[quote author=Gudfadah post=118781077]Good evening nairaland.

I am a married man and I have six children. When I met with my first wife she was a single mother of 1 girl she was a years 6 months we got married when she was 5 years old.
We had 3 children together making them 4 unfortunately we lost her in 2016 during the birth of our twins.

Before she passed on she asks me to promise her that if anything happened to her I should never send her daughter back to her family to experience the same thing she went through in there hands.
I have promised her that the child is mine and she will never go anywhere the day she will leave my house will be on her wedding day.
I have also promised her that nothing will happen to her and we will grow old together. Unfortunately we lost her and I have continued being a father to all four children and I have never treated my step daughter differently.

I have since remarried and we are blessed with twins. When I met with my current wife I didn't tell her that my step daughter is not my biological child she knew she was my first child.
She has been a part of me ever since she was 1 plus and I didn't think it was necessary telling my wife she was not my child.

She was treating all four children good until my wicked aunty has spill the beans which I have apologised for not telling her in the first and I have asked her to continue being a good mother she was before knowing the truth.
But she refused saying I didn't tell the truth and the child should go and leave with her mom family. I have explained to her the reason why she cannot stay with them to no avail and I ask her not to tell the child the truth but she has told her.

It wasn't easy for her knowing the truth she asks me if I will take her back to her mom people I said no. She is still my child and she will not go anywhere and I will resolve the problem very soon.

Unfortunately my wife has totally changed so much toward the child and I hate coming home seeing her crying all the time. She feel insecure in the house knowing that she is not the biological child of the house.

Talking to my wife was to no avail she has insist that the child must go back to her mother family or they will be not peace.

I reported the problem to her people nothing was done and we are still dealing with the same thing everyday.

Honestly speaking I hate being in such a messy situation but I will not send her back to her mom family she is my first child and I have made a promise to my late wife that the day the child will leave my house it will be the day she will get married.
Since my wife want her to leave and the child is already depresses.
I have come to conclusion I will not divorce her but I will rent a 2 bedroom apartment for her to be staying with the twins while I continue staying with the four children in my house I owe the house.

I haven't told her anything about my decision yet and I want to know if getting her own house will help the situation. This is where I need your advice nairalanders what do I do in this situation



I will advise you formalize the adoption of the daughter legally. With that she will be a bonafide member of the family. But driving your wife out to another house is divorce in disguise.

Think about the adoption option and it would shut your wife up for ever.

It's just unfortunate. I'm sure your wife sees her as a future competitor. She thinks the little girl might become your mistress some day (perhaps secretly). But that's not a justification to hate on an innocent girl that she knows needs help under her roof.

I support that idea of housing her (your wife) differently. I only hope she doesn't come after your life or that of the girl, out of despair to not lose out of your inheritance

Your Aunty that went behind you to tell your wife did that to what aim?
Now she might be somewhere living her life while you are caught in a Web of complications.
(Reason why we should be very careful with the people that comes into our personal space).
Ironically, the aunty might have told her with good intentions but now the whole situation is messy.

You were noble enough to marry your first wife even with another man's child but your present wife is having difficulties with accepting your stance.
Do not throw away your nobility because of her.

Your promise is your bond and you are meant to keep to it mind you, if anything happens to you today, that means even your biological kids from your first wife are at risk of negligence from your present wife.

Think deeply & apply wisdom!!!

Gudfadah:
Good evening nairaland.

I am a married man and I have six children. When I met with my first wife she was a single mother of 1 girl she was a years 6 months we got married when she was 5 years old.
We had 3 children together making them 4 unfortunately we lost her in 2016 during the birth of our twins.

Before she passed on she asks me to promise her that if anything happened to her I should never send her daughter back to her family to experience the same thing she went through in there hands.
I have promised her that the child is mine and she will never go anywhere the day she will leave my house will be on her wedding day.
I have also promised her that nothing will happen to her and we will grow old together. Unfortunately we lost her and I have continued being a father to all four children and I have never treated my step daughter differently.

I have since remarried and we are blessed with twins. When I met with my current wife I didn't tell her that my step daughter is not my biological child she knew she was my first child.
She has been a part of me ever since she was 1 plus and I didn't think it was necessary telling my wife she was not my child.

