Nairalanders ! Save me o !

I got married to this lady 15 years ago;
I first experienced her disobediency and arrogancy, I reported to her mother but the situation became worse than before. After first child, I decided to cut the relationship but my mother refused and called family meeting because I had no choice than to take the advice of the family not to divorce that it was too early.

Not long, I got an employment in another company of which I could not closing early again. Also I was doing part-time House letting Busines before then. So when I was off to office, many of my client will come looking for me to help them get house because I am a trustworth person and transparent. My wife call me and beg to take over the business while I am off to work than she can be doing it on my behalf. I felt concern and I thought it was a nice idea for my wife to be part of my business for survival after all the business is not for me alone it is for us. I agreed and gave her instruction about the business and told her all the Scams and fraudulent activities some agents are into which I never take part in. I have earlier told her to get an employment with her WASC but she refused to look for work and I could not force her since I was the bread winer and God is doing it for me. I therefore advice her to go to Teachers training college so that her education can influence our children upbring she bluntly refuse that she can never be teacher.

One day I came home to meet 6 people waiting for me with my official receipt that my wife collect rent money from them and never give them houses. I was shocked. I asked her and she did not deny of the allegations. I had to quickly borrowed money from my cooperative in the office to pay all of them so that I would not be put in jail and lose my new job. The excuss she gave was that she gave the money to one Agent and that one gave her commission and told her to come and collect receipt the next day and could never be found any more in his Office.

Since then a lot have continue to happen;
She will collect clothes from people in Church and pay half and never pay again and give me embarrassment. She will collect money from people for admission into university she will not do and she will not return the money. Work she refuse to do, despite she knows how to do Hair weaving e.t.c she refuse to do it.
She will claim to go to see her father at Ilorin but will not get to Ilorin on time but the next day on schedule and claim to sleep at her daugthers place in Ibadan. The daughter issue that we had resolved when she said the parents of her former husband drove her away to marry their child because He was still a student.
Recently; I woke up to find traces of black substances like Charcol in my mouth when I did not eat charcol or drink Paraga.
We live in Room and Parlour and I have since then lock her with her children in Parlour while I sleep alone in my room.

Now what I resolve to do is this and what all advice whether I should go ahead.

I have told her that the relationship had been cut off that she should go and marry her former husband.
I want to rent a room for her now to stay with her children while I look for a room else where to start my new life.

Please your advice ! Thanks.

hmm which kind woman be that sef? .. she go need deliverance oo. oloun! call ur pastor!

DONkollione: hmm which kind woman be that sef? .. she go need deliverance oo. oloun! call ur pastor!

Call pastor?
Nigerian pastor go start to Bleep the woman

luckgames:
Call pastor?
Nigerian pastor go start to Bleep the woman

not all pastors bro!

sorry @op re u christian sef?

I don't know where to start. Married for 15 years and now you're beginning to ask these questions I am confused. There's no hint of affection for your marriage in your post, referring to your wife as 'this lady', calling your children 'her children'.
How will locking urself in the bedroom help matters? It seems you both have been living in enmity for years so why continue?
I don't like divorce and don't wish it on another but you have to bring your wife to order else your marriage will have to come to an end. You all need serious prayers, that one I am sure of.

DONkollione:

not all pastors bro!

sorry @op re u christian sef?

Yes, I have great faith
The lord has always been there for me
I still need to be a better person

luckgames:

Yes, I have great faith
The lord has always been there for me
I still need to be a better person

bro! u talked about charcoal in ur mouth abi? hv u qwestioned her at all? no wait till jungle mature b4 u go for prayers ioo!

DONkollione:

bro! u talked about charcoal in ur mouth abi? hv u qwestioned her at all? no wait till jungle mature b4 u go for prayers
ioo!

Please pray for me
I don't have faith in lot of people

I thank you all for all your comments.

