I am not trying to disprove any theory. It says right there "Don’t change who you are for anyone else".

Nobody is completely fixed in who they are - that is why they say the only thing constant in life is change.

What I am suggesting is not that this advice is entirely wrong, but it needs to be toned down to something like "Do not change who you are for someone who is not worth it or requires more of you than you can do".

Your reply is an illustration of what I am talking about - learn to see the areas where people have mutual agreement first before you throw out the baby with the bathwater.

His statement and mine are not too far apart, but the difference can bring a whole lot of happiness to many relationships.

Wislet: that is not what he means.
Read it again without the need to disprove a theory u might have heard for a long time- dispassionately- ten u'll understand what it's really talking about.

Also, just so you know I think the rest of the post is great.

Wislet: that is not what he means.
Read it again without the need to disprove a theory u might have heard for a long time- dispassionately- ten u'll understand what it's really talking about.

Nice write-up
@ Op, please number ur points in such a write up. Makes it easier

What's up with all the badly written posts on this thread?

If English isn't your first language, stick to writing in Arabic, or Mandarin.

I want the OP to share some of the ish he smoked before writing this long and boring essay.

Let nature be the judge and do less reading when you're dealing with emotions.

samuelee1: 9ice write-up, rily gud, bt its easier said, bt also not impossible. It requires d grace of God.

u jst read my mind...

bittyend: What's up with all the badly written posts on this thread?

If English isn't your first language, stick to writing in Arabic, or Mandarin.

Lol

pls can someone please summarize, i failed summary in waec.

My people lettin go isn't beans o! However d writer is 95% practically correct. I found dat out d hard way minutes ago before coming online. Made contact wit my ex, someone i still feel very much strongly for after 6months of breakup. I held myself up for dat long.
And After d call,......? U guessed right! i should kept my cool and avoided d humiliation. I only made contact. Didn't ask for nothin! Most of u are right! It's very difficult. But pls don't find out how truly difficult it is... It's infact shameful...! Tanks writer. i've saved d page already for referral purpose!

Dat's true but then,talk is cheap!

what if you are married &ur husband ill treat u how do apply dis rules pls . help

Can someone please list the 10 signs.

Sincerely, not trying to be rude, but long NL posts turn me off. lol


Thanks in advance.

lestat:
a crossbearer?

Im not sure what you mean

bini girl:
True talk...most of d tym it's easier said than done...

Guy u'r rite but first lets aprct some1 who has put together these practicable words of encouragement for those who think out of love is out of life.it is not easy doesnt mean it is not practicable though!
i have been aplying these kind of realities since i was in high schl & never had any problem with my emotions.i'm hapily married now.

Very nice post,I'l sure read it over and over again so it sinks into d oblangata perfectly.but I hv a questn wot if there's a clause,my own case is on points 2 nd 3,but I feel she's just young and inexperienced,u knw youthful exorbitant,tins I also did wen I was her age..shld I wait it out or let go.pls wise advice...oh.she's 20 nd am 27.

I am not trying to disprove any theory. It says right there "Don’t change who you are for anyone else".

Nobody is completely fixed in who they are - that is why they say the only thing constant in life is change.

What I am suggesting is not that this advice is entirely wrong, but it needs to be toned down to something like "Do not change who you are for someone who is not worth it or requires more of you than you can do".

Your reply is an illustration of what I am talking about - learn to see the areas where people have mutual agreement first before you throw out the baby with the bathwater.

His statement and mine are not too far apart, but the difference can bring a whole lot of happiness to many relationships.


Then Again u r right...

So what happens to compromise? What happens to wife's submssive wife & loving husband? If you're to be rigid cos you don't want to lose yourself? Any good marraige counselor will tell you, both parties will have to let go of their individual principles to achieve a good united home. It is called sacrifice to make things work,those ladies that can't submit, u'll always see they are single & remain single.that's why the whole thing theoretical.
Don't lose yourself in d sense that we all know when bullshit is offered to us,that why(especially for ladies) to see that the guy you want to date is someone you can submit to.
That my piece of mind

Very helpful
Thanks for sharing

My people is life itself not complicated? The poster has really made sense in his write up, infact his write up is the bible i read this a.m. All d pple dat said 'it is easier said than done' also made sense . But i will say that dis write up will be more difficult to applied in a legally married situation than in a 'boy friend, gurl friend relationship' period! The only ground i feel one shuld not be able to hold on to a relationship or marriage is d case of infidelity nd adultery.

freecocoa: A shorter version please.