She was treating all four children good until my wicked aunty has spill the beans which I have apologised for not telling her in the first and I have asked her to continue being a good mother she was before knowing the truth.
But she refused saying I didn't tell the truth and the child should go and leave with her mom family. I have explained to her the reason why she cannot stay with them to no avail and I ask her not to tell the child the truth but she has told her.

It wasn't easy for her knowing the truth she asks me if I will take her back to her mom people I said no. She is still my child and she will not go anywhere and I will resolve the problem very soon.

Unfortunately my wife has totally changed so much toward the child and I hate coming home seeing her crying all the time. She feel insecure in the house knowing that she is not the biological child of the house.

Talking to my wife was to no avail she has insist that the child must go back to her mother family or they will be not peace.

I reported the problem to her people nothing was done and we are still dealing with the same thing everyday.

Honestly speaking I hate being in such a messy situation but I will not send her back to her mom family she is my first child and I have made a promise to my late wife that the day the child will leave my house it will be the day she will get married.
Since my wife want her to leave and the child is already depresses.
I have come to conclusion I will not divorce her but I will rent a 2 bedroom apartment for her to be staying with the twins while I continue staying with the four children in my house I owe the house.

I haven't told her anything about my decision yet and I want to know if getting her own house will help the situation. This is where I need your advice nairalanders what do I do in this situation?

MyAmericandream:


She might decide to go diabolic if the man is proving too stubborn. Some women can do anything just to secure their territory, it is just her and are children nobody else.

My thought too. The man should write his will, make her aware and also get his own people to know what's happening.

But may God not allow any evil against him to succeed

Choose your wife over your child. If anythimg bad happen, your wife will always stay with you. Other family members, including your mother and kids will leave u

Don't do what will jeorpadize that girls future. No child should be treated indifferently cos you Neva can tel the what will become of her.women are cunning creatures, apply wisdom with her .she is not a good person, d deed is done however u need to stand ur ground. I've been in a situation like that despite being an adult, its very toxic. If she's not willing to accept her, mayb a temporary separation is better. I don't know why a fellow woman will despise an innocent child. Even if u are not related by blood but something binds you both together. Please don't break that bond with that girl.Let ur extended family know your stand. She calls you daddy.

I wish your family well, people should try and put there self in people's shoe, what if she died tomorrow, did she know who will take care of her own children, nobody is guarantee the next minute, you have taken the best approach. Pls takecare of that child

ahnie:
Your wives just showed u her true colors.
What's her problem seff?
Oga pray she doesn't poison the child.

This's what I would do....she never dey ready to marry,it's either she calms down and act reasonable it better still oga pls kick her out of the house.


Pls no body should quote me

I don quote you

How are you doing and your family?

The age of your step daughter

Gudfadah:
Good evening nairaland.

I am a married man and I have six children. When I met with my first wife she was a single mother of 1 girl she was a years 6 months we got married when she was 5 years old.
We had 3 children together making them 4 unfortunately we lost her in 2016 during the birth of our twins.

Before she passed on she asks me to promise her that if anything happened to her I should never send her daughter back to her family to experience the same thing she went through in there hands.
I have promised her that the child is mine and she will never go anywhere the day she will leave my house will be on her wedding day.
I have also promised her that nothing will happen to her and we will grow old together. Unfortunately we lost her and I have continued being a father to all four children and I have never treated my step daughter differently.

I have since remarried and we are blessed with twins. When I met with my current wife I didn't tell her that my step daughter is not my biological child she knew she was my first child.
She has been a part of me ever since she was 1 plus and I didn't think it was necessary telling my wife she was not my child.

She was treating all four children good until my wicked aunty has spill the beans which I have apologised for not telling her in the first and I have asked her to continue being a good mother she was before knowing the truth.
But she refused saying I didn't tell the truth and the child should go and leave with her mom family. I have explained to her the reason why she cannot stay with them to no avail and I ask her not to tell the child the truth but she has told her.

It wasn't easy for her knowing the truth she asks me if I will take her back to her mom people I said no. She is still my child and she will not go anywhere and I will resolve the problem very soon.

Unfortunately my wife has totally changed so much toward the child and I hate coming home seeing her crying all the time. She feel insecure in the house knowing that she is not the biological child of the house.

Talking to my wife was to no avail she has insist that the child must go back to her mother family or they will be not peace.

I reported the problem to her people nothing was done and we are still dealing with the same thing everyday.