Pastors of many Churches, Elders in the Church, Elders in the community had intervein in our matter. But she will never listeaned, I have on many ocassions called her at mid night to call her to order, all she will say was I am very sorry I will never do it again and believe me the next day another one will come to play. She had so many tricks, the tells a lot of lies that I had alway got cut up with her.

There was one time I had to take her to the Lagos State Mediation Centre for counselling and pre-caution, since 7 year ago but all the same.

I decided to luck her in Palour because I do not trust her any more with all her attitudes. When I notice that she keep on traveling every time, I had to force her to go back to School early this year to attend NCE Part-time programme thinking that all will be resolved later when she is well educated. She is in the programme now and I have decided to sponsor her throughout the four years because of the 3 children that she had for me. I am not intrested in living with her any more and I am always afraid of her because she always put her Phone in silence and receiving calls secretely.

I am very sure that she is still in close contact with the first husband. It is better to cut it short now, esle she may end up poining me to die and collect my Pension and Gratuity all to run and go back to former husband in Ibadan.

My decision had been a rational one before my conclusion but I am still worried because of the children future, education and upbring. That is exactly what is keeping me on with her else we would have parted since.

I have Bsc (Adm), PGD, MBA and now writing my Professional Marketing examination.

If I could get a big job offer it will be difficult to cut her off because she will claim that when I am now successful that is when I want to leave her. I agree to send her to school as far as she so wish ever since but she will never listean to me.

It is better to do it now.
Please advice me on approach the Children future, education and upbringing.

I am fed up. That is my decision. Base on rationality, physcology and phylosophy.

Please further advices on next step of strategies to impliment the cut off peacefully.

KOYA-INT.:
I thank you all for all your comments.

Pastors of many Churches, Elders in the Church, Elders in the community had intervein in our matter. But she will never listeaned, I have on many ocassions called her at mid night to call her to order, all she will say was I am very sorry I will never do it again and believe me the next day another one will come to play. She had so many tricks, the tells a lot of lies that I had alway got cut up with her.

There was one time I had to take her to the Lagos State Mediation Centre for counselling and pre-caution, since 7 year ago but all the same.

I decided to luck her in Palour because I do not trust her any more with all her attitudes. When I notice that she keep on traveling every time, I had to force her to go back to School early this year to attend NCE Part-time programme thinking that all will be resolved later when she is well educated. She is in the programme now and I have decided to sponsor her throughout the four years because of the 3 children that she had for me. I am not intrested in living with her any more and I am always afraid of her because she always put her Phone in silence and receiving calls secretely.

I am very sure that she is still in close contact with the first husband. It is better to cut it short now, esle she may end up poining me to die and collect my Pension and Gratuity all to run and go back to former husband in Ibadan.

My decision had been a rational one before my conclusion but I am still worried because of the children future, education and upbring. That is exactly what is keeping me on with her else we would have parted since.

I have Bsc (Adm), PGD, MBA and now writing my Professional Marketing examination.

If I could get a big job offer it will be difficult to cut her off because she will claim that when I am now successful that is when I want to leave her. I agree to send her to school as far as she so wish ever since but she will never listean to me.

It is better to do it now.
Please advice me on approach the Children future, education and upbringing.

I am fed up. That is my decision. Base on rationality, physcology and phylosophy.

Please further advices on next step of strategies to impliment the cut off peacefully.

She is not going to change
So cut your losses and move on with your life

I would suggest the children stay with their mother (I don't know how she is with them) but I feel a mother will take care of her children better than a stepmom would. Just my opinion based on the sad stories I hear. File for a divorce since you have made up your mind and arrange an accommodation for her and the kids. Talk to her about it first and do it when the kids are not around because there is bound to be a fight. Involve the family in ur decision if you think she'll get really violent and just end it there. have a talk with the children afterwards clearly explaining with any insult why you have decided this. They will understand in the future if not now. Kids are not dumb they might even be praying for this divorce.
A monthly allowance can be arranged by you and sent for the her's and the children's upkeep. If you would rather they stay with you then fine but i don't see that happening with your work schedule and studies. Don't pull them out of school let them finish where they are unless you have other reasons for doing so. If she goes back to her first husband then you are no longer entitled to take care of her just the children's expenses. You will have to make time to visit the children as much as possible they shouldn't grow up thinking they were abandoned by their father.