My thoughts exactly!

koruji: I am not trying to disprove any theory. It says right there "Don’t change who you are for anyone else".

Nobody is completely fixed in who they are - that is why they say the only thing constant in life is change.

What I am suggesting is not that this advice is entirely wrong, but it needs to be toned down to something like "Do not change who you are for someone who is not worth it or requires more of you than you can do".

Your reply is an illustration of what I am talking about - learn to see the areas where people have mutual agreement first before you throw out the baby with the bathwater.

His statement and mine are not too far apart, but the difference can bring a whole lot of happiness to many relationships.

And I say, human beings are supposed to do the CHANGING by themselves and FOR themselves- because you see the need to be better than you already are..... And NOT because you are in a relationship where more is expected of you, or for someone who is supposedly 'worth' it. Smh.


The first gives you complete satisfaction- that you see the need to improve yourself, BY YOURSELF, and you are doing it. Relationship or not.

And not because '' I have to live up to the expectation of boyfriend A because he's such a nice guy ,so as not to disappoint him''.
Because in doing that you will become a shadow of yourself... Feeling empty and inadequate (not good enough for anyone), it will be a CHORE. And u'll be constantly looking in the mirror to be sure it's still you standing.

cindyrella:
My thoughts exactly!

freecocoa and cindyrella


laziness huh?

Wislet: freecocoa and cindyrella


laziness huh?

Not exactly.


Anyway my own is that we all know when to let go but some people choose to ignore the signs.

My mum always said,odu bu odu bu nke nmadu duru onwe ya. Meaning = the best advice is the one given to self.

Omo when you get tired of being treated badly in a relationship,no be person go tell you to bounce .

Btw i read all that before asking for a shorter version,just being mischievous as usual .

freecocoa: Not exactly.


Anyway my own is that we all know when to let go but some people choose to ignore the signs.

My mum always said,odu bu odu bu nke nmadu duru onwe ya. Meaning = the best advice is the one given to self.

Omo when you get tired of being treated badly in a relationship,no be person go tell you to bounce .

Btw i read all that before asking for a shorter version,just being mischievous as usual .

hehehe

Nice one,learnt a lot. Thanks

This is simply flawless...God bless u op! A standing ovation 4yhu,lol.

Well said, Love is practical....!

So witty and efficacious! Will be the subsisting constitution for many a relationship. Thanks a bunch for sharing.

Absolutely wise and constructively brewed advice. Thank you so plenty for posting.

Great post but mostly applicable to boyfriend-girlfriend relationships (not marriages) as rightly pointed out by someone earlier.
As for those who think it's easier said than done, I agree it's quite difficult but it's definitely achievable.
I was in a relationship for over 2 yrs where I was so carried away that I practically became my parners father financially although I blamed myself for trying to live up to her expectations then. When I looked at myself, I became a shadow of my old self, going from positive to zero in my bank a/cs and then into -ve with major projects stalled here & there. The only project that was vibrant was meeting the whims & caprices of the lady in question. Then I realized she was making more withdarwals than deposit (actually no meaningful deposits at all if you ask me) into the relationship & into my life. Some of the deposits she flaunted then (honesty & faithfulness) were both faulted eventually as she was caught red-handed in some undeniable bouts of infidelity. The last straw that broke the camel's back was my finding out that she wasn't even an under-graduate after paying school fees, hand-outs, accomodation, general maintenance & upkeep for two good sessions, thinking I had finally found the proverbial missing part of my rib. Anyway, we eventually parted ways but it wasn't easy for me. After severe emotional stress spanning over 1 year, I eventually was able stay on my own without this very strong urge to always call, text or be with her. But I must confess it wasn't easy at all.