Honestly speaking I hate being in such a messy situation but I will not send her back to her mom family she is my first child and I have made a promise to my late wife that the day the child will leave my house it will be the day she will get married.
Since my wife want her to leave and the child is already depresses.
I have come to conclusion I will not divorce her but I will rent a 2 bedroom apartment for her to be staying with the twins while I continue staying with the four children in my house I owe the house.

I haven't told her anything about my decision yet and I want to know if getting her own house will help the situation. This is where I need your advice nairalanders what do I do in this situation?

I think you, goofed not telling your present wife the status of your adopted daughter. A status that is already an open secret in the family, it was only a matter of time before she found out. Before a marriage is consummated, it is required that all information about the partners involved is brought to the table. There is a possibility she wouldn't have agreed to your proposal if she knew that your first daughter isn't your biological child. You took her power of choice away and the result is the problem you are presently experiencing.

It is clear that there is an underlining problem with your wife, you have to find out what that problem is. But first off, start by apologizing for withholding information from her, then ask what exactly the problem is. Is she threatened by your daughter? Are there too many mouths to feed? Is it a case of sharing inheritance when you die? Is it a nonhospitable to strangers syndrome? .......etc. you need to find out. if you are not getting to her, get professional help from a therapist or counselor. Your daughter also needs to see someone, it's a whole lot to find out that the one you called father is not a biological father. Depending on what information your wife divulges, you will have to negotiate for peace to reign, and part of that negotiation will involve apologizing to your daughter.

Don't make rash decisions until you have exhausted all options for settling the problem amicably, separating your family will likely make things worse at the moment, that is not to rule out controlled separation, a therapist might advise on it depending on how things go. I will overall suggest you go see a counselor ASAP because it seems your wife is out for blood.

You can reach out to ''Institute Of Family Engineering And Development'' '0803 726 9483' and see if you can schedule an appointment.

God bless you and may your family come out stronger from this situation.

Gudfadah:
Good evening nairaland.

I am a married man and I have six children. When I met with my first wife she was a single mother of 1 girl she was a years 6 months we got married when she was 5 years old.
We had 3 children together making them 4 unfortunately we lost her in 2016 during the birth of our twins.

Before she passed on she asks me to promise her that if anything happened to her I should never send her daughter back to her family to experience the same thing she went through in there hands.
I have promised her that the child is mine and she will never go anywhere the day she will leave my house will be on her wedding day.
I have also promised her that nothing will happen to her and we will grow old together. Unfortunately we lost her and I have continued being a father to all four children and I have never treated my step daughter differently.

I have since remarried and we are blessed with twins. When I met with my current wife I didn't tell her that my step daughter is not my biological child she knew she was my first child.
She has been a part of me ever since she was 1 plus and I didn't think it was necessary telling my wife she was not my child.

She was treating all four children good until my wicked aunty has spill the beans which I have apologised for not telling her in the first and I have asked her to continue being a good mother she was before knowing the truth.
But she refused saying I didn't tell the truth and the child should go and leave with her mom family. I have explained to her the reason why she cannot stay with them to no avail and I ask her not to tell the child the truth but she has told her.

It wasn't easy for her knowing the truth she asks me if I will take her back to her mom people I said no. She is still my child and she will not go anywhere and I will resolve the problem very soon.

Unfortunately my wife has totally changed so much toward the child and I hate coming home seeing her crying all the time. She feel insecure in the house knowing that she is not the biological child of the house.

Talking to my wife was to no avail she has insist that the child must go back to her mother family or they will be not peace.

I reported the problem to her people nothing was done and we are still dealing with the same thing everyday.

Honestly speaking I hate being in such a messy situation but I will not send her back to her mom family she is my first child and I have made a promise to my late wife that the day the child will leave my house it will be the day she will get married.
Since my wife want her to leave and the child is already depresses.
I have come to conclusion I will not divorce her but I will rent a 2 bedroom apartment for her to be staying with the twins while I continue staying with the four children in my house I owe the house.

I haven't told her anything about my decision yet and I want to know if getting her own house will help the situation. This is where I need your advice nairalanders what do I do in this situation?

You're a good man. Poor girl not only found out the truth but also passing through alot. Your wife is not being nice at all for treating the girl badly when she's aware that the girl knows nothing about it. As far as am concern that girl is 100% yours for sticking with her for this long and loving her ad a father should.
Please don't abandon her.