When you get to a point where you start posting on Nairaland about problems in your relationshi, then said relationship is as good as over

I applaud you for seeking others' opinions. It only shows that deep down, you still hope to salvage whatever's left of the marriage, in contrariety to what you feel you really want. Seperation will not be the very best, I tell you. Of cos, you should always try some more. If not for yourselves, consider the kids you've had together (even though you keep calling them hers alone). Talk, talk and talk to her about her unacceptable habits (you should be an expert in this after 15years) and find out how you can help her and yourself make this union, something you can revel in. You on your part, should also learn to give your WIFE money for her personal outlays even though she has refused to get a teaching job. She prolly does not like teaching and is infact, entitled to her druthers.

ijebabe: I would suggest the children stay with their mother (I don't know how she is with them) but I feel a mother will take care of her children better than a stepmom would. Just my opinion based on the sad stories I hear. File for a divorce since you have made up your mind and arrange an accommodation for her and the kids. Talk to her about it first and do it when the kids are not around because there is bound to be a fight. Involve the family in ur decision if you think she'll get really violent and just end it there. have a talk with the children afterwards clearly explaining with any insult why you have decided this. They will understand in the future if not now. Kids are not dumb they might even be praying for this divorce.
A monthly allowance can be arranged by you and sent for the her's and the children's upkeep. If you would rather they stay with you then fine but i don't see that happening with your work schedule and studies. Don't pull them out of school let them finish where they are unless you have other reasons for doing so. If she goes back to her first husband then you are no longer entitled to take care of her just the children's expenses. You will have to make time to visit the children as much as possible they shouldn't grow up thinking they were abandoned by their father.

"I would suggest the children stay with their mother "
I have lot of concern because she will pass on her bad F up value

Rocktation;

I thank you for your contribution but I would want you to read all I said earlier in the topic to be able to understand the kind of lady.

I have call her on so many ocassion mostly every day for 15 years.
I had arranged to take her to court a week after our tranditional wedding not long that I started experiencing her attitude to my parents, church members and others which made me decided to watch her a while before putting myself in trouble of court divorce.
She tells lies, she is not faithful when it comes to money issue, she is not straight forward as if she tell you something and you later found out to be false.
The reason why I come up on this medium was because of the children future.
I have already made up my mind for seperation, if feel that she was also divorced by the first husband which she had an issue for. I was so patience enough to allow her to this day with 3 children admist all odds.

If it is prayer; I had done that for her and always.
If it is advice; I had done that on many ocassion and almost every week, night and morning.
If it is counselling; I had taken her to Ministry of Justice Lagos state with her family and my own family and the agreement reach was as bellow;

That she will no longer Collect money from people for anything like rent, contribution, borrowing among others; (she never stop these)
That she will not do rent agent again;
That she will not collect clothing material from people without my consent either for burial, Marriage, ceremonies; she will be the one to pay for this. (She never stop this to now and it had been given me a lot of embarrassment and she will even collect for her friend that I dont even know and never pay)

The following are my observations;
-She tells lies
-She play smart in anything monetry
-She is not ready to work
-She likes friends that had shops and would like to assist and then run the shop down, the money you can not know what she use it for and she had done this for many friends of hers with debt pending =N=25,000 - =N=70,000 - =N=80,000 respectively. All wish I refuse to pay and I do not know to now how they resolve them. Each time she ask me to open shop, I will refer her to the Shops mismanagements she had been involved and I have concluded not to open shop for her.
-She knows hair weaving very well and I asked her to go learn it which she deed and I but the first materials for her for a test; I will tell you that she said she can not be calling people on the road to come and do hair, I now ask why did you have to go for hairdressing ? She was the one that used all the Hair materials I bought with my money and all hair kits, no single profit on both materials and labour.


