unable to penetrate.

Years ago, before I met him he ran a successful business that went down the drain. He still has the company papers and some documents he shows me to prove it. Things went the order way and he lost all (long story). His longtime girlfirend left him and he sold what he had left and moved to another city thats where we met. Infact we joke about it and I say so you have made money before and I have never enjoyed your money and he replies that you would soon enjoy it and be tired. He started hustling and doing all sorts of business to make money (nothing bad) and by the time I met him he had bought a new car (toks o..lol) and was saving money to get a place. According to him, he bought the car first in order to move around easily. At that time he was staying with a friend. As for me, I would not lie I met someone with a bit of potential that I fell in love with and married him. He got a small place before we got married and we moved in. After a few months we moved to a bigger place. I was working and he was still hustling,selling all kinds of things, doing middleman for businesses etc. I would not say all was rosy because we were still managing but at least we were fine.

We relocated due to some reasons (I wont be tempted to share..lol) and obviously he is not used to this UK system, hence the position he is in. I encourage him all the time to think of what he can do to supplement the income but he tells me he is thinking, but if you ask him of what he can do in Nigeria, he has a long list. The not wanting to be seen in places issue as to do with people he knows back home, he has friends and past clients that visit and all that kind of thing (to be honest, I don't blame him)

Therefore, I came on here to seek advice on how to move ahead so we can at least increase our income and save enough money to return to Nigeria where I know he can excel.

To the law degree and accountancy, thanks for your advice but it did make me chuckle. Infact it made my day, I am my hubby's PA as he calls me o, I fill all his forms and pay all the bills. He is no good with computers and books o.

Once again guys I really appreciate the prayers, something +ve happened today, I received an invitation to a test from one of the coys I have been applying to and I believe this is due to all that happened over the weekend. I am someone that believes God answers some people's prayers more than others and he must have heard the cry of you guys. I am positive about this job.
God bless us all.

Your husband can let people know that he can do handyman work
My handyman has made over 250 for three visit that is really cheap ( just from me for the 10 days)
The dude don't ask me for lot of money
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 7:02pm On May 21, 2012
this is life in its raw and pure form oozin in dis thread! Reality i must say. Thanx all, though am nt married, but learnin alot frm here.
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by Nobody: 7:08pm On May 21, 2012

1 Like

Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by debosky(m): 7:16pm On May 21, 2012
@ Ruth

I'm glad you're defending the honour of your husband as a good wife should - you will definitely go far. wink

However, in this day and age, the excuse of 'not being good with computers and books' is unacceptable. Even if you are in Nigeria, it is those that are 'good' with books and computers that will either chop your money or swindle you if you're not careful.

It is difficult if not impossible to run a viable company without being good with bills/books - even if you have a good idea, it's not enough.

As a minimum he MUST strive to get a basic level of computer literacy (if he doesn't have this already) as this will clearly increase the type of jobs he can do. You as his wife cannot continue allowing him to get away with the excuse of 'not being good' - if my 63 year old mum can learn to send me emails, your hubby can learn and do much more.

I wish you well and pray the job interview results in success.

@ Madam CC

Don't start with this 'borrowing' money from his wallet matter again oh. . . some people are still foaming at the mouth from the previous time. grin
Re: Couples Please Encourage Me With Your Financial Struggles Stories. by AO2(m): 7:20pm On May 21, 2012
Ruth, Just be hopeful, things will get better. I totally agree with Kay, as your husband could earn an extra income by buying cars off ebay or auto dealer and reselling them. The only hitch is just that his capital can be tied down sometimes if he is unable to sell the car quickly.

He could also try to get a care job as the income from the job is relatively okay as well.I know a couple who both work as care workers and they are buoyant and can afford to get a house on mortgage. Another option is to get an SIA licence to be able to act as a security guard. If he has a big stature, he would even earn more working as a bouncer in the night clubs as he could do that as a second job. All these will just be means to be able to save enough money to be able to return to Nigeria and start his own business.

What part of the UK are u based? Could give some links if its around the West Midlands.

Cheers and God bless.

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