Coolabbie:
If your wife is[b] an Igbo woman,[/b] the life of that girl could be in very serious danger.

Please do all you can to protect your daughter.

The discussion platform has been so lovely and enlightening before your comment came in, especially the bolded.
Why the hate?
This is wrong!!!

Naijaisshitho:
Choose your wife over your child. If anythimg bad happen, your wife will always stay with you. Other family members, including your mother and kids will leave u

Meaning So he should abandon the little girl. With all the vices happening now.

Did you not read that he has done all that and even involved family members..the best thing to do now is to send her to another apartment so peace can return to the family

Sundaycomputer:
Abeg her , talk with her, she can not keep Malice with dead people

Gudfadah:
Good evening nairaland.

I am a married man and I have six children. When I met with my first wife she was a single mother of 1 girl she was a years 6 months we got married when she was 5 years old.
We had 3 children together making them 4 unfortunately we lost her in 2016 during the birth of our twins.

Before she passed on she asks me to promise her that if anything happened to her I should never send her daughter back to her family to experience the same thing she went through in there hands.
I have promised her that the child is mine and she will never go anywhere the day she will leave my house will be on her wedding day.
I have also promised her that nothing will happen to her and we will grow old together. Unfortunately we lost her and I have continued being a father to all four children and I have never treated my step daughter differently.

I have since remarried and we are blessed with twins. When I met with my current wife I didn't tell her that my step daughter is not my biological child she knew she was my first child.
She has been a part of me ever since she was 1 plus and I didn't think it was necessary telling my wife she was not my child.

She was treating all four children good until my wicked aunty has spill the beans which I have apologised for not telling her in the first and I have asked her to continue being a good mother she was before knowing the truth.
But she refused saying I didn't tell the truth and the child should go and leave with her mom family. I have explained to her the reason why she cannot stay with them to no avail and I ask her not to tell the child the truth but she has told her.

It wasn't easy for her knowing the truth she asks me if I will take her back to her mom people I said no. She is still my child and she will not go anywhere and I will resolve the problem very soon.

Unfortunately my wife has totally changed so much toward the child and I hate coming home seeing her crying all the time. She feel insecure in the house knowing that she is not the biological child of the house.

Talking to my wife was to no avail she has insist that the child must go back to her mother family or they will be not peace.

I reported the problem to her people nothing was done and we are still dealing with the same thing everyday.

Honestly speaking I hate being in such a messy situation but I will not send her back to her mom family she is my first child and I have made a promise to my late wife that the day the child will leave my house it will be the day she will get married.
Since my wife want her to leave and the child is already depresses.
I have come to conclusion I will not divorce her but I will rent a 2 bedroom apartment for her to be staying with the twins while I continue staying with the four children in my house I owe the house.

I haven't told her anything about my decision yet and I want to know if getting her own house will help the situation. This is where I need your advice nairalanders what do I do in this situation?

Promise made is promise kept. Do whatever it takes to honour your words to your late wife.

Priapus69:
Options
1. Divorce your wife
2. Send your daughter to your late wife's relative
3. Divorce your wife and send your daughter to your late wife's relative
4. Nothing

Pointless

It's a very dicey situation. Renting a separate apartment for her and the twins means the twins will be missing a father figure in their lives. You have to seek supernatural wisdom for a lasting solution. Persuading your wife to let her be will make her stir up hatred for her when she's with the kids especially when you are not around.
She will have to sign an undertaking, whether she moves to another apartment without the kids or stays and nothing happens to her if not she will face the wrath of the law.
Make sure she writes the statement in a police station.

Am I even right with these options? It's a crazy world.

[q uote author=Blessedmercy8 post=118784803]Separate from the woman until she receives sense. She's a very wicked woman.

Tell her she's has to go for the girl to stay and if she decides to stay and agrees to let the girl be, she will have to sign an undertaking that nothing must happen to the girl.
[/quote]
What if something happens to the girl spiritually? We are talking of a wicked and selfish woman here. She can even go spiritual to make the OP dance to her tunes. The girl is the first victim, OP's children are next.

frozen70:


This is a very tight situation corner

She just want to frustrate you so that your girl will leave, but she doesn't know that the presence of that girl in that house means a lot

I think you will put her in boarding school and she can home during holidays

Am not happy over your wife attitude and she is doing it on purpose

If you can afford to rent an apartment for her, you can go ahead but a mini flat should be OK so that you can handle her house rent

But I think you can ask her to return to her family pending when she wants the issue to be resolved

I don't know why she wants to traumatize your life just because of an innocent girl

Is nothing but wickedness

Putting her in boarding school may affect the girl psychologically (abandonment issues). And what if he doesn't visit her on visiting day maybe because of work or the so called wife may cause him to either forget. Imagine how the child will feel knowing that the stepmother doesn't like her and might have influenced her dad. There's nothing more heartbreaking than for a child not to see her parents on visiting day it's better you come empty handed than not coming at all.

jessylaurel:


Meaning So he should abandon the little girl. With all the vices happening now.

Yes. He should find means to appease his wife. If i were in his shoe, that is what i will do. He can take the girl child to motherless babies home.

mctech:
[q uote author=Blessedmercy8 post=118784803]Separate from the woman until she receives sense. She's a very wicked woman.

Tell her she's has to go for the girl to stay and if she decides to stay and agrees to let the girl be, she will have to sign an undertaking that nothing must happen to the girl.

What if something happens to the girl spiritually? We are talking of a wicked and selfish woman here. She can even go spiritual to make the OP dance to her tunes. The girl is the first victim, OP's children are next.

Better he leaves her to stay alone.

oga this mata simpu oooo, send that woman that call herself yur wife away. keep yur promise pls.
women .......

Nwaotu10:
Weakling!
That's what you're for allowing your wife detect preferences in your own house!
A real man gives an order, and so it is!
Simp

I don't think you're married or even been in a serious relationship with a woman hence the Alpha male talk. Will he be in the house 247 to monitor what will be going on? You don't know what women are capable of that's why you de mis yarn.

From ur story, it seems you are doing well. Your wife is the type that would fight dirty for properties. What she is doing now to that child, is what she Will do to ur other children.
Ur idea of renting another place for her is good. But will she agree to move? Either she agrees to move or not, you have to be very careful. If she agrees to move, she will be more dangerous to you and your children, because she will say you chase her out because of some else child. If she agrees to stay, she will still be angry, that you chose to send her out over someone else child.
Since you promise ur late wife not to send the child to her family, I will advise you go looking for the child real father and see if you can send her there, why you keep doing ur best for her. But if that is not possible, I will advise you stick to ur plan of renting another place for ur wife. Because as it stands now, that is the only way out. But you have to watch ur back.

You are a good man. Do not let this woman turn u to a bad person. God will bless you for keeping this girl. I'll put u in my prayers

Please and please don't return the girl

Two things after 4kids I am not marrying again,women of there generation are mad.second that girl in my eyes comes before the second child,if she was a boy I would have understood but as a girl only an evil woman would have done what you wife did.

Zonefree:
Please endeavour you keep the promise you made to your late wife.

If I'm in your shoes, I'll place much value on that child than on the woman that called herself my wife.

Gudfadah:
Good evening nairaland.

I am a married man and I have six children. When I met with my first wife she was a single mother of 1 girl she was a years 6 months we got married when she was 5 years old.
We had 3 children together making them 4 unfortunately we lost her in 2016 during the birth of our twins.

Before she passed on she asks me to promise her that if anything happened to her I should never send her daughter back to her family to experience the same thing she went through in there hands.
I have promised her that the child is mine and she will never go anywhere the day she will leave my house will be on her wedding day.
I have also promised her that nothing will happen to her and we will grow old together. Unfortunately we lost her and I have continued being a father to all four children and I have never treated my step daughter differently.

I have since remarried and we are blessed with twins. When I met with my current wife I didn't tell her that my step daughter is not my biological child she knew she was my first child.
She has been a part of me ever since she was 1 plus and I didn't think it was necessary telling my wife she was not my child.

She was treating all four children good until my wicked aunty has spill the beans which I have apologised for not telling her in the first and I have asked her to continue being a good mother she was before knowing the truth.
But she refused saying I didn't tell the truth and the child should go and leave with her mom family. I have explained to her the reason why she cannot stay with them to no avail and I ask her not to tell the child the truth but she has told her.

It wasn't easy for her knowing the truth she asks me if I will take her back to her mom people I said no. She is still my child and she will not go anywhere and I will resolve the problem very soon.

Unfortunately my wife has totally changed so much toward the child and I hate coming home seeing her crying all the time. She feel insecure in the house knowing that she is not the biological child of the house.

Talking to my wife was to no avail she has insist that the child must go back to her mother family or they will be not peace.

I reported the problem to her people nothing was done and we are still dealing with the same thing everyday.

Honestly speaking I hate being in such a messy situation but I will not send her back to her mom family she is my first child and I have made a promise to my late wife that the day the child will leave my house it will be the day she will get married.
Since my wife want her to leave and the child is already depresses.
I have come to conclusion I will not divorce her but I will rent a 2 bedroom apartment for her to be staying with the twins while I continue staying with the four children in my house I owe the house.

I haven't told her anything about my decision yet and I want to know if getting her own house will help the situation. This is where I need your advice nairalanders what do I do in this situation?

na odgwu u be, do ur wish that the best decision but be careful make that evil woman no poison that small girl to dead

I had wanted to call you names until I read the last for sentences.

Fine! Rent an apartment for and her baby and stay with your children. Since you don't want to divorce her, its fine.

For me, I go end up divorcing such a woman at last. If I rent an apartment for her and she insists she's going no where.

She doesn't have a hold on your life or the child's life.

Divorce her if she doesn't take the option.

Zonefree:
Please endeavour you keep the promise you made to your late wife.

If I'm in your shoes, I'll place much value on that child than on the woman that called herself my wife.

This is contrary of what I expected of you. Are you sure this account isn't hacked?

Why do women find it difficult to love and care for a child that is not theirs.

OreoPaschal:



You have it figures out already, bro! This is the best approach. She is not a nice person, and won't hesitate to show the same vibes to your biological kids someday. She is a mole, and should be taken out of the grains.

Real men keep their promise! Stick to the words you gave your late wife, and help the little angel survive the loneliness fate has given her. Also, cut ties with the aunt that spilt the bean.

The aunt is evil abeg

Gudfadah:
Good evening nairaland.

I am a married man and I have six children. When I met with my first wife she was a single mother of 1 girl she was a years 6 months we got married when she was 5 years old.
We had 3 children together making them 4 unfortunately we lost her in 2016 during the birth of our twins.

Before she passed on she asks me to promise her that if anything happened to her I should never send her daughter back to her family to experience the same thing she went through in there hands.
I have promised her that the child is mine and she will never go anywhere the day she will leave my house will be on her wedding day.
I have also promised her that nothing will happen to her and we will grow old together. Unfortunately we lost her and I have continued being a father to all four children and I have never treated my step daughter differently.

I have since remarried and we are blessed with twins. When I met with my current wife I didn't tell her that my step daughter is not my biological child she knew she was my first child.
She has been a part of me ever since she was 1 plus and I didn't think it was necessary telling my wife she was not my child.

She was treating all four children good until my wicked aunty has spill the beans which I have apologised for not telling her in the first and I have asked her to continue being a good mother she was before knowing the truth.
But she refused saying I didn't tell the truth and the child should go and leave with her mom family. I have explained to her the reason why she cannot stay with them to no avail and I ask her not to tell the child the truth but she has told her.

It wasn't easy for her knowing the truth she asks me if I will take her back to her mom people I said no. She is still my child and she will not go anywhere and I will resolve the problem very soon.

Unfortunately my wife has totally changed so much toward the child and I hate coming home seeing her crying all the time. She feel insecure in the house knowing that she is not the biological child of the house.

Talking to my wife was to no avail she has insist that the child must go back to her mother family or they will be not peace.

I reported the problem to her people nothing was done and we are still dealing with the same thing everyday.

Honestly speaking I hate being in such a messy situation but I will not send her back to her mom family she is my first child and I have made a promise to my late wife that the day the child will leave my house it will be the day she will get married.
Since my wife want her to leave and the child is already depresses.
I have come to conclusion I will not divorce her but I will rent a 2 bedroom apartment for her to be staying with the twins while I continue staying with the four children in my house I owe the house.

I haven't told her anything about my decision yet and I want to know if getting her own house will help the situation. This is where I need your advice nairalanders what do I do in this situation?

Your new wife is a wicked person. Divorce her