Rockstation; I am fed up. I thank you but let us look out on how the children will survive this.
Thanks.

Ijebade and Luckgames;

I thank both of you for the understanding of the issue and the wisdom God had give you.

This stage is a logical stage.
It is also a critical stage.

Because I have considered a lot of alternatives and comes up with reality based on rationality.

It is of Socially, Psychology, physiology and theology.

I have prayed, I have adviced, I have given time frame for her to change, She never realize her self and if I try to correct her she goes violence.
A lot of embarrassement in the church, at home, and from her friends on monetry issues.
She never listen, she will want her own opion, else violence.

That is exactly what I have experienced in life and I still have hope of correcting my mistake.

She had always been interested in Pension, Gratuity and Final entilements paid at work place.

She had never gone out for one day to say she is looking for work, if I ask her to do she will ask me to help her look for one.

On this I became suspecious of this lady. And she had an issue somewhere, there is possibility of still in contact with her child and the former husband. Then my life may broberbly be in danger. Hence, I decided to cut the relationship by seperation.

I will be sending money for Food, Transportation and up-keep to the children.
I will buy handset for the children to keep contact with them on weekly basis.
I will rent a room for Children and her seperately near children School.
I will call her family on phone to let them know we have seperated.
I will not attend the same church with her anymore.

I am sure that she will be very happy if I do that because she likes to keep man friends.
Which I had cut up with her during the time I open a phone call centre for her. In which a man sent her Cash transfer from Ghana through Ecobank Account and she ask me to help her claim the money, on getting their it was a man that sent the money of which my name was mispelt and Ecobank asked me who was the sender which I said I did not know that it was my wife's money, before they told me that it was a man that sent the money not a lady friend. What an embarrassement.

Thank God it was not a cash transfer that involved money lundering.

What type of prayer will someone be praying for a person that was not ready to be born again both in attitude and conduct.

It is better now to cut off.

Prayer can work but for only those that are not satanic.

Thanks, and looking forward for your further contributions.

Ijebade and Luckgames ( Thanks and very much - God bless you )

Well well, had no idea about the truck pile of troubles you've got on your hands. And from your title, it did not seem like you've had your mind made up already. But still, who am I to even ask that you withstand any more of that? Goodluck with whatever decision you make at this point abeg.

Koya, what you said you'll do for the ur wife and children is good but hope the damage can be contained as much as possible for the children's sake. Please move on with ur life and don't look back, just hope you've learned a serious lesson and be more careful with ur next choice of partner in the future. Good luck. x

RUN FAST

677ano: RUN FAST

x 20

Thank you all for your contribution both positive and negative. I thank for you concern and I hope we shall me again in future to talk about other issues that can benefit all of us than this.

Best regards.

KOYA-INT.:
Thank you all for your contribution both positive and negative. I thank for you concern and I hope we shall me again in future to talk about other issues that can benefit all of us than this.

Best regards.

Why do I get the feeling the next time this dude will come, he will be as annoying as something else

Omg - now dats one witch of a wife

OP - she's slowly killin u

Desert that marriage fast and NOW

Don't wait for another 2minutes

RUNNNNNNN

u locked that kind of woman with ur innocent kids?....hmmm poster! The bible says only in the case of infedility should u divource ur wyf, so i wud advice u to pray for her and hope she ammends her ways. Goodluck!!

calabaman: u locked that kind of woman with ur innocent kids?....hmmm poster! The bible says only in the case of infedility should u divource ur wyf, so i wud advice u to pray for her and hope she ammends her ways. Goodluck!!

You might as well just kill him now

As educated as u are, u went for a lazy and dubious illiterate lady. Well u are d cause of all your misfortunes!!!!! She seems very diabolical(by u finding charcoal in your mouth!!!) So would advice u leave her and take custody of your children bt be careful cos she might want to hurt u spiritually.

